A/N: I don't remember which performance came first, Animal or Get You Alone, so forgive me if this conflicts with either of those. Takes place a while after Animal where Blaine calls Kurt unsexy (which is a lie), which happened a bit after the When I Get You Alone performance at GAP, where Blaine says he doesn't want to mess them up. I don't think Kurt ever noticed he didn't say he was uninterested, just that he didn't want to lose their friendship if they didn't work out.

Sebastian is there because I want him there.

Eleventy-twelve is a made up number, but I believe Sue gives them all code names like that to not only impress upon others how hard she works her team, but also to intimidate them when they sometimes inadvertently translate out loud what they mean. I think the math I used was: -ty means ten, which means add a zero to the end of eleven, which resulted in 110, then twelve would be added, concluding with 132. Fake math, I know.

An alternate ending: Brittany comes up and says she'll give Sebastian Kurt's number as long as he doesn't hurt him. She says if he does, she'll call Lord Tubbington, who'll get his contacts together and destroy his puny human soul. Sebastian searches for Lord Tubbington, but can't find him, since he excludes YouTube results. He gets very paranoid and frightened of Brittany.)


Kurt had been feeling very… unsexy. Ever since they'd performed Animal for Crawford County Day, he'd felt Blaine's eyes on him, but now… There wasn't that slight sliver of both nerves and excitement anymore. Before, he could delude himself into thinking Blaine's stare was good, he was attractive, he might have a chance. Now that Blaine had made it clear he didn't find Kurt sexy at all… Let's just say Kurt didn't feel like doing another public performance now that he got the hint that Blaine hadn't been interested in the least. He should have gotten the hint when Blaine didn't even let him down gently after he confessed his feelings.

Damn Wes and his gavel for forcing Kurt into this.

After the Warblers had been banned from Gap, a few surrounding stored had asked for a live performance of a less risqué song.

Damn Wes to the circle of hell where gavels were tortured for agreeing to do this. Kurt did not want to do it.


Kurt sipped at the grande nonfat mocha he'd gotten from the coffee shop as he sat at an 'outdoor' table full of Warblers he'd never actually talked to. The coffee tasted more bitter than he was used to, but it didn't bother him; he was feeling bitter himself. Maybe he should go get a bagel or something with a few of the other Warblers before he became a holly berry. He was wholly unprepared for the screamed, "OH MY GOD, IT'S HIM!" before he was mobbed by screaming girls.

He was about to panic and start saying he wasn't whoever they thought he was before he recognized the cherry red and cloud white of the WMHS cheer uniform and relaxed. They were an attack squad, but he wasn't a target, just an enabler, like Becky.

"Ladies, calm down before someone's eyes fall out of their skull," he reprimanded, inner!bitch taking over as it always did with this group of people. He was, of course, referring to the Warblers' expressions.

"But Kurt, we've missed you," one redhead whined where she was snuggling into his hip, pressed downwards by the other Cheerios in his lap and arms.

There's no way that's comfortable, Kurt thought, also remembering how sharp his hipbones were.

"Your sexiness gave us such an edge in competition, and you distracted Coach do we could eat!"

"You gave the best facials, too," on blonde gushed. "You had such a way of massaging it into my skin. I've never come so hard before."

At a nearby table, Wes and David gave each other a look that simultaneously read I thought he was gay?, Could he give me tips?, and HOLYSHITWTF.

Kurt's face blushed a bright red. "That was a fluke!"

"Hm, no, I don't think so. Brittany keeps going on about how magical your hands are. I'm a little jealous. Why haven't you used those hands on me?" Santana purred over Kurt's unoccupied shoulder. "You are still in her Top Three Kisses list."

"But hasn't she kissed everyone in school, already?" Kurt asked, incredulous. He felt like his head was spinning still. Where had all the girls come from, anyway?

"And you have the coveted #2 spot, behind myself."

"And the rest of us want a bit of that action," Quinn declared from where she had appeared, surrounded by the rest of the New Directions, who cheered upon noticing who had captured the Cheerio's attention. "It's great to see you again, Kurt."

"Kurt, it's been forever! You need to visit more," Tina said as she cut through all the Cheerios who had since disintegrated from their Kurtie Dogpile to flirt with the Warblers, who liked the attention. They still puzzled over the apparent cheerleaders' worship of Kurt, however, most having not been close enough to hear the conversation they had had with the teen.

Mike gave a smile at Kurt's questioning look. "You do need to visit more, if only because Rachel needs a leash. I think she's sulking about not having one," he said, grin making his eyes twinkle.

"I am not sulking," Rachel declared. Everyone ignored her, since they were all crowding Kurt, pulling him to his feet and patting him on the back.

In between the requests for a girl night, a videogame date, and the various chats (which Kurt handled effortlessly) with the others who wanted to know what's been happening with Kurt, Jeff managed to sneak in closer to his roommate, who just so happened to be placed at the epicenter of all that barely controlled chaos.

