Take the lead
"Impossible…simply impossible" she murmured entering the greenhouses. She felt flabbergasted at what had just happened. A week ago she had told Teddy not to expect Snape to approach them again soon. After what took place once between them and the nasty remarks on both sides, she expected to see the last of him. During the week whenever she had to visit the library she kept their interactions formal and distant. Avoiding his eyes and keeping words to a minimum. She didn't expect a thank you for healing his throat, and she certainly didn't expect him to take the kid to see Quidditch. This man was confounding her with his lofty attitude and his acerbic tongue always ready to lash out. With his beloved solitude keeping him isolated from the rest of them. And yet the words of her mother repeated themselves in her mind "Actions speak louder than words". His actions didn't speak of solitude or coldness. They spoke of quite the opposite and the implications of this were making her stomach twist uncomfortably.
"What's impossible?" Sprout asked clearing some pots.
"This man, he is impossible to fathom" she shook her head trying to clear it.
"Who, Severus?" Pomona looked up.
Hermione nodded.
"Well, yes, he is not the easiest person to get along with"
"I don't know what to do to approach him. I am always offending him one way or the other" Hermione sat down thoughtfully.
"I'd advise you to be politely silent around him. Let him take the lead. That could possibly help you" Pomona wised.
-The lead? -
She never let anyone take a lead. She was always on top of things and Snape had always been on top of her when she was a student. Maybe her annoyance at him came from those years. Maybe now she acted in this manner because she wanted to prove to him that she was not his pushover. That she was an adept Professor, not easily bullied by wordplay. And maybe her reactions to him had been a little too much on the offensive from ground zero. Could she take Pomona's advice? Would that create a better vibe between them? All she needed was civility from him. She didn't expect any kind of friendship. She admired him to the utmost, but letting him use her as a doormat had not been in her plans and she made that known from day one. Had she taken it too far though? How did Charity approach him so much? Those two seemed to share a very friendly relationship even though his reserved nature was always prominent.
"Is that the way you approach him?" she raised her eyes to Pomona.
She laughed heartily and shook her head "I don't try to do that. I keep my respectful distance darling"
Hermione felt her cheeks blushing and she smiled at the wormwood instead "I would have done the same, had he and the child not taken serious interest towards each other. As things are I have to find a way to strike a deal with him. Agree to be civil to each other"
"It's Teddy that likes Snape so much isn't it? Heard him talk about Presser Snape only too much"
"Yes, the boy is absolutely smitten with this man" Hermione's lips pulled in a soft smile.
Pomona's brows raised in abandonment "Then you should maybe try harder to be more polite"
"Even though he is so lofty that he makes you want to punch his mouth" Hermione smirked.
Pomona laughed again "And you want to punch his loftiness away?"
"I don't know why his attitude angers me so much. Maybe because he always rejects any tries I make to approach him. When someone rejects me I don't usually react nicely. Remember what happened when Harry and Ron rejected me during my first year here?"
"Ah, yes, you hid away in the girl's toilets and came face to face with a mountain troll. How can I forget"
Hermione flicked her shoulders "It's my knee jerk reaction to his own haughty rudeness…to his constant rejection"
Pomona crossed her hands above her stomach and looked at her critically "How well did you try to approach him?"
"I don't know" Hermione replied honestly. She thought she did a good job without letting him bully her too much.
Pomona's lips scrounged testily "Check on that before attempting anything else"
Hermione bit the inside of her lip thoughtfully "Yeah I'll do that alright" she murmured and looked out of the algae stained windows. Today he gave her a reluctant chance to set things straight between them one more time. Maybe she could try a little harder.
-for Teddy's shake- she told herself and began stroking the wormwood's buds with a mind that was already intricately interwoven in all that had taken place up till now.
-.-
"That black ball is mean!" Teddy cried and as he jumped off his bench some popcorn fell to Severus's boots.
