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Canaan Land Part Fifty-One

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===Transient Officer's Housing, San Francisco...

The warm evening breeze stirred the curtains as evening deepened in the Bay area. Tom had forgotten how much he loved nighttime in his hometown. The sweet air textured with the aroma of flowers and the ocean nearby filled him up, soothing him in a way he had forgotten. He had always gone to the bay when upset as a youngster. He stood on the balcony, his hands resting on the railing and listened to the conversation drifting out of the living room. James, Kathleen's husband had arrived and after introductions had fallen into deep conversation with Nayib. It appears that both men worked at the same career. Both men were engineers.

It figured Tom thought. Can't get away from engineers no matter how hard you try, Tommy boy. He grinned and peered down the Quad noting a number of people sitting on the grass and benches talking in the moonlight. It was very quiet and peaceful. Chakotay stepped out of the living room and walked over slipping his arms around Tom's waist. The taller man leaned back melting into the older man's body. He sighed deeply contented and at peace. "How do you feel?" Chakotay asked kissing Tom's neck over and over.

"Better," Tom whispered. "You?"

"I'll live," Chakotay replied.

Tom grinned and turned, leaning against the railing his hands on Chakotay's shoulders. "That tells me nothing."

Chakotay grinned and pulled Tom into his arms. They stood quietly for a long time and then Chakotay chuckled. Tom leaned back searching his face for the joke. "What?"

"Oh nothing really. It just seems to me that we can never do anything by halves."

Tom grinned. "Yeah, well, you know us. After all it was your idea to have a nude wedding, remember?"

Chakotay grinned blushing slightly. "You look great in pink."

"Shit. More like red." Tom grinned and turned pulling Chakotay's arms around him. "This is so surreal. I am waiting for something to happen and we end up back in the Delta."

"Are you sorry we made it back?"

"Sometimes. I don't regret things as much as I used to. But I regret seeing my Mom cry. I regret how much we have to hurt about Dad."

"It's not your fault, babe." Chakotay kissed Tom's neck and tightened his embrace.

"Not directly." Tom sighed.

"Not at all. Tom, the man made a decision and now he pays." Chakotay turned Tom around. "It's his decision. It's his errors of judgment. You have nothing to do with that." Tom leaned against the railing, a forlorn look on his face. Chakotay caressed his cheek and kissed him gently. "I love you."

Tom gazed at Chakotay. He was older, wearing his experiences with ease. His hair was streaked with gray and his dark eyes filled with emotion. He was more beautiful than ever before and he was everything. Chakotay kept the demons at bay and loved Tom with an intensity that had taken time to get used to. Tom stepped into his arms and held Chakotay tightly, his heart pounding in his chest. They had a life together, children and work, accomplishments and the deepest and best friendship either man had ever managed with another. They were healthy, together and surrounded by family. It didn't get much better than this. "I count on it, Chakotay," Tom whispered.

Chakotay smiled and hugged him tightly, gazing at the familiar stars of home. So do I, Tom, he thought as they stood together on the balcony, the moon bright above them.

===Inside the apartment...

James had found himself overwhelmed by the number of people that greeted his arrival. The big dark haired men that were part of Chakotay's family bore remarkable resemblance to each other. The one called Bey was friendly but intense and his Bajoran wife, Ro Laren was a relaxing influence on him he noted. Now the one called Nayib was more his type of person. Warm and friendly, they had immersed themselves in engineer talk practically emptying the room. The women were involved in conversation and the children played and sat listening to the adults as the evening wore on. It was a relaxing and low key evening. One by one, the children fell asleep and the adults drifted off to their respective apartments.

James and Kathleen made their exit and walked down the hallway to the apartment that she shared with her mother and sister. They would continue in this arrangement until debriefings were complete. Those would begin tomorrow. Kathleen made ready for bed as James sat on the chair next to the dresser musing over the day. "Are you ever going to tell me what happened at DS9?" he asked as Kathleen came back into the room and pulled back the covers.

She grinned. "When you have a week to listen."

He grinned and watched as his wife of nearly 20 years slid into the bed. She lay back sighing her weariness and glanced at him. "What's on your mind, James?"

"I don't know. This is all so intense."

"Tell me about it," Kathleen replied. She sighed. "Its all so compact and its all so slow and now its becoming jumbled. I don't know how Tom and everyone can even think."

"What are they going to do now?"

"I don't know. I don't think they have even discussed it themselves." She looked at him. "What do you think of Chakotay and his family?"

James thought for a second. "They are impressive people. I like Nayib. Bey is a little less accessible. That mother is a powerhouse. So are the sisters."

Kathleen snorted. "Sounds familiar."

James chuckled. "I like them. They're straight forward. Chakotay? I can see why Tom is drawn to him. He's smart, intense and loves him."

"I never expected to see Tom with a man. I nearly fell out of my shoes when I found out."

James moved to the bathroom. "I never knew Tom. Not more than in passing. He was such a kid. But he appears to be a good man now. Maybe this man is good for him." Kathleen sighed. "He's grown up. I thought he would die somewhere all alone. I could hardly think of him and then in prison..."

James stepped out and moved to the bed, climbing in and pulling Kathleen into his arms. He called lights off and they snuggled. "He probably would have been dead if he hadn't gone to the Delta. He was a death waiting to happen."

"Thank god," Kathleen whispered. "The array did us all a favor."

===Apartment 223-A...

Tom peered in and noted five children sleeping soundly. He had just finished straightening up the apartment, his neat streak rearing its ugly head and was headed for bed. Chakotay had retired already. Tom walked to the balcony, stepping out once again and gazing at the familiar moon of his home world. He never expected to see it again. It was too much to hope for. Now they were home and he was as unsettled as ever. What was next? He didn't know. Turning to go inside he saw Chakotay leaning against the door watching him. "What's up?"

Tom grinned. "Just wondering what's next."

"We haven't talked much about it have we."

"No." Tom leaned against the railing, his hands resting lightly on the edge and gazed at Chakotay.

"What do you want to do next, Tom?"

Tom stared at the floor, his mind a blank. "I have no idea."

Chakotay walked over and slipped his arms around Tom. The younger man relaxed against him, laying his head on Chakotay's shoulder. "We have debriefings and interviews for the next week or two. Its going to take time to clear from Voyager."

"Then what?" Tom slipped his arms around Chakotay and pulled him closer, snuggling against his chest.

"We will have to decide."

Tom sat up, their eyes level. He stared at Chakotay intensely. "You want to stay with Star Fleet don't you."

It was just a statement of fact. It was also very true. Chakotay blinked and pulled Tom close. "How did you learn to read my mind?"

Tom grinned. "So, explain it to me." Chakotay held him a long moment and then stepped back, musing at the moon. He grinned. "You will think I'm nuts."

"I already do, Chakotay." Tom grinned folding his arms patiently. "Tell me so I'll understand."

Chakotay's face became serious and he turned to Tom. "It's all I ever wanted, Tom. My whole life. You know, I defied everyone and everything that was important to me and my family to go. I hurt my father.."

"God, Chakotay..." Tom interrupted.

"No, Tom, hear me out." They stilled and Tom nodded. "There was never any other place for me that I felt I could fit. I know now that was, I don't know, kid thinking. But, it was true for a long time. Then the Maquis and the war came along and my father died and I had to rethink a lot of things." Chakotay moved to the railing and leaned on it, his hand resting gently on Tom's arm. "I was a fool about you. I loved you from the first time I saw you."

Tom swallowed hard and laced his fingers through Chakotay's hand. For a moment it was silent. "You and the kids gave me a different focus. I had a family, something I never dreamed was possible and the job was just a part of my life, not my *whole* life. Now that we're home, I want to go to Dorvan and spend some time with you and the kids. There are things I want to do for my father while we're there. I have some... I have some things I need to say to him." For a moment he couldn't speak and then he cleared his throat. He gazed at Tom with eyes dark with emotion. "Then I want to go back and see if it is what I really want to do. Its all I have ever thought about." Chakotay shrugged his gaze level.

"Even in spite of what's happened, you want to go back?" Tom smiled knowing the answer already.

Chakotay nodded, a sheepish look on his face. "I like space. I like exploring and working on star ships. It was the only goal I ever had."

Tom nodded, squeezing his hand. "I hear you, babe." Chakotay stepped in front of Tom sliding his arms around him. He leaned in and kissed Tom long and slow. "Of course," he whispered, "I could change my mind tomorrow."

With that he slung Tom over his shoulder and walked into the apartment for bed. Their laughter echoed over the empty Quad and faded slowly away.

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Two

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===San Francisco, Star Fleet Headquarters...

The day began with a scheduled series of interviews and debriefings that would rotate the crew and officers throughout the following week and one half. Groups of Voyager crew would be taken to the ship to help engineers understand the modifications and to retrieve any personal effects still on board. But before all of that could be accomplished, there was one more task to complete. The crew, dressed in their dress uniforms were flown to Voyager and at the site joined Star Fleet and Federation brass performed one last task for a group of colleagues that remained behind on the ship. The day was clear, blue sky and shimmering ocean as the honor guard lined both sides of the shuttle bay. The crew stood silent witness as slowly, one by one small coffins containing the cremated remains of the thirty-five adults and six children were brought out of the ship.

There were huge crowds lining the docks, their faces solemn as the mournful procession filed by. Crew lost in conflict and sickness and six children taken the same way were escorted from Voyager to be repatriated to their families and home worlds. It was Janeway's decision that no one be left behind. The silence was broken by bag pipes playing the traditional music for Star Fleet dead. Amazing Grace drifted over the heads of tearful and silent people as the small boxes filed past. One by one they disappeared into a shuttle and finally they were taken away, flag draped and honored. At last they were all home. At last the voyage was over.

===Star Fleet Headquarters, San Francisco...

Tom Paris sighed as he left the room, the place of his debriefing. It had been six hours of questions going over logs and answering as best he could. The warp ten trial was among them and as each new event was discussed he began to get a feel of the epic dimensions of their journey. Out there it was just the job they did every day but here in this setting it sunk in how amazing their survival actually was. He walked down the hall, stopping briefly to talk to a couple of crew taking a break from their own debriefing and then continued on to the end. Peering into the door through the window, he saw Chakotay explaining some point while Kathryn looked on.

