Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. (Yes, I'm losing ideas for a creative disclaimer. Oh well. I suppose you already get the message).
Today was a pretty ordinary day- if ordinary was a term that even applied to the academy. Aside from Luna's so-called 'election', I wasn't late for class- an achievement in itself, considering how many times I have been late.
-And I would've been pretty happy if I hadn't learnt a thing in class. Why?
We learnt about alice types, and how an alice could shorten one's life span. Actually, I was excited to learn something new about Alices. I felt pretty good about this class, since we were actually taught something new and different.
Apparently, Natsume has the one where his life shortens. I didn't want to hear that!
Not the first thing in the morning. I was horrified. Yes, meeting him after years, he seemed so distant. He seemed so... cold. But... that didn't mean I'd be happy him always using his Alice. We had a past, too. We were good friends- The present couldn't change that.
After the explanation, we had a short Alice battle, since the teacher wanted to test us. However, the lesson hadn't even started yet when I heard a commotion at the back.
It was Natsume and some person with the Alice of air. I saw Natsume using his Alice, having a scary-looking ball of fire on his palm.
I didn't even think- I just rushed up to them, foot after foot, with my heart racing.
"Natsume! Are you insane? Do you really want to shorten your life-"
"Stay out of this, polka," he said, his eyes not moving from the other person. I was surprised. All this time, from wearing the mask he so carefully built- for the first time, I saw it break. He was definitely mad. What could that guy possible have done to anger him?
Wait a minute...
... Polka?
"Hey! Why- you- I told you to stop calling me that!" I replied in annoyance.
"Hey, tell me, do you still go to bed with 2 teddy bears stuffed on both your arms?" he snickered.
How… How dare he….
"Well, how about you? Do you still read stupid manga or take those night walks when you can't fall asleep?"
"'I disagree. Manga is not stupid, and what's wrong with taking night walks when person is having difficulty sleeping?"
"Oh, says the person who always said having those walks weren't normal."
"Wrong and not normal are two different things."
I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever you say, Natsume. And don't change the subject. Why did you attack that guy?"
"I said stay out of it."
"Would it hurt to tell me?" I asked.
It wasn't until now when I realized that everyone was watching us. It was uncomfortable.
"Stop being stubborn," he said.
"That's how I am, Natsume. How about you? What part of the 'old' you hasn't changed?" I burst out. Instantly, I regretted it. It was an unfair thing to say when I knew deep inside me, there was still a part of him that was there. The part of him I missed.
He paused before answering.
"There's no point in answering your questions," he replied in a cold manner. He seemed aggravated by my question. Why, I couldn't imagine.
"Oh yeah? Why so?" I asked in exasperation.
"Well, what do you see in front of you right now?" he demanded.
"I don't... Understand…"
I didn't know how to answer now. He was being confusing again.
"No matter what I say, you'd still believe what you see, won't you? Figure that out yourself- the part of me that hasn't changed, that is."
"Well you just- you just love making my head spin every night. Nice hobby of yours."
"Of course. Kills time," he said, cracking up a smile that irked me to no end.
"And you wanna know what I'd love to kill? That arrogance of yours," I said, miffed.
I don't know what happened. The last few days he didn't want to talk to me, and today we were fighting. How complicated could he get?
I just didn't want him to use his Alice, and he somehow found a way to annoy me. Again.
I stopped on my tracks, struck by realization.
-He hasn't changed at all.
Natsume always enjoyed teasing me, for some reason I couldn't identify. I never really minded, but now... Why? He just used to always always... He always did that. Then he was gone.
Him coming back brought back the memory of the old times- I didn't want to admit it to myself. It was I who changed, and whenever I thought about how we used to be, something inside of me snapped. Why? Why did you have to leave? I kept on asking that, but I didn't have any answers. I always knew I'd have to confront Natsume some day and ask why he left. I didn't want to cry, so I always tried to act tough and defend myself... and Natsume- he never backed down. That was why we always fought- we were both stubborn in our own ways.
I was feeling extremely guilty by the time class lessons ended. It was my fault. I'm not sure I could face him yet after everything- how could I face him, knowing that it was me who was at fault? I accused him of not being the same person- it was wrong and foolish to even think so. The 3 years had changed me. I was wounded. Time didn't heal it- It only worsened the pain, knowing Natsume was gone for that long. I didn't want to think about it. About any of it.
Tonight was homework night for me. It was boring and difficult, but this was one of the days I had to convince myself to study and do homework. It was also one of my strategies to take my mind off things. I was never a genius, and it was just obvious that I just had to work my way up- not that I was at the very bottom or anything. I always worked in the library, because there were less distractions. It was 7:00pm by the time I started. Alice Academy's library closed at 9:00pm, so I still had plenty of time to get things done. The library was quiet during the night, by the time many students would have been having fun with whatever they did at 9:00pm.
