Chapter Theme: Evanescence - Like You


The Walls Became Fuel

Chapter nine; White Coffee and Black Trains

"I heard a rumor that the McCormick's son is living with you." Sheila stated in her usual disapproving tone. Kyle could just picture her with her nose stuck up in the air with distaste, and it somehow bothered him knowing that she intentionally left Kenny nameless.

Kyle let his fingers linger over the speaker of Ike's house phone before glancing over at Kenny. He was scarfing down a plate of french toast so fast one would think he had never seen the likes of solid food before in his life.

"He isn't living with me, he's living with Ike." Kyle clarified solely for the purpose of being a smart ass.

Sheila huffed on the other line before continuing with her tangent. "It's the same thing! I don't like that my boys are living with a vicious criminal."

As Sheila blabbered on about how violent and evil a person Kenny was, Kyle glanced back at the supposed hellion who was trying to reach a smudge of syrup on his chin with his mouth. Why he didn't just use a rag like a normal person Kyle wasn't sure, but he supposed Kenny wouldn't be quite as amusing if he always thought things through. An intense look of concentration was plastered on the said vicious criminal's face as he wiggled his tongue towards the sticky substance on his chin. He made an oddly high pitched noise of displeasure as if the little blotch of syrup had offended him. Kyle almost laughed at just how ridiculous he looked, but held it in with a goofy grin.

Kenny seemed to be so harmless with his impractical thought process Kyle almost forgot that he really did have it in him to seriously hurt someone. As he had been reminded a many times before, Kenny just barely skidded by without some major prison time for nearly killing a man. He snatched a pen off of the drug store clerk's counter and jammed it right into the guy's eye, sending the usually harmless item into his brain. What was worse was that Kenny only did what he did because the man said something that had offended him. He could have very easily removed himself from the situation or sought comfort from Stan, who was with him at the time, rather than reacting with such explosive aggression. Kyle didn't know all of those details, though, and he didn't want to. He only knew what others had told him, so he only heard that Kenny stabbed someone and almost got his dumb ass hauled off to prison.

It was so hard for Kyle to picture Kenny in such a situation, so he spent most of his time avoiding the image in his mind. Besides, the only bout of emotion Kyle had seen from him usually involved crying, and no sort of brutal criminal Kyle had ever known broke down in tears simply because someone acknowledged his feelings.

Misguided as Kenny was, he was not evil.

"Really, Mom. You're only saying that because you don't like him." He finally replied. Kenny froze after hearing this, although his tongue was still hanging out of his mouth. He leaned a bit closer so that he might hear Sheila through the phone, which was only a few feet away from him.

"No, I'm saying it because it's true. How do you even feel safe sleeping at night knowing someone like him is in the house?" She retorted defensively as if her opinion was an obvious fact.

Kyle could have been an ass by informing his mother that the only thing Kenny does at night is snore, and he should know considering they slept on the same couch together. However, the last thing he wanted was to stir up trouble so he kept that comment to himself.

"Listen, I'm busy right now. I'll call you back later, okay?" He blurted out in a sorry attempt to get her off the phone. The conversation was starting to frustrate him and he wanted to see Kenny before he left for work.

The thought of just hanging up was starting to look tempting, but if he did such a thing to his mother he would have never heard the end of it.

"Why? What are you doing?" She somehow spoke as if she was accusing him of a wrong doing.

He hated when she talked like that. She may have been his mother, but she wasn't his god damned keeper. It was none of her business what he was doing, and it was none of her business who he chose to live with.

"Mom, It isn't your concern what I'm doing!" He snapped, finally having enough of the unbearable conversation.

"Don't talk to me with such a tone! Goodness, I'm your mother!" She recoiled like and angry, venomous snake. "You haven't been the same since you started running around with that McCormick boy in high school."

She added the last little sentence in an agitated mumble, but Kyle still caught it. The more she talked the more upset he seemed to be, and Kenny was starting to want to intervene. He hated when Kyle was upset, especially if it was Sheila who caused it. She always seemed to know just the right things to say to either leave Kyle flustered or in tears.

"For God's sake, ma! Kenny and I have been friends since preschool!"

"I meant when you two started going steady! You started going over to that ratty house all the time with that filthy bunch of-"

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm just done. I'm so done talking to you right now." Kyle interrupted before slamming the phone onto its hook, and then pulling the plug out of the wall so that she couldn't call back.

