WOW this chapter is long! Over 8,000 words, almost 20 pages in Word! I hope this makes up for my long absence! Anyway, like I said, Angelus will be in this chapter. It's been a long time since you've seen him, hasn't it?
This chapter is pretty dark. If you don't like dark, be careful reading this.
Chapter rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffy characters in this story, or the setting. I DO own the plotline.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Buffy picked up her phone, flipping it open. It was a text from Xander. just got on the flight. everything's good so far. we should be back home 2night. Buffy sighed in relief, glad to finally hear from Xander. She had been texting and calling him all morning and had been getting freaked out when there was no answer. Buffy hadn't slept at all last night - she had been too worried about Xander and Willow.
She'd have to talk to him about actually using his phone later. Hopefully she'd get to see Xander and Willow tonight, but if not, she knew she'd see them tomorrow. With Willow back, they could finally get Angel's soul back where it belonged. And with the two of them back home, with Buffy and the rest of the gang, they would be much safer from whatever demon was stalking them.
Buffy checked the time on her phone: 12:45. She had plenty of time to do her errands. She grabbed her purse, her keys, and left the house. She needed to talk to Giles about her phone conversation with Xander. Maybe he'd know what type of demon was chasing Xander. If he didn't, he certainly had the resources for the two of them to search for it.
The front door swung open, and Giles blinked in surprise at seeing Buffy on his doorstep.
"Buffy. Right. Come in," Giles stepped aside, pulling the door open.
Buffy stepped inside, smiling at the piles of books on every flat surface. Some things never changed.
"Is something wrong? Is this about Angelus?"
Right. Down to business. "No, this is about something else. We have another problem." Buffy slipped off her jacket and folded it over her arm, walking into his living room to sit down on the couch. "It's Xander."
"Oh Lord, is he all right? What's he done now?" Giles sat down across from Buffy, picking up a steaming cup from the table – filled with Earl Grey, Buffy was sure.
"He's got a demon stalker."
Giles raised his eyebrows, taking a sip from the cup. "Really?"
"Yeah. He called and told me about it last night. He sounded terrified over the phone. He said that some female demon has been following him for months."
"Well I'm not too surprised. This is Xander you're talking about. Oh, did you want some tea?" Giles gestured to his kitchen.
Buffy was about to shake her head no, but then decided that some tea might do her good. It tended to calm her down. "Yeah, sure. Tea would be great."
Giles set his cup down on his cup holder and padded over to the kitchen. "So, did he say what kind of demon it was?"
"No. He said she looked normal enough. Brown hair, female, small… And then she attacked him one day. Apparently her eyes can glow or turn black, and she grows fangs. Not vampire fangs, but a mouth-full of sharp teeth. Also, he said she had been entering his dreams."
Giles came back into the living room, handing Buffy a hot cup of tea. "Entering his dreams? Is he sure he hasn't just been having nightmares?"
"He specifically said that she was communicating with him through his dreams."
Giles sat back down, picking his cup up again, frowning. "Glowing black eyes, fangs, dream-walker…" There were a few moments of silence as they both drank their tea, and then Giles sighed. "That doesn't give me much to go on. Did Xander tell you what she wanted? That might help us narrow it down."
Buffy shook her head, "Xander said he didn't know what she wanted. But he did say that she seemed to be getting ready to do something to both him and Willow. He's on a plane back to Los Angeles now. He should be back tonight, tomorrow at the latest."
"Good. The safest place for him is here. Apparently he needs more than Willow to keep an eye on him."
"Seriously." Buffy said with a roll of her eyes. "If he'd told us about this sooner, he wouldn't have a problem."
Giles pushed himself up from his chair once again and strode across the room to one of his bookcases, scanning the books. After going through the first couple shelves, his finger moving from book to book as his eyes read the spines, he grabbed a couple from the shelf. He opened the top one and started flipping through. Then he paused, a thought coming to him, and he glanced over at Buffy. "Buffy, there's something I should tell you…" Giles turned around to face Buffy, leaning back against the bookcase. "I got a phone call a couple weeks ago. It was from a seer. Vadoma I think…"
It took Buffy a minute to figure out how she knew the name. Then Buffy's eyes widened slightly in surprise and recognition. Vadoma was the seer that she had been to only a couple weeks before. "Vadoma? Really?"
