:-(
This is it, guys.
(sniff, tear)
No really, the whole reason this fic got this far is you all. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Believe me, I thought it sucked and I was going to end up deleting it, but you kept on reviewing and being so nice and loving it… and that made me continue!
This has been fun. I'm going to miss updating it.
Enjoy the last chapter…
--
(x Rajah x has departed. We see Mark and Roger, alone. Roger looks absolutely terrified, but he also appears determined. Mark looks a little nervous but there is a touch of relief we sense from him. They both know that the end is near...)
ROGER:
(awkwardly addresses the fangirls)
Hi. Roger Davis here, in the somewhere-place. (He pauses as if unsure) Back in Fanfics again... coming up soon: (reads random alert slowly) 'Our favorite drag queen Angel and Mark and Roger have a hot threesome'... Oh my God, what am I doing? (sits down, face in his hands, overcome)
MARK:
(standing up suddenly)
DON'T GET TOO FREAKED,
DON'T SOB ALL DAY...
WE KNOW YOU'VE MISSED ROGGY
WHILE HE'S BEEN AWAY...
BUT THAT DRIP OF SHAME,
THAT TWINGE OF GUILT YOU FEEL,
WILL REMAIN UNLESS YOU GET REAL!
YOU'RE WRITING FANFICTION FOR RENT,
SOMETHING THAT YOU SURELY KNOW AND LOVE,
YOU'RE WRITING FANFICTION FOR RENT,
AND WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE,
WHEN WRITING FANFICTION FOR RENT,
WHILE JONATHAN WATCHES FROM UP ABOVE...
YOU WRITE WITH LOVE!
ROGER:
THE FILMMAKER'S NOT WITH ME!
MARK:
AND THE SONGWRITER'S WITH THE STRIPPER...
ROGER:
(distractedly) I DON'T SEE ROGERMIMIS ANYWHERE!
MARK:
(weirded out) I'M IN A HORRORFIC CALLED "MARK THE RIPPER"?
ROGER:
JUST TYPE ON THOSE KEYBOARDS!
MARK:
JUST LET YOUR IDEAS FLOW...
ROGER:
BUT PLEASE LET YOUR...
BOTH:
CANON LOVE SHOW!
YOU'RE WRITING FANFICTION WITH US,
WRITING STORIES EVERY SINGLE DAY,
YOU'RE WRITING FANFICTION WITH US...
AND NOW ROGER'S NOT AWAY,
SO WHEN YOU WRITE FANFICTION WITH US,
AND YOU CANNOT THINK OF WHAT TO SAY,
REMEMBER... THAT WE AREN'T GAY!
SO YOU OWN NOTHING
AND PUT A DISCLAIMER INSIDE...
BUT WHY SHOULD JLAR'S ORIGINAL
WORK HAVE TO HIDE?
MARK:
WHAT WAS IT ABOUT THOSE AWESOME CANONFICS?
ROGER:
(echoing) WHAT WAS IT ABOUT THOSE AWESOME CANONFICS?
BOTH:
TRUE LOVE - THE KIND THAT MADE US SING AND DANCE!
MARK:
FOR ONCE THE SUFFERING AND PAIN
GAVE WAY TO SOMETHING REAL...
ROGER:
(echoing) FOR ONCE THE SUFFERING AND PAIN
GAVE WAY TO SOMETHING REAL...
BOTH:
FOR ONCE HE (I) WASN'T IN MY (HIS) PLAID PANTS!
MARK:
CANON - WE NEED YOU –
RAJAH, AND OTHERS –
WE NEED YOUR HELP NOW!
ROGER:
MIMI - I NEED YOU –
RAJAH, AND OTHERS –
WRITE ROGERMIMI!
MARK:
MARKROGER?
NOPE. CALL ME A FUCK,
BUT I'M SICK OF BEING PAIRED
WITH MY BFF... YOU SUCK!
ROGER:
ONE FANFICTION?
SHITTY...? NOT I!
BOTH:
WE'RE IN FANFICTION FOR RENT,
AND WE USUALLY DON'T REALLY CARE,
WE'RE IN FANFICTION FOR RENT,
AND JONNY WATCHES FROM ABOVE,
BUT WITH CANONFICTION WRITTEN FOR RENT,
THE FANFIC WRITERS CAN ALL
SHOW THAT THEY TOO CARE...
WITH CANONFIC LOVE!
CANONFIC LOVE!
CANONFIC LOVE!