Kenny blinked in surprise at Kyle's unexpected and quick movements, but never took his eyes off of the annoyed man before him. He shuffled his feet as he walked to the breakfast table, and then plopped down lazily on the other side. Anger and frustration flashed in Kyle's eyes while he let out an unsteady exhale.

"You alright?" Kenny asked in curiosity from across the table.

"Yeah, my mom was just being herself I guess." Kyle sighed as he leaned forward over the tabletop.

He looked good that morning, despite his upset expression. He was wearing a plaid shirt that had to be at least three sizes too big for him, and nothing else besides his boxers. The top was decorated in a very light orange and red pattern, which clashed horribly with his bright hair, not that Kenny really gave a damn, and it came down to the middle of his thighs. The collar was popped and the first few buttons were left sloppily undone, Kenny noticed. It didn't look quite right, though. Kyle usually never left anything out of place so that little detail spoke volumes.

Kyle allowing himself to look what he would deem inadequate in front of someone had always been a big deal. It was almost as if it was his way of saying he trusted them not to judge his wild morning hair and disheveled clothing.

Kenny could never get over knowing that he was the only one who got to see Kyle with his loose fitting morning clothes and untamable morning mane. At least he used to be, anyway. He couldn't be sure anymore if he was the only one Kyle ever spent a morning like that with.

"It's funny," Kyle started before pausing to nibble on his plump bottom lip, "how everyone hates the idea of us even being friends."

Kenny finally gave up on the syrup on his chin, leaving the little smudge glistening on his face.

"Well…They aren't wrong, you know. We're not good for each other." He said softly and honestly. He didn't want to believe the words coming out of his own mouth, but everything Sheila had said was right. They just weren't good for one another anymore.

"That isn't entirely true." Kyle tried to argue with his eyebrows pinched together in protest.

Kenny's bright blue eyes glanced up at Kyle from under his brow. For some reason he was shocked hearing such an obvious hint. There was an odd look in Kyle's eye, one that was secretly hoping that Kenny would nod his head and agree. Sadly, though, Kenny didn't agree. He still loved Kyle. He could never deny that little fact that raddled around in his brain every day, but one has to do more than have feelings for another if they want to be with them. They have to do things that neither Kyle nor Kenny were capable of.

Everyone who told them that being together would do nothing but cause them pain were right, and Kenny knew that fact very well. With the massive problems he had and how confused Kyle was, mixing the two of them together could cause nothing but another hole in their already damaged hearts. However, things were going well for them at that point, and even though Kenny was well aware nothing good could ever come from it he couldn't make himself walk away.

He tried not to think too much about it, though. Something he had always wanted back was only an arm's reach away, and no matter how selfish it was of him to reach out and grab it he couldn't stop himself.

"No… I guess it isn't entirely true." He lied with his gaze downcast and his lips left slack.

A little smile of reassurance spread across Kyle's lips. Yet, that only made Kenny feel worse because in that moment he realized something that bothered him deeply. Kyle didn't know him anymore. He didn't know who Kenny was or what kind of person he became. He had done some pretty horrible things since Kyle had been gone. Some of which would definitely have landed him in jail. He was a reckless nobody, and Kyle didn't love him.

He loved who he used to be.

He wished that he was still that person that Kyle remembered. He wished that he was the same stable and carefree man that earned his love so long ago, but he wasn't, and he feared that he would never again be who he was then.

"I think it's about time for you to go." Kyle mumbled gently before taking a little sip of his coffee, although Kenny didn't really consider the beverage in Kyle's slender hands coffee. Most of the cup was filled with milk and creamer, so only about one third of it was actually filled when what he had brewed in the coffee maker.

He knew that he had to go to work, but he couldn't help but wish that he could stay. No matter how bad of a decision it was on his part to pursue Kyle it was easy to fall under his spell when the blue morning glow shined in through the windows and left him looking so soft and bright.

"I suppose so... Do you want to walk me out?" Kenny asked as he set his empty coffee mug on Ike's wooden table.

The smile on Kyle's face only widened before he nodded in agreement, and then stood from his chair. The blond quickly followed suit and they made their way out of the kitchen. They stopped in the garage for a somewhat awkward goodbye. Again the doors were left wide open, just as they always were, and the sleepy sun slowly rose over the trees lining their mountain. It was a glorious and beautiful sight as that glowing dot in the sky brought them morning.