A Captain, catching him in the doorway, waved him in. He hesitated for a moment and then stepped inside. "Mr. Paris," he smiled, "pull up a chair."

Tom complied and sat next to Chakotay.

"We were just discussing Species 8472."

Tom nodded, memories of that species churning his gut.

"You prevented an invasion by the way you dealt with them." The Captain, Roberts by name shook his head. "We didn't even know they existed."

"You don't know the half of it, Captain. You will never know it." Tom sighed tired and ready to leave. Chakotay squeezed his leg.

"Tell us more." Roberts leaned back congenially and sipped his coffee. "Tell us about the Ocampa."

All three of the Voyager crew stilled for a moment, then they looked at each other. Tom closed his eyes, suddenly homesick. "How can you ever know about Kes?" he whispered.

===Paris House, San Francisco...

"Grandma? Is this Daddy's room?" Andrew and Tim looked in the bedroom at the end of the hallway.

Miriam nodded smiling at the boys as they stood in the doorway staring into the room like it was a shrine. The five children crowded into the doorway unwilling to disturb the solemnity of the moment by moving inside. Moira and Kathleen stood beside their mother watching as the children tentatively stepped inside, their voices hushed as they looked around. Moira remembered a day when she too peered in, wondering what was happening behind the big white door.

"Tom?" Moira Paris was pissed. She had called Tom for about five minutes and had no response. Little brothers were such babies she thought stomping up the long staircase, murder on her mind. Dinner was ready and no one was supposed to be late. She came to the door and called through it receiving no answer. Debating whether to just turn around and leave him or not, she turned the old-fashioned knob and peeked inside. Tom was sitting on his chair near the window crying without making a sound. He was ten, a slim and blond youngster with large blue eyes and a beautiful smile that she saw very rarely. She stood for a moment staring and wondering why he was crying when a holler down below from their father broke the moment. She stepped inside and walked to him, sitting on the bed across from him. "Tom?"

For a moment he didn't move and then he did, looking at her with anguished eyes. Without a sound he rose and stepped to her kneeling and putting his head on her lap. She sat a moment and then stroked his silky blond hair, leaning down and kissing his tear streaked face. With a huge sigh she rose, pulling him to his feet and walking to the small bathroom connected to his room. With care and gentleness she washed his face clean and hugged him tightly. Together they walked down the stairs to dinner. Standing in the doorway staring at the comfortable chair near the window, she wondered for the thousandth time what had caused Tom such anguish. She didn't know then that it was not the first time he had fled to the refuge of his room. She would never know what the cause of that moment was but she knew now it was only one of many. With a bittersweet heart, Moira watched the children of her brother tentatively and reverently touch the books, toys and ship models that her mother lovingly preserved from Tom's childhood. The room looked the way it did back then when he was that pesky cute kid that she never had time for. Watching the children now, remembering what she had seen but had not really taken the time to understand then she wished more than anything that she had spent some time with her brother. She wished she had been a better friend to Tom than she had been. His burden, the legacy had broken his back. It was all their failing not to have noticed and done more.

Miriam walked into the room sitting on the bed. She watched the children look at Tom's old fashioned paper books and smiled. Tom loved books. He was a voracious reader and always had been. Standing she walked over and picked one up. Walking over to the window she sat down and opened the ancient cover. Cheyenne walked over and leaned over the back of the chair staring at the printed pages her grandmother was turning. Pressing her cheek against Miriam's, Cheyenne touched the page. "What book is this, Grandma?" she asked as Andrew and Tim walking over to stand beside the chair.

Miriam smiled. "It's your Daddy's favorite book when he was your age." They smiled, five beautiful smiles beaming at their Grandma as she delivered another piece of the puzzle that was their Daddy. "What's it called, Grandma?" Andrew asked leaning against her shoulder.

"It's called "Riki Tiki Tavi," she said. Turning to the first page, her grandchildren gathered around her she began to read...

"Rikki-Tikki-Tavi"

"At the hole where he went in..."

===San Francisco, Fisherman's Wharf...

"Gwampa!"

Roberto Torres turned, his smile spreading as he watched Keko pat a tank filled with lobsters. He walked over Gretchen Janeway beside him, little Gretchen in her arms. The grandparents were on the town with their babies off to see the sights of the big city. Roberto knelt and smiled, slipping his arms around the little boy and watching his enraptured face. The big sea animals moved slowly around in the salt water, their big claws banded to prevent them from injuring each other. "Gwampa, what do these aminals do?"

"They swim and look beautiful." Grandpa replied hugging the little boy tightly. He had in the past two weeks felt more alive than he had in years. He loved these babies more than anything he had ever known in his life. Rising, he took Keko's hand and turned to Gretchen smiling at them, the chubby baby in her arms chewing on her fingers. "I know a great place for seafood and the kids can get something they like there too."

"Lead away, McDuff," Gretchen said grinning. "I don't remember much about the city anymore. Its been a long time since I was here."

Picking up K'Karn, Roberto steered them all down the sidewalk as Gretchen told them of her memories of San Francisco when her husband was alive.

===Star Fleet Headquarters, San Francisco, Officer's Dining Room...

Tom Paris sat at the bar waiting for Chakotay and Kathryn to join him. The day's obligations were behind them and after a bite they could go home. Home to the compound that is. He sipped his beer and was lost in thought when he heard voices behind him. Glancing into the mirror he noticed three men standing at a small island, talking among themselves. One of them seemed vaguely familiar but Tom couldn't place him. As he mulled it over the man stepped away from his friends and walked over to the bar sitting on the seat next to Tom. "Hi, Tom. Remember me?" The dark haired man smiled his face uncomfortably close to Tom's and Tom leaned back slightly.

Tom stared at him and shook his head. "Should I?"

He grinned. "Probably not. But I remember you. You see, Tom," he said leaning in again laying his hand on Tom's thigh, "I was the one who arrested you when you were with the Maquis."

Surprise swept through Tom as he stared at the man, his blood running cold. There was a wash of pictures all out of sequence that flashed through his mind. The man smiled. "You remember me, don't you. You remember how I put the cuffs on you and took you to prison."

Tom carefully set his glass on the bar top and moved to go. A strong hand gripped his arm and he was stopped. "I was thinking, Tom, that you might want to come over and meet my friends. They have never seen a Star Fleet traitor. They have never actually met a prison whore before."

Tom pulled his arm free and stared at the man, his heart pounding. His blood rushed in his ears distorting sounds around him. Tom stood frozen, his rage and surprise competing with his shame. The man stepped closer laying his hand on Tom's chest, his voice low and sultry. "Come on, Tom. We can have some fun. It will be like old times, you know, back when you were in prison."

Tom shoved the man away and stepped back, bumping up against something solid. He turned and stared into the rage-filled eyes of Chakotay.

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Three

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Lava.

It felt like lava, the rupture of his heart. All of his deepest and most shameful secrets spewed forth filling his mind with such darkness that he was rooted to the floor. All of his carefully constructed mental traps were sprung and every hurt, every harsh word, every degraded moment of his life rushed at him head long. He sensed rather than saw Chakotay pass him grabbing the man who touched him and tossing him like some small weightless object over the bar and into the myriad of glass bottles that lined the wall. Tom saw the man fly over and Chakotay turn, reaching for the other two but it did not really touch him. He could not hear the crash of rage around him so completely did the blood pounding in his ears dominate his mind. All of the streaks of movement passed slowly before him and he could sense the blackness moving for him, waiting to take him with it to the void. Without a sound Tom Paris turned and ran for his life.

===Apartment 22A...

Miriam and the kids walked into their home away from home and were surprised to find it empty. It was a few hours past Tom and Chakotay's scheduled meetings. They should have been home by now. Miriam put Riki Tiki Tavi on the table, its place marked with a poem Tom had written as a boy of eight. It was a poem to his father and Miriam preserved it as she had all of her children's creations with care and love.

Turning to the happy faces standing around her she smiled. "So, what do we have for dinner?"

"Pizza," they answered in unison.

With a chuckle, Miriam turned and programmed pepperoni pizza, extra cheese into the replicator.

===Star Fleet Headquarters, outside the main building, on the Pedestrian Quad...

Tom Paris ran, blindly fleeing the turmoil of his mind, dashing down the steps and out into the flower garlanded greenery of the quad. He ran down the street passed in and out of the crowds and into the downtown area. He ran until he couldn't, then he walked. Finally, exhausted and confused he sat on a bench struggling for his breath desperate to find a place where he could be alone. His hands hurt and he looked at them, the bloody impression of his fingernails traced into the palms. Sighing raggedly he closed his eyes, tears burning as he struggled to cope with his memories and shame.

A hundred images washed against him, the prisoner who claimed him in Auckland, the pimp who wanted him on the frontier and the beating he took refusing. He saw the faces of everyone he had ever hurt with his glibness, his fearful unwillingness to open his heart. Sandrine and Odile, Julian and his friends from Caldik Prime, all of them raged before his eyes and he could not shut them out. It was as if the past fifteen years had not existed and he was in that cell waiting for someone to determine his fate. No matter how hard he worked, no matter how much he changed he was still that lost boy, that liar and traitor and hopeless drunk. He was sexual predator and sexual victim once again. He felt dirty and hopeless, alone against the universe once more and he knew he could not win. The universe was vast and brutal, unforgiving in it's casual perfection and he was just one small person. One lone soul lost in the darkness. Without a thought, Tom tore off his comm badge and threw it on the ground. A shuttle stopped at the corner and he staggered up boarding it and slumping into an empty seat. He would go to where it was headed. He had no idea what else to do.

===Star Fleet Headquarters...

