Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

I didn't know what I was expecting when we arrived home. Weeping and wailing maybe, sorrow of some sort certainly. So when we walked in the door to such an utterly normal scene I rocked back on my heels in shock.

Emmett and Rosalie were sitting on the sofa watching television, Rosalie laughing as Emmett pulled faces impersonating something they were watching. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the bottom of the stairs; she had her head resting in his lap while he read to her. Esme was busying herself upstairs, tidying by the sound of things, and Carlisle sat in the kitchen behind a large book.

Before I had a chance to recover from my shock Ness bounded up to me with a huge grin on her face, her bronze curls bouncing as she moved. Realisation dawned on me, the scene before me was a charade, for her benefit. I swallowed everything that had been in the last few hours and responded to her smile. "Ness, had a good day?" My voice still sounded a little strained, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Fantastic Mom!" She put her hand to my face and began to show me the highlights of her day. I saw the faces of her new friends, snippets of conversations and then Ness on the top of an enormous cheerleader pyramid, laughing in delight. Finally I saw her speaking on the phone and bouncing up and down in excitement.

"What was that about?" I smiled at her and found to my surprise that it was genuine. The joy emanating from my daughter was contagious and I allowed myself to be swept along by her for now, to help protect her from the truth.

"Your friend Jayne phoned, I answered but she thought I was you! She says our voices are really just the same. Did you know that? Did you Dad?"

She was babbling in excitement and didn't give Edward a chance to reply.

"She said you'd asked her to get tickets for the Jubilee Ball tomorrow night, and she asked if I was going to come. Can I go?" Ness was so excited I could see she was about to start jumping up and down again any second.

"I'm not sure if we're going, your Dad wasn't sure it was a good idea..." I looked at Edward; we had to get out of this without Ness figuring out something was wrong.

"Dad, no!" Ness looked pained and whirled to face him.

"I'm sure it will be fine Love, we're all going so we can watch out for Ness." Edward was looking at me smiling. Why was he going along with this?

"Yes Bella, it will be fine." Alice sang out from across the room.

I glared at Alice, but flawlessly continued to play along in our conversation with our daughter; I was glad that my acting skills were improving. "Would you like to take someone, a friend or something?" I saw Edward's lips curl up very slightly at the edges at this question.

"No, no, I know some people going already so....It'll be cool." Ness started to head off to her room; I noticed the telephone was in her hand.

Alice was looking at Edward in a way I recognised when she said "It would be better if we hunted tonight then, so as we can enjoy tomorrow night. Are you coming Ness?"

"No, I've got things to do this evening, but you all go, I don't need babysitting." Ness finished this sentence as she reached the top of the stairs, and was gone.

"Shall we go everyone?" Alice looked around at us all, the smile in her voice not making an appearance on her lips

"Yes, let's." Edward pulled me out of the door, and the rest of the family followed behind.

We raced through the forest, Edward leading the way, until we reached a large clearing with a river running through it. There were tall trees on all sides of us, but the floor of the clearing was solid stone, with rough outcroppings which led to the water. We arranged ourselves in a loose circle. I kept my eyes on the ground, I hadn't yet managed to look Emmett in the face; I couldn't bear to see the burgundy I knew was in his eyes.

"How much have you heard Carlisle?" Edward spoke first; I looked up needing to see his face.

"Very little, Ness has been in the house ever since I got home and it's impossible to speak without her hearing."

Edward recounted the afternoon's events to us all, beginning with Alice's vision and ending with the setting up of the woman's house to look as if she had died there. They had left the house looking as if she had disturbed an intruder on her arrival home, a burglary gone wrong. Throughout Carlisle looked disturbed, he viewed all life as precious so the taking of a life by a member of his family was particularly painful for him.

"I am certain that no evidence of her ever being inside the garage will be found." Alice had cleaned up anything which could possibly be found by the police. At some point it was still likely we would be subject to some kind of investigation, as her car would have been seen outside and leaving the shop.

"Do you foresee any problems for us Alice, should we leave?" As Carlisle spoke we all turned to her expectantly.

"I don't think so, it's difficult to be sure, there are too many people involved and not everything is certain yet." She was still searching and looked frustrated by the lack of clarity in her vision.

