Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Author's Notes: The new chapter is finally done. The story is slowly but surely moving along, with a long flashback that'll take us back to 'Eggtown' towards the end, that includes a deleted scene between Sawyer and Hurley from season four that I can't take any credit for. The deleted scene takes place after Kate and Sawyer talk on Claire's front porch and she tells him to go home, but before she shows up and asks him to help her bust out Ben from Locke's basement. The scene can be found on you tube, if you search for 'Lost eggtown deleted scene Sawyer Hurley'
Also a quick shout out and thank you for all the people that have stuck it out with me thus far, following me and added me to their favorite lists, and of course the reviewers that stuck around. You're all very much appreciated and I wouldn't keep writing this story if it wasn't for all of you. So thank you. Now read on, and I hope you enjoy it.
P.S. You don't' have to watch the deleted scene to get this chapter, but I thought it gives a nice visual to part of the story. ; )
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Kate awoke to the muffled sound of James' voice. She blinked and rubbed her eyes to adjust to the pitch black darkness that surrounded her in their hotel room. The faint line of light at the bottom of the closed bathroom door caught her eye and it became clear that's where the hushed voice was coming from.
Who was he talking to?
Groggily she rolled out of bed to further investigate, wrapping the sheet around herself when she left the warmth of the bed behind her and tiptoed towards the bathroom. She reached for the door handle and was just about to open the door when she overheard him speak again, sounding angry with whoever was on the other end of this conversation.
"Ain't nobody's gonna put their god damn hands on my wife and get the fuck away with it, and that's all there's to it, Hoss." Kate gasped in surprise and startled dropped her hand from the door handle, but remained glued to the spot by the door.
What had he done?
Her foggy mind cleared up immediately as she recalled the events from just a couple of hours ago. How they had finished their assignment and he'd insisted that she'd slip out of the hotel ahead of him and should meet him by the car. It wasn't that unusual, they'd done it that way the previous times as well. But had he hurt her unconscious attacker after she'd left the suite this time?
Her heartbeat quickened at the thought and all sorts of emotions bombarded her simultaneously. A feeling of gratitude overcame her but with it came the onslaught of guilt for being yet again the cause for someone's hurt.
Would she ever stop being the cause for other people's hurt?
Her thoughts had drowned out the sound of James' conversation and so it was no surprise that she hadn't noticed that he'd hung up the phone and opened the bathroom door to find her standing their doe-eyed like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.
The light that filtered past his large frame in the open doorway illuminated just enough of her face to show off the purplish bruise that had formed along her temple and cheekbone, and he couldn't stop the frown that crossed his features at the sight of it. But when his eyes met hers, the bruise was temporarily forgotten and he spoke up, "How much did you hear?"
She looked down for a split second, staring at his bare feet that were almost toe to toe with hers and she folded her arms across her chest without losing the sheet that was wrapped around her, "Enough to get an idea of what happened after I left?" Then looked back up and held his gaze.
He didn't hesitate a moment to think his words over, didn't sugarcoat it for her, "I don't care if you're pissed or not, I don't care if Richie's pissed either, that son of a bitch had it coming when he hurt you and I'd do it again and that's that. I ain't got nothin' to be sorry for, Freckles."
She lowered her gaze again, her eyes traveling down his intimidating statue, past his bare chest, his boxers and settled once again on both their feet, while he was clearly waiting for her to say something.
Surely he was waiting for her to badger him that he shouldn't have done it, but if she was honest with herself then she'd have to admit that she'd felt grateful in a way that made her sick to her stomach.
Sick for feeling the way she felt. Sick for being that sick and twisted of a person, that the knowledge of James having done something to 'revenge' her actually made her feel good. Made her feel … loved, cherished, and most of all protected! Her own skin crawled with the insight of her own emotions, but she had to ask the not so obvious, when her eyes traveled up and met his again, this time fear in them reflecting back at him, "But you didn't …?" She shook her head as the question died down on her tongue, but he knew what she wanted to know.
He reached out to her then, his hands on her shoulders giving her a gentle squeeze before sliding down to still on her upper arms, and he shook his head too, "No, I didn't. He ain't looking too handsome no more though." Then he added unceremoniously, "Bastard's god damn lucky he's still breathing."
Her lips pressed together in a straight line, and she nodded her head at him as if in agreement of sorts, "Okay." That was all she could muster without falling apart and asking more questions that she probably didn't want to know the answers to.