Kenny rubbed the back of his head with his nails, and let a sigh escape from him. The redhead wearing only an oversized shirt and boxers stood merely a few feet away while offering a goodbye smile. Why he was so attracted to Kyle in that moment he wasn't sure, but he felt as if he should lean down for a kiss. Maybe it was just because his brain had reset itself since his ex came back, and kissing goodbye was just something they had routinely done.

He cleared his throat, gaining Kyle's undivided attention as Kenny shuffled around nervously. He doubted he would be rejected considering how close of contact they had been engaging in. After all they had been hugging, pecking, and even sleeping on the same couch. However, he couldn't shake the fear that Kyle might turn him away.

"Do you think it would be out of the question to ask for a goodbye kiss?" He almost whispered in his nervousness.

Kyle laughed. It wasn't loud and booming, but it wasn't soft either. It was the sort of laugh that made Kenny feel happy and relaxed, as if he knew he said just the right thing at the right time.

"Wait here for a minute." Kyle said as he backed away towards the kitchen door. He ran inside quickly, trying his best to get Kenny off for work before he was late, and returned with a wet rag in his hand.

He brought it to Kenny's chin, wiping off the glob of syrup that he never quite got to. His face didn't change. He didn't smile, frown, blush, or show any emotion other than fascination as Kyle cleaned his face. There was some sort of deep thought process working in his mind as the man before him used the rag to wet his dried lips, but whatever was going on in his head was halted to a complete stop when Kyle held the rag to his chest and leaned in.

His face was so round and boyish looking in the ungodly beautiful lighting that leaked into the garage from outside, and his slightly puckered lips were beyond inviting. Kenny let his lips relax as he too leaned forward, but they didn't connect right away. Uncertain and nervous, they both took their time. Kenny let the palm of his left hand caress the skin on Kyle's neck while the fingers of his right traced his gorgeous jaw line. He couldn't believe that what was happening was real. He was still waiting for harsh reality to yank him by his collar, because he was absolutely sure that the moment their lips grazed each other's skin he would jolt awake in his car alone as if the last few days had never happened.

He was wrong, though.

Kyle rubbed his full bottom lip against his, and then gently pushed forward. They were both rather rigid at first while the familiar feeling of one another's hands washed over them. It was still weird and awkward to physically be so close with someone they had only seen again for the first time in years a few days earlier, but it felt good. It felt right.

In light of this realization Kyle let his arms wrap around Kenny tightly, pulling them closer together as the both of them became lost in the warm contact. The friction between their bodies was unbelievable as they felt their chests swell up with whatever unimaginably beautiful feeling was bursting inside them. Kenny felt as if he was somehow being lifted off of the garage floor. Everything besides Kyle disappeared, and for the first time in a very long time he felt a little flicker go off inside of him. Maybe it wasn't as intense as a spark or firework, but more like a dull and aching throb that lurched from his heart. He had to fight to keep his legs from wobbling as Kyle's lips went slack and he pulled back to look in Kenny's eyes.

He was smiling softly, and Kenny couldn't will himself to pull his hand away from Kyle's cheek, where it had somehow migrated in his bliss.

The redhead's lips parted as he spoke, but Kenny was so absorbed by the gorgeous way they moved he almost missed the words they were creating.

"Have a good day." Kyle said with his arms still wrapped loosely around Kenny's torso as he spoke. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Kenny could only nod dumbly in response. He swore to God he just stepped back in time, and he didn't want to let the nostalgia building in his gut to ever go away. However, what he was feeling couldn't last forever. No matter how badly he wished it wasn't the case he knew that those little moments of delight when Kyle was around wouldn't last.

Nothing good ever lasted for very long.

With that idea in his mind he finally let his arms fall to his side before turning away from Kyle, fidgeting with his ring of keys, and pulling his car door open. He turned back to give Kyle a glance before sliding inside his Toyota. The redhead stood a few feet away from the vehicle with his arms crossed and his hands clutching at his upper arms. He never stopped smiling, and he brought one of his hands up to the side of his face to give Kenny a shy little wave goodbye.

He smiled back, and then gave a little nod of his head to acknowledge Kyle's goodbye wave before slamming his door and pulling out of the garage.

Kyle watched his ex turn out of the driveway as Kenny watched him disappear out his window.

...

Ruby was feeling more emotionally drained than she ever had before. She was sluggish, tired, and her thoughts just couldn't stay on one track. Everything started out okay, even after she saw Kenny and Kyle were sleeping on the same couch again that morning. She decided to just follow Ike's advice and let them make their own mistakes no matter how crazy it drove her. Nonetheless, everything was just fine when she first came into work. The sun was out, her co-workers were all making her laugh, and customers were coming in at a perfect pace.