"Yes. I didn't want to tell you before, because honestly I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Plus with the wedding and everything… Well, I just didn't want to worry you."
Okay, this was serious. Giles never held anything back from her unless it was big. Buffy pushed herself forward from the couch, looking up at Giles with concern evident on her face. "What is it, Giles?"
"Vadoma, she called to warn me. She said that something was coming, some creature or monster, and that it had to do with you. And then… Well, I think whatever it was she was talking about found her. I heard her and another woman screaming, crashing and breaking noises, and something… growling. Whatever it was that got to them, it was terrible. I don't think they made it."
Buffy sat there in silence, stunned. "That's awful… I know Vadoma. I just saw her a couple of weeks ago. I wanted her… advice on something…" Buffy trailed off, frowning, something coming to mind. "Wait… no, that's not right. I saw Vadoma's assistant at Willow and Xander's reception. Vadoma and her assistant were the only two at that cabin. They can't have died."
"Trust me, Buffy. You must have been mistaken. There is no way they could have survived. Not in one piece, anyway. I heard them dying, Buffy."
"I swear I saw her…" Buffy sat back on the sofa, thinking back on that night to see if there was any way she could've been wrong. "No, Giles I'm sure it was her. I saw her talking to Xander. She looked very alive to me."
"Talking to Xander, are you sure?"
Buffy raised her brows at Giles in an, 'are-you-kidding,' sort of way. "Yes, Giles, I'm sure. When they noticed me they went into another room. Also, she looked completely fine to me – not like she'd just been attacked by a demon. I asked Xander about it later and he seemed really dodgy about it. Said she was one of his coworker's girlfriends. I didn't really believe him though."
The two of them thought about that for a few moments before looking at each other again, an identical thought growing in their minds. Buffy spoke first. "Xander's description of the demon matches the seer's assistant - brown hair, kind of on the small side."
Giles nodded, adding to Buffy's trail of thought. "And if she didn't die that day I got the phone call, that must mean… The only explanation is possession. She's possessed by a demon."
"Great!" Buffy said, grinning. At Giles' skeptical look, she shook her head and began to explain. "That must narrow it down, right? A demon that can possess humans, can get into humans dreams, and grows fangs and black eyes when angry. That has to help!"
"You know," Giles said, turning around quickly to his bookshelf. "I have some volumes of books on demon possession. They are quite large, but at least we're down to a single set of books rather than my entire library." He leaned down and pulled out an armful of large hardbound, old-looking books and dumped them on the table in front of Buffy. Some dust spilled out from between the pages and wafted up in front of Buffy's face.
"Ugh," Buffy said, waving her arm in the air to get rid of some of the dust, "how old are these things? You know, you should really look at making some online database or something. Where you can just type in some keywords and then all the related entries will just pop up."
Giles dumped another armful of books on the table, sitting down again. "Computers are unreliable. What happens when the machine breaks? Then you have nothing. Everything will be gone."
"Yeah, well what happens when there's a fire in a library?" Giles frowned at her above his glasses, picking up one of the volumes. "Besides, that's what backup hard drives are for. And the Internet. If you put the encyclopedia on the Internet, then it'll be there until you decide to delete it."
Giles sighed, obviously annoyed, and picked up a second book, handing it to Buffy. "Are we here to talk about the amazing computer age, or are we here to find out what's going on with Xander's demon?"
Buffy's lower lip extended in a small pout, purposefully to push Giles' buttons just a little bit more, but she grabbed the book. "So we just flip through and see if we find a demon that matches the description?"
"That's the idea, yes. These are in alphabetical order. I have A through C, and you have D through G."
Buffy looked at the two piles of the rest of the volumes and sighed heavily. This was going to be a long day. "Buffy, before we start… I want to make sure you are all right."
The slayer opened up her volume, flipping through to the first listed demon, purposefully avoiding Giles' gaze. She knew why he was asking. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well…" Giles paused and took off his glasses, rubbing the lenses with his shirt like he always did when he was nervous or agitated. "With Angelus back… And with what happened at the reception… I wanted to know how you were doing. I'm afraid I haven't been a very good watcher these past few days. I haven't checked in on you."
She had almost forgotten about Angelus until her watcher's question. With Xander's demon and everything suddenly being a big priority, it had been serving as a phenomenal distraction. "Oh don't worry about it. I'm perfectly fine. Peachy even." Buffy glanced up at him and gave him a wide smile, though it disappeared as soon as it came. He knew her too well for her fake smiles to be believable. Buffy bit the inside of her cheek a little, not comfortable thinking about Angelus – not wanting to think about him. "I'm… dealing."