"Okay?" He repeated, a questioning undertone to his voice when he eyed her for more insight into her mindset.
She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, stepped out of his hands, bumping her shoulder into his arm as she reached passed him to turn off the light in the bathroom. Then quickly found his hand in the darkness and pulled him along with her, "Let's go back to bed then. What's done is done."
He followed suit without further questions, more than a little perplexed that this hadn't turned into a full blown argument, but he had a feeling the topic would probably be resurrected come morning light. At least he assumed it would.
They climbed back into bed and settled down side by side. He was stretched out on his back, when she cuddled into his side like so many nights before. One leg hooked over his thigh, her hand flat on his chest and her head on his shoulder, close enough that he could feel her breath on his unshaven neck.
Silence engulfed them for a long moment, both wondering if the other had fallen asleep yet. James got his answer when Kate pressed a kiss against his pulse point, followed by more sloppily placed pecks alongside his jaw while she proceeded to climb on top of him.
Although confused by her actions, he wasn't going to argue or question her intent. After all, last night was the first time they hadn't made love. Even after the doctor that Richard had send to their hotel had assured her that the baby was fine, she'd been too upset so they'd just fallen asleep in each other's arms.
So things naturally progressed like they always tended to, until they both climaxed together. Sweaty and spend lying in each other's arms once more.
Laying on her side, facing him she brushed his hair out of his eyes, causing his eyes to flutter open again to look at her.
Their eyes met and he smiled at her, his dimples digging deep into his cheeks, "You feelin' better, Sweetheart?"
"Yeah." She drawled and nodded her agreement, shyly smiling back at him before they both leaned in closer to kiss again.
"One more assignment." She stated.
"I know." He pulled her closer to him and exhaled as if he alone carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, "An' I'm goin' to handle this one on my own, no ifs or buts 'bout it, girl."
He waited for her rebuttal. Waited for the fight he knew he was in for, but he also knew that he wasn't going to back down this time, didn't matter how mad she got.
But she simple raised her head and met his eyes and nodded when she answered him with a whispered "I know". That's when he realized she still wasn't quite past the events that had taken place the night before.
Trying to lighten the mood he gave her a once over and chuckled, "Who are you? And what did'ya do with my wife?"
She chuckled then too, couldn't help it when he pulled the sheet up to peek under it to mock inspect even further if it was really her. Snatching the sheet from him to cover up again, she quickly retorted, "Smartass."
He rolled on top of her then, playfully kissing her, first along her jaw then the crook of her neck and down her collarbone, while his teasing movement of his hand made her squirm under him, before she framed his face with her hands to focus his attention back to her, "I won't take any more chances with this baby, James. I promise."
He hovered over her then, his body pressed against hers, one hand disappearing in her hair when he nodded in agreement, "I know, Freckles … I know you won't." It was a lie, he didn't know if she could change her ways this quickly but he had hope that she would.
He leaned down to press his lips to hers, gently and tentatively kissing her again before he pulled back and looked into her eyes, "This will all be over with soon, we'll leave all this shit behind us, Sweetheart, and I'll be back home with you. This kid ain't never gonna go through what we've been through. This kid ain't never gonna suffer like we did."
"You promise?" She asked him with pleading eyes.
He nodded "I promise, Freckles."
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Several days later in Los Angeles
Kate's hand trembled while she tried to unlock the door to the house she'd once shared with James. Dreading the silence filled darkness she would inevitably find inside. She looked over her shoulder one more time before she disappeared inside, surprised by the lack of paparazzi, but relieved all the same. The last thing she needed right now were cameras in her face and being bombarded by ridiculous questions about her husband's death and her disappearance thereafter.
She flipped the light switch on, kicked the door closed behind her, pulling her suitcase over to the staircase before abandoning it there next to her black flats she had unceremoniously toed off. She quietly walked further into her home, wordlessly illuminating every room along the way with the flick of a switch.
Kate walked into the kitchen, dropping her purse onto the counter and opened the fridge. She wasn't really hungry or thirsty – Claire had made her eat up on her arrival several hours ago – but she'd promised James that she'd take better care of herself so she retrieved a bottle of water and took a healthy drink.
Inspecting the contents of the fridge, she had expected to find mold covered cheese, lunchmeat and leftovers that had taken on a life of their own, but instead she realized that someone had actually cleaned it out in her absence, and there was barely anything left other then condiments and bottled water, beer and a few sodas. She closed that door and opened the other side to her freezer in search of something quick and easy that she could heat in the microwave, but she had no such luck.