--
(It appears that some time has passed... we see Roger moping in the somewhere-place. He hasn't done a single RogerMimi since suddenly reentering fanfics. Rajah has been pushing for a steady flow of canonfics to help ease him back into the fandom smoothly and keep the tension under control, but to no avail. Some of the fangirls seem to be having a difficult time readjusting to Roger being back and forgiving him for leaving him like he did. It seems also, that Mimi has fallen into a deep depression, since the fans will not write RogerMimi despite Roger being back, and she's being forced into mostly angsty and tragic oneshots, alone. Roger sits, sadly, listening as alert chimes demanding the presence of characters throughout various loactions in the fandom chime.)
ROGER AND MARK'S ALERT CHIMES:
BEEEEEEEEP.
X RAJAH X:
ROGER, IT'S X RAJAH X!
ROGER, HONEY, I DON'T GET THESE FANGIRLS!
"ROGER LEFT US ALONE!"
"HE DESERVES THIS!"
"HE NEVER SAID SORRY!"
ROGER, WHAT CAN WE DO?
PLEASE THINK...
(The following chimes sound simultaneously)
MIMI'S ALERT CHIME:
(obviously a bitter fangirl)
MIMI, CHICA, ANOTHER ANGSTFIC –
WHERE ROGER - DOESN'T EXIST... THINK!
JOANNE'S ALERT CHIME:
JOANNE, WHEREVER ARE YOU... THINK...!
ROGER AND MARK'S ALERT CHIME:
MARK, ARE YOU THERE?
ARE YOU THERE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO...
IS ROGER THERE?
(Roger almost answers the alert, but sighs and sits back down)
I'M TRYING EVERYTHING AND
WISHING THAT IT ALL WOULD JUST WORK...
ROGER, YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE,
OR SOMETHING... NO!
OH GOD, I DON'T KNOW!
THE FANGIRLS - THEY'RE CRAZY!
THEY WANTED YOU BACK –
AND NOW - OH GOD, I DON'T KNOW
I JUST... THINK OF A SOLUTION!
--
(Several hours later. Not much has changed. A group of fangirls is gathered outside the somewhere place.)
FANGIRLS:
ROGERFICS ARE CALLING,
ROGERFICS ARE CALLING,
ROGERFICS ARE CALLING...
YES, HE'S BACK!
BUT THINGS HAVE GONE ALL WACK!
NO ROGERFIC,
EVERYONE IS MAD,
NO ROGERMIMI,
NO FANGIRLS' SQUEES,
NO FORGIVENESS,
NO CHANGE, NO...-
X RAJAH X:
WRITE SOME ROGERMIMI!
FANGIRLS:
WE WON'T WRITE ROGERMIMI!
NO, ROGER HAS BETRAYED US
AND WE CAN'T WRITE - UNTIL HE SEES THE LIGHT!
(We shift to inside the somewhere-place. Roger can clearly hear what is going on outside with x Rajah x and the fangirls. He sighs dejectedly, waiting for Mimi to return from one of her angstfics.)
MARK:
STUCK IN THIS DUSTY
BLANK VERSION OF HELL,
WILL HE EVER BREAK FREE?
FOREVER SUBJECTED TO
THE FANGIRL SCORN...
TIME TO FIGURE - FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO!
PUT YOUR THINKING CAP ON!
FIRST THOUGHT - ROGER,
TALKING IT OUT PEACEFULLY
WITH THE FANGIRLS WHO WE KNOW
STILL LOVE HIM - AND THEY'LL UNDERSTAND
AND BE GLEEFUL BECAUSE HE'S BACK...!
ROGER:
(sadly) …BACK IN FANFICS!
MARK:
BACK IN FANFICS,
BUT STILL NO ROGERMIMI.
ROGER:
IT SUCKS... IT REALLY SUCKS.
MARK:
AND BACK WITH ME, HAPPY AS CAN BE!
ROGER:
NO MARKROGER YET!
MARK:
WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY.
ROGER:
ME TOO, HOME DOG...
MARK:
(raises a glass to that)
IN HONOR OF THE FANFIC AUTHORS...-
ROGER:
FANGIRLS?
MARK:
(shaking head) AUTHORS...
WRITING ROGER OUT OF MY ROMANCE FANFICTION...!
(An alert chimes, asking for Mark and Roger to be in a gay romance story together.)
ROGER:
(dryly) THEN AGAIN, MAYBE I WON'T SEE MIMI TONIGHT.
MARK:
(suddenly forlorn)
I WONDER WHY THEY'LL
WRITE MARKROGER BUT NOT ROGERMIMI?
ROGER:
MAYBE 'CAUSE THEY WANT TO TORTURE ME...
(Collins enters.)
COLLINS:
BETTER YOU THAN ANGEL.
(We see that he is carrying a tub of Ben and Jerry's.)
COLLINS:
I HAD A LITTLE HUNCH;
YOU COULD USE MORE COOKIE DOUGH...
(tosses it to Roger)
ROGER:
ICE CREAM AGAIN?