Buffy turned her eyes back to the book. It was the first time in a long time she actually wanted to do research – as long as it meant that Giles would stop asking questions.
"Have you seen him since the reception?"
And there it was. Her mind immediately went where she didn't want it to go – back to the night in the graveyard. Buffy's face grew hot, and she felt a bit nauseous. She did not want to be thinking about that. And there was no way she was going to tell Giles about it. She would take that night to her grave. So… she'd be honest with Giles, she just wouldn't tell him the whole truth.
"Yeah, once, while on patrol."
"What happened? Why didn't you call?" Giles looked very concerned as he slipped his glasses back on.
Buffy waved it off with her hand, shaking her head. "It was no biggie, really, just the usual Angelus banter. I had just staked a vamp when he came out of some crypt. We fought a bit, and then he left."
"Just like that?"
Buffy sat there, quietly for a few moments, trying to keep her emotions in check. She just kept replaying the scene in her head over and over and over… So, instead of going that route… "I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill him, Giles." Angelus had even called her out on it. At least this bit she could be truthful about. Even though it wouldn't hurt Giles as much as telling him everything, she knew it would still hurt him to hear it. She looked down at the book and started to explain herself.
"It's like high school all over again. I know that this isn't fair to you, especially everything that happened then… But I just can't do it again." Buffy took a shaky breath, trying to make Giles understand. "I killed him once and he came back. I know that's not going to happen twice. I still don't understand how it happened the first time. Even though Angel and I aren't together anymore, he's still the only man I've ever loved. I can't kill him again. It was hard enough the first time, and the only reason I was able to go through with it was because the world was ending. Willow will be back soon and then she can do the spell to bring back Angel's soul, and Angel will be back again. We just need to wait it out. It'll only be another couple of days.
"If you aren't okay with that, and are upset with me, I understand. But please respect my decision."
She looked at Giles, pleading with him with her eyes, hoping that he'd be okay with waiting, hoping that he'd be okay with her weakness. The longest silent seconds of her life passed by, and then Giles nodded slowly.
"Okay. Okay, Buffy. Whatever your decision is, I'll support you."
Buffy was stunned. He would really do that, after everything Angelus did to him? Buffy's vision blurred a bit as tears welled up in her eyes. "Really? You will?" Hearing him say it took a weight off of her shoulders that she hadn't known was there. Even though she knew Giles could never know what else happened in that graveyard, his acceptance of what she had just told him meant the world to her.
"I will. I understand, Buffy. I know this isn't easy for you. Just… let me know what I can do, and I'll try and help in any way I can."
Giles was being so selfless, so kind to her… Buffy didn't deserve it after what she did, but she was so happy to have his support. She slid the book off her lap and onto the sofa, walking over to him. She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close to her. "Thank you." She said softly into his shoulder. "Thank you so much."
Many, many hours later, after the sun went down, Giles and Buffy were looking through the last two volumes. Giles was on S-V, and Buffy was on W-Z. "My brain hurts." Buffy muttered under her breath, massaging her temples as she looked at yet another demon entry. None of these were like Xander's description. From what he said, this person had full brain function, full use of the body, and looked/acted completely normal – until she attacked him of course. Most of these demons changed the person physically, or made the person act really strange, or didn't have the added physical attributes Xander described, or didn't have the dream-walking capability.
She flipped the page, for the millionth time, and then paused. The picture showed a really creepy demon. The demon had a mouth-full of large fangs, black eyes, an enlarged skull, talons, and a really tall/lanky looking body. Buffy started reading the description.
"Wendigo"
"The Wendigo is commonly known as 'The Cannibal.' This creature used to be human once, before it went mad. The Wendigo can run faster than the human eye can see, its size is well beyond that of a human's, its sense of smell and hearing are immense, and it can see in the dark. This makes it the perfect predator. Even with its skills, the Wendigo is constantly hungry. It looks emaciated and stretched out because its body never gets enough food. The Wendigo's main source of food is humans – its teeth and its claws make it extremely easy to catch and eat its prey."
Gross, a cannibal? Buffy skipped over a few sections to get to the part about supernatural abilities.
