Leddi: The Songfic Collection:
Finally another songfic! I don't care that Leddi may be over on screen, this songfic will continue as long as there are fics to be shared, so if you have one PM me. Anyway here's a little number from 9dottyheart9, please don't cry too much!
Song Title: Big Girls Don't Cry
Artist: Fergie
By: 9dottyheart9
As she pulled out of the car park, her brother by her side, she could still feel him, touch him, even smell him ever present on her skin. However, she knew that as time passed, those senses would get weaker, his memory blurrier and their love feebler. She wondered where he would go now- back to the hospital? Or back to his van? She could only guess, and this hit her hard. From now on, she would never know what he did- she could only ever guess. Deep down she knew she had to do this. He couldn't be the one to look after her- first she had to learn to look after herself. There was too much drama here, too much had gone wrong and too much happened for her to ever return. She knew this wasn't an option for her. She needed to go somewhere quiet, tranquil and calm, away from the rollercoaster of Holby. As much as it hurt her to say it, and even more so to see his reaction, that was the only way she was ever going to truly recover: by getting away.
She desperately hoped Luc understood this. She wanted him to know it wasn't because of him. People said it so often but she really meant it: "It's not you, it's me". She'd uttered those words so often to various boyfriends over the years- it was an excuse, a copout to the fact that she'd got bored or moved on to someone else. But karma had come back to bite her, and now it spoke the truth. It was nothing to do with Luc, it was all her and the mess that she called her life. She needed to straighten herself out; she couldn't have a relationship in this state. She was going to miss him like a child misses their blanket- there was no denying it, but she had to get a move on with her life. Her life; that had been put on hold far too much recently, it wasn't something she wanted anymore- she thought of it as discarded and grotesque. It had turned dark and evil, with connotations of both death and destruction. It was no longer something she embraced, but instead something she feared. That was why she had to go. She hated who she'd become and didn't want anyone to love that version of herself.
Three months earlier she would have smiled at doing this; leaving him. She had wanted to let him know how much it hurt; to feel the emptiness day in day out, wondering where exactly something so wonderful had gone so terribly wrong. She'd finally done it- she'd gone, but under completely different circumstances. She wasn't teaching him a lesson; she wasn't getting back at him for hurting her. She was doing the opposite; she was protecting him. If she stayed there would only be darkness ahead for them; she viewed that as a fact. Their relationship could never be what it was- he'd ruined that when he left, as she had when she'd begun taking the drugs. She would always love him, always, but sometimes that just isn't enough. She had to get better, one day at a time. Baby steps to begin with, until she was well once more. She knew it would be hard, but hurting Luc would be a lot harder, and that was the inevitable outcome should she stay.
Over the course of a year, Luc had been it all. He had been someone she hated, someone she laughed with, someone she played with and finally someone she loved. He'd been everything- even her, as she phrased it, partner in crime. She'd let him in and him her- they'd shown each other their own secret worlds. He'd gone deeper than anyone before him, and it felt like no one would go again. But that was over now; it was time for her to go home, back to Leeds. She needed to fix things there. She was already fixing things with Liam and that was thanks to Luc. She just wished that they could have fixed their broken relationship. Despite all the pain, it had been the best relationship of her life; it had been exciting, at times perplexing but above all magical. Indeed, it had been a true fairy tale. But fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
Eddi wound down the window to the little car, thus allowing the cool autumnal air to dry her eyes. It was time to be a big girl now. And big girls don't cry…
Keep the songfics coming guys! Do leave a review too as you go