COLLINS:
OH YES.
MARK:
(hopefully) ANY ICE CREAM FOR ME?
COLLINS:
NO NO NO...
BUT I REWIRED THE FANFICTION DOT NET SITE
TO TURN DOWN ALL MARKROGER SHIT TONIGHT
TO PROVIDE A LITTLE RELIEF TO MY
FRIENDS WHO WANT CANON...
ROGER AND MARK:
(dreamily) CANON...
(There is a noise as several shrieks are heard outside of the somewhere place. Collins runs over to the door and peeks out to see what's happening.)
ROGER AND MARK:
(expectantly) YES...?
COLLINS:
(shutting the door with a sigh) FAN - G - I - R - L - S.
(then continues) YET HACKING THE MAINFRAME
ISN'T THE SOLUTION.
THE POWERS OF NONCANON MUST BE TORN AWAY
WHERE THEY DWELL... AS WE CONVINCE THE
AUTHORS TO FLOOD THE SITE WITH CANON...
AND SEND ALL THE MARKROGERS TO HELL...
ROGER, MARK AND COLLINS:
LET'S HAVE A CANON FANFICTION
JUST FOR TODAY - SINCE NONCANON
IS TOTALLY WACK...
WE COULD TRY AND QUIT AND LEAVE ALL
OF IT FOR SOME UNKNOWN SITE FAR AWAY...
ROGER:
(with a twinge of irony)
BUT SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER
THEY'LL DRAG YOU BACK...
ROGER, MARK, AND COLLINS:
OHHHHH...-
(Suddenly, yells are heard from outside.)
X RAJAH X:
MARK?? ROGER?? ANYONE - HELP!!
(Quickly, Mark, Roger and Collins open the door and see that the fangirls are surrounding several figures. x Rajah x and Maureen are supporting a sobbing Mimi. Joanne lingers behind, looking pale and scared.)
MAUREEN:
(worriedly) IT'S MIMI –
THEY HURT HER JUST LIKE THEY HURT ANGEL!
ROGER:
(angrily) NO!
(They move aside and help x Rajah x and Maureen coax Mimi inside the door, ushering her through the jeering, angry fangirls.)
MAUREEN:
SHE WAS IN A FIC WITH ME –
MIMIOC... I WAS SECONDARY...
BUT I KNOW WHAT WENT ON...
ROGER:
(hearing her implications, says in exasperated tone)
OH COME ON! OH GOD... (hugs a crying Mimi to him)
MIMI:
(mumbling through her tears to Roger)
SOME RANDOM GUY...
AND THEY KILLED YOU...
MIMIOC...
JOANNE:
...AND THEN FANGIRLS WERE BITTER TO MIMI...!
ROGER:
(sadly realizes) BECAUSE OF ME...
MIMI:
(still crying hysterically) MIMIOC...
MARK:
(to Roger)
YOU CAN GIVE HER A MASSAGE,
AND SHE CAN HAVE THIS TO EAT... (holds up ice cream)
COLLINS:
I'M AFRAID THE PAIN'S NOT IN HER FEET...
MIMI:
(looks up at Roger)
DO SOMETHING.
X RAJAH X:
(indicating the screams of the fangirls still ringing from outside)
I COULD CALL FOR A SITE ADMIN, HONEY...
MIMI:
(hiccupping)
SOMEHOW I DOUBT THAT THEY'LL
LEAVE ME... MIMI... ME...
COLLINS:
(opens the door)
HEY YOU - FANGIRLS...?
THEY'VE GOT PITCHFORKS!
MIMI:
(accepting a York peppermint patty from x Rajah x, still crying.)
MMM... I LOVE YORKS... (to Roger, through sadness)
WOULD YOU GET ME CHOCOLATE?
ROGER:
(obviously upset to see Mimi like this)
YES, I'LL... OH GOD...
(lazy)
MARK! FIND SOME CHOCOLATE!
(A hush falls over the group as Mimi sniffles and begins.)
MIMI:
I SHOULD TELL YOU I JUST HAD TO FUCK...
ROGER:
(wincing) SHH, I KNOW.
I SHOULD TELLYOU WHY I LEFT,
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU...-
MIMI:
I KNOW.
I SHOULD TELL YOU...
ROGER:
I SHOULD TELL YOU...
MIMI:
I SHOULD TELL YOU, I STILL LOVE YOU...
(bursts into more tears, crying harder than ever.)
(Something comes over Roger, and he stands slowly, gently leaving Mimi's side and going toward the door. The other characters and x Rajah x watch... in wonderment.)
ROGER:
(opens the door, seeing the fangirls, who stare at him, stupified, then start to leave awkwardly)
WHERE DO YOU YOU'RE GOING?