"Over the years, the Wendigo has adapted and developed strange abilities. Many years after its body changed and deformed from the insanity and the new eating habits, Wendigo became able to project their spirits. They could project themselves into someone's dreams. That was a good way to catch their prey. They could often cause a sort of sleepwalking state in the human, and direct him to their cave through the human's dreams. This led to human possession.
"Some Wendigo have more brain function than others – usually ones that have been around for a long time. These Wendigo are able to possess humans. This way, they look normal enough to be able to live around humans. Getting food in this state is simpler.
"Some Wendigo are able to use dark magick. The older the Wendigo is, the more powerful it becomes. Wendigo can gain the power to manipulate the weather, to summon darkness before the sun goes down, to summon dangerous beasts and control them, to move so fast it becomes close to teleportation, and to heal any wounds instantaneously."
"Hey Giles… I think I found it." Buffy was extremely worried. This demon sounded very powerful, and very scary. The further she read, the more worried she became.
"What monster is it?" Giles asked, looking up from his book.
"It's called a Wendigo."
Buffy watched as Giles' face immediately paled. He swallowed, closing his book. Giles reached up towards his face, slowly took off his glasses, and started rubbing them furiously on his shirt. "Right…" Oh Lord… If Giles just saying its name could make Giles act like that…
"What? What is it?"
"If that's what's been following Xander, I think I know what it wants. Just be glad Xander's getting home safely. This could be worse." Giles slipped on his glasses, resting his elbows on his knees. "Much, much worse."
This was obviously more serious than Buffy originally thought. She needed to tell Xander as soon as possible. Hopefully they were right about this demon, and with the help of the book they could figure out the best way to deal with it. "Okay, well Xander should be back by now. Let me call him and see if we can meet up so I can tell him about this." Buffy pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed Xander's number. After a few rings,
"Hello?"
"Xander hey! You're home!"
"Yeah, we landed in LA a few hours ago. We just got home."
"Giles and I think we've found what kind of demon has been following you. Do you think you can meet up tonight? I'll bring the book with me."
"Um, yeah I think I can meet tonight. How about the bar downtown? I could really use a drink – or four."
There was really only one bar 'downtown.' Sunnydale was definitely a small town. Not to mention the fact that most people didn't stay too long, considering the high mortality rate and the high number of weird 'incidents' that tended to happen.
"Yeah sure. Meet me there in a couple hours?" Buffy needed time to gather up some things, and she was sure Xander and Willow wanted some time to unpack since they just got home.
"See you there."
Buffy slid onto her barstool at the bar, sitting by herself since she got there a bit early. She had the book with the Wendigo entry in her bag, as well as a couple of weapons just in case. She decided it was better to be prepared – for either Angelus or Xander's demon.
"What can I get ya?" The bartender asked, rubbing down a glass with a large rag.
"Um…" Buffy knew that she should get water, or soda, or lemonade, or anything without alcohol, but with the week she'd been having… "Rum and coke, please, more rum than coke."
"You got it." The bartender turned his back to Buffy, grabbing what he needed to make her drink.
Buffy heard the door to the bar swing open, and she turned to see Xander walk in. She gave him a bright smile, and gestured to the barstool next to her. She was so glad he was back in one piece. "Hey! After we order our drinks we can go sit at a table and talk."
Xander nodded, leaning against the bar instead of sitting. "I'll have a Blue Moon." The bartender nodded, reaching under the bar and setting one down on the counter in front of Xander.
Buffy's phone beeped in her purse, signaling a text message, but she ignored it.
"Wow, expensive," Buffy commented as her drink was set down in front of her. Xander was usually a cheap alcohol man. As long as it did the job, he didn't really care what he was drinking. Xander gave Buffy no response. She picked up her own drink and slid off of her barstool, heading towards an empty table in the back. Xander followed. Once she sat down, she pulled out the book and set it down on the table. "Okay, so… no problems coming back here from Hawaii? No demon run-ins?"
Xander shook his head. "No, no problems. Willow seems extra stressed, but that's to be expected I guess." He took a swig of his beer, licking the extra drops from his lips as he set it back down on the table.
"Good! That's good." Buffy brought her own drink to her lips, grimacing only slightly at the heavy taste of alcohol. "So Giles and I think we might have found your demon." She spread her fingers across the cover of the old book, taking a breath. "It's not good, Xander. I don't know how you got involved or why she's after you, but we need to take care of this fast. If we don't get rid of this demon soon, things could get really bad for you and Willow – for all of us."