"It most certainly is" he agreed and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. His eyes followed Miss Libby as she gave one of the black balls a hefty strike sending it to the other side of the field, thus protecting their Seeker.
"Now pick up the popcorn that fell down and throw it in the bin. Do you see where?" he pointed.
"Yes Presser Snape" Teddy kneeled down and picked up every piece of popcorn his little hands could fit. Then he made it for the bin.
"Come back here" Severus stopped him.
Teddy returned and stood in front of him with his hands full of popcorn and his eyes wide and willing. Severus drew his fluffy jacket up slightly and made a cloth made bucket "Put them here, and pick up the rest also. There is no point in keep going back and forth"
Teddy's eyes glowed "Fenk you" he said and sniffed.
"You getting a cold?" Severus frowned and placed his palm on the boy's forehead gently. His temperature seemed normal.
"My nose is tickling" Teddy replied vaguely and having picked up the last popcorn he run gingerly to the trashcan. He emptied the popcorn and then run back to Severus. He sat down quietly next to him and began picking his nose. In a delayed realisation he stopped and looked up to him. Severus was observing him silently.
"Can I have a tissue please?" Teddy said and showed his palm.
Severus lips twisted in a small smirk and he put a clean tissue in Teddy's palm "You're getting better" he whispered.
Teddy blew one nostril and gave Severus the dirty tissue.
"Blow the other one also, and go throw it in the bin" Severus said nonchalantly.
Teddy did as the older wizard bade him and then sat down next to him quietly "When will that man catch the silver one?" he asked and pointed upwards.
"Golden"
"Golden" Teddy corrected.
"When he finds an opportunity. Considering he is not the best Seeker I've seen, I'd say it will take a rather long time"
"Have you ever played Giddis?" Teddy asked and looked at him with dedication.
"A little bit" Severus brushed him off "And it's called Quidditch"
"Gidditch?"
"Qui-"
"Qui-"
"dditch-"
"ddis"
"Close enough for now" Severus pressed his lips.
"You know how to fly with a broom like Presser Hooch?" Teddy's looked at him wide eyed.
Severus smirked again "Kind off"
"Can you teach me how to do it?"
Severus frowned.
"Please?" Teddy added.
He sighed and looked at the boy "It doesn't have to do with politeness, son. I cannot fly anymore" his whisper was low and reserved.
"Why?"
"Not with the why's again" Severus couldn't help but rub his forehead "See up there? The Seeker made an attempt to catch the Golden one. It's coming towards us, get up to see better" he found the opportunity to make the boy concentrate on something less complicated. Teddy got up on the bench and Severus grabbed the back of his jacket to steady him. His eyes got drawn at the fluid motion of the brooms above them and he momentarily got lost in the beauty of flight. A pleasure he hadn't allowed himself to feel for four years now.
"Am I late?" a woman's voice made both him and Teddy look suddenly down. There he saw Granger approaching them with two steaming cups in her hands. The orange scarf of Gryffindor around her neck and the lapels of her long coat drawn up near her ears. Her brownish wild hair were falling loose, very long, close to her waist.
when was it that she grew such long hair?- he noticed as she approached and sat next to Teddy. She turned to him with a reserved smile and offered him one of the cups. He visibly hesitated.
"It's not poison, just a hot cup of coffee. I asked Charity and she told me you take it plain with no milk or sugar" she kept her hand in front of him, refusing to back down on the offer.
He lifted his hand and took the cup, their fingers slightly grazing. She turned towards the field and bit her lower lip before taking a sip from her cup "Thank you" he whispered vaguely and took a sip also.
"This is for you love, a hot cup of coco" she said and presented Teddy with a third cup. When she saw Severus bewildered expression she flicked her shoulder "I magicked it to follow behind me, since you don't want me to show off my wand skills". The smile on her lips assuring him that she meant no harm by this comment.
He raised his brows and looked towards the field once more.
"I couldn't carry three cups, but I also didn't want you to feel uneasy with me using my wand around you" she explained carefully.