Julian Bashir regenerated Chakotay's broken hand as Data stood by, a pensive look on his face. It had taken the Commander to pull Chakotay off of the men he was beating. Tom's tormentor, a Lt. Commander named Benson was taken to Fleet Medical Center his bones being broken in such a way that the emergency medical kit in the bar was rendered useless. As Chakotay sat, mildly shocked, Bey and Matthew ben Aaron stepped through the wreckage and stopped before him. He gazed at Bey suddenly remembering Tom and glanced frantically around the room. "Tom!"

Bey put his hand on Chakotay's shoulders, pushing him down. "We will find him. What the hell happened?"

Commander Data stepped forward. "If I may, sir," he said mildly.

ben Aaron nodded, thoroughly acquainted with Commander Data. He would be an impeccable witness his mind cataloged.

"Dr. Bashir and I were having dinner nearby and noticed Lt. Paris in the bar. He is a friend of Dr. Bashir. One of the men, the one taken to Star Fleet Medical Center walked over and struck up a conversation with Mr. Paris."

"You didn't hear it did you?" ben Aaron was very aware of certain capabilities of the android and fervently hoped he was not wrong in asking.

Data did the equivalent of an android blush, Julian smiling at him bemusedly. "I did hear the conversation, Admiral."

"Who was the aggressor?" ben Aaron demanded simply.

"The Lt. Commander was." Data responded.

"Good enough for me. Commander Chakotay?" ben Aaron turned to Chakotay.

"Yes sir," Chakotay croaked rising on unsteady feet.

"Let's go find Lt. Paris." With that the big man turned and left. Bey took Chakotay's arm and they turned, leaving one amused doctor, a slightly confused android and several thousand dollars of damage behind them.

Julian grinned at Data, kissing him on the lips. "Let's finish dinner, Data. The evening is young."

Data grinned and slipped his hand into Julian's. Walking out the door of the bar Bashir was heard to muse on how tonight's incident would take it's place among the fables of Star Fleet for generations to come.

===Somewhere...

Tom sat leaning against the side of the shuttle and sighed. He was so weary he could hardly keep his eyes open. He had to go somewhere. Night was falling and he had to lie down. For a moment his mind was blank and then he remembered. There was one place of refuge he could go to. There was one place that had always sheltered him in the past. He leaned his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. An older woman sitting nearby watched him, a look of worry on her face. She sighed and wondered what to do.

===Downtown, near a shuttle stop...

Chakotay held Tom's comm badge in his hand and felt a jolt of fear stab through him. He would never just throw it away. Chakotay was sure of it. Someone must have him he thought, his fear outpacing his reason by miles. He turned, panting with terror looking up and down the streets.

Bey stepped forward and caught him by his arms. "Chakotay, look at me."

Chakotay pulled free, his pains and hysteria paralleling each other in their race for domination of his brain. He licked his lips, struggling to pull back on his reckless thoughts. "Where is he? He could be hurt. This whole thing has been so hard on him and now this!"

Rage sprang up again and Bey stepped forward, grabbing Chakotay and shaking him. "Chakotay! Think! Where would he go?"

Chakotay caught his breath, his stomach churning. Shaking his head he struggled to think. He had no idea at all.

===Apartment 223-A...

Cheyenne knew something was wrong and she could see how her Grandma had covered her emotions after receiving a message from Aunt Kathryn. Grandma was sitting on the floor playing a board game with the boys and Grandma Maria was reading a news padd. Uncle Nayib had come and they had talked quietly together. He then left and Grandma Maria had changed plans to retire early. In their travels in the Delta Quadrant Cheyenne had developed a sixth sense when adults were covering something up. She knew it had to do with her fathers and her nerves began to fray. The waiting part of any crisis was very hard for her but she had become a professional at hiding her feelings. With a sigh of misery she walked over and picked up Riki Tiki Tavi. Walking over to a chair she sat and opened it, the poem her Daddy had written as an eight year old exposed to her view. She picked it up, the faint pencil lines of a childish script touching her heart in their sweetness.

"Someday, when I am older

I will try things much bolder,

Flying like a bird in the sky.

And maybe in that doing,

I will find a place for living,

And know peacefulness for once

before I die."

A tear trickled down her cheek as she sat waiting.

===Star Fleet HQ, Security Section...

They had sent a discreet message to all policing agencies and hospitals in the greater bay area asking them to inform Star Fleet should Tom be found. Chakotay sat restlessly waiting as he struggled to figure out where Tom could be. He stood and walked down the hallway to the restroom, stepping in and washing his face with ice cold water. As he stood toweling off, he knew in a flash where Tom was. It would be the only place he would go to, Chakotay was convinced. Without another moment's hesitation and without a word to anyone, Commander Chakotay left Star Fleet HQ and caught a shuttle to the one place his spouse would be.

===In another place ...

He curled up in the chair, the moonlight washing over him and sighed. For a moment he wasn't a grown man with sorrow in his heart. He was a small boy again and safe within the walls of the one place that had been his refuge. Sitting back, he closed his eyes, a soft sigh escaping his lips...

Paris House, San Francisco...

Chakotay jumped from the shuttle and ran to the gate shoving it open and dashing for the front door. It was unlocked. He opened the door, pausing to adjust his eyes to the darkness and then ran for the stairs taking them two and three at a time. He turned and stared at the doors, uncertain which one was Tom's room and then he ran to the end of the hall. Opening the door he stepped in, stopping and catching his breath. Walking to Tom, he bent down and touched his face. Tom's eyes fluttered open and he looked up blinking at the sight of Chakotay standing over him, an anguished look on his face. "Chakotay?" Tom whispered. "You found me."

Chakotay licked his lips and sighed. "I will always find you, baby..."

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Four

=0=

Luna...

Silver goddess, she wept her silvery threads upon the earth. As it was from the beginning, a thousand million evenings, so it was now...

===Paris House, San Francisco...

The moon shimmered through the trees, silhouettes against a dark sky, her round fullness filling the view from the window. Surf crashing on the rocks below was the only sound as a soft breeze stirred the curtains. It was still and silent, peaceful. Chakotay held Tom against him, curled together in the chair in front of the window. He held Tom and stared outside watching the view that Tom had grown up with. The sound of the surf was comforting and lonely at the same time. Tom stirred, restless in his arms and then he settled shifting deeply into Chakotay's warmth. Soft words and softer caresses were enough and Tom slipped back into his exhausted sleep. Tom's warm breath against Chakotay's neck reassured him, stilling the pounding of his own heart.

It had been terrifying to walk in here and see Tom so silent. Chakotay lay his head back, his eyes drawn to the large fireplace that dominated one whole wall. It was lined with ship models, some Chakotay knew and others Tom had created himself. They stood tended and cared for, probably in the same place that Tom had put them himself. A picture of Tom as a child nestled among the models. He had been beautiful his whole life. There didn't seem from other pictures covering a wall that there was an awkward period for him, a time in which his reality did not match his potential. He was always lovely, always graceful. Chakotay sighed and kissed Tom's forehead, his eyes drifting around the room. He looked, noting what he saw, adding each piece to the picture he carried in his heart. All of this, the music, models, books and art objects were a part of Tom.

Paper books. Tom had always been a reader oddly enough. You would not think it of him Chakotay thought but then there was little of this curious man that seemed unsurprising. There was even less about him that seemed known. They had been together, before Voyager and after, drawn across the universe, sliding along a path neither could see until they came together in an explosion of passion and unity that had rent them both in two. They had exchanged parts of their soul when they had made their commitment, parts that lived in the other and without each together neither felt whole.

Tom sighed, some sad dreams filling him, moving him to restlessness and Chakotay moved to soothe him. Soft touches and softer kisses, words whispered and once again he stilled. Chakotay smiled his heart filled with emotion as he comforted the center of his universe. The thing that he had feared, worried about more than any other had occurred. Someone from a dead past had reached out and touched them dredging up memories that had no room in their lives now. Someone had pressed their evil onto Tom and he had been shattered.

The bed dominated the room and the blue spread across it appeared new. Chakotay strained his eyes peering at the dark shape on the pillow and failed. The bed beckoned as fatigue began to replace fear in Chakotay's bones. He would put Tom to bed and they would rest together. Chakotay sat up, pulling Tom with him, his groans breaking the silence. Chakotay kissed him softly and stood slowly his body aching and his head pounding from their ordeal. Pulling Tom slowly to unsteady legs Chakotay walked to the bathroom and stood as Tom relieved himself. Sitting exhaustedly on the edge of the bathtub, Chakotay pulled off Tom's jacket and helped him up and over to the bed. Brushing off the object on the pillow he settled Tom back and stood staring at the exhausted man as he curled into a ball.

Chakotay had commed Kathryn and told her that he had found Tom at his mother's home. They would stay here. Chakotay had no intention of taking Tom anywhere else until he could talk to him. He pulled Tom's shoes and socks off and removed his own along with his jacket. Sliding down beside Tom, he pulled the slender man over and into his arms. Tom burrowed, tucking his head into Chakotay's neck, his sigh heartfelt. They lay that way a long time, the moon slowly moving across the window. Tom stirred, his hand seeking Chakotay's and they entwined their fingers together. "You found me," Tom sighed softly.

"Yes," Chakotay whispered, fearful to raise his voice and shatter the stillness of the moment.

"I'm sorry."

"Shhh." Chakotay rubbed Tom's back his hands soothing tight muscles.

Tom sighed again. "There is so much I never told you, so much that I did. I'm sorry."

"Shhh." Chakotay hugged Tom and stroked his hair his heart pounding. He knew that there were vast tracts of Tom's psyche that he had never been shown.

"I did things, Chakotay, terrible things and I'm sorry." Tom raised his head his eyes filled with anguish. "I don't know what to do. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try its never enough."

"Fuck them. Fuck them all. Who cares, Tom? It's who *you* see yourself as that counts."

Tom shook his head resting his cheek on Chakotay's chest. He sighed and raised his head again, staring with tears into Chakotay's face. "I have to tell you what I am. I have to have you hear it from me, not some guy in a bar."

"In the morning, baby," Chakotay whispered his voice soft with pain.

"I don't want you to hate me."