She paused, looking up at his face, waiting for his reaction. There was none. He was just running his finger along the mouth of his beer, glancing absently at a place behind Buffy's head. "Xander? Are you listening?"
Xander's gaze slowly swung back to Buffy's, familiar lines of anger beginning to form on Xander's face. "Not really." He brought the Blue Moon to his lips again. "Sorry, but I'm a little… distracted."
"Distracted?" Xander and Willow's lives were in danger, and he was distracted? What on earth could be taking his attention away from this? "By what, Xander? What could possibly be more important than the demon who may or may not want to kill you and Willow?"
Xander laughed a little, leaning back in his chair. His eyes moved over Buffy's form, and Xander ran his fingers over his lips, his smile fading. "What is it, Buffy?" Xander asked, a dark look crossing his face.
"What? What is what, Xander?"
Xander looked up at Buffy, his head's downward tilt making his gaze look almost sinister. "What is it about him?"
Buffy was thoroughly confused. "About who? What are you talking about?"
"What is it about Angelus that makes you want to fuck him?"
Buffy's mouth went dry, and she froze, gaping at Xander. She could literally feel the blood flow out of her face. She was completely stunned, and completely speechless. He knew? How did he know? How could he possibly know?
Xander's eyes darkened, and he folded his arms across his chest. "So it's true, then. What Angelus said is true. You fucked him."
Shit. "I… I didn't…"
"Or you let him fuck you, I don't really care which way it was."
Xander had never acted like this to her. Well… almost never. Angelus had always brought out the worst in him, but then… Angelus brought out the worst in everyone. "When did you see Angelus? What did he say to you?"
There was no point in trying to deny it. Xander wouldn't believe her anyway, but more important than that, Buffy didn't want to lie to him. It was one thing to keep a secret, and a whole other thing to lie about it. All Buffy could do was try and pacify Xander enough so that she could explain herself. She just needed to figure out exactly what Angelus said first.
"I saw him on my way here. I left home early so I could get a few drinks down before you showed up. He didn't spare many details." Xander shook his head and a bitter laugh escaped him. "In a graveyard, Buffy? Really? How incredibly kinky of you. How long did it take before you jumped him? Did you have to fight him first to get you hot, or did just seeing him in all his evil glory make you wet?"
"Xander!" Buffy choked out, completely shocked. He had definitely never acted like this before. Ever. "Stop it!"
Xander slammed his hands down on the table, leaning forward towards her. "Why? It's the truth, isn't it? You fucked Angelus, an evil monster, who may I remind you killed Ms. Calendar and tortured Giles. What would Giles say if he knew?"
"No!" Buffy shouted instantly, quickly clapping a hand over her mouth afterwards. Pulling it away a bit, she struggled to keep her voice down. "Xander, you can't! You can't say anything!"
"I think he deserves to know. Actually, I think everyone needs to know. You're playing for the other team now, Buffy. You obviously can't be trusted anymore if you're going to go around and screw our enemies. You'll be turning on us soon."
Buffy leaned forward this time, glaring hatefully at Xander. "You know that's not true, Xander. I love you all. I'm not going to turn on anybody."
"Wrong!" Xander yelled, causing Buffy to jump in surprise. "You already have, you whore. You turned on us all the moment you consented to his attentions."
"That's not what happened, Xander!" Buffy retorted, trying to get him to give her enough time to explain herself.
"So he raped you? He forced himself on you? That's not what he said, but I wouldn't put it past him to twist a story." Xander paused and looked Buffy evenly in the eye, pursing his lips before adding, "Did he rape you?"
It would be so easy to just say yes, and have the whole confrontation be over. His attitude would change, and instead of being angry at Buffy he would be furious at Angelus. This was her out. No one would question it – it was not out of Angelus' character, just like Xander said, to twist a story, and it was not out of Angelus' character to do something that terrible.
Buffy took a shaky breath, sliding her hands around to the back of her neck. The lie would be much easier. But even as she opened her mouth to answer, she knew she couldn't do it. Buffy had to own up to this. This was her fault, her bad decision, her terrible mistake, and she couldn't throw it under the rug and pretend it didn't exist, even though she wanted to more than anything. "No, Xander. He didn't."
"I knew it." Xander said, clenching is teeth together in anger.