He could see how he may have scared her with his attitude all these times. He nodded curtly "There is no need to be this careful Miss Granger" he whispered.
"I thought there was" she rejoined quickly.
He met her eyes but didn't speak.
"I don't want any more misunderstandings between us" she flicked her shoulder as if that was enough of an explanation.
He lowered his head and warmed his fingers around the hot cup. This brew was exactly what he needed at that particular moment "I understand"
"So what are you guys doing? How is the practice going?" her voice sounded almost pleasant. She was trying to uplift the moods seemingly.
"The Seeker is trying to catch the Silver"
"Golden" Severus corrected.
"Golden ball, but this thing is flying so quickly. It passed by my nose a moment ago!" Teddy giggled and drunk some coco.
"You don't say…" Hermione smiled at the boy.
"There are also two mean black balls. Miss Libby hits them with a stick" he pointed at the aforementioned broom that was carrying a rather tall and well build Slytherin girl around the field.
"Bat" Severus couldn't help another correction.
"Yes, a bat, not the ones that fly at night, that stick it's called a bat" Teddy explained to her eagerly, but her eyes kept returning to the black and silver haired wizard that looked solemnly out in the field.
"What do you like the most about Quidditch Teddy?" she asked tasting her coffee and trying not to feel tense just by sitting there with Snape.
"They fly, can I fly too auntie?" the child asked seriously.
"When you are of age, Hogwarts will teach you…" she flicked her shoulders "…probably" she added in an afterthought. She was trying hard not to push Snape or draw him in any kind of conversation. To follow Pomona's advice and let him take the lead, if he found any string of the conversation interesting enough. Which she rather doubted.
"What age auntie?"
"Eleven and on"
"It's too late…" Teddy's face fell in sadness.
"Some people don't learn even at older ages" Severus whispered taking her by surprise.
The snicker that escaped her was audible and he met her eyes "Good point" she flicked a finger to him.
He pressed his lips and raised his brows.
"You remember that I hate flying" she dared.
He gave her a curt nod and his eyes got lost in the field.
"I don't think Teddy's gonna have a problem. He is truly charismatic, magic wise" she said taking care to look at the game and not at him.
"Indeed" Severus found himself agreeing.
"He's been showing off to you? I don't like that" she frowned and tried to sound strict.
His eyes scrutinised her profile and his lips twitched.
"I'll make sure he stops that immediately" she added not looking towards him.
"I don't mind the child" he whispered and warmed his throat with the coffee. This evening the conduct of Granger was baffling him.
"Thank you for your patience" the quietness of her voice drawing his eyes on her one more time.
"Think nothing of it, although the child must be checked at some point by a wizard. His abilities are too advanced for his age"
"I talked to Minerva about it, but unfortunately there isn't anyone in the castle to take over Teddy. I will inform Andromeda when I take him home next month" she licked her lips and looked thoughtfully at the child. Teddy was drinking his coco silently and looking at the field that was now magically lightened as the sun set and darkness fell around them.
Severus mouth opened up slightly and he bit his upper lip. An exhalation escaped him and he opted to drink more coffee than speak at that moment.
She left a respectable amount of time to pass before she attempted a new approach "How is your throat today?"
He raised his brows and tilted his head a little "As well as can be expected for it's mess" he whispered.
"You sound better than last week"
He huffed "Anything is better than that"
She smirked and lowered her head "I hope you have forgiven my ways around you that day. I feel that I offended you, even though my actions were only meant to help" she dared and her heart picked up speed expecting a new thrashing.
He fell momentarily silent and weighed his choices carefully "I was not myself that day. Thank you for healing me" he whispered with difficulty. Why did it feel so hard to feel thankful?
She inhaled sharply and gazed at him sideways "I didn't do it out of pity" her voice was barely heard over the yells of the Slytherin team.
He nodded thoughtfully but didn't speak.
