Chapter 9

Alone. That's what I was. There was no better word to describe my current state. I had no one. Mother was dead. Father was dead. Mallow was dead. Yarrow was...well, I didn't really know. He could have been dead, too. I'm sure he was. He might as well have been dead. Everyone else was. I was sure I'd never see him again. Every cat in my family was dead. I had no mother, no father, no sister, and no brother. I was utterly and entirely alone.

I stayed in that tree for many days. I was too afraid to come down. I didn't know if that awful cat was looking for me. I didn't want to know what he would do if he found me. I still was not sure what he wanted to do with me. I didn't want to find out. I could still picture his ragged-looking pelt and his yellow, crooked teeth. I could still smell his breath that stunk of rotting prey. I hoped I would never have to see that monster ever again. If he's the only cat I was destined to be with, I'd rather be alone.

When I finally ventured down from the tree, I was very cautious. I was tense, ready to run if danger came. I was afraid of every shadow, not knowing what lurked inside. The forest seemed darker than ever. There was little light peering through the leaves that were clung to the branches of the trees. Many leaves had fallen, blanketing the once soft grass. The sky was a dark gray every day, no sunlight present. The grass became coarse and rough on my paws. Wind buffeted my fur violently, pulling the ginger hairs back uncomfortably.

The air grew colder each day. I knew it would not be long before the first snowflakes of the season would fall. I realized I was now a complete season-cycle old. I tried not to remember the last time of snow. That was a sad, sad time. That was a time of hunger and pain, a time of desperation. That was when I spent my days wondering if Mallow would ever open her eyes, or if she would ever speak. That was a time when I spent my days wondering if any of us would survive. Than was when I had family. I really didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to remember my past at all.

I was alone. I had no one. How I longed for someone! I had no brother, no sister, no mother, no father. I had no friends. I had no one to lean on, no one to talk to on those long, cold gray days, no one to turn to for support. I missed having my family. I missed play-fighting with my brother. I missed curling up against my sister, trying to keep her warm. I missed Mother's stories about the Clans who lived in this forest long ago. She had said that Clan cats live together and depend on one another. They have each other for support and care. No one lets anyone starve if they can help it. It's a system where everyone is cared for. Now that I was alone, I wished those Clans still lived here. If they were, I'd join one. I like the idea of helping care for others and in turn have others helping care for me.

I explored every inch of that forest. It wasn't very big- a road divided it in two, and I was not going to cross it. I was content to stay on the side I was born on. I figured I would be just as alone if I crossed the road, anyway. The entire forest was silent. I rarely ever saw another cat, and when I did they just ran off. Everyone was alone here, I guess. It seemed that some had been alone for so long that they had grown used to it and didn't want company at all. Maybe they liked it that way. I didn't. I hoped I never became like that. I hoped that someday I would find someone who wanted company just like I did. Someone who would be my friend- my new family.

There is one good thing about being alone, I figured out. If you're alone, you don't have to watch anyone die. Life can't take anyone else from you. If life thought it was going to break me by making me live alone, it had failed. It couldn't take anymore from me. Life had torn my sister from my side, ripped my mother apart in its cruel jaws, sliced my father with razor-sharp claws, and drove my brother away. And yet, I wasn't broken. Life hadn't crushed me. I had won. Life could not take anyone else away. I was alone. I had no one left. Surely I was victorious. Who else could life take? What else could life do to me?

Yeah...I should never have asked that. I jinxed myself. Life was only getting started. I didn't know that my sister, mother, and father's deaths would be the easiest to bear. I didn't know that the deaths that were to come would crush my soul, break my heart, and destroy my mind. I didn't know that the hardest part of my life was yet to come. I was alone, but that wouldn't last for long this time. I would have a friend soon, and my life would begin to seem alright. It wouldn't lat forever, though. I would be alone again, but next time I would be fighting for survival. Not for my own, but for little lives, dependent on me alone. The next time I was alone would be the hardest time of my life.