Chakotay felt himself shatter, his heart bursting inside of him. He pulled Tom into his arms, a cry of sorrow escaping his lips. He held Tom tightly and then he rolled over his hand holding Tom's face as his eyes searched for some way to fix things, to make them better. There was none. "God, Tom... don't you know by now what you mean to me? I love you. You saved me. I was so alone, so lonely without you. I don't care about the past. Do you understand?"

Tom sighed tears slipping down his cheeks. "You don't know what I've done."

"To survive? I can imagine." Chakotay stroked Tom's cheek aching to kiss him.

"Can you?" Tom whispered.

"Let it go, baby. Its killing you."

"I don't know how. I have to make amends."

"You did a thousand times in the Delta. How many times do you have to carry this cross before the debt is paid?"

For a moment Tom didn't speak. Then he sighed closing his eyes as tears slid down. "It seems like forever," he whispered. "I'm so tired."

"I know, baby." Chakotay sighed and kissed him imparting as much love as he could into that simple act. Tom sighed and pressed back his anguished heart pounding furiously. Chakotay raised his head, tears slipping from his eyes.

"I don't want to lose you, Chakotay." A shaky hand brushed tears from Chakotay's face, touching the Commander gently.

"What does it mean to me to come home to my family if you aren't with me? Nothing else matters." Chakotay kissed Tom again. "You and the children are with me, always. There is nothing else that matters more to me."

"Hold me," Tom whispered. Chakotay gathered him into his arms and rolled over onto his back pulling the younger man close. He tucked Tom's head into his neck, tears slipping from Tom's eyes wet against his skin. "I will always hold you, Tom. I'll never let you go." Chakotay whispered. He sighed raggedly his eyes closing as the last fraction of the moon slipped from view.

In the silence of the room, filling with darkness, they lay together alone. On the floor where it had been swept aside lay a very old and much loved teddy bear.

===Transient Officer's Compound...

Kathryn sighed as she stepped out of Tom and Chakotay's apartment. She had checked on the kids and the Grandmas, both women opting to stay over night there. She was glad. The kids had been told that Daddy was sick and even though they betrayed very little she knew them well enough to know that they were upset. She paused outside on the walkway, staring at the huge yellow moon in the sky. They had sought it for so long, some dying in the attempt and now that they were here what would happen? She was tired, her nervous tension great as she tried to relax. Tom was safe and Chakotay was with him. They would survive this as they survived everything else.

Owen Paris flashed through her mind and she felt herself become hard, a coldness filling her. He had a son and didn't love him. He had a wife he didn't deserve. She had known him herself. They both served the same organization and the same Federation. They both swore the same oath but he had betrayed his. It galled her. Her son had redeemed himself, retrieving himself from his oblivion and Owen had turned traitor, invalidating a lifetime of work. She stared at the moon and was suddenly filled with a compassion once again for her errant pilot. She felt her motherly heart surge at the thought of his pain and made a vow to see Owen Paris before they left this town. Turning, she stepped away and moved toward B'Elanna and home.

===Star Fleet HQ, Admiral's Apartment...

Bey sipped the whiskey, the warmth sliding down his throat and warming the coldness that had filled his insides from the moment he had risen from dinner and walked into that wrecked bar. He had seen a rage on Chakotay's face that he had not seen even in the war.

Matthew put his feet on the table and sat back, sipping his drink slowly. "Tell me about your brother, Bey," Matthew said quietly. He stared at Bey, ten long years of friendship easing a path between their two disparate worlds.

Bey sighed. "Well, I remember him as intense, quiet, smart and passionate. He was one of the funniest people I knew but he has this sense of dignity that prevents people from noticing right away."

Matthew nodded. "I never liked Owen Paris. Never did. Respected him, utilized his talents sure. But like? That never seemed to come up in my mind. I never once heard him talk about his son. I heard a lot about his daughters. He never spoke of Tom." Bey sighed shaking his head. "We did a lot of work together, shared a lot of dinners and scotch. Yet in that whole time there was never a word about Tom. It was like a black hole, that part of him. It all went in and nothing ever came out."

"My brother has been searching for someone his whole life to love. He has the worst luck with relationships. Now, with Tom? God, I should be so close to Ro."

"You aren't?" Matthew chuckled sipping his drink.

Bey grinned. "Ro treasures the times you and I go fishing."

Matthew grinned. "We need to go again, when this is over."

Bey nodded contemplating clear lakes and big fish.

"Bey, talk to your brother. Try and get him to stay. Star Fleet could use some honor right now."

Bey nodded. "And Tom?"

"It wouldn't be Star Fleet without a Paris."

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Five

=0=

Paris House, San Francisco...

He sat in a chair at the kitchen table barefoot and dressed in his uniform slacks and a t-shirt belonging to his father. He leaned his elbows on the table his head resting on his hands, his tousled hair spilling out between his fingers. Chakotay sat the steaming cup of coffee on the table before him, sitting and sipping his tea, waiting for Tom to appear. The person before him moved like a zombie allowing himself to be handled in a shower and into clothes. Walking down the stairs, his feet dragging, he had sat down in the chair curling into himself. "Tom...here is coffee. Take a sip." Chakotay pushed the cup closer, the heat rising up, filling

Tom's nostrils with it's pungent aroma. He sighed slightly and reached for it, his hand grasping the hot cup and lifting it to his lips. Blowing on it he took a sip, setting it carefully down, his hands returning to his head. Chakotay sat his own cup down and carefully took Tom's hands pulling them away from his face. Tom didn't argue or fight him. He just allowed it, his face shuttered and his eyes closed. It was a pale face, etched with sorrow and weariness. It was a face that Chakotay had not seen since the Maquis. "Tommy. Please. Let's talk."

For a moment there was no sign of recognition, no acknowledgement from the silent figure and then the eyes opened rising slowly to Chakotay's. They were bottomless in their darkness, filled with sorrow and self-recrimination and they gazed at him with the steadfastness of a small child.

"Come on," Chakotay whispered pulling Tom to his feet. They turned and walked to the living room and together they curled up on the love seat that faced the great window. Beyond them lay the Pacific Ocean, its shimmering blue surface sparkling with a thousand million glints of light. White foam broke against the rocks as the surf crashed against the land below them. Green grass and flower beds flowed away toward the sea, dropping out of sight with the curve of the land. Chakotay resisted touching Tom as he watched he began sort through the noise in his mind. A hundred different stories about a thousand different sorrows competed for his attention and he was at a loss to begin. He raised his eyes to Chakotay, licking dry lips. Chakotay took his hand, entwining his fingers tightly with Tom's. Clearing his throat he spoke softly and gently. "Last night you were trying to tell me things, Tom, that meant something to you. You wanted me to hear from you what you were afraid others might tell me. I want you to know that nothing you could tell me would ever change how much I love you. I know you don't believe that. I know you feel you did terrible things. Maybe you did to survive. But it won't change a thing. I want you to hear that."

Tom nodded his heart racing as he listened, his eyes shadowed with grief.

"Tom, you don't have to tell me anything. But if you have to tell someone to make it better for you I am ready to listen. I want you to know that I will listen."

Tom closed his eyes, a look of surpassing misery crossing his face. Then he opened them, staring at the floor, a halfway place between the hell he lived in now and the hell he once inhabited. For a moment there was no sound and then he began to talk haltingly and very softly. Chakotay strained to listen, gripping Tom's hand as tightly as he could.

"You know the crash? Caldik Prime?" Tom's dead eyes closed in remembered pain. "It wasn't my fault, the lie." For a moment Chakotay didn't understand. But he waited. Tom licked his lips and sighed. "I made a mistake. They died, Chakotay. I loved them. They were my friends." He stopped and glanced at Chakotay his eyes filled with that terrible moment. "They were all dead. I was hurt too. They took me away, put me in intensive care and didn't let anyone talk to me."

"Were you hurt that badly?" Chakotay whispered rubbing Tom's hand gently.

"I don't think so. I didn't speak to anyone for three days and then my father came." Tom was silent for a moment. "He came and really bitched me out, over and over. I had never seen him so mad at me. He seemed embarrassed that I was alive."

Chakotay let out a sigh he was holding in and waited.

"He told me that everything was fine and that when I got out that I was supposed to get on with my career. Can you imagine that? Everyone I cared for was dead because I made a mistake and I was supposed to get on with my career."

The waves crashed filling the silence with the power of the Earth. A breeze stirred the curtains and Chakotay waited.

"Mom came and I went home. When I went back everyone told me I was lucky. "That damned Paris luck." Tom's face became dark with bitterness. "I didn't think so. I went to my duty and graduated. I expected that there was to be an inquiry but it never came. Then I knew Dad had fixed it so that I wouldn't have to speak. I didn't think much of it. He always meddled in my life. Why not now?" Tom stopped, thinking deeply and then he began again. "I was in a club and there was a bunch of cadets there. They were going on about some Admiral's brat getting off easy. I listened and they were talking about me. I was furious. I was so furious... not at me or Dad or whatever. I was furious with them. I got away with nothing. My friends were *dead*."Tom sighed raggedly and stared thinking about that moment and then he continued. "It seemed that a report had been filed blaming another in the squadron for the mistake I made. I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked. The report had my signature and was signed when I was in intensive care. It was posted in San Francisco."

"You weren't in San Francisco then."

Tom sighed his face paling. "No, but my Dad was."

For a moment it didn't sink in and then it did. Owen Paris had falsified the report that got Tom court-marshaled out of Star Fleet as a cadet. He carefully schooled his face but Tom wasn't looking at him. He was lost in some past that Chakotay couldn't see.

"I was so ...amazed. I didn't sign the report. I went home. I must have been in a terrible state. I came here to this room and confronted him. Mom wasn't home, thank god. We argued. He said some terrible things to me. He said I was the first fuck up in the entire family history." Tom brushed a tear away, his fingers tightly wound with Chakotay. He stared steadfastly at the floor. "I told him he had to make it right. Someone else was being hurt because of my mistake. He told me to keep my mouth shut and it would be alright." Tom turned desperate eyes on Chakotay. "I couldn't do that, Chakotay. They were my friends. I had to tell."