"I said I felt sad about what happened to you….not that I pity you. I hope you can see the difference between those two" she tried to approach with care.
"Thin line" his taciturn reply.
"I cannot pity the man I admire" she spoke quietly looking at the black steamy liquid on her cup.
The silence next to her feeling heavy until she raised her gaze to him. His burning eyes were trying to see through her. She kept his gaze steadily, unwavering under his intensity. She was speaking the truth and she wanted at least that honesty to pass through to him. Finally as if accepting her words he tilted his head slightly and removed his eyes from her.
She exhaled and offered herself some coffee. She looked at Teddy who had drunk all his coco and was now standing with his arms crossed upon the railing looking at the flying brooms totally starstruck.
"Have you contacted Libby yet?" he inquired after a long time where no one spoke.
"No, actually I haven't" she shook her head.
"Is it because she is Slytherin?" he couldn't help himself.
"No..I know a lot of decent Slytherins. One is sitting next to me" she kept her eyes on his head, willing him to look at her.
He did and one side of his lip was tilting up, in an almost invisible smile "She will assist you with Ted"
"I will talk to her today, with your assistance. If that is ok with you" she gave to him.
take the lead…- her mind thought and she counted inwards to see if it worked.
"Certainly" he spoke low and his body straightened against the growing wind.
-it worked…- she smiled inwardly "Thank you"
"The child needs strong tutoring in his manners by the way. He gets out of line way too many times" he spoke again after a stretching silence that was eating her up inside. Letting him lead most of the conversation was truly killing her, but it was well worth it. This was the first time that they were talking with civility between them.
"I have noticed"
"Andromeda did a poor job"
"She lost her daughter, her son-in-law, her sister, her parents…the war took everything away from her. She was only left with Teddy. She gave all she had to him. That can spoil a child rotten, but I can understand the reasons" she was unable to stop the sadness from her voice.
-the mangled ones of the war are all the same- his mind told him and he pursed his lips truly bothered by the darkness of his thoughts. His brow creased deeply and his fingers tightened around the cup.
"He lost both parents and he is being raised by his grandmother and a bunch of strangers. He needs loving discipline not hard. That is how you have won him over I think" she felt her heart pinching her painfully at how sad their conversation just turned.
He looked at her searchingly and she met his eyes with a dejected smile "You are treating him steadily. No yelling or punishments. You are just showing him how to act properly by example. I have taken after you and try to do the same with him whenever I get the chance. Most of the times when he gets out of line people become frustrated with him. Remember how easily Professor Sinistra dumped him on you that day at the lake?"
Severus sighed and looked at a Slytherin Keeper that hit a black ball with his bat sending it across the field and out of sight. He nodded.
"It amazes me that you take trouble to care for a boy you barely know" she smiled at her hands.
"The first child I troubled myself with, was your friend Potter. After him I suppose the exception became a rule. I am responsible for every child in here as I have told you before Miss Granger"
She swallowed a dry throat and nodded attentively "You have so many things that trouble you, the last thing you need is someone chasing you around the castle in order to teach him how to spell his name"
"Maybe that's what I need sometimes to forget the rest of my troubles" his voice was low and lost in thought.
She pressed her lips "Can I ask you something? If the question bothers you, then don't answer"
He flicked his shoulders not really minding her questions at that moment.
"Does your impulsive telekinesis scare you at all?" her gaze was steady on him and a crease was upon her brow.
He inhaled and pursed his lips "Yes" he found himself answering and he frowned deeply.
She sighed and bit her lower lip, but remained silent.
Now it was his turn to feel the need to explain "I cannot control it. I don't want to cause harm to the people around me but I can neither stop it nor predict it"
She nodded "I don't understand, but I empathise. And that doesn't mean I pity you…" her eyes met his kindly.
His lip upturned and he nodded curtly "It's ok"
"Have you asked anyone for help?"
He shook his head and wiped his upper lip, feeling the stubble of several days scratching the palm of his hand.