That only lasted until around noon, though. She thought she saw her brother walk out of one of the aisles, but it turned out to be just a stranger. She didn't really know why it bothered her so badly, but it turned out being all she could think about. Her brother and her parents weighed on her mind so heavily she was just one bad event away from feigning sickness, going home, and calling it a day. She could never understand her family, and she wished that they could all just be normal for once in their god forsaken lives. That would never be, though. They had never been a normal family.

Craig was adopted before she was born, but the moment Ruby came along he was tossed aside. Just her being born ruined any chance of Craig being accepted by their parents, which looking back was something she felt beyond guilty about. In fact, the only reason they adopted him in the first place was because they were told they would never produce a child of their own. Craig was fawned over at first, of course. Cindy and Thomas thought he was the closest thing they were ever going to have to a child of their own, so they pampered him and showered him with affections. That only lasted until Craig was about four and the miracle of Ruby's birth came along. When the Tucker's had their own biological child they really had no use for Craig, and he became set aside and unneeded. They still did things with him, like celebrating his birthday and taking him out with the family, but they never did any more than they were required to. It was the opposite with Ruby, though. They gave her everything she ever asked for. They went out of their way to get her extra gifts, and all of her parties were extravagant.

She was treated like royalty while her brother was treated like a servant. He did all the house work, all the yard work, and any other humiliating task they asked of him. They demeaned Craig in front of her too, which definitely contributed to the horrible way she treated him as they were growing up. She didn't really think of him as a person, let alone as a brother, because he had never been treated as one.

She could still remember the first time he finally gave up and ran away.

He had only been thirteen at the time, and he just wanted to be somewhere better. Just like any other child, he wanted to be somewhere where he was loved. If she remembered correctly he was under the illusion that he would find his real parents, which obviously didn't happen.

The cops found him a few days later far away from home. She couldn't remember exactly where he was, but he covered some pretty impressive ground for only being gone for three days. He probably would have never been found if Token and Clyde weren't worried enough to get ahold of their friend and find out where he was. They were lucky Craig decided to bring along his phone and charger, because it took his friends three hours of negotiating to finally convince him to turn himself in an come home.

He was never the same after he came back. He became more of a problem than he ever was before when he stopped taking his parent's shit. He refused to do his chores, and when someone demeaned him he was quick to defend himself at all costs. This caused even more tension and hatred in the household, which put an enormous strain on all of them. Around that time Ruby hated him the most. He didn't answer to her anymore, and she couldn't stand it. She began to blame him for every problem their family had, and she told him awful horrible things in hopes that he would run away again.

He went through another metamorphosis of sorts when he turned fifteen. That was of course around the time he started hanging around Tweek. He seemed more chipper than usual and wasn't as quick to start or participate in fights. That was also the time Ruby took her bitchiness to a whole other level.

God, she hated who she used to be. He was her brother, they were supposed to be there for each other. They were supposed to take care of each other, but instead she treated him like a doormat. She didn't think she could ever forgive herself for how she treated him, and she wasn't mad that he couldn't either.

For the rest of her work day she couldn't take her thoughts from her family. Even when she rang up customers and participated in idle chit chat her mind was in only one place. Maybe that's why she didn't realize who was standing in front of her as she scanned random assortments of groceries.

"How are you?" Came the simple question as she slid a loaf of bread over the scanner.

"Well I'm here." She commented offhandedly before glancing up at the person before her.

She felt her heart lurch up out of her chest, and her hands that were once quickly working we're left still in her shock.

"Craig? What are you doing here?" She asked stupidly.

"Well... This is a grocery store... So I guess I came for food." He replied in his usual nasally tone, seemingly uninterested in the conversation.

She blinked, feeling a bit furious with his nonchalant answer, and then distracted herself with pushing the rest of his items through the line. When all of his groceries were bagged and he had received his receipt she was sure he would take his stuff and go, but he didn't budge. His cart was full of bags and someone was waiting in line, but he just stood there staring as if he was trying to decide on something.

"Close your eyes." He blurted out, keeping his own gaze trained on his sister from over the counter.

"Uh... Excuse me?" Ruby almost laughed out in confusion.

"I said close your eyes, then hold out your hand." He ordered.