"Xander, I know that it was completely wrong. It was a mistake. I've been so angry with myself since that night, and you have to know that it will never happen again. Now that you and Willow are back, we can do the spell to get Angel's soul. Everything will be back to normal."
"No, Buffy," Xander spat out, glaring at her, "everything will not just go back to normal. Putting Angel's soul back won't take away what you've done. I won't be able to look at you the same way ever again. You're disgusting."
Buffy could take anger, but she could only take cruelty for so long. "Oh you're one to talk, Xander! Let's take a look at your perfect record. What about the substitute teacher who ended up being a praying mantis, huh? What about getting possessed by a hyena and practically attacking me and Willow? What about doing a spell to make every woman in town infatuated with you? What about-"
"Oh, good for you, Buffy. Bringing out my list of mistakes to make yours look less terrible. Don't make me bring out your past discretions, Buffy. And may I remind you, none of my accidental demon interactions resulted in death. Angelus is much worse than all of my demons, and you know it." Xander pushed his chair back and stood up, grabbing his beer. "I'm done with this. I'm done with you," he said coldly, turning his back to Buffy and heading for the bar door.
Buffy grabbed her coat, her purse, and the book, running after him. "Xander!" she yelled, pushing open the bar door and running out into the side street. "Xander, stop!" She grabbed his arm and Xander stopped mid-step. "Look, I know that you're mad at me," Buffy held up the book, "but we need to talk about this. You can be angry at me, and you can avoid me all you want, but we need to talk about your demon first."
Xander yanked his arm from Buffy's grip, grabbed Buffy's shoulders, and slammed Buffy backwards against the wall of the bar. Buffy's eyes widened in surprise at Xander's display of strength, and the book fell from her hand to the ground. "No, Buffy. I don't want to talk to you right now. I can talk to Giles about the demon later, but I am not going to talk to you."
"Xander, the sooner you know about this the better. You're in danger," Buffy said, reaching her hands up to push Xander off of her. Strangely, though, Xander didn't budge. Buffy pushed harder, and Xander's torso only moved a couple inches backwards before returning to the same position. What was going on? Xander's grip on Buffy's shoulders tightened, his fingers digging into her skin, and Buffy squirmed in his grip, trying to push him off again. "Xander, let go, you're hurting me!"
Xander sneered at Buffy, leaning closer to her. "Am I?" Xander lifted his hands from Buffy's shoulders, only to grab her wrists and shove them into the brick next to her head. "Sorry, I just can't seem to be able to control myself." The brick tore into the skin of her hands and wrists as Xander put more weight into his grip, and Buffy gritted her teeth together to keep herself from reacting. She couldn't figure out what was making Xander so strong. Did it have something to do with the demon? Had Willow done a spell to make Xander stronger so he could better protect himself? Did the demon do something to him?
Even though this was out of Xander's character, she had seen that look in his eyes before - when Buffy couldn't kill Angelus, when Xander found out that Angel was back, and when he found out about Buffy and Spike's relationship. This wasn't just anger, this was seething malice, and Xander was never himself at this stage. "Get off of me, Xander, before you do something you regret later."
Buffy gasped as Xander shoved his pelvis against Buffy, his body weight trapping Buffy. "You mean like this? Is this what Angelus does to get you hot?" Xander ground himself against her, and shock ran through Buffy as she felt him begin to grow hard at the contact. "Is this what gets you off?"
"Stop it! Xander get off of me!" Buffy struggled under his grip, tugging her wrists and trying to get her legs free so she could kick him away from her. Xander dropped his head to Buffy's shoulder and she heard him groan against the skin of her neck.
"Oh yeah, Buffy, just like that," Xander growled cruelly, following another grind of his hips with a laugh.
Buffy froze, the scene sickeningly reminding her of what happened in the graveyard. "Keep wriggling like that, Buff, and you won't get out of this cemetery clothed." She shuddered at the irony. Xander was trying to replicate what had happened, and he was practically hitting the nail right on the head. Only this was not the same. Xander was being cruel, hurtful, and hateful. Even though she hated herself for what happened with Angelus, at least he hadn't done this. Tears pricked at Buffy's eyes, and she tried to blink them back before Xander could see.
"Is this making you feel better?" Buffy asked softly, trying to keep her voice even.
Xander pulled back, studying her face. He frowned and let one of her wrists go. Buffy thought he was letting her go, but instead his hand came down hard on her cheek. Buffy's head snapped to the side and a couple tears fell from her eyes from the pain.