Chakotay nodded tears slipping from his eyes as his mind raged. He kissed Tom's hand but Tom didn't see him. He was back there, at that time and place. "I went and I told. I told them it was my mistake. Then they threw me out. My dad told me it would be my word against his and I would lose. I did. I lost everything I ever wanted." For a moment he broke, tears spilling as he mourned that moment once again. "I wanted to succeed, Chakotay. I wanted to show him I was good enough."

Chakotay squirmed afraid to touch Tom and afraid not to. Tom sobbed for a moment, the pain too great to hold in and then he gathered himself with effort angrily wiping away his tears. "They court-martialed me. Mama held my hand when they told me I was unfit to be a Star Fleet officer. I was so numb, so broken, my Mom cried afterward holding me. I didn't tell her about Dad. I didn't tell anyone until now, Chakotay."

"Why, baby?" Chakotay's mind howled with sorrow, his voice strained with agony for Tom.

"Because I didn't want Mama to know how much he hated me. I didn't want to hurt her."

He turned his face to Chakotay, surprise etched on every inch of his tear swollen face. "He hates me, Chakotay. I don't ...I can't...why does he hate me?"

Chakotay pulled Tom into his arms drawing him against his heart and holding him tight. If he lived to be a million he would never be able to answer that question.

===Fifteen minutes later...

Tom sat on the couch his feet tucked under him and his head throbbing. Chakotay sat beside him, his arm on the couch behind him protectively. Tom shuddered, a sigh of pain passing through him. Chakotay reached out and squeezed his arm taking a limp hand into his. For a moment Tom rested his head against Chakotay's arm and then with a soft whisper told more of his tale. "I left home, went to Marseilles and tried to die. I couldn't believe it, Chakotay. He hated me." The hurt and mystification in Tom's voice passed through Chakotay like a dagger. "I got drunk, stinking, gutter falling, barfing-on-yourself drunk. I took drugs, I lied and cheated and fucked anyone, anywhere."

Chakotay winced and then girded himself for worse. It was not long in coming. Tom told of his internal exile, of people shunning him as a pariah. He was beaten by customers of Sandrine's and he got into fights. He didn't remember entire stretches of that time. But it wasn't the worst time of his life. That came just before the Maquis. With a shuddering halting whisper he told of life on the frontier during the Cardassian War. He learned of hunger and fear, pimps who wanted the blonde for their business and what happened to those who said no. For a long time he talked telling of degradation and exploitation and misery. Then he quieted. Chakotay reached out and took Tom's chin into his hand, raising the pale tear-stained face to meet his. Exhausted eyes, filled with fear and sorrow met Chakotay's. Eyes that had suffered and eyes that always gave away what the face hid so well.

A thousand emotions, a thousand moments flashed through Chakotay's mind as he gazed into those beautiful tragic eyes. With a deliberate and terrible grace he leaned over and kissed Tom's lips. Tenderly, gently, ever so slowly he pulled the trembling man into his arms, his lips never leaving Tom's. All of the dreams of his life, all his hopes, the oceans of love that had pooled in his heart waiting for someone, Chakotay poured into this moment, this embrace, this kiss. When it was finished and he pulled back staring into the face that filled his dreams and his days, he smiled. "I love you, Tom."

It was all he said.

For now, here in this room amid the ashes of his life, for Tom Paris it was everything.

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Six

=0=

===Star Fleet Detention Center, San Francisco, Room 5...

Kathryn Janeway stepped into the room noting Owen standing by the back wall waiting for her. They stared at each other for a moment and then Owen stepped forward. "Kathryn."

"Admiral."

So formal. So proper.

"Please sit down." Owen took and chair and waited for her to sit. Reluctantly, Kathryn took a seat. For a moment there was silence and then Owen spoke. "Are you after your pound of flesh too?"

Kathryn sat back, her eyes fixed on the Admiral's. "No. I just want to know why."

"Aaaahhh, the ineffable question."

"Don't play games with me, Owen. Tell me why you wanted us to disappear. Tell me why you hurt my people."

Owen paused and leaned back, gazing at her with his poker face. "Its changed since you've been gone, Kathryn." He tapped his fingers on the table. "We now have to build alliances with traitors and killers."

"The Maquis."

"Yes."

A silence stretched out before Kathryn rose, moving to the window with its view of the inner exercise yard. "We had Maquis on our ship. We worked together. We were better with them on our side. We would not have made it back without them."

Owen snorted. "You shouldn't have made it back. You should have died out there, all of you."

"Even Tom?" she asked concealing her shock.

Owen gazed evenly at her. "Yes. Even Tom."

"How can you say that about your own son?"

"If he had died out there it would have been a blessing. The Federation would have had a dead hero and be spared the fuck ups of his life."

Kathryn felt coldness permeate every layer of her heart as she stared at the stranger before her. She moved closer to the table. "You don't know him at all do you." She stated it as fact.

"And I suppose you do." Owen countere, rising and walking to the back wall.

"Yes, I do," Kathryn whispered around her anger. "I know what a lovely man he is, a good officer and a good father. He saved the ship over and over, risking himself every time. He broke the warp ten barr-"

"Yes. The damned barrier. So what!" Owen shouted interrupting her, silencing her with his words. "I wanted him to be the next admiral in the family. I wanted him to be head of Star Fleet some day. But it isn't going to happen. It will never happen. It will end with me."

For a moment Kathryn stood still her mind in a whirl and then her motherly instinct and her rage began to build. "Yes, it will end with you. You will end it with dishonor and disgrace. You will be thrown into prison and all likelihood die there without anyone to mourn you. You will never see your grandchildren grow up or watch their father with them, helping them get there in one piece. You will never know love, Owen. You will never know peace and for that I am very happy to know it ends with you."

Owen stared at her his face red with anger. "You amaze me. You are the same stock as us, flag rank 'fleet brat. Yet you stand there and judge me. I stand for what is right about the Federation. I gave my whole life to Star Fleet. I gave my son. How can you judge me?"

She moved close to him, her enraged eyes fixing on his. "It is easy, Admiral. You broke your oath. You committed treason. You almost destroyed one hundred and fifty people. You deserve everything you get."

There was silence and Owen sighed, his disgust clear to see. "I guess this interview is over."

Kathryn smiled and nodded. Then she slapped his face as hard as she could. He stepped back holding his face, his eyes wide with shock. "It's over, Owen and you lose. That slap was for Tom. It was for his kids and it was for Voyager. Whatever you did in the big picture is for others to decide. But right here between you and me, I think you're scum. I don't know what else you did but for me you fucked with my ship and my crew and for that I will never forgive you." With that she turned and walked to the door, pausing and turning, a half smile on her face. "By the way, Admiral, I married a Maquis. We have two children."

He stared silently at her no response to her words. She smiled a big smile.

"My spouse is an engineer. Torres, B'Elanna Torres. Remember that name. She is one to watch."

And with that final comment, Kathryn Janeway left the room. Owen stared at the door for a long moment rubbing his cheek idly. Finally he sighed and turned to the window staring at the only freedom he would have for a very long time, the exercise yard of the center. Kathryn Janeway was a dyke. He stared at the yard and sighed deeply, his confusion rising in his mind.

/Is the whole world crazy?/

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Seven

=0=

Apartment 223-A...

The day had cooled off as the sun began to set and the breeze soft and salt tinged from the ocean drifted across the city. The sky, surrendering it's many shades of blue darkened, stars twinkling their loveliness dotting the velvet here and there. Lights from the city known as the Athens of the West shimmered in the soft early evening. Downtown the streets were filled with people enjoying another night in a beautiful city. Chinatown, its exotic charms luring people down its twisting streets was full of voices and smells, its cuisine as famous as ever. The Presidio and all along the bay restaurants and clubs made dinner and offered refuge to people on the town.

It was colorful and noisy and alive.

Star Fleet was settled in for the night, the gamma shift going about the business of running the largest known fleet of star exploration ships in the Alpha Quadrant. People worked doing the things needed as others rested and played. The rotation, as regular as clockwork was flawless. Matthew ben Aaron and Bey stood on the balcony of his office, drinks in hand, and talked about fish and women, about the vagaries of the universe and honor. Dinner had been had. Wine was now served and they talked like the old friends that they were. Tomorrow the problems of the universe would come to them again. But, tonight? The intricacies of fly tying filled their hearts and minds.

===Transient Officer's Housing, San Francisco, Park Quad...

A barbecue was in full swing, Joe Carey wearing an apron that said "Kiss the cook or die" flipped faux hamburgers and sipped his beer. Megan sat nearby talking with her mother and her father, their small son playing with an empty glass on the grass. Geron and Gregor sat nearby,engrossed in conversation with Vorick and Chell. Mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, children and old people, all the family that made up the family of Voyager relaxed together in what would be the waning days of their protective decompression.

Cheyenne carefully filled two plates to bursting and with practiced ease walked them over to where her fathers sat. Putting them down in front of both men she gave them a stern gaze until they began to eat. Satisfied that they were taken care of she walked off to organize her brothers. Chakotay grinned, the sweet aroma of baked beans and corn on the cob filling his nose. "She sure is bossy."

"She gets that from you," Tom said buttering his corn. With a grin he began to eat. Food had not tasted this good in a long, long time.

Kathryn Janeway stood talking to T'Pel, B'Elanna chasing her son with a wash cloth. Roberto Torres sat with Gretchen Janeway, little Gretchen on his lap as Grandma showed Grandpa how to feed a nine month old mashed potatoes. With a lot of laughter and much trial and error they even managed to get some of the food into her mouth. The evening was filled with laughter, love and peacefulness as it should be.

===223-A, some time later...

The evening breeze cooled his skin, sweat shimmering on his body trickling down in rivulets. Strong hands, long fingers splayed left red trails as fingernails scraped the hot dark skin of his back. Sighs filled the darkness, the soft rustle of bed clothes, skin against skin, movements of love given and taken with passionate abandon...

Chakotay gazed at Tom, his eyes filled with desire as he moved to possess his lover. They were desperate for each other dazed with past revelations and now they were alone together. It was so long. He needed Tom...he would have him now.