She was untrusting of his intentions, but did what was asked of her. She let her eyes scrunch together, engulfing her in darkness, and then hesitantly lifted one of her arms outward. She heard a jingle that somehow sounded familiar, and then the warm feeling of his hands working around her wrist. If she said the whole situation wasn't awkward she would be lying, but awkward contact was better than none at all.

"Okay." He mumbled out, giving her the all clear to open her eyes.

When she did her knees began to wobble and her eyes started watering. Around her wrist that was once bare was Karen's friendship bracelet. The little leather strap was hooked loosely around her appendage by metal clamps, right where it had belonged.

She was struck speechless in her surprise, so it took her a few long seconds to steady herself so that she could speak.

"How? Where did you find this?"

He scratched the back of his neck, unsure if he made the right decision by giving it back. He cared about Ruby as a sister, but nearly hated her as a person. Part of him wanted to keep the bracelet and pawn it off somewhere, but he knew that wasn't the right thing to do. He was a cop, after all, he had to make the moral decisions. Even if it meant doing something kind for someone he didn't exactly appreciate all the time.

"I found it in one of the aisles. It was on the floor." Was the only reply he could muster.

She wanted to somehow say more. She wanted to do more. Something deep inside of her made her want to jump over the counter and cling to her older brother like an overemotional child. Although she may have purposefully amplified the tragedy of her brothers childhood, things weren't always bad. There were times throughout their lives when he protected her and did things for her, even though he knew she would never thank him or do anything in return.

Those were the memories that flashed through her head when she was having her breakdown in Ike's kitchen. In that one horrible moment she didn't remember all the bad she had done. She didn't remember the fights and all of the horribly cruel things that she said.

All she remembered was when Craig would make her soup when she was sick, and how he stayed up all night teaching her how to play Tomb Raider when she was upset. She remembered when he would defend her from her parents on the rare occasion that their anger be directed at her, and she remembered that he was the one to teach her how to ride a bike.

There was only one thing she had wanted to do, and that was to turn back time so maybe she could at least thank him just once for taking care of her when she was ill and upset. She wanted to go back with such an aching longing she was beginning to experience physical pain in her chest and stomach.

"Thank you... really." She finally said.

He cleared his throat nervously as the woman in line behind him tapped her foot impatiently. He disregarded her thank you, but not because he didn't appreciate it. He had simply never heard her say it before, so he had no idea what he was supposed to say in return.

"I know what you did... with dad and all, and how you defended my engagement with Tweek." He spoke quickly in hopes of clearing the way for other customers soon. "I know you got kicked out because of it. I guess... Well..."

He was having a really hard time thanking her for what she had done. For a while after he heard about what happened he was sure that she did what she did for her own benefit somehow. She had never stood up for him before, and the only things she ever said about Tweek were so ignorant and horrible there were many occasions where he wanted nothing more than to punch her in the face. There was something different about this, though. She was practically homeless until Ike took her in, jumping back and forth between whatever households would take her. Defending Craig and Tweek was something she had done solely because she knew it was the right thing to do, and he admired her for that.

"Yeah... I get it." She said with a small smile.

Her brother grinned back at her, and gave a small nod of his head. They didn't have to say much to understand each other. She just knew what he wanted to say, and he knew that she appreciated the sentiment.

While Ruby was having a heartwarming reuniting with her brother, Kenny was experiencing his own confrontation. However, it was a little less heart warming and a little more soul crushing. Stan came into the tobacco store, just as he had nearly every other day before. That day was different, though. He came in with a hand rolled smoke already dangling from between his lips, and his hands were nervously tucked into his pant pockets. His hair was disheveled, and his ice blue eyes looked tense. He came to the counter and struck up conversation, but as soon as his lips parted Kenny knew this wasn't a friendly visit.

After all, they weren't friends anymore.

"I hear that you and Kyle are getting along well." He had said with the twitch of his lip. Kenny wasn't sure how everyone in town always seemed to know his business with Kyle, but he couldn't say that he was surprised. South Park was a small town, and everyone always knew everyone else's business.

"So, what's it to you?" Kenny retorted defensively. He couldn't say he blamed Stan for wanting to look out for his best friend, but Kenny was sick and tired of these you-guys-should-just-stay-the-fuck-away-from-each-other talks. Between him and Kyle he was sure at least half a dozen had been dished out, and he didn't need to hear another.

Stan wasn't holding back, though.