"Don't you try and guilt me, Buffy. You don't get to do that. You deserve this."
Thunder rumbled in the distance, and lightning lit up the sky for a brief second. The air smelled like rain.
He grabbed her hair and tilted her head to face him. "Besides, don't you like this? Haven't you always liked it rough?" Buffy didn't answer, and Xander yanked at her hair in a warning.
"You know the answer to that question, Xander." Buffy struggled to keep herself under control, but she could feel more tears coming up to the surface. Then Xander slammed his lips against hers, and the dam broke. The tears spilled from her eyes, and her body shook with sobs. She reached up with her free hand and clawed at his face, one leg managing to get enough room to shoot up between his legs.
Xander stumbled backwards, crying out in pain, bending over with one hand pressing against his groin to try and relieve the pain. "Bitch," Xander choked out, glaring up at Buffy.
Just then the clouds opened up, and rain began to pour down on the both of them. Buffy forced herself to stand tall, glad that the rain could hide her tears. "Go home, Xander."
He started to straighten, and took a step towards Buffy, but stopped when Buffy held up her hand. "If you come near me, Xander, I swear to God I'll remove your ability to procreate."
He stood there for a few moments, weighing his options, and then stepped away from her. He was seething, she knew, and he was clenching and unclenching his fists in anger. Xander glowered at her for a little while longer before turning and walking away.
Buffy kept her head high until she could no longer see him. As soon as he was out of sight, she fell back against the wall, covering her face with her hands, sobs wracking her body. She was soaked, and it was freezing, but Buffy couldn't go home. She couldn't face anyone like this.
A part of her kept saying over and over that what had happened couldn't have been Xander's fault – that something supernatural was in play. But the other part of her kept thinking that one of her best friends had just attacked her, and that things would never be the same between them ever again.
Buffy slid down the wall, thunder hiding the sounds of her crying. She didn't know what she would do if Xander told everyone what he found out. Images of the hate and judgment on all of their faces ran through her head, and she suddenly felt like she was suffocating. Buffy forced herself to take a deep breath, coughing from the sudden influx of oxygen.
She grabbed the book and stuffed it in her purse, hoping the pages hadn't gotten ruined.
She didn't know how long she sat there in the alleyway - how long she sobbed and cried it all out. All she knew was that she just didn't want to move. She was in pain, and even though most of it was emotional, she felt like she didn't have the strength to get up. She could feel herself start to resort to her safety mechanism. She slowly started to separate herself from everything, taking her pain and shoving it into the far corners of her mind. It was too much for her to handle. She needed to bottle it all up or she wouldn't be able to face any of her friends ever again.
Hiding her pain away was the only way she could deal with this. The blissful numbness would be her savior.
"Aw, Buff, why the sad face?"
Buffy lowered her hands from her face to see Angelus, the last person she wanted to see right now, standing a few feet from her, a smug grin tainting his lips. Rain droplets fell from the wet spikes of his hair to his face, the droplets sliding over his sculpted bones and the sensually cruel slash of his lips. He looked so calm, so unaffected like always. A flash of Buffy jumping up and punching Angelus out for telling Xander ran through her head, but she pushed it away. All Angelus would want would be a reaction. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
"I'm not in the mood for you right now, Angelus. If you want to fight, fine. But if you're here for your games and your usual antics, now is not the time. I'm not playing."
Angelus pouted mockingly, walking towards her and dropping to a crouch beside her. She watched as he studied her, knowing insults about her appearance were about to come tumbling from his lips. Honestly, she didn't care. He could do whatever he wanted. She was too numb to care.
"You wound me, lover. And I thought we had made such a connection." Angelus reached out and pushed some wet strands of hair from her face, taking her chin between his thumb and index finger, lifting her face so he could get a better look at her. "Did you get my letter?" he asked with a smirk, knowing full well Buffy had.
Buffy didn't answer him. She just pulled her head from his hand, staring up at him, refusing to show any of the anger or embarrassment his comment was supposed to elicit. Lightning illuminated the both of them for a split second, and Buffy could have sworn she saw concern on his face. After some precious moments of silence, Angelus grasped the sides of her arms and lifted the both of them to their feet.
"Enough sulking, Buff. You need to come with me. Unless you enjoy sitting in wet alleyways looking pathetic."