Frustrated she closed the freezer and scanned the magnets on the door for the pizza parlor that James and her liked so much. Placing her water on the kitchen counter, she reached for the phone, dialed the local number and absentmindedly ordered their usual. Realizing her mistake as soon as the words had left her mouth, but to keep face and to not break down in tears, she simply bit her lip and mumbled her agreement as the female voice repeated the order back to her.
Without James here to eat his more than fair share of their usual order, she'd have enough pizza and breadsticks left to last her for several days.
Richard had said it could possibly take as long as two month for James to be able to come home to her. In hindsight of spending the rest of their life together, two months didn't seem like that big off a hurdle, but right in this moment as Kate found herself standing in her big empty house all alone it seemed like eternity.
Everything about this house somehow, someway reminded her of him, and Kate found herself being torn between embracing those memories of him that echoed off of these walls, or feeling overwhelmed by the immense sense of loss she felt for not having him home with her at this time.
That was one of the reasons why she'd gone straight to Claire's house after she arrived back in L.A., wanting to see Aaron was another. So that's where she'd been for the better half of today, and the more she looked around her empty home she'd wished she'd stayed the night over there as well.
Kate shook her head to herself at the irony of it all. She'd spend her life running away from people, stayed in shady motel rooms, slept under bridges and god only knew where else all by herself, and here she was in her beautifully decorated house in the outskirts of L.A. and somehow she'd never felt more alone then she did right in this moment.
Once she had arrived at Claire's earlier, Kate had made a few phone calls, and then spent the rest of her day talking to Claire and Miles. It goes without saying that they wanted to know everything that had happened and she was more than willing to talk and to share the whole experience with someone – leaving out the part about being pregnant, because she just wasn't ready to share that yet, at least not without him here with her. Time had been ticking away, she'd helped getting Aaron ready for bed, had read him a bedtime story and had also helped Claire pick up the toys scattered throughout the house, still stalling to leave, but eventually she knew she needed to get home to her own house and deal with her fears on her own.
Kate replaced the phone on its charging station. Noticing the blinking number; she dreadfully pushed the button on her answering machine to listen to all the messages left for her in her absence. One message was from her Parole Officer, a few were from her lawyer, but most of them were from her dad and Cassidy, all of them asking her to get back with them.
She'd already talked to her dad and her P.O. today, but had avoided calling Cassidy since she hadn't entirely decided yet what she was going to tell her long time friend.
Or maybe it was because she didn't want to hear anything negative that would inadvertently come out of Cassidy's mouth whenever something concerned James. He just couldn't do right in her eyes, she'd always find something to attack about his actions and Kate knew that this time wouldn't be any different.
Kate walked into the living room when her eyes fell onto the stack of mail someone had left on the coffee table for her to find. She placed her perspiring water bottle on one of the coasters on the end table, reached for the stack of mail before settling into his spot on the end of the three-seater-sofa. With her legs stretched out on the coffee table in front of her, she began looking through her mail.
Most of them were bills that were probably already past due, a single letter from Jackson Teller, some junk mail and one large envelope from her lawyer's office.
She put Jackson's letter aside for now and opened the large envelope instead. After scanning over the pages, tears sprang to her eyes when she realized what she was looking at.
Life insurance! He'd actually invested in life insurance and had named her as the sole beneficiary. Kate wiped at her eyes, and tried to regain her composure. Unsure of what she was suppose to do about this, she quickly got up, taking the papers with her as she walked back into the kitchen to retrieve her cell phone from her purse.
Her hands trembled once more as she pushed the few buttons to call Richard. He answered on the third ring.
"Richard?"
"Kate? Is everything alright? Did something happen?"
She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat again, "I got mail from my lawyer. James took out a life insurance policy in my name, and … and I'm not sure what I should do with this. My lawyer called a few times; left some messages, I'm pretty sure it's about this. What do I do? I mean, what do I tell him?"
Richard cleared his throat, "Claim the policy but don't spend it, that's really the only thing you can do, Kate. You have to act and do as if –"
"As if I didn't know my husband is still alive." She interrupted Richard mid sentence.
"Yes, we already went over this in great length. You've raised enough questions and suspicions with your absence from L.A. already. It is vital that you are seen out in public. It is vital that people see you grieving. You have to act the part of the grieving widow and that includes handling all of his affairs, like his will, life insurance claims, and anything else that may arise. Do you understand?"