"I am going too far most probably, forgive me" she hurried.
"No, I just…" he hesitated and his eyes followed the Seeker that passed close from Teddy who yelled in happiness.
She waited patiently not wanting to stop him.
"This isn't something that anyone can help me with. That's just something only I can stop…" he spoke slowly. Weighting each word.
Her stomach dropped and she tightened her grip around the cup. She didn't know what to answer to this. She knew this man had been burdened heavily during the war. It seems that what the war left of him was even more difficult. They remained silent for what seemed an eternity. She wanted to open her mouth and tell him she was sorry again and again, but she didn't do it. She let him ride out their words at his own pace.
"Why didn't you choose one of your previous subjects to teach? Why the library?" she asked quietly after a long time.
The snarl next to her came as a surprise. A dry smile was upon his lips "Haven't you noticed the lack of my voice?" he whispered.
She swallowed and kept her eyes upon his with difficulty.
"I cannot use my voice to tutor properly in any class. And even if I can do it with my whisper, hearing it crackle under strain…is just too much for me. It pains me physically, but also …." he hesitated and his fingers felt frozen upon the coffee cup. The brew in it was cold now also. He shook his head negatively and didn't continue down that line.
She rubbed her forehead and bit the inside of her upper lip "Why don't you let Poppy heal it? This is something that a healer can help you with"
"I…" his whisper stopped. He didn't know what to tell her. He couldn't explain all the reasons that made him keep away from Poppy and her healing methods. They run too deep and were too painful to open up to a girl almost half his age "…have come to terms with my loss now Miss Granger", he turned the sentence around quickly and avoided her eyes.
"Would you allow me to help you?" she asked feeling her heart beating quickly.
He shook his head but didn't speak.
"Not now…if you are ever ready I mean. I want to create a new healing potion, and maybe we can collaborate upon it. Maybe we could try it on your vocal chords…" she trailed off, surprised that he allowed her to move so deeply in subjects that mattered to him today.
"No, but thank you" he was quick.
She nodded "It's ok" she allowed.
He signed silently thankful that she was not pressuring him into any conversation that felt uncomfortable today "You should really be careful with Wormwood" he said after a long silence. He tasted the remains of his cold coffee and scolded at the cup.
She raised his brows surprised again at the covered concern of his whisper "I know it's unstable Professor, but I am an adept Potion Mistress. I think I can handle a small portion of this ingredient in my experiments". She hoped she kept the annoyance she felt at his patronisation well at bay.
He nodded and observed the Slytherin team landing as the practice finished.
"I see they are done for the night. Teddy we should go love, I have to go visit Hogsmeade tomorrow for some rare ingredients and I need to wake up early…." she said to the boy's back. Then she turned with a timid smile to Snape "…not that I didn't enjoy immensely this rare opportunity to have a civil conversation with the most brilliant mind residing in Hogwarts" she added steadily.
He was thrown off his tracks and he observed her closely. Trying to figure her out "Could you perhaps buy me a bottle of red wine from Hogsmeade?" his question came out of nowhere. Maybe her kind and careful manners around him all evening had helped loosen him up.
She seemed more surprised than he was "For you?"
"No, for Hagrid" he said offhandedly. He wanted to restore the bottle he finished, but he didn't want to visit the village himself.
"Certainly. Any particular brand you want me to search for?" she inquired.
"No…I don't think so at least" he frowned confused. Not able to remember which wine bottle he had finished that dark night, in his desperate need not to be consumed by desolate thoughts once more.
"Maybe you'd like to join me and Teddy in Hogsmeade tomorrow?" she asked and her heart palpitated from the audacity she had to ask the most difficult man in the area, out.
His thorough gaze pinned her in place silently.
"If you see the wine bottle you might remember the brand by looks" she tried to explain and entwined her fingers in front of her coat.
His eyes fell to her Gryffindor scarf and then met her eyes tensely "Thank you for the offer, but no" his whisper was strangely deep.