The library was well-lit, compared to the bedrooms. I usually sat in the far right corner, next to the book shelves.
Only a couple of students were in the library. 2 girls in my class, and 3 boys from a different class. No one spoke- it felt strange since the Academy was usually so full of students talking endlessly, screaming or teasing, and on the rare occasion, fights. I was glad of the silence, and I used it to concentrate on my work.
What is an Alice stone?
I silently read the paragraph to myself.
When Natsume left, he had also left me something. It was always an ordinary stone to me, but it occurred to me that it was Alice stone. Koko pointed that out, too. Clearly, there was something magical about it.
Angrily, I shut the book. Natsume slipped into my head again. I was done anyway. Reading the book was just extra reading. I checked the clock- It was already 8:30pm.
The corridors were dim by 8:00pm. It was a general rule- a symbol that it was getting late and we had to go to bed. I knew what to expect when I came inside- dim lights and warmth. I was still making my way towards the path that lead to the inside.
I could see a figure from the distance. I prayed that it wasn't Natsume. I desperately wished it really wasn't him.
- Because if there was anyone I didn't want to face right now, anyone at all, it was him. I would be hurt and guilty at the same time. Those 2 weren't feelings I wanted to confront right now- particularly after I finished my work and felt accomplished. Unfortunately, not all prayers get answered, because I heard his voice.
"It's 8:30pm." He was standing right in front of me.
"I didn't ask for the time," I muttered, pushing through.
"What were you doing out there?"
"Doing my homework," I responded. "Wait a minute, what's it to you if I do my homework at 8:00?"
"I don't care whether you do homework at 8:00, 12:00 midnight or even 1:00am," he said. It sounded like his sentence was unfinished, and I waited for him to continue. He didn't.
"Why aren't you in your room?" I asked, changing the subject.
"My mission."
"At 8:30? What time do you plan to get back?" I laughed.
He didn't answer.
"You're not telling me 'never', are you?" I said, my smile faltering.
He didn't answer. He just looked away.
"Well, are you, Natsume?" my voice cracked. 3 years I could handle. But never?
"No."
-And with that single answer, relief flooded through me.
"Can't you just answer straight next time? To give me peace of mind?" I said.
"You'll just have to learn patience."
"I think I've had enough of that today. Can you just tell me why you attacked that guy?"
"You don't need to know," he said coldly.
"Why not? You used to tell me everything. You probably just attacked him for some pointless reason-"
"You don't have to know everything." That face- that voice-
"Who are you? Why are you hiding behind that… Mask?" I demanded bitterly, as I stood, waiting for a reply. I wanted so badly to break that mask, to penetrate it, so even a little, I could understand him.
"If I tell you, would everything turn back turn back to the way they used to be?"
That stung. He purposefully kept everything from me, and he didn't want to tell me because it wouldn't make any difference.
"What's wrong with you? Just because we haven't seen each other in years and you have the oh-so-cool fire alice, treat me like I'm some sort of idiot!"
"Every time I see you you keep on blabbering about pointless things."
Typical of him.
And once again, he turned away….
"Oh no you don't- don't you turn your back one me! You done it once, I'm not letting it happen again."
"… You think I turned my back on you?" he asked angrily.
"Isn't that what it all added up to? Natsume- you just left- even when you promised! You promised you'd contact me! I've figured you couldn't face m-me. So you thought of running away, but Natsume, why? How come you never sent a single message?"
He stared at me coldly, and for a second, I thought I didn't know him at all.
His next words weren't something I expected, so I couldn't find the words to answer.
"I- I sent you mail once. You never replied back."
With that, he left. I didn't stop him, for I knew that there was no longer reason to.
"Natsume," I called out weakly.
He stopped on his tracks. "It was 2 days before Christmas. I can recall every detail about that day. You remember?"
Before I was able to utter a decent reply, he already walked quite some distance. He wouldn't be able to hear me even if I found my voice. Or rather, the strength to even speak at all. That was it. That was why he was so distant. I always blamed him for leaving; always thought he was the one that changed. Everything is my fault. From the change to the truth- mine. Everything.
Within that moment, I felt tremendous guilt. As if my strength was suddenly pulled away, my knees wobbled and dropped to the ground, as the rain started to gently fall over the ground. The calming whooshing of the wind, and the light raindrops made my mind stretch back to those treasured memories I'd almost forgotten...
Yes, I remember.
It's been quite some time since my last update. 2 weeks of break is over, so the merciless pattern of HW is back once more. Enjoy the ch.!
