Author's Note: Doing something a little different today. I'm sure you won't mind though. But this one can definitely go down as "Butters' Guide on How to Not Wake Your Permanent Roommate".

And this is exactly what happens if you sleep later than the one you are using slightly cruel tactics to wake up. They get the worst possible revenge.

Oh, and this one goes out to Montana-Bob.

Enjoy :).


The sun was bright as it poured in through the windows. Kenny grunted quietly in his half-asleep state and turned away from the window and burrowed his head in Butters' back. His arm was wrapped around his boyfriend so he could feel the gentle rise and fall of his breaths as he slept, and as he laid there he realized something.

He was awake before Butters.

Both annoyance and mischief buzzed in his brain, although he had a bit of a headache and a bit of a nauseous stomach. Every Sunday he promised he'd never drink again, and every Sunday he was face down, practically sobbing as he puked up his guts. It was a vicious cycle he'd keep repeating.

Kenny's head throbbed as he pulled away from Butters and turned back around. White pain stabbed his head and he winced, eyes still closed, as he faced the damnable light. Slowly his strained eyes open and he read the time.

It was 1:17 in the afternoon.

This was weird for him, because usually he woke up at about 1:05 and Butters wasn't in bed. That being said, he would try his best to go back to sleep and wake up before his kind and loving boyfriend would get the idea to scare him half to death. Usually, he slept way longer than he planned, and a big part of him felt awful for wasting an entire day.

But at the same time... sleep.

As Kenny looked at the clock, something clicked in his brain. A slow grin spread across his face and he carefully crawled out of bed to not wake Butters. He bent backward, popping his back and causing what seemed like hundreds of tiny machine guns to sound. As soon as he felt the slightly painful but mostly relieving whatever-bone in his lower back to either slide back into place or adjust from the pressure, he righted himself from a near-Matrix bend and quickly popped his shoulders and arms.

Much better.

He walked to their dresser, opened the third shelf, and grabbed a pair of his boxers. It was kind of weird because they both wore the same size and Kenny wouldn't care about wearing his, but Butters seemed very opposed to the idea. Then again, half the underwear in Butters' collection was women's underwear, which of course Kenny didn't mind in the slightest.

He closed the drawer, wriggled into the dark grey boxers and grudgingly put on a pair of sweatpants and an old baggy t-shirt. Once he was more dressed than usual, he went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and tried to calm the mess that was at one point in time considered hair, but now appeared to be the product of lightning and friction.

By the time he had two cups of coffee and a bagel Butters still hadn't woken up. This was quite unsettling to him but at the same time was the perfect opportunity to get his sweet revenge. He didn't want to hurt Butters, necessarily, but just show him what it's like to be on the opposite end of the stick. He smirked and laughed a little at that, and grabbed his keys from the table before he walked out of their apartment.

Their neighbors looked at him strangely as he walked quickly from the lobby and outside in his pajamas and bare feet. He didn't understand why they thought something like that was weird, but shrugged it off and went down the sidewalk to the garages.

They were tiny garages that left barely enough room for a car, and he didn't park his baby in there. He didn't mind scraping his windows in the morning, but he put it in their rent for Butters to have. There was, however, a shelf for storage, and considering he helped Kevin work on cars and various jobs, he had a toolbox, as well as a chainsaw.

He grabbed the saw and exited the garage quietly. If there neighbors stared at him before then they'd really stare at him now.

And they did. In fact, he was pretty sure their next door neighbor Beth went to go report him to the management. They always reported them, though, and their manager got rather bored after awhile. Although he and Butters got a laugh when they filed a noise complaint on the fact that Kenny can make quiet Butters a screamer. It didn't help Kenny had been tied to the headboard that kept banging on the wall.

He figured if their neighbors were homophobic then they would just have to deal with it for a few more months; Kenny almost had saved enough for a down payment on a house; Butters' graduation present.

Jim gave him a disgusted look and Kenny just smiled as he unlocked the door. He quickly shut it behind him and opened the living room closet. He pulled down a small box and beamed when he found exactly what he was looking for; a bloody, grotesque clown mask.

Once the mask was in place, he grabbed the end table from the couch and tip-toed to their room. Silently, he opened their bedroom door and set the table right above Butters' head. A part of him sincerely hoped he wouldn't wake up and jump up in fear, but most likely he would. And he hated to admit it but he would laugh way too much at that. And then he'd be in trouble... but it would be so worth it.

Before he started the saw, he took off the chain and set it on the bed. The last thing he needed was to cut their bed, or cut off one of his limbs. He wasn't sure which was more likely to happen, but he didn't want to take the chance to find out.

Biting his lip, he yanked on the cord and heard it rumble but not start. He sighed heavily, adjusted the choke, and checked to see if Butters had woken up. He hadn't, but took a deep breath that sounded like something of a snore; Butters would never believe him if Kenny admitted he snored. And then he'd be embarrassed, so he just decided to never tell him.