She nodded before she voiced her understanding, "Yeah, got it."
"I'll contact you when we get closer to the day."
The day! The day he'd come back to her!
Kate's hand slid over her stomach. "Yes, please do that." She whispered into the phone, not trusting her voice again to speak any louder.
"Have a good night."
"Bye." Was all Kate could muster as a response before she ended the call and left the cell phone on the kitchen counter next to her purse. She took in a deep cleansing breath and wiped at her eyes.
She could do this. He's alive and he's coming home soon and this is all just temporary.
She could do this!
Back in the living room, she left the big envelope on the table with the rest of her mail and grabbed her water on her way out to the hallway near the front door. Kate grabbed the handle of her suitcase and pulled it along into the laundry room that also doubled as a mud room that lead out to the garage.
She emptied all the clothes from her suitcase into the hamper before she zipped it back up, leaving nothing but some shoes, toiletries and a few nic nacs inside. She picked up her water bottle before she proceeded to carry the now almost empty suitcase up the stairs and into her bedroom.
James would have a fit if he saw me now! The whole suitcase argument coming back to her and she couldn't help but smile at his antics now.
Kate entered her bedroom and almost immediately realized that the upstairs had been cleaned as well. The first clue was that the bed was made – she'd left it unmade – and everything also smelled freshly laundered too. She ran a finger over the wooden surface of her nightstand; there was not a trace of dust either.
A sudden wave of panic overcame her and in five fast strides she'd crossed the distance to the laundry hamper by her bathroom door and tore the lid off of it rather roughly. A look inside confirmed that it was empty. The lid dropped to the ground without a second thought as she practically ran into their walk in closet and turned on the light.
A quick and frantic scan over his side of the closet confirmed her fear as she moved shirt after shirt to find all of them in crisp clean condition. She tore one of them from a hanger and almost desperately held it to her nose, but the only thing she could smell was the smell of laundry soap and fabric softener.
She dropped to the floor on her knees, her chin began to quiver but she fought the urge to cry. She couldn't keep doing this over and over again. She had to stop crying over every little thing. She had to be stronger than this.
She just had to.
So she knelt on the closet floor for a long moment, all the while clinging to his blue linen shirt that didn't smell like him anymore, trying to straighten up her thoughts, trying to make sense of it all and trying to figure out how to pull herself together and get through this.
She couldn't remember ever feeling this weak and broken before she'd gotten pregnant. Even as a child living with Wayne she'd always found strength in the knowledge that someday she'd be able to get away. Throughout her entire life she had always managed somehow to find the strength to carry on. No matter what had happened, no matter how bad things had gotten, she just pulled herself together and moved on.
So why was she feeling this way now? She should be happy right now. After all everything was going to work out, everything was going according to plan. Richard was on his way to link up with James, and get him to his hideout in Mexico by tomorrow.
So she should be singing in the shower, bubbling with joy at the knowledge that they had a chance. A real honest to god chance to make this work, raise this child together and be a real family. Something neither he nor she ever had for themselves. So why wasn't she feeling like that?
Why couldn't she shake this overwhelming feeling of doubt?
It wasn't that she doubted his love for her, she'd moved past that and she was sure in his feelings for her, but maybe it was because nothing in her life had ever gone according to plan. Her birth certificate might've said Austen, but now she knew that it should've said Janssen instead. And even though Sam had stayed married to her mother for years after she'd been born, her life had been doomed to nothing but misery from the moment she'd been conceived.
So maybe that was the inner struggle that she was currently fighting. She just couldn't actually see a happy ending for them in her future. And as much as James and her had daydreamed over the last couple of days, while lying in each other's arms, about how they'd raise this child right, how they would be better people for the sake of this kid, she had doubt that those dreams would ever really come true.
Because deep down, way down in the bottom of her tortured fragile soul she still felt that she could never be good.
I could never have anything good!
But James believed in her. He had enough faith in her, in them both really, that she and he could do better. To do better than their parents had done for them, and truth be told the bar wasn't set very high, but better none the less. So for him, for the faith that he had in her, she had to push all of that doubt away, once and for all. She could do this. It was only two months and then she'd have him back and all would be okay.
This will all be over with soon, we'll leave all this shit behind us, Sweetheart, and I'll be back home with you!
With the memory of his reassuring words still in her ear Kate managed to get up off the floor. And with a suddenly new found resolution she even managed to hang his shirt back up before she walked out of her closet with her head held high as if no tears had ever been shed at all.