Buffy just wanted to be left alone in her misery so she could make it all go away. She did not need Angelus right now. "I'm not going anywhere with you. Just leave."
Angelus was silent for a while, just looking down at her. "What happened?" He finally asked, lightly touching a swollen corner of her lips from when Xander hit her.
Buffy choked out a laugh at that. "What are you, my shrink? Don't pretend you care. You're not fooling anyone." She pulled away from him, folding her arms across her chest.
"Now, lover, you know I care. I'm the only one allowed to rough you up."
Though it was meant in a joking manner, Buffy knew there was some truth to his statement. Angelus had always felt a sense of ownership when it came to his victims. She knew that all too well. But she wasn't going to reveal any part of what had happened. One word and all the feelings she had been carefully packing away would rise to the surface.
"You should know I can take care of myself."
Angelus smirked down at her, "Of course." It was meant to be demeaning. Angelus was already two to Buffy's zero in their past two encounters. She was sure he had plans to rip her throat out when he had gotten his fill of her.
Buffy sighed, pushing some hair out of her eyes, the cold of the rain water finally starting to seep into her skin. "I'm going home. Go find something else to occupy your time."
Angelus chuckled darkly and stepped in her path, the space between them miniscule. "I'm sure I could find something else, but nothing is as entertaining as you. Besides… no one else feels quite the way you do, lover." To punctuate that statement, he slid a palm over the rounded curve of her haunches before his hands moved up and tightened painfully around her upper arms.
She winced slightly, bruises already beginning to form from Xander's tight grip from earlier.
"But if that's the way you want to play this," he said, a brighter tone to his voice, before wrapping his arms around her body and hoisting her over his shoulder. "We can just do it the hard way. You're coming with me Buff, it wasn't a question."
Buffy gaped, completely astounded at what had just happened. She hadn't been flung over someone's shoulder since she was a little girl. She pressed her hands and elbows into his back to keep herself from hanging from his shoulder. "Okay, very funny, now put me down."
Angelus turned on his heel and started walking away from the bar, his arm around her knees tightening. She could feel the muscles in his back moving and rippling under her hands, and she forced back memories of the night in the graveyard. "I don't think so, Buff. I kind of like you like this." His free hand traveled up and down one of her thighs and he landed a playful smack on her ass.
A surge of anger ran through her, and Buffy pushed herself up and slammed her elbow into his head. "Put me down, Angelus!"
A growl of pain escaped his lips, and he slid her down and very ungracefully dropped her to the ground. Water splashed all around her as she hit the pavement, and Buffy slowly pushed herself to her feet. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" she hissed angrily.
"Come on, Buff, you know why. We've been through this already." Thunder rumbled in the distance, the rain lightening up to a simple rainy night rather than a pouring storm. "Besides, we both know you're going to come crawling back to me, anyway. You just can't say no, baby."
Buffy pursed her lips, glaring up at him. It was almost a challenge. "Watch me," she said coolly. With that, she turned and started walking away.
Angelus wasn't good for her. He was evil, and the only thing he wanted was to mess with her as much as possible. Buffy wouldn't let herself succumb to him again. She would talk to Willow when she got home and return Angel's soul, and then she wouldn't have to worry anymore. If she had to stay away from him until the spell was cast, then so be it. After what happened with Xander, she knew that she couldn't let herself let her guard down. If she had even a moment of weakness around Angelus, he would exploit it and Buffy could end up back where she was only a few nights ago.
She heard Angelus laugh from behind her. "You keep walking away from me, lover. I think you have a fear of commitment."
Always the joker, she mused, the mocking tone that was always present in his voice ringing clear through the rain. She didn't appease him with a response. She didn't turn back to look at him. She just kept walking. After a few more steps, Buffy could've sworn she heard, "She'll come back…"
Buffy remembered that her phone beeped earlier, and she pulled it out of her purse. It was a text from Willow.
Buffy, don't meet up with Xander. I couldn't tell you earlier cuz Xander was here. Something is wrong with him. I think the demon got to him. He might be dangerous. Call me!
Thank you so much to those who've reviewed for the past few chapters. I love hearing from you guys! Welcome to all the newcomers to my story, and a big hug to those who've stuck around from the beginning.
I hope you enjoyed part eight. Please let me know what you think of this chapter, and I'll see you in part 9!
Review, my lovies!
~Reiney