"Uh, Kurt? Who are these people? I know you have their pictures and stuff on our corkboard, but you've never actually pointed out who was who in your stories," Jeff explained upon seeing Kurt's face. He'd become very adept at reading his roomie's face, you see.

"The girls in red and white are the Cheerios, nationally ranked six times as the best cheer squad in the USA," Kurt said, ignoring Jeff's impressed face. "Everyone else is part of my old Glee club, the New Directions. And, as a matter of fact, no one's explained what they're all doing here," he gave a frown to his friends, who were still surrounding him.

"We may have performed a bit in the next shopping block," Finn, the tall brunette guy, said sheepishly.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, Dolphin!" Brittany exclaimed suddenly, clapping her hands happily and a delighted expression on her thin face. "We should do a routine!" the three groups gossiping and flirting seemed to instantly quiet down. The sudden silence was unnerving for the Warblers, if their facial expressions were anything to go by.

"Mhm, for old time's sake, you understand." Santana drawled in what sounded like a bored voice, but looked like she was internally polishing her brass knuckles and trying not to laugh, if the smirk was any indication. "It would make Brittany very happy and me… satisfied."

"Oh really? Which do you suggest, Satan?" A couple Warblers looked interested (namely Wes, despite his self-proclaimed honour in not spying on competition).

Her smirk widened. "Eleventy-twelve. We even have your uniform with us."

"One hundred thirty-two?" Kurt queried, eyebrow raised in response to Santana's smirk. "Really? And why did you bring my old uniform with you? Expecting me?"

"It shows off your voice and flexibility. You also need to get laid. Repeatedly. This should get you an applicant at the least. Someone other than McDapper over there has to be riding the Unicorn Express. But yes, we knew you'd be here. Now strip."

Is she referring to me? Blaine thought, making a face at the name.

What the hell is the Unicorn Express? Jeff wondered.

Kurt's blush was rather luminous. "But… that one? In public? Who the hell am I supposed to sing that to? And I don't know where the bathroom is, since I'm not about to strip, thanks."

"My gaydar is excellent, so…" Santana trailed, scanning the food court for all potential victims. She abruptly pointed at a guy with coifed hair who was chatting up a rather pleased looking male clerk in the ice cream shop, if the wide smile said anything. "That guy will have to do. He sends back the strongest pings. That hair also makes his preference obvious."

Kurt raised an eyebrow before following her finger and eyeing the guy she had been pointing at. "Hm… acceptable. He seems the type to be amused by it rather than track me back home and murder me in my sleep for embarrassing him."

"Just admit he's hot, Hummel, and move into place," she deadpanned.

"Whatever, Santana," Kurt mumbled, another blush spreading on his cheeks, extending past his jaw line and down his neck. "Anyone know where the bathroom around here, is?"

Blaine's eyes, traitorous things they were despite his recent heartbreak, couldn't help but follow it and wish he knew how far it went. The answering blush on his own face was less noticeable to those who didn't know him, but those that did…

"C'mon girls, get into formation while Porcelain gets changed and before Coach senses a disturbance and comes to say this isn't as hard as the Special Forces again!" Quinn barked. The cheer from the other girls was very loud and drew even more attention (well, more than what was generated by about 75 teens in one place).

(Kurt gets changed in to his (now tighter) uniform. Several Warblers are seen drooling who hadn't seen him when not in uniform, as is Puck who had missed this view while at McKinley).

Kurt was facing the general direction of the flirting guy, taking deep breaths. He usually sang to one of the cute boys on the other cheer team, but his was the only one here. This guy would have to do.


Afterwards, Kurt was panting after the stunt-intense performance, including lead vocals. He was a little flushed, his hair was ruffled, and his heaving chest was emphasized by the WMHS letters emblazoned on the cheap, stiff fabric. He was riding such an adrenaline high that he didn't even notice the guy he had practically just serenaded to come towards him. The girls were squealing that he was even sexier than when he had first done the song with them. The two show choir groups were clapping enthusiastically along with the entirety of the food court. It was that amazing.

"Why, I've never been serenaded before," the guy reflected on out loud, an amused smirk on his lips and an interested gleam in his eyes. "May I ask your name?"

Kurt gave him another once over and then winked, saying, "Kurt Hummel. It was my pleasure to be your first."

The teen gave him an actual smile at the joke, doing wonders for his face. "No, it was most definitely mine. Sebastian Smythe, at your service." He held out his hand and Kurt took it. "And that was quiet the dance. I wonder just how flexible you can be," he said in French, light dancing in his eyes as he shook this beautiful boy's hand firmly. My, his hands are rather soft… and big, now that I think about it… hm

"Why don't you find out?" Kurt teased back before he darted off and disappeared into a sea of short-skirted girls.

Sebastian watches as that fine piece of ass walked away before he realized he hadn't gotten Kurt's number. Shit.

A little while after Kurt had disappeared a Latina came up to him and handed him a slip of paper. "Porcelain's number. He really needed that. He goes to Dalton. Sex him up and let me watch later, yeah?"