"He still loves you." Stan admitted with his arms crossed and his eyes sharp. It wasn't just an everyday statement. It came off as some sort of threat. A threat that told Kenny if he ever did anything to use Kyle's feelings to his own advantage he would snap his neck.

"I know." Kenny replied, equally as venomous. He gave a sly smirk in protest, and then added with a cocky tone, "He already told me."

Stan was taken slightly aback for a moment. He wasn't sure if Kenny was being truthful, just messing with his head, or both. There may have been some validity to his claim, though, considering he seemed to be wearing one of Kyle's shirts.

"Don't be such a smart ass," Stan hissed.

Kenny rolled his eyes, but the fuming man on the other side of the counter was not fazed.

"You, me, and everyone else in town know that you aren't good enough. Don't be a selfish asshole and just let go of him so he can move on." He murmured in an angry growl, somehow trying to toss another threat Kenny's way indirectly.

"Thanks for giving a damn how all of this makes me feel, douchbag." Kenny retorted. It was really starting to piss him off that everyone just assumed he wanted to be all over Kyle. He never once openly stated that he wanted him back, but everyone and their mothers were quick to assume otherwise. In fact, the whole situation was killing him inside. Yes, he did want Kyle. He missed him, and he loved him. However, Kenny didn't need someone to tell him something he already knew.

Of course he wasn't good enough for Kyle.

Of course all they would do was hurt each other.

He knew those things and he struggled against them every day.

If they ever did get back together it wouldn't be because Kenny was manipulating Kyle or secretly plotting to get him back like everyone seemed to think. It would be because he would be too weak to fight against the inevitable any longer. He wished that everyone else could understand that, but he knew that they wouldn't.

They wanted him to be nothing more than a vicious criminal. They wanted Kenny to be a conniving piece of shit because it would give the town gossips something to talk about, and sadly that idea of him was enticing.

Nonetheless, Stan had somehow been affected by Kenny's last phrase. He just stood there, staring at the ratty blond. He wasn't who Stan thought he was. Sure, he had done some pretty bad things in his life, but he surely wasn't the only one. Even the greatest of men make the worst mistakes.

"If you aren't going to buy anything you should go." Kenny choked out, obviously deeply hurt.

He was sick of everyone treating him so badly. He was tired of being pegged as some horrible monster. It only made matters worse when he realized someone who had once been his most trusted friend held that same terrible opinion of him. They had been close for as long as Kenny could remember, but not anymore.

He drove home that afternoon in a daze. Everything around him was a blur as his restless mind took hold of him. He knew that Kyle was waiting for him at Ike's place. He could just picture that lovely redhead sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him to walk through that front door, just like old times. He didn't know if he should go back, though.

Kyle deserved so much better than Kenny could ever give him, and Kenny had been hurt so badly by Kyle's leaving he didn't know if he could ever really trust him again. To state things frankly, Kenny just didn't know what to do. There were really only two paths that he could take. He could follow after his ex, which would do nothing but hurt the both of them, or he could go back to living the way he did after Kyle left, which would spare Kyle, but still leave him hurting. At least if he decided to rekindle their relationship he could be happy for at least a little while, even though it wouldn't last.

But he couldn't do that.

On his way down Main Street he was surprised to see a large detour sign signaling him to get off the road and take another way round. He bunched up his nose in confusion, but followed the instructions along with a few other cars by steering off his usual course onto one of the side roads. He let out a rather heavy sigh, which somehow relieved some tension in his chest, then decided that he just wanted to stop thinking so much and get back to Ike's. He knew that Ruby would have been home by that time, and he just wanted to spend some time with people he knew didn't look down on him. No matter how much they had been through Ike and Ruby where on his side, and that was a good feeling.

They weren't the only ones, though. Wendy and Bebe had been very good friends with him for a very long time, and he was starting to feel guilty since he hadn't visited them in a few weeks.

His mind was halted like a car smashing against a brick wall when he came upon the street he was raised on. He had managed to avoid that part of town since the incident, but if he wanted to get back he really had little other choice. The houses that belonged to who used to be his neighbors passed by him out his window, and a deep, horrifying, knot slowly began to build in his stomach. As each house passed him by he knew that soon he would be confronted with the empty lot his own home once stood on. That shitty shack was torn down after the majority of the family inside had been murdered, leaving nothing behind but an equally as shitty lot. He could see it out his windshield, so he slowed his car to a crawl before he could pass it by. The weeds and grass managed to grow tall and healthy, and the old rusted swing set he once played on with his siblings was nearly over-run with the ugly vegetation.