Kate carried on and put everything that was left in her suitcase in its rightful place, which only took a few minutes to do. A smile crossed her face as she carefully placed the little Eifel Tower Statue on her nightstand, where she'd see it in the morning.
With a quick glance at the alarm clock on his nightstand she decided she'd have enough time to get in the shower before her food would arrive. So she hurriedly got undressed and disappeared under a welcoming stream of hot water, utterly unaware of the car that had pulled into her driveway.
X
Kate hadn't heard the doorbell ring several times, nor had she heard the loud knocks on her front door either, because the sound of the water that surrounded her had drowned all of that out. So she also hadn't heard that someone had unlocked her front door, had stepped inside her house and had been calling her name either.
But when she turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped her towel around herself she heard someone open her bedroom door. But before she even had any time to process and react, Kate heard a familiar voice call her name again.
Relieved Kate opened her bathroom door and saw none other than Cassidy stand by her bedroom door. Their eyes met, water dripping down Kate's long strands of hair, a few quick steps from both of them and the two women embraced wordlessly for a long moment, both holding each other tight when Cassidy finally broke the silence and whispered "I'm so glad you're back, Kate."
"Me too." Kate answered, not knowing what exactly she was going to tell her friend about James, but suddenly glad she wasn't alone anymore tonight in this big and empty house.
A beat or two passed before they both reluctantly pulled back, "I'm getting you all wet." Kate said embarrassed.
Cassidy waved her hand like it was no big deal, "Don't worry 'bout it." Her face contoured with concern as she clasped Kate's chin and angled it to the side. "What happened to your face?"
Kate had momentarily forgotten that with the makeup gone her slowly fading bruise was visible again. Her cheeks flushed when she met Cassidy's scrutinizing gaze, "Long story."
Changing the subject she asked, "Where's Clem?"
"At home, she's got school tomorrow."
"'Course." Kate nodded, "How did you know I was back?"
"Claire called me." The accusation in her tone of voice and look that Cassidy shot Kate couldn't be missed before she asked, "How come I didn't hear it from you?"
Kate lowered her gaze, ashamed.
Cassidy sighed, trying to read into Kate's reluctance, "So he's alive, is that it? I knew it. I knew he'd just up and leave again, that no good son of a bitch."
At that Kate's head snapped up, "No, … no, he is ... Claire didn't tell you? He is coming back."
Cassidy looked at her surprised but retorted rather skeptical, "He's been declared dead and the whole world knows about it. He's good at what he does, but he ain't that good. This is a con that even Sawyer can't pull off!"
Kate nodded, "You're right, but Benjamin Linus can."
"Linus?" Cassidy questioned, "That bug-eyed guy that showed up at your wedding uninvited?"
Kate couldn't help but smile at Cassidy's description of Ben, "Yeah, him. Let me put some clothes on, and then I'll tell you everything."
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James threw his two green army duffle bags onto the floor inside the trailer he'd be calling home for the next couple of months and looked around, "Well, it ain't the four-seasons, but at least this time it ain't a god damn bear cage, Amigo." He smirked and shot Richard a look before he added, "'suppose ya'll call that an upgrade."
Richard's face contoured with annoyance but he didn't comment on the verbal stab James was dishing out. If he'd learned anything on the long drive out to the middle of nowhere in the Mexican Desert, with James Ford in his passenger seat, was that it was pointless to get into long drawn out arguments over nothing with this man.
"No comment, huh?" James answered when Richard didn't reply, then took a few steps towards the sink and turned the knob to see if he had clean running water. To his surprise he did.
That's when Richard spoke up, "You have running water, electricity, and you should have enough supplies to last you for your stay here."
James opened the small fridge and took a peek inside, "What about some beer?" he asked after not seeing any.
Richard tossed him the keys to the rusted worn down jeep they'd both arrived in, "Nearest town is over an hour away. There's a map in the glove compartment, but you should avoid showing your face in public."
"Makes sense." James nodded in agreement and eyed the car key for a moment, "If you're leavin' your ride here with me, then how the hell 'r you gettin' outta here, Richy?"
That's when Richard glanced at his watch and quickly replied, "Someone should be here for me momentarily."
James threw the key on the counter, and folded his arms in front of his chest, "So, this is it then?"
"I suppose it is. I'll inform Kate that we're still on track. I'll be in touch when everything is set up, until then just stay put."