A gasp, pained, a kiss and then more...

Tom wrapped his legs around Chakotay, his arms tightening as he moved as close as he could. It would never be enough. It would never ever be enough.

Movements, a quickening of pace, each man seeking more of the other. A sighing breath, moving against the press of a big body, taking and absorbing the love that he craved, the rhythm of a million years playing out in the still darkness... Tom closed his eyes in rapture, warmth coursing through him as Chakotay took him. More. He needed more. It was not enough.

A bite, a kiss, the feel of lips on wet skin, sound and fury as the tempo increases...

Tom twined his fingers through Chakotay's hair, the sweat slicking them as he captured his mouth. Tom cried his need, his pain and his sorrow, cried out in that kiss the echo of his misery. Chakotay devoured him, his lips trailing down Tom's throat to that place where shoulder joins neck and there he bit Tom hard and fast.

A cry, a shout, the slender body gave up his soul, his pleasure exploding behind his eyes. A shuddering spasm washed through his body, the slickness of his relief spilling out between them...warmth, burning and anointing...

Tom's cry echoed in the room as Chakotay moved against him, over and on, more and more until he shuddered and gasped, his face twisted in a grimace. Tom gazed at him, the beauty of Chakotay's face as he shuddered through his climax. Tom's breath escaped him as big hands gripped his ass, squeezing and stilling against him, deeply inside him and then relaxed.

A soft cry of pleasure, the mindless end of joy, the heat of love, the passion surrounding them with its silent languor...

Chakotay lay stilled, his arms slowly sliding up and behind Tom's neck gathering Tom into his hands. Chakotay raised himself staring at the flushe, sweat streaked face. The long golden lashes dark and damp lay stilled against his cheeks as Tom gasped for air, his sweat soaked hair plastered against his forehead. With infinite gentleness Chakotay brushed it away watching silently as the lashes fluttered and the eyes, dark with passion opened to him revealing the soul inside. For a long time they just stared at each other, no words necessary, a communication of the eyes.

Then Chakotay kissed Tom, tasting the sweetness of the soft lips once more. Such silken beauty, all his to cherish and he did. Tom was his soul mate and together they would face whatever came next. Together they were invincible. With a whisper soft kiss he lay his hand down on the damp warm shoulder of his lover and closed his eyes, contented.

===Down the hallway...

B'Elanna lay curled against Kathryn, their bodies clad in silk, a concession to their return. B'Elanna had relaxed accepting that they were safe and would remain together. They had talked together when they could but no plans had been made. Tomorrow they would make the time after she had finished her interview with Matthew ben Aaron. They would decide together where they would go.

===Farther down the hallway...

Vorick sat, the lamp flickering in front of him as he meditated. Soon it would be time to decide. Would he stay in Star Fleet or would he go home and marry the woman he was betrothed to since a child? It was a decision he did not take lightly. It would take thought. Careful thought.

===Across the quad in another place...

Geron slept, his arm thrown over his head the sheet half off his body. His chest was uncovered and Gregor stared at it as he leaned against the door frame of the balcony. He sighed. Geron was intensely beautiful to him. He would take him to Dorvan, maybe on the same shuttle as Chakotay and together they would explore the beauty of his homeworld. His parents, slowly warming to the idea of a man sleeping in his bed and living in his heart had left yesterday to go home and prepare the cabin near the lake for Gregor. It would take more time but he could wait. They would love Geron too. If not? He would find another place to go where they would be happy. As long as he was with Geron nothing else mattered.

===In a downstairs apartment, same building...

Joe put their son to bed and walked back to the bedroom. The lights were off and he walked to the bed, a mild buzz on from the real beer. Thank god. Real beer. He dropped his robe and found himself captured by strong arms around his body. He grinned. "I do declare, darlin', you appear to have me at an advantage." He mocked a southern accent badly and turned in the arms to find himself enfolded into the voluptuous and highly naked body of his wife. He slid his hands to grasp her beautiful ass and squeezed as she kissed him with one of her patented death grip kisses. As she ravaged his mouth with her tongue, he fell backwards and rolled over, preparing to ravage her with everything else.

===Apartment 223-A...

Chakotay listened to Tom's even breathing, relieved to have possessed him the way that he had this evening. It had been a force building inside of him twisting and filling him with a need he had not felt since their courtship when all he wanted was to be laid as wildly as possible. Tom was asleep in his arms, his eyes closed and his breath soft against his breast. This was the moment of the day he loved the most. Tom loved to within an inch of his life,asleep in his arms. It was peaceful and quiet in the room, the soft sounds of San Francisco drifting in the open window. He felt his eyes become heavy and with great reluctance he closed them against the night.

===Down the hallway...

Maria kissed Nayib good night and watched her son walk to the bedroom he had used since coming here. It had been a long time since she had her children around her under one roof. It was a comforting and lonely feeling. The time prior to now was a time that had included her husband. She leaned back on the couch, her feet propped up on the small table in front of her and closed her eyes. In her mind she drifted back to cherished memories worn and faded from remembering. She was a younger woman lying in the arms of the only man she ever loved. He kissed her, his beautiful face filling her eyes, and she kissed him back, her fingers threading through his soft dark hair. He was beautiful. He was her husband, Kolopak and tonight she missed him terribly. Of all the people who could know and understand her sorrow that person was Nayib. He alone knew the terrible aloneness of this kind of loss. She was glad that he was here. Sitting in the darkness, resting her mind in the loving memories of her husband, her son nearby, Maria drifted across the years to the happiest days of her life.

===Next door...

Miriam Paris finished brushing her hair and stood, walking to the window gazing at the shadows of the Detention Center beyond the trees. Her husband, the only one of her life was imprisoned there. He would know the pain and sorrow, the fear and desperation of her son as he waited for others to judge his fate. He would know what Tom suffered. It was astonishing to her how little pleasure such a thought gave.

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Eight

=0=

===Admiral ben Aaron's Office, Star Fleet HQ, San Francisco...

Chakotay stood at the window overlooking the main quad and admired the sights below. Even the Admiral's waiting room had a spectacular view. Off in the distance he could see the Coit Tower standing above the trees ever present in the skyline of this old city. Popular demand ensured that it was rebuilt after the big earthquake in 2212. Everything had changed but,oddly enough very little had. He was ambivalent in his feelings now, vacillating between staying in Star Fleet and leaving. Tom had expressed no opinions other than the two of them being together with the kids. They would talk after this interview and taking into account the wishes of the children they would decide.

Janine sat, her fingers working and her eyes watching the big silent man at the window. She admired his handsome physique, being a butt aficionado and pondered the meaning of his tattoo. She sighed, admiring the dark good looks of the distinguished looking man. Being ben Aaron'spersonal assistant, secretary and general all-around right arm, she was in contact with good looking men all day long. This one was different. There was a quiet power, a charisma that she felt even where she sat. He exuded sex appeal and that was never a bad thing in her book. God bless the child that grew up to be a man like that dropping pheromones with every step that they took.

She grinned. God, she and her husband needed a sexy weekend somewhere.

===Apartment 223-A

Tom sat on the couch watching his children amuse themselves and thought about what they would do next. Having known Chakotay as well as he did he knew that the older man wanted to stay with Star Fleet. Chakotay was a scientist, an explorer and someone who enjoyed operating as an individual in the midst of the machine. Tom knew that Chakotay had given up a lot to become an officer, that the achievement for a frontier boy he had made was important. Did he himself want to stay? He didn't know. Right now it was leaning towards no. His father was on trial for treason and the Paris name had been dragged through the mud again. He assumed that his own story was now news once more. In their seclusion he was not sure but he knew he would find out when they left here. He lay his head back closing his eyes as he mused over the past two days. From the moment in the Officer's Mess Bar when Benson had hit on him he had been on the edge. His emotions had vacillated between extremes and he had wanted to die.

Telling Chakotay his story had been the hardest thing he had ever done. It had been so painful for both of them. He could see the hurt in Chakotay's eyes as he listened and it had nauseated him. Tom sighed and licked his lips. He wanted to take away that look from Chakotay and hold him. It had lightened his burden a little to tell someone else something of what had befallen him. It still was there and maybe it always would be. Chakotay wanted him to talk to a counselor and see if there was some way he could bear it more easily. Tom balked but said nothing. His experience with counselors, both as a young boy and in prison was not good. He didn't want strangers poking into his psyche, knowing his shame and judging him. No one could judge him. He had already done that.

But he had also found a love that had made him feel clean and complete for the first time since his early teens. This had been a miracle. Somehow this had mitigated a lot of his feelings of unworthiness. He must be of some value if a man like Chakotay could love him. He smiled. You don't base self-esteem on the feelings of others. He knew that most of his redemption had come from his own efforts, his own sacrifices, his own internal adjustments. Yet there was a lot to be said for the healing power of love. As he shifted his sore ass, his son Andrew laying across his lap for a back rub he knew he was a very lucky man. No matter what Chakotay decided he would like to do, Tom would do it. After all, it was Chakotay's idea to get married. Rubbing his son's back he smiled. And what a wedding it was. He snickered and sighed. Here in this room right now, life was good.

===Admiral ben Aaron's Office, Star Fleet HQ, San Francisco...

The door opened and Kathryn Janeway stepped out a big grin on her face. She smiled and nodded to Janine and walked to Chakotay, joining him by the big window.

"So?" Chakotay asked, grinning down at his friend with curiosity.

"So, it went well. Admiral ben Aaron is an amazing man."

"So Bey tells me."

"I hear he has been trying to recruit you into Star Fleet for the Admiral." Janeway gazed at him with a probing eye.

Chakotay smiled. "Bey is a loyal friend."

"So I'm told." Janeway grinned.

"Are you staying?" Chakotay asked aware of the big 'unspoken' between them. This could mean a parting of the ways.

"I have to talk to B'Elanna. No decisions made alone."

Chakotay nodded. "I don't know what I want to do. I have to talk to Tom."

"How is he?" Janeway's face became serious her motherly instincts rising through her like a wave.