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE, LOOK SEE - IT'S SNOWING...
HANG ON, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD HEAR...
IT ISN'T MUCH, BUT NEVER FEAR...
(he clears his throat and the fangirls come closer, listening)
YOU GUYS - ... YOU SAID RELUCTANT GOODBYES,
AND PUT ME OUT OF YOUR MIND, BUT NOW I FIND,
I CAN'T HIDE... FROM YOU GUYS!
THE WAY YOU DID YOUR DREAMY SIGHS!
SURE, YOU KINDA SCREWED UP MY LIFE,
BUT HONESTLY, I LOVE YOU GUYS...
WE CAN'T LET RENT SLIP AWAY,
AND I STUPIDLY BETRAYED YOU!
NOW I SAY, STARTING TODAY...
I WILL FIGHT THE DAMAGE THAT FRAYED YOU,
I WILL NEVER AGAIN BETRAY YOU...
'CAUSE I FIGURED THIS OUT, YOU GUYS...
YOU MAY NOT ALWAYS BE SO WISE...
BUT I WAS IN A FANFICTION ALL ALONG!
AND BEFORE RENT DIES...
I SHOULD GIVE IN, I SHOULD GO OUT...
WRITE SOME ROGERMIMI...
'CAUSE I MISSED YOU GUYS...
(The fangirls, mouths hanging open, watch as Mimi, still crying, runs to Roger and hugs him.)
ROGER:
(happily, as she finally reconciles with him completely)
MIMI...!
(There is a long silent pause that falls over the whole group. The rest of the fanfic characters and x Rajah x file out of the somewhere-place and x Rajah x slinks off to check out the fandom. The other characters slowly approach the fangirls.)
FANGIRL:
(speaking up suddenly)
I HAVE TO LEAVE SOON.
ROGER:
(startled) WHAT?
FANGIRL:
(smiling, in sing-song voice)
TO WRITE SOME... ROGERMIMIIIIII!
MIMI:
(lovingly, wrapping her arms around Roger, accepting)
HE'S BACK!
X RAJAH X:
(running up to them, breathless)
I WAS IN THE FANDOM,
WATCHING ALL THE FANFICTION ALERTS...
MAUREEN:
OH MY GOD!
X RAJAH X:
(in joy) AND I SWEAR,
THERE WERE HOARDES OF PLOT BUNNIES THERE...
ALL CANON!
COLLINS:
(handing Mimi a box of Kleenex)
YOU'RE DRENCHED...
MAUREEN:
THE RIOTS ARE BREAKING...
MARK:
THERE MAY BE FANFICS,
SOME MAY BE SHIT...
ROGER:
BUT CANON'S HERE
SO LET'S ENJOY IT...!
MIMI AND ROGER:
(happily) IT'S ONLY US...
A FIC FOR A KISS...
A ROGERMIMI FIC...
WE CAN DEAL WITH IT...
ALL:
NO MARKROGER,
NO MIMIMAUREEN...
THE GREATEST FICS WE'VE SEEN!
(As the solution finally falls over the whole fandom, everyone: characters, fans, authors, plot bunnies alike, gathers outside the somewhere place, hugging and rejoicing. The following parts are sung simultaneously as everyone pleads that the fandom remain pure and strong.)
AUTHORS:
I CAN'T CONTROL,
MY PLOT BUNNIES,
I TRUST MY MUSE,
TO JUSTLY USE,
THE CANON YOU SEE...
WITHOUT ROGER,
THE HAND TYPES,
THE EAR BLEEDS,
THE PULSE SLOWS,
FICS GO ON,
BUT RENT'S GONE,
'CAUSE RENT DIES, WITHOUT ROGER!
RENT DIES WITHOUT ROGER!
RENT DIES WITHOUT ROGER!
RENT DIES WITHOUT ROGER!
RENT DIES WITHOUT ROGER!
RENT DIES WITHOUT ROGER!
CANON FICS TODAY!
FANFIC CHARACTERS:
WILL YOU USE US CAREFULLY?
WILL YOU USE CARE? WILL YOU
GIVE US CANON FICS, NOT SLASH NIGHTMARES?
THERE'S ONLY FICS,
THERE'S ONLY FANS,
SO KEEP RENT ALIVE AS BEST AS YOU CAN,
NO MARKROGER WHERE GOOD CANONFICS ARE...
RESPECT OUR JLAR!
RESPECT OUR JLAR!
RESPECT OUR JLAR!
RESPECT OUR JLAR!
WRITE CANONFIC TODAY!!
THE END
--
OO
It's over?
How can this be?
(sobs hysterically) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
:) REVIEW PLEASE!
Thanks again for all the support. Be on the lookout for a new humor fic soon… dundundun!