Emmett had not spoken yet, his eyes stayed fixed on the ground as he said. "I'm sorry. I've put you all in danger." His natural exuberance was absent as he spoke.

Esme spoke softly to him, "Tell us about it Emmett."He seemed to be relieved by her request.

He paused for a moment before taking a deep breath. "She just walked in off the street, I think she'd just been in some kind of accident as she wanted me to have a look at her car." I remembered the broken lights on the back of the red Ford as he continued. "She looked like she had been hit in the face, and she was bleeding. She just smelled so good....."

"I know." Edward reassured him, I knew he would have seen and felt whatever Emmett had experienced through his memories.

"I was going to hold my breath and make a run for it, but she was blocking the doorway and I knew I wouldn't be able to run past her. I tried to resist for a minute, but it was hard trying to talk without breathing. In the end I just couldn't help myself."He shrugged his shoulders and there were nods from some of the others.

I was shocked by the fact Emmett only seemed concerned for the danger he had put us in, rather than the murder of an innocent woman.

"Wait a minute, I don't understand," Alice turned to look at Edward quizzically. "Why didn't you see my vision, or hear me call for you? We were so close..."

"The school is very big Alice, and I was talking with Bella so I was distracted, I try not to listen to you most of the time, remember?" He half-smiled at her, which turned into a grimace. To the others I'm sure it looked like regret for missing Alice's vision, but I knew better; I knew he was blaming himself for Emmett's lapse, for not getting there in time to stop him.

Alice was still frowning at Edward, so I decided to change the subject. "What do we do now?"

I was surprised when Edward answered me instead of Carlisle. "We must carry on as normal, but at the same time we must watch what happens carefully and be ready to drop everything and go, if it comes to it."

"Emmett and I will do that." Rosalie spoke for the first time. "We are the ones most likely to fall under suspicion. There's no point in all of you becoming any more involved unless it's necessary."

"Watch the woman's house; listen to the police and anyone else who may come, look for any signs of suspicion. I will keep out of it for the most part, but I will have to come and listen to the thoughts of the police at some point, just to be certain." Edward looked around the clearing at each of us. "The main thing is to carry on as normal in public and also at home for Ness. We don't want her to know or suspect anything about this; she's too young to have to handle it."

At this I remembered our conversation with Ness this evening. "You can't seriously expect us to go to this party tomorrow night can you? It's so... so..... Inappropriate." I tried to keep my voice calm, but inside I was furious. How could everyone's only concerns be with covering this up? No one but Carlisle seemed to feel an ounce of sorrow for the woman whose life had been so brutally ended today.

"Bella." Jasper spoke and I knew he would be feeling my inner turmoil. "You have to understand, this is not the first time this has happened, most of us have taken lives, some of us many times over. We have all already dealt with the fact that sometimes, these things happen."

"These things happen?" I repeated his words to myself, I was aware of Edward's eyes on me and part of me reminded myself that every hurt I suffered over this would cut him far deeper, but I was beyond even protecting him at this point. My mind was spinning; I couldn't get over the callousness of Jasper's words, the callousness of our actions today. I looked around at my family and suddenly saw them, us, for what we were; Monsters.

I whirled around and ran into the forest. I ran as fast as I could, pushing myself to go faster than I ever had before. I had to escape my family, the guilt of what we had done this afternoon and most of all the monstrous life that was now mine. All of my former happiness was forgotten as horror and anger overwhelmed me.

I ran for what felt like days, but it could only have been hours as it was still dark by the time I slowed and stopped. I had not been aware of anyone following me as I ran, but now I could sense them slowing as I did. I had known he'd be there, but I didn't want to face him.

"Bella? It's alright." Edward appeared a few feet in front of me with his hands raised to calm me as if I were a crazed newborn again. We were no longer in the Forest, I had raced deep into the Rocky Mountains and I noticed the air was thinner.

"Alright?" I spat the word at him. "What in the world is alright about this Edward?" I lashed out at him in my anger, "How long until it's my mistake we're clearing up? Or Renesme's? Or yours?"I saw him wince at my words. I didn't want to cause him more pain but I couldn't hold it in.