She smiled uncomfortably "It didn't do any harm, asking, right?" she flicked her shoulders and then turned to Teddy "Are you ready?"
"Yes" the boy yawned and stretched.
Severus squinted his eyes testily upon her and inhaled deeply "Do you have your car keys with you?"
"What?" she frowned.
"The blue Opel Corsa that's by the gates cloaked?" he indicated with his head.
She frowned honestly confused "Yes, that's mine. What do you need the keys for?"
"Someone informed me that it's not working" he raised this brow.
"That's true" she tried to understand where he was taking this, but she couldn't have been more surprised at his next words.
"Maybe I can fix it" he spoke with simplicity.
Her mouth dropped open and she looked at him like a moron "What?"
"I'd like to have a look at the engine if you don't mind" he tilted his head.
"Uhm…sure…I mean, are you sure?" the crease on her forehead deep and her mouth quirking.
He raised his brow and showed her his palm.
She dug deep in her pockets suddenly apprehensive that she had lost the keys. Feeling like she was in the middle of a soap opera and that not finding the keys equaled to the worst tragedy of the series "Hold this Teddy" she spoke quickly and gave her cold coffee to the child.
Teddy tried to taste it, but Severus's large palm was upon his hand pushing the cup down "No" he said strictly and the boy lowered his eyes "Sorry Presser Snape" he said looking regretful.
Hermione found the keys but the moment they left her pocket they slipped from her hands and dropped on the wooden floor. They both dove and their hands touched the keys. She drew back as if touched by fire and offered him an upset smile. His actions were making her feel confused and tense. Why would he ever offer to fix her car? He had no reason to help her. And yet there he was taking the keys and placing them in his pocket.
"You can fix cars?" the delayed thought rose to her lips.
He flicked one shoulder "I don't know yet" he said mystically, and then raised his arm to catch the attention of Miss Libby. The girl saw him and waved back "Maybe we should move down to the arena. You have a chance to talk to the girl" he stood up and she raised her eyes, his impressive height at that moment overtaking everything around her.
He walked at the exit and turned to her again. She was looking at him like a statue "Shall we?" he pointed towards the stairs. That kicked her into action. Her mouth closed shut and she moved in front of him. She was trying to understand what had taken place between them and how her car came into play. They walked down the stairs with Teddy in front of her and her body highly aware of the man behind her. When they exited at the arena she had already decided to let him take all the leads that evening. She kind of loved the results, even though she was not ready to admit that to him. He approached the tall Slytherin student and made the introductions and Hermione followed silently and politely until it was time to ask the girl some important questions about her experience and her time schedule. Feeling deeply satisfied by Libby's prudent and serious disposition she made an appointment with her next morning so she could take care of Teddy, whilst she tried that trip in Hogsmeade alone.
Snape escorted her and the child down at the clock tower entrance and there he stopped "I must bid you my goodnight here" he said solemnly.
She covered her mouth and a big smile spread under it. Without any restrictions she gave him her hand "This evening had been lovely Professor. Thank you for everything".
He shook it steadily and his touch was strong and confident "Thank you for the coffee. Goodnight Ted"
"Goodnight Presser Snape" the boy waved at him and in an afterthought he run and embraced his waist.
Severus pressed his lips and patted his back carefully. Hermione felt her heart warming up to that image. The boy unglued from him and run up to his aunt taking her hand. He looked tired and satisfied. Mostly what she felt also "Take care now. I'll get your wine tomorrow" she reminded him.
He nodded and pressed his lips in acknowledgement but didn't speak. He turned around and walked down to Hagrid's. Somehow this night he didn't want to pass it alone in his cold rooms behind the library. He wanted some form of company and the half giant was the closest to amicable he could get this evening…after Granger and her boy. At that thought his lips turned down and his frown deepened. Even though he enjoyed this evening, it also troubled him. It wouldn't be easy to sleep tonight.