Suddenly a wide assortment of images flashed before his eyes in bursts. His mother and siblings were there in his mind. They screamed, just as he had when he realized there was no way out. It was so sudden, so quick, yet felt like an eternity. His father was there, too. Kenny knew that he was even though he couldn't see him anywhere. Kevin's face came to mind. It was twisted with horror and his eyes were glistening with urgency. His elder brother's mouth moved quickly, but Kenny couldn't make out what he was saying over all the noise. A firm grip found its way on Kenny's hood, and Kevin shoved him backwards in desperation. He only wanted to protect his little brother, just as any good sibling would have done. Just like how Kenny wanted to protect Karen, and how Carol tried to protect all three of her children.

Kenny died the next morning at the hospital.

Stuart held on, despite the grotesque amount of deformities he was left with.

The memory of all the pain he felt that night set off an unexpected explosion that devastated him beyond words. He was told that he would find peace and satisfaction after the people who hurt his family were brought to justice, but he had no solace in knowing they were in prison. Nothing could ever bring his family back, no matter what anyone did.

A loud horn blared behind him, snapping him out of his trance and making him realize that he slammed on his breaks. A disgruntled driver swerved around him and continued down the road after nearly rear ending Kenny. He was gripping his steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white, and the rest of his body was shaking and trembling as sweat streamed down his forehead. He couldn't get his brother's expression out of his head. He couldn't forget that destroyed look in his brown eyes when he realized there was nothing he could do for them. Karen's voice always accompanied that look on Kevin's face. She was screaming louder than he had ever heard before. It was shrill and desperate as she died a slow and agonizing death on the other side of that door. They were separated by nothing more than a flimsy piece of wood, but it still took them far too long to get to her. A part of him was thankful for that little detail. They couldn't have saved her, no matter when they got into her room. At least he didn't have to watch her die.

He hated himself so much.

He broke his most treasured promise that night, and never again did he dress in purple.

His fist made harsh and painful contact with the dashboard, shaking the windshield and making all the little trinkets hanging from his rear view mirror clink together loudly as if they were in distress. He glared up at his collection on the mirror. With a rush of anger and adrenaline he ripped the pair of fuzzy dice from their perch, threw open his car door, jumped to his feet, and then tossed them onto the railroad tracks just a few feet away. He was beyond furious. Never again did he want to be reminded of the past. He wanted Stan, Cartman, and all his childhood memories with those assholes to be gone forever. He reached back into the car and ripped his sibling's pictures from their place. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to look down at their faces. However, he knew that all it would do was trigger more flashbacks. His PTSD was running wild, and the last thing he needed was to agitate it. Nonetheless, he ran his finger over Karen's picture and began sobbing. He paced back and forth on the side of the road with his fingers clutched over his mouth to muffle his own cries. He didn't understand why he couldn't die with them. He couldn't understand why his father, who had caused the whole tragedy, got to live when his innocent children had to suffer agonizing demises.

"Karen," He literally choked out in his stupor. "What am I supposed to do?"

Again, he had to stop and give himself some time. Cars passed by him on the street, but not one even gave him a second glance.

"I don't know what to do!" He screamed in the palm of his hand with both eyes slammed closed and his free digits shaking violently as they squeezed tightly to their pictures.

"I just want to be with you." He admitted weakly through his heavy tears.

The summer sun was out, and it shined brightly down upon him and his misery. However, it did nothing to ease his unbearable pain. Just then the stuffed dice he threw to the ground began to vibrate, and the cross arms began to move into place, denying entrance to oncoming traffic. He wiped the water from his face and stood in silence as a dot began to roll in from far in the distance. He blinked and clutched tighter to the plastic in his hands, and as he did so a train whistle blared from the end of the tracks.

The black locomotive came closer and closer as it's loud, ear busting horn again blew. He took in a deep breath, and then stepped closer to the railroad. It's wheels were massive and heavy. They were definitely strong enough to crush whatever blocked their path. The heavy metal of a truck, or the feeble flesh and bone of a human being. Kenny knew this from experience.

It came closer and closer as his mind raced one thousand miles a minute. He wanted the release of death, and he wanted to be with his family. Yet, somehow, he was afraid that if he died he might not come back again. That idea never seemed like much of a problem before, but he had something to live for.

Kyle was waiting for him, but so was Karen.