Kenny pulled the rope once more and the chainsaw roared to life. He was leaned in close to Butters, who jumped like a frightened cat. Butters wide eyes stared in pure horror at Kenny and he screamed before shooting up to run away. Instantly, instead of mirth, Kenny was filled with remorse and worry as he heard Butters heart-wrenching, blood-curdling scream.

He had never seen someone move so fast and by the time he turned off the saw it was too late. Butters was leaning back on the bed, trembling and clutching his head as his shoulders shook.

Kenny ripped off the mask, threw it, and set down the saw before he pulled the end table off the bed and ran it out into the living room. He returned to find Butters still holding his head, and tears had fallen down his cheeks.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so so so so so sorry," Kenny murmured, kneeling on the bed as he outstretched an arm to Butters. The bright blonde let out a shaky breath as he looked at Kenny and tears were fighting to fall, "C'mere, it's just me, baby." Butters let out shuddered gasp and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder.

Well, it hadn't been funny at all. He figured they could both have a good laugh about it and Butters would vow revenge in the worst way and Kenny would be too nervous to sleep for awhile. But instead they were laying here, Kenny holding a terrorized Butters and calming him down with gentle caresses and soft kisses to the head.

"Why..." Butters began quietly, as he looked up at Kenny with bleary eyes. "Why would you do that?" Kenny shrugged and held him tighter.

"I woke up first... my tired mind went to revenge and I didn't think it through."

"Well, you and I have completely different ideas for scare tactics..." Butters growled as he wiped his eyes from sleep and tears. He had calmed down significantly. "You could have just done the chainsaw. The mask was uncalled for... you know I hate clowns."

"I'm sorry, hon. I should have thought it through better." Butters scoffed and sighed as he looked up at Kenny. "The table was mean too. How is your head?"

"I feel like it's split in two." Butters mumbled, grimacing as Kenny brushed his fingers over his forehead. A bump was starting to appear, and his head was throbbing in pain. "I have never been so scared in my life. I thought I was going to die." Kenny wore a face of pure dejection and he held Butters tighter.

"I would never let you die, dammit, I'm sorry..."

"But... I get why you did it. I mean, you wake up to cruel and unusual methods and you also grew up with a Kevin. So I get it. Just don't do it again, please." Kenny laughed softly and nodded as he pressed a kiss to Butters' temple.

"I promise. I will never, ever, do anything like-"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. They both looked at each other, and Butters sighed as he slowly slid out of bed. Kenny walked with his arm protectively around his waist and stood behind him as he opened the door.

Their apartment manager, Derek, stood with their neighbors Beth and Jim, and Kenny smiled innocently at Butters. The bright blonde sent his boyfriend a death glare before he turned around and smiled happily at the three.

"Good afternoon, is something wrong?" Butters asked politely. Derek looked at them with a face of amusement, and Beth and Jim looked ready to kill.

"Your neighbors told me there was a chainsaw brought into your apartment and were worried for your safety. Is everything okay in here?" Derek asked, looking between the two. Kenny nodded, and Butters sighed and blushed darkly as he looked at the floor.

"Uh, yeah." Kenny said, Butters nodded and glanced at his taller boyfriend, who looked a little worried.

"No, everything's fine. We're sorry... we... well, we lost the key to our handcuffs and Kenny gets a little carried away." Butters murmured with a soft laugh. The dark blonde gawked at Butters, who maintained an air of fake confidence as he looked at their neighbors.

Beth turned around and walked away immediately. Jim shook his head, muttered a quiet insult that neither of them cared about, and Derek laughed in awe as he shook his head.

"For real?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Butters shook his head.

"No, he scared the shit outta me with that thing. I'd like to file a complaint on him." The brunette just shook his head and smiled at the two.

"You'll have to take that up with him, Butters. Now I'm supposed to give you a warning, but off the record, thanks for making my day. So there is your warning. Now, be safe, you two." He said, waved, and walked down the hall.

Kenny stared in disbelief at Butters, who smiled impishly in response.

"Did you really just do that?!" He cried, shutting the door and locking it. Butters shrugged and nodded before he rested his head on Kenny's chest and pressed him against the door.

"Yep. Maybe I will lose those keys now, huh, mister? Just know that now... you have just made yourself open to a whole new world of hurt. I was being nice." Butters growled in his ear, before standing on tip toes and bit the lobe.

"O-oh?" Kenny gasped, face flushed as Butters worked him up; damn him for knowing all the spots to make him come undone. "What are you gonna do n-now?" He shuddered.

"You can't even imagine," Butters bit down on his collar bone. "But I warn you, Kenneth Daniel... you should be scared, because..."

"I can't be scared now..." he smiled and rolled his eyes, then moaned as Butters yanked hard on his hair.

"You should always be scared... because... you know what?"

"H-hmm?"

They were a mess of arms and legs as they landed on the living room floor. Kenny actually felt a little nervous as his innocent, adorable boyfriend, looked down at him with mischievous eyes and an almost sadistic smirk.

"Game. On."