"You are my mistake Bella." He turned from me and crouched down to the ground. He raked his hands through his hair and pulled at it as if he were trying to rip it out. "I saw it Bella, I saw the moment you finally understood." He spoke unevenly and he seemed to struggle to catch his breath. "I have waited for the running and screaming for so long I had deluded myself into believing it would never come. I'm sorry... Please.......Please........." He sucked in a breath which hitched in his throat.

My shock at his words brought me to my senses, and my fury began to drain away. I gaped at him wondering how on earth the only thing that was right in the world at the moment could think I was a mistake.

"I should have left you the day I first saw you and never gone back. I was selfish, I wanted you and I took you. Taking you is truly the worst thing I have ever done." He slowly rose before me; his eyes were burning with self loathing. "I have even allowed myself to believe it was the right thing, that you were happy and that maybe this was our destiny."

The anguish he was suffering tore at my heart, but I didn't know how to stop it. He knew beyond doubt how I felt about what I was, and for that he blamed himself. I somehow had to make him understand that I would do the same again a thousand times if I had to, for him. "I regret nothing!" My voice was fierce with emotion; I begged him with my eyes to believe that whatever happened, whatever we went through, it was worth it for him.

He studied me for a moment before he closed his eyes; his mouth was pulled straight and tight. "I know." He replied sadly, "Neither do I." Guilt was etched into his face.

"You are my destiny." I whispered, afraid now. I had never before considered that there could be anything that could tear us apart.

"I ripped you from your destiny and I made you a monster." His voice turned a snarl as he spat the words at me.

"No, Edward..." I was still afraid, and I began to fight for him. I knew his tendency to overreact, and in my mind's eye I suddenly saw him standing under that clock tower so long ago.

"I think if you deny it Bella I will truly go mad."

I realised that there was no way he would allow me to tell him how I was feeling, to make him understand. I was hanging onto my own sanity by my fingernails; my one safe harbour was him. If he pushed me away now we would tumble together into a black pit of despair, from which I didn't think we would ever escape. He was so determined to torture himself over me once again that he had failed to see how much I needed him right now.

Desperately I wrapped him into my shield and relived every ounce of horror I had suffered that afternoon. My understanding of what I truly was, and my fear of it. My disgust at my thirst, and my longing to taste the woman's blood in the shop. My recognition that I was a monster, that he was a monster. My fear that I would never be able to look Emmett, my most loved brother, in the face again.

I watched his face as he listened to me. It was like watching a man being burned at the stake, and I showed him my agony over his suffering at my hands. Finally I showed him my one ray of hope, my reason for existing, which was him. Our love, our life, our daughter. I showed him every ounce of darkness I had felt today, and that I would make the same choice again and again for him.

Eventually he took an uncertain step towards me, I started towards him and in an instant we had our arms around each other. I could feel the tension rolling off him in waves, and when I pulled away from him to look into his eyes there was misery there.

He was still wrapped deeply into my shield and bombarded him with my love, my utter faith and trust in him. I let down every restraint I could find, I tried to overwhelm him with the sheer strength of my emotions, anything to take away the self loathing which filled him.

We kissed, passion giving way to the utter need to be close to each other. I held him to me in a death grip, I felt like my heart would break knowing I had caused him this pain. I continued my inner tirade, using my vampire memory to remember every joy he had brought me, everything that made me certain what an utterly good man he was.

Finally he pulled away from me, but then he surprised me when he spoke. "Bella, please stop, you're making me dizzy."

"Vampires don't get dizzy." I smiled at him, but I pulled my shield away anyway, uncertain.

"No. That's what's so disconcerting Love." He managed a confused smile. "Your mind is becoming so strong, you were trying to overwhelm me, and you did. Totally."

I felt his mood shift under me and I was relieved. The only thing I could not suffer was his pain.

"It seems I have even more to apologise for Love."

