Speechless

Chapter 9: The End

The night was so cold, it's snowing outside. I watched the snow as it fall down slowly. It was at peace. I can't hear anything at all. The moon shines so bright, it was at its full moon. The sky is starry. The glass door is a bit open, so I closed for the snow not to come inside, but somehow, I was waiting for someone to open that door that'll make it all better and warm.

I still can remember everything he said. I still don't have his name. I just know that his name is Loveless as he names himself.

I tried to sleep that night but I really can't. So I turned my computer on, and get online. I searched a lot about some stuff. It's really boring. I turned it off and just played my iPod. The music is nice; I can keep up with the song. As I listen to the songs that are playing, I soon closed my eyes and sleep.

The whooshing sound of the wind was still there. The night was very long, a long, cold night.

The next morning is as cold as last night. Outside the house, the snow was all over. I grabbed my fur coat, it was thick and warm. My iPod is still on; I put it in my coat and make it louder. I noticed my phone lighting. I checked it and I have a missed call. I thought it was Soubi, but it's from Yuiko.

I put my phone in my pocket. I go down the stairs and check if mom had already cooked for breakfast. She was out again as usual. When I had my breakfast, I went upstairs again. I check my phone there's a message, but there's none. I still don't believe loveless about what he told me. I was hoping that Soubi is a bit busy with some projects as a normal College guy.

The temperature is getting colder than it was. The snow is still falling. I jumped up to my bed and start playing my iPod again. The music is now boring; I have heard it a lot of times. I tried to sleep again but I can't. I was looking at my room. As I look down, I saw the calendar. It was December 19. A few more days till I get a year older. It makes me desperate. I'll be having some wrinkles and I'll start growing up. Sophistication will occur, and I know that.

Waiting Soubi to call or send me a message is really boring. Checking my phone the whole day, what the…

"Ritsuka, hello?" the door was locked. Doorbells are ringing.

I jumped up the bed and go back down. I opened the door and saw Yuiko. She's wearing a thick coat.

"Yuiko, what brings you here?" I asked her. She was shaking.

"Since your birthday is coming in a few more days, I came for a visit." Her voice is trembling.

"Why did you visit today? You can visit at the exact date right?" I told her.

"I can't, we're going to the province for Christmas." She replied.

"Do you want some coffee? Chocolate, or any?" I asked her. I gave her my coat to increase the heat.

"Chocolate," she replied. Her face, smiling. I gave her a look, a grin. She put a gift on the table. Not wondering what it's for.

"Here," I handed her the cup of chocolate. "Feeling a little warmer?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks." She told me. "Here, take this." She handed me the present. I told not to give me presents, it bothers me. "Jeez, thanks." Sarcasm was overflowing.

"Aren't you going to ask what's it for?" she told me.

"Nope, I already know." I reminded her.

"So, Ritsuka, I'm going, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!" she left the house without me saying a word. I arranged the table and after onwards, I went up to my room and stay there for a day.

A day has passed without a message or call from Soubi. I don't want to call him for he may be busy working on something. I have a plan of going to his place tomorrow. I hope he's there with Natsuo and Youji.

I rolled my body over the couch, wrapped myself with cloth, hugged a pillow and watched the day as it pass by. The snow was decreasing. I felt a little warm. My body is a bit freezing. I heard the door open. Finally, my mom's back. The snow suddenly stopped. I opened the glass door and go out. Soubi wasn't coming. I know that. My feelings are arousing, I really wanted to see his face, or just hear his voice.

The next day was great. The weather is a bit nice. I can't see snow falling outside. I jumped off my bed attempting to go outside to have tour. I picked up my phone and wallet. Planning to go to Soubi's place, I think is a bad idea. I don't want to believe Loveless. I was trying hard not to focus on what he told me, trying to believe that Soubi can't leave me and won't leave. He can't be gone without any word. He doesn't have reason actually.

The road was covered with a thick layer of snow. People are trying to get rid of them; some children were playing snowball fight. I'm 16 the next two days so I think to be more sophisticated and not be childish.

As I stepped in, my feet sank on the thick layer of snow. I was startled by it. I took another step, with carefulness. Walking on the road covered with snow is really hard. It takes a long time to get to where I was going to. I heard a growling engine just beside me. It was an old truck from my neighbor. I just say in my mind, why would this person drive when the road is fully covered by snow?

I get away from the road to make a way. In my unconsciousness, I fell down on the bed of snow. I now found a good thing on this snow. It saved me. My clumsiness is starting to waken up again. I think I won't head to Soubi's first. I need to visit Katsuko-sensei. I haven't seen her in a while. Since, she said that I was really fine. I need to visit her, since its Christmas season.

While walking to her place, I realized, people are so happy and enjoying putting some decorations for their houses. As I walk through, I didn't noticed that I almost passed by Katsuko-sensei's place. I press the doorbell, hoping she's there. The doorbell beeped loudly as it was. I door opened.

"Ritsuka, what brings you here?" she asked me, she was wearing a thick coat. I missed her voice, I missed the conversations and advices I hear from her.

"I just want to see you and say hi." I told her as she opened the door. She let me in. The floor "creeked" as we walked to the living room where we used to talk. Her face wasn't change since the last time we saw each other. I sat down on the sofa where I used to lay down. She opened her mouth, "Ritsuka, how are you?"

"I'm fine, I missed you Sensei." I replied.

"I'm fine as well." She said, smiling. Her face was always glowing and friendly.

"Good to hear that. I better be going." I told her,

"Okay, before you go," she replied, she walked to me slowly. "Happy Birthday," she told me. She hugged me tightly and gave her a hug too. Time is running so walked out and went to Soubi's place.

The time is lapsing and I'm not there yet. I walked as fast as I can.

The door opened with the pull of the wind to it. The room is dark and silent as if there was no one living.

With the fear that Soubi is really gone, I ran up and get myself on the dark room. I opened the fluorescent lamp, and as expected. He's not there. The cold wind damped through my face as my eyes filled with salty tears that falls as I winked my horribly hurt eyes.

My knees felt weak and I felt of numbness will flow over me.

*eek*

I heard a step from the wooden stairs expecting Soubi, I alerted stood up. I bumped on a soft textured coat, dripping with melted snow. I looked up at him.

"Sou-" almost continued. "oh, you." I still don't know his name.

"You're still hoping for him…" he said as he leaned against the door frame. "Look, I really want everything for you to understand and take things slowly but I think I can't." he continued.

I didn't have a word as if like I was ignoring him.

"I know I can't fulfill you like that of Soubi, but I promise you, no one will hurt as long as I'm living." I walked out bumping him. I never looked at his face either. I ran as fast as I can feel the cold air as I pass through it. I took a glimpse of him but he was not there anymore. But I know, he'll be watching me wherever I go. Realizing that Soubi is really gone, exchanged with an 18-yearold fighter, is slowly getting to my mind. I know that it hurts and I know that it's the truth. So I must accept everything that comes as the time lapses…

The end of me and Soubi, it hurts, though, I must accept all these things happening. It's time make a new start and forget the past…

Or should I? …