"He's better. We talked and he got some things said that he has carried by himself all these years." For a moment Chakotay was silent. "I will never forgive Owen Paris for making it possible for him to be hurt like this."

Janeway nodded in agreement squeezing Chakotay's arm.

Janine stepped to them a smile on her face and looked at Chakotay. "The Admiral will see you now, Commander."

Chakotay kissed Janeway's forehead and nodded to Janine, walking to the Admiral's door and entering. Both women watched him go. "Nice ass." Janine whispered to Janeway.

"I always thought so," Kathryn answered her voice a soft purr.

"Want some coffee?" Janine asked a grin on her face. "I'm on break and I know where the best Starbucks in town is right near by."

Kathryn laughed and turned to her. "Lead on. I bow to your greater wisdom."

"Cool." With that, Janine grabbed her jacket and both women walked out the door.

===Transient Officer's Housing, Janeway-Torres apartment...

"That is about that," Kathryn said curling her legs under her as she sat and watched B'Elanna go through the motions of consideration. Her dark eyes were fixed on a spot in space, her fingers twined and the sun gleamed off her dark hair. B'Elanna rose, walking to the window, staring at the Quad Park, their children playing in the green grass with Naomi and Neelix. "I dreaded this moment, when it was all due." B'Elanna turned and sighed. "I don't know if I can work without some of the people we journeyed with."

Kathryn pursed her lips and rose, walking over to the window, gazing down below. "I asked Neelix to consider coming last night and he told me that if I was shipping out he would join me."

"He did did he?"

Kathryn nodded, reaching and moving a stray lock of dark hair from B'Elanna's face. She reached and took Kathryn's hand, squeezing it tightly. "So, darling Captain, when do we ship out?"

Kathryn grinned. "You sure about this?"

B'Elanna nodded kissing Kathryn's hand.

"Nine months."

"Ok. I will need to see the ship."

Kathryn pulled B'Elanna closer. "It is still being built but I have the schematics on the computer."

"Later." B'Elanna kissed Kathryn pulling her closer, sliding her hands inside the blouse she wore. Warm flesh filled her hands, filling her heart with emotion and need. Breaking the kiss, she stared at Kathryn with Klingon eyes. "Later. Now, bed."

Kathryn nodded and turned walking into the bedroom, a highly aroused and highly amused engineer following behind her.

===Admiral ben Aaron's Office, Star Fleet HQ, San Francisco...

"That basically is the proposal." Matthew sat back, the computer screen glowing with the schematics. "What do you say."

"Nothing without first talking to Tom."

ben Aaron nodded. "You know, we need people like the ones on Voyager. We need them now more than ever."

"I'm not a citizen of the Federation anymore, Admiral," Chakotay said placidly.

The Admiral reached to his desk and picked up a padd, tossing it to Chakotay casually. Chakotay read it, a small smile crossing his face. He looked at the Admiral who sat back deeply satisfied. "You think of everything. Dual citizenship?"

"You left the Alpha Quadrant before the act of citizenship against the Maquis and you came back after it was imposed. It missed you be a country mile."

"So the NAWC has resolved with the Federation to give us dual citizenship."

ben Aaron nodded. "They have resolved that and I have resolved this. I want you and Janeway and as many of your crew as will sign on to take the new Voyager prototype out and explore along the frontier, map, provide relief, document evidence of Cardassian atrocities and generally do the work of Star Fleet the way it is supposed to be done."

For a moment Chakotay sat thinking hard and in the end he sighed. "I would have to discuss this with Tom, Admiral."

"Of course." ben Aaron rose and extended his hand. "I would expect nothing less. There will be facilities on the ship for children and we would like to test some modifications we have proposed for some of the technology you created or salvaged. Who better to do that then you?"

Chakotay grinned and shook ben Aaron's hand. "I will get back to you, Admiral."

"I hope you do, Commander." ben Aaron watched him go out of the room, the door hissing shut behind him. Sighing with hope he turned and shut off the console the figure of the Voyager A fading from sight.

===Apartment 223-A...

Chakotay smiled and kissed his children, walking to the couch where Tom and Andrew lay sleeping. Chakotay leaned down and stroked Andrew's hair, the motion waking Tom. He smiled at Chakotay as the big man leaned down and kissed him softly.

"How did it go?" Tom asked, stretching and stroking his son's back.

"Fine," Chakotay replied sitting down on the floor beside them. He grinned at Tom, sleep filling his blue eyes as he settled back down again. "Chakotay?"

"Hmmmm."

"When will we be shipping out?"

Chakotay smiled and looked at Tom, his sleep-heavy eyes gazing fondly at his beloved partner of nearly fifteen years. "Nine months. Is that alright?"

Tom sighed and grinned in defeat. "S'kay..."

Chakotay grinned and lay his head down on the couch, closing his eyes and relaxing for the fist time in two days. He could protect Tom on a ship a helluva lot better than he could planet side. A whole *helluva* lot better than here.

=0=

Canaan Land Part Fifty-Nine

=0=

===Transient Officers' Housing, Star Fleet HQ, San Francisco...

The day after they had visited with the Admiral, they held a big barbecue in the Park Quad for family, friends and crew. Some of the crew would be leaving the next day and by the end of the week everyone would be dispersed. Kathryn and B'Elanna were going to Gretchen's house for a while and eventually going on to Dorvan V to see Chakotay's home world. B'Elanna, never having seen it but living a lot of the lifestyle thanks to Chakotay's influence was planning on finding a place for them to live when they got there. Dorvan would be a closer home base for them than Earth. Her father, Roberto would be joining them on Dorvan, having a need to go back and get his business in order for a long vacation with his daughter and her family.

Joe and Megan Carey would be heading for home the next day. Joe, still carrying a big fury for the Federation was looking at moving to a NAWC planet to live. Megan figured he would cool off once he got home. Being here just feed his ire.

Tuvok and his family would leave for Vulcan this night taking the Diplomatic Shuttle back with Spock who was visiting with friends here on Earth. It had been a long time since he had been home and his parents were waiting for him. He was especially interested in seeing his father again. Tom sipped a beer, watching the swirl around him and felt bittersweet. They would be breaking up now, the family he first found peace in. It had been a long hard journey for them all. He in particular had made a climb to Olympus and he feared anything else would pale in comparison.

Chakotay had shown him the plans for the new Voyager and after several months on Dorvan V they would come back here and work on the ship. Kathryn and B'Elanna would be coming back from Dorvan with them. The children were happy about having a new ship. They would have the best of all possible worlds. They would be in space with their fathers living the only life they knew and they would have home and family on Earth and Dorvan V. They signed on readily, much to both men's relief. They would not have gone without the children's genuine desire to come.

Admiral ben Aaron, talking with Vorik and two other men was lobbying hard to get Voyager crew to sign back on. The blow to his heart by Owen Paris and the Guardians had been heavy. It had been personal, happening on his watch and he wanted to make sure that good people, experienced and capable had the chance to stay if they wished. ben Aaron wanted to show the Federation that there was room for all and that all were welcome. As for Star Fleet? His father taught him all he knew about honor and keeping promises. He wanted the same kind of people in his beloved Star Fleet and who personified it more? With a smile on his face and a beer in his hand, he circulated among the crew thanking them personally for their sacrifices and their effort and asking them to consider staying.

Chakotay slid onto the bench next to Tom hugging him and taking his beer for a sip. "You ready to go to Dorvan?" he asked watching the crew and children around them.

"I was born ready, Chakotay," Tom answered dryly grinning at his spouse with the wicked Paris smirk.

"Yeah?" Chakotay whispered leaning forward his face very close to Tom's. "You were?"

Tom swallowed hard, his gaze held in the dark lasers of Chakotay's eyes once more. "Um...yeah."

"Good," Chakotay said simply kissing Tom quickly. He rose and pulled Tom to his feet. "Come on. Let's circulate. Tomorrow the world comes to us but tonight it's us against the world."

Tom grinned and slipped his hand into Chakotay's. Never were words more true.

===The next day...

Kathryn and Chakotay helped people carry their belongings, personally attending to each of the crew as they began to leave. Tuvok had left the night before and Kathryn would go to her grave believing that she had seen regret in his eyes. One by one the crew began to leave. Neelix and the Wildmans left, all three having assured Kathryn and Chakotay that barring circumstances they were coming back for the new ship. Samantha had very little family and with her husband's remarriage there was little to hold her. She had wanted a Star Fleet career since childhood and had chosen to remain. But like the rest of the Voyager crew she didn't fancy working for any other captain but would have three months of leave, back pay from Star Fleet - Maquis included - and a review of rank even for those that chose to leave the service. Grades would be assessed and promotions granted to those who deserved them. They would be notified by Star Fleet so there was a register of names and numbers on file.

Harry Kim watched people go, a strange sense of loss filling him. He had helped, said good-bye and cried. He had cried a lot and unashamedly. Seven, hovering nearby carried her own emotion. It was very hard to change. She had done so much changing that she was not even close to the same person she once was. Harry's family lived nearby in Monterey so they would stay there for a while, going to New York afterwards to visit with Sonja and the rest of the Hanson family before going to Dorvan V to visit Tom and Chakotay. As for the next step? He and Seven had talked, taking in account their family's needs, and they had signed on to Voyager.

Tom was floored. "Harry, you wanted to get home. You practically died of homesickness for your family."

For a moment Harry stood silently and then he sighed. "Tom, you are my family too."

Stilled with Harry's confession, he nodded. Harry was his brother and he was thrilled to know they would be together once more.

One by one they left until the time came that Tom and Chakotay were to go too. Maria and Bey would be coming along, as would Miriam and Kathleen. Moira had to settle some work-related business but she would be out as soon as possible. Ro and Chakotay's sisters had headed back ahead of them with Nayib and would greet them when they came. In a few short days Chakotay would be home at long last.

===On a grassy hillside on Dorvan V...