"Edward, everything has been my choice, you are my choice. There is nothing for you to apologise for." I searched for the words I needed for him to hear. "I was arrogant; I thought I could have all of the good things without paying a price for them. I've denied what I am for so long that being confronted with it today was – horrifying. I'm sorry I took it so badly"

"Don't be Love, never be sorry about being honest with me, it is all I truly need from you." He looked into my eyes and brushed the hair out of my face, I hated to think what a mess I must be after running through the forest like a madwoman for hours. "Is it me, or does being who we are seem to be that much harder since we moved here?" He looked wistful and I imagined he was thinking back to how much happier life had been in Forks.

"Not who we are Edward, what we are." I corrected him softly.

"What do you mean?" He didn't seem to understand my distinction.

"Edward and Bella are still Edward and Bella, that won't ever change. Being vampires is what has been harder here; having to start again, pretending to be people we're not, and now this afternoon."

"Bella, we are vampires." He still didn't seem to understand what I was trying to say, but I was determined to make him.

"No Edward," I put my hands on either side of his face and locked my eyes with his. "You are Edward Anthony Masen. Something happened to you once to change you into a vampire physically, but that doesn't make you any less Edward Anthony Masen. You are the person I am in love with; the vampire part is just a mask we both wear. It's the vampire part of us that causes all the problems, but that doesn't have to define us." I spoke to him softly, and looking in his eyes I had a sudden longing for them to be green. In a brief second I imagined what our lives would have been like if he had been human when we met, and it was beautiful.

He was watching me while I spoke, and I didn't quite understand the way he was looking at me, it was almost wonder, but then I saw a shadow cross his face again.

"You can't blame yourself for this afternoon, Edward."

I had caught him off guard and he struggled with what to say for a moment. "It was so close Bella, a minute earlier and we would have been in time to save her. If I had heard Alice...."

"Then if you need to blame anyone, blame me. I was the one who talked you into letting me shield you at school. I like the fact I can. I like the fact I can make this place a little bit easier for you. I didn't really think you were of any danger to anyone."

"I know. I like it too. I like being able to hear all the little thoughts you are only half aware of yourself, it..." He hesitated and smiled the first real smile I had seen from him since everything had changed so suddenly. "It makes me happy."

We stood quietly together for a few minutes. Alone in this place everything was alright again in the world, but I knew soon we would have to return home for Ness's sake.

"Do you forgive me Bella?" He whispered the question quietly in my ear, he sounded thoughtful.

I started to tell him again that there was nothing to forgive, and then stopped. Maybe this was what we both needed to hear. Although much had been made of the fact that I had chosen to become a vampire, in reality I had had little more choice than Edward. His was a choice between this and death, and Carlisle had chosen this for him. Mine had been a choice between becoming a vampire and being without Edward, and that was no more a choice than his had been. It had quickly become obvious that I would not survive long with him while human, and the prospect of life without him had been worse than death. I could not have survived it any more than he would have survived the Spanish Influenza which was killing him when Carlisle found him. "I forgive you Edward."

"Thank you." He sounded genuinely relieved. I realised that tonight I had begun to understand Edward better. He was, after all, many years older than me, and had had decades to understand every nuance of what we were, and the complex emotions that had time to develop while you were immortal.

I looked into his eyes and said, "I love you Edward."

He smiled his crooked smile that made me melt and said "I should hope so, I just ran halfway across the country for you."

I smiled back in relief, I was coming to terms with today's events quickly, safe in his arms, and I could sense his mood improving as mine did.

I looked around myself, paying attention to something other than us for the first time since I had stopped. We were in the mountains. There was snow on the ground, and the view I had so far failed to even recognise was absolutely breathtaking. "Where are we Edward, I hardly even remember running, let alone where I was going."

"We're back in the United States, Montana I think. It's going to be a long run home!" He raised his eyebrows at me and I laughed. It felt good.

"We should go, it's almost morning." The sky was turning pink and dawn was almost upon us.

"Let's hunt here first Love, Alice was right, if we want to enjoy tonight it will be easier if we're not thirsty."

Hand in hand we ran, first to hunt then for home. Everything had changed, but I was amazed to find that the only thing that really mattered had only gotten better.

A/N – I am aware I'm torturing Edward a bit at the moment, but it will be worth it in the end! Please leave me a review, there are quite a few of you reading this and I would love to know how you're finding it! Thanks.

Ria