Tom stood beside Chakotay, his arm around the older man's shoulders. The day was warming up, a slight breeze from the mountains still cool. By noon it would be high summer and hard to stay outside. They had arrived the night before, stepping off the platform to the flower-scented air and soft velvet night of the world that nurtured and sheltered and shaped the only person Tom Paris would ever love with every bit of his soul. They had boarded family transports and rode through the countryside to the big house by the lake that Chakotay had grown up in. The nearby guest house and the big house itself were filled with people settling in for sleep. The morning light had led to a breakfast of the usual gigantic Dorvan proportions with dozens of different extended family and friends dropping by with food, hugs and news. By midmorning Chakotay and Tom had slipped away and climbed to the hill behind the house that overlooked the lake shimmering in the sunlight of the new day.

Standing there, looking out across the beauty of the world they had all defended Chakotay paid respects to his father. He knelt beside Kolopak's grave and wept. Tom knelt beside him and sighed, sorrowing for a father he never met and for one of his own that had been lost to him for his whole life. They were both orphan sons of fathers...

===One month later...

Harry Kim and his family stepped from the shuttle and peered around the concourse looking for someone familiar. With a shout he spotted Tom and they hugged like the brothers they were. With a minimum of fuss and a maximum of excited chatter, they loaded the transport and climbed in for the ride to the small house the Kims would be staying in. Seven, bemused and filled with a sense of belonging she had searched for since her separation from the Collective smiled. Sonya and the family were hers. So was Harry's family and now here on Dorvan with Tom, this family was hers too. Soon, on Voyager she would rejoin the people she had come to love and all would be as it was. She sighed, hugging her son to her side. Who said the collective life wasn't worthwhile?

===Later that same day...

Joe and Megan Carey flew to Dorvan V determined to see the place that they had heard so much about. Besides, Voyager crew were collecting there drawn by their homesickness for each other's company. Making a home in the town nearby Chakotay's village, they spent their days at Maria's house along with about thirty other Voyager crew and family playing in the lake and talking. They had missed each other. Megan could remember a time when they hated each other, when they despaired of seeing anyone else *but* each other. But for too many of them, being home was bittersweet. They had reveled in their families and homeworlds but it wasn't Voyager. That ship and the journey had spoiled them for simpler pleasures or looser associations.

As evening fell, many of the crew relaxed around the house talking in contented groups about home and about the new Voyager. Not all of them had decided but one by one they began to sign letters of intent to return contingent on being placed on Voyager. Admiral ben Aaron had given his word and they believed him. Bey, keeping a mental tally grinned as he stood in the doorway sipping his beer as he enjoyed himself. It was good to have peace between enemies. The war seemed so long ago. The only thing missing was his father. A shadow fell across his face as he thought about Kolopak and how happy he would have been to be here today surrounded by family and friends. He would have loved his grandchildren.

Strong arms surrounded him as Ro slipped up behind him hugging him against his dark thoughts. "They're starting a poker game in the kitchen and Chakotay told me to come get you."

"He did, did he?" Bey asked turning around and pulling her into his arms.

"Yes." Ro smiled and kissed him taking his hand and moving to the kitchen.

Sitting around the big table was Joe Carey, Neelix, Tom and Chakotay, Roberto Torres, Sam Wildman, Nayib, Khola, Kathryn and B'Elanna, Harry and of course, Vorik. The Vulcan had shocked convention deciding to go back to Voyager and the people he found he needed to be with. It wasn't particularly logical to either his family or himself but it *felt* right and he had no regrets. Bey pulled up a chair and they began to deal, sipping beer and eating finger food. As the play began, Joe Carey grinned. "You know something? This reminds me of a story..."

With groans filling the air, Joe Carey, second engineer of Voyager began one of his epic tales.

=0=

Canaan Land: Epilogue Part Sixty

=0=

===Epilogue...

The last few days on Dorvan V were spent in the company of people loved and places remembered. There were over fifty-six Voyager crew and their families living here waiting for the ship to call them in. Of the 132 surviving crew of the original Voyager, 89 had re-upped with the proviso that Voyager-A be their posting. Kathryn beamed with joy in the moments B'Elanna let her work. The summer was delicious and the company sublime. They filled the hotels, houses and hostels for miles around and home base was Maria's kitchen. She beamed, cooking and talking, schmoozing with people she had come to love and think of as family. Children filled her house again, their laughter bright and cheery. Men played poker in her kitchen, women sat on her porch and talked about life and men and children and work.

It was what she dreamed of for her life. The only thing missing was Kolopak. If he were here she would know complete contentment. There were hikes and camping, rowing and swimming and picnics every day. In the midst of all the relaxation a buzz began to grow. The Voyager-A would be nearly completed when the crew began to arrive in a few days. They would fly to Earth, settling once again into the Transient Officer's Housing block and beam to work each day. The children would stay with Grandma waiting for there turn of Voyager to their sector later on. Maria was immensely pleased to hear this bit of news.

The ambiance was pleasant, relaxing and Tom felt layers of his outer shell shed and fall away. It was good to be here, to see what real families did and to watch his mother and sisters be happy. Miriam had bought an apartment in the nearby town and when she wasn't on digs or doing her professional work she would be here. Maria was immensely pleased to hear this bit of news also. So was Tom. It was too lonely for the family now in San Francisco. The day that they announced over FNN that Owen Paris and John Frazer, former Vice President of the Federation had been convicted of treason and other high crimes had been a dark day for the four of them. Owen Paris had received life in prison without parole. Ironically, he would serve his sentence at the Star Fleet Maximum Security Prison in Auckland, New Zealand. Tom joked bitterly that they needed to print alumni shirts before bursting into tears. He had wept until he thought he would die.

===Earth, Transport Station at Star Fleet HQ...

Tom Paris had stepped onto the transporter padd with a number of new faces for Voyager. A young doctor, ready to do service on the medical staff had latched on to Tom filling his ears with nervous chatter. They beamed onto the new ship, stepping down from the pad, walking out the door into the hallway. The doctor, Michael Bohannon by name paused, unsure of which way to go. Tom grinned and told him to follow him. Winding down the corridors and taking the lift they made it to Sick Bay and its larger ultra-modern facilities. Standing in the middle of the room, Tom sighed. It was all different.

"You look homesick, Mr. Paris," Bohannon said peering at him with slightly worshipful eyes. The returning crew all provoked the same response from the newbies.

"I just remember someone else that's all." Tom said wistfully.

"You mean the holodoc."

"Yeah. I mean the holodoc," Tom replied.

"Well, he's here." Bohannon said waiting for Tom to notice.

"He's here? Who is the doctor of this ship?"

"I am, of course." The same prissy tones filled Tom's ears and he spun on his heels, a huge grin splitting his face.

"Doc!"

"Mr. Paris," the doc replied inordinately pleased at Tom's pleasure to see him.

"They let you come back?"

"I am classified as a sentient being. My program was transferred over here. Star Fleet believes in a couple of years I may get a body to go with my essence so that this holo-emitter won't be necessary."

Tom slapped the holodoc on the arm. "That's great."

"I thought you'd be pleased. Now, Mr. Paris as you can see we are putting a Sick Bay together. So if you don't mind?"

Tom grinned and nodded. "Good to have you, doc. It wouldn't be Voyager without you."

The doc smiled. "Good to be here. By the way, your services as ship's nurse are until further notice terminated."

Tom laughed. "Damn. Now I *know* I'm glad to see you back."

With that, Tom Paris turned and went to the Bridge. The doc watched him go, touched by the mere sight of Tom and turned. "Mr. Bohannon, we have work to do."

"Yes sir," Lt. Bohannon said as he turned to go with the doctor.

===The night before shove off...

Tom sat at the desk checking his e-mail having just mailed their daily letter home to the children. He felt at a loss in the huge cabin without them there. An e-mail from Enterprise caught his attention and he opened it, mildly surprised to see Julian Bashir. "Tom, I know you are busy and about to launch your new ship but I wanted to tell you best wishes." He paused his emotion rising. "I always loved you, no matter what and I think about our time together with few regrets. Maybe if things had been different we could have had something more. But things tend to turn out for the best.

"Just take care and don't be too hard on yourself. You are a good man. I still love you and I want you to know that a part of me always will." Julian paused licking his lips. "Right now I am involved with someone very special and I hope maybe some day to have as good a thing as you have with Chakotay. I'm glad that you two are together. You fit each other so well. You have beautiful children and a good life together. Don't let anything that has happened harm that. Well, take care and know I love you. You are one of the best people I know. Come see me when you get to DS9. We can talk. So long, Tom."

The transmission ended and Tom sat for a long time in the dark, the computer light flickering in his face.

"Tom?"

He looked toward the bedroom door. Chakotay, clad in his robe stood in the doorway waiting for him to come. Tom flicked off the computer, his heart filled with emotion and talked to Chakotay unfastening the robe and stepping inside. Chakotay hugged him as tightly as he could and silently they went into the bedroom together, the door hissing silently shut.

===The next day...

The hoopla was over, Bey and ben Aaron leaving the ship with huge grins. Reporters were everywhere covering the launch of the fabled ship. On the Bridge, Kathryn waited for the all clear. She turned and smiled at Harry, Seven by his side. Tom was at the conn and Chakotay was near his side. Turning she looked at Tactical and beamed. Tuvok nodded back at her, his impassive face betrayed by his intense eyes. It seemed logical to be here was all he would say. She turned at the all clear and smiled. "Mr. Paris? Take us out of here."

Tom grinned and turned to comply. "Yes, ma'am."

With that, Voyager lifted gently off the pad and rose glistening in the sunlight of the mid-afternoon sun and rose through the clouds to space. Bey watched until she disappeared and then turned to Matthew, himself straining to see her. "Your turn to buy, Matt." he said slapping his friend on the back.

"My pleasure, Bey." Matthew ben Aaron said grinning like a cat.

They turned and walked down the dockside to the bar at San Diego Ship Yards. Tomorrow they would both go to Dorvan V, after a brief stop in Tel Aviv to pick up Thiel ben Aaron and then they would be off to the pristine lakes for fishing. ben Aaron sighed deeply, a smile splitting his face. It didn't get much better than this.

Thus concludes Canaan Land. Thank you very much.

C1999/2010