"No worries." James reached in his pocket and retrieved his cell phone, holding it up for Richard to see, "I'll call Freckles myself and let her know I'm okay."
Richard shook his head vehemently at that idea and took a step towards the younger man, "You can not contact Kate for any reason."
James, who had still been leaning against the counter stood up straight now, "What the hell are you talkin' 'bout? Why wouldn't I?"
Richard locked eyes with him and repeated, "You can not call her. You can not contact her in any way." He took another step closer, "All these … these different things have been set in motion. When you are going to be found alive, there's going to be suspicions. Questions that will never be answered will arise and the last thing we want … the last thing we need is for someone to look into Kate's phone records and realize that she'd been receiving phone calls from a number that went through cell towers in Mexico, right before her dead husband is found alive in Mexico." He shook his head to emphasize his words, "No contact in any shape or form with anyone involved, James."
James frowned at the thought of not even being able to hear her voice but nodded his agreement, holding the phone up again, "Then what the hell am I keeping this thing for?"
"To keep in touch with me." Richard simply stated.
Just then they heard the faint sound of a car approaching in the distance and James glanced out the window of his new trailer home before turning back towards Richard, "Guess your ride's here, Boss."
Richard nodded. They both shook hands and Richard left, leaving James standing alone in his new place.
The car disappeared, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust behind it, and James closed the front door to his new – more than humble – abode. He turned on the window air-conditioner, clearly surprised that it actually seemed to work, and slowly began to cool the place down to a more pleasant temperature.
He sat down in one of the chairs and stretched out his legs, looking around and taking a moment to take in his new home.
A smoke and a cold beer sure'd be nice!
He stood up again to reach deep in his jean pocket. After retrieving what he needed, he sat back down, holding the ring between his fingers and stared at it in utter silence.
It was just a simple little thing, a white-gold band with a small single stone that had lost most of its luster since he'd first found it all those years ago. It wasn't breathtaking, it really wasn't something special … no, not at all. And it didn't compare the least to the ring he'd presented her with when he'd actually popped the question.
But still this tiny banged up piece of jewelry held so much more meaning to him, because out of all the things he'd forgotten over the years, he couldn't shake the memory of how he came to have this ring.
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Flashback
One thing James knew for sure was that he'd hurt her when he'd gone with John Locke and left her behind!
So he wasn't the least bit surprised or scared when she'd pointed her gun right at him. But no way would she have shot him, no way would she have pull that trigger … ever!
What had unnerved him though – rattled his comfort zone just a little – was just how long she'd kept that gun in his face. The amount of time it had taken her to finally lower the gun and with it some of her guard, because it showed him just how badly he'd hurt her. The lack of trust in him was evident in her eyes.
He'd tried to play it off with the first chance that presented itself.
So what, I'm your prisoner? If that sorta thing turns you on.
It hadn't worked, she didn't think it was funny at all, but hey … couldn't blame a guy for trying.
Then she'd flat out asked him why he'd chosen to go with Locke, and after he'd managed to turn the inquisition around on her, she even gave him a pretty good explanation why she'd chosen to go with Jack.
I went with Jack because I believe he can get us off this island.
'Us off the island.' And that was the problem at hand.
And who'd better to put his fears into words then Benjamin Linus?
James. Look at yourself. Yes, on this Island you're brave, daring, handsome, you're someone, but if you left with them, back in the real-world a low-life scam artist like you could never compete with a first class surgeon. I think Kate was really upset when you made your choice to come with us. Thank god she has Jack there to comfort-
He'd cut that little runt off before he could finish his sentence, but the message had come across loud and clear. So with Ben's condescending words still lingering in the back of his mind, and his resolve to stay even stronger he pleaded his case to her. Proposed … sort of … something to her.
Look around us, Freckles. We've got roofs over our heads. Electricity, showers, beds.
Yeah, how long, Sawyer? How long do you think we can play house?
Why don't we find out?
Kate had looked back at him then with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen, but she hadn't answered him. Hadn't even bothered to say that she would think about it, the telltale silence in the room became overwhelming, so in an act of self preservation of his already tattered pride – thanks to none other than Benjamin Linus and his little speech – they'd eventually parted ways without reconciliation.
So when the news about 'them' leaving made the rounds that same self preservation forced him to keep himself busy picking up the broken dishes off of the floor in his new place. He knew he'd screwed up. He knew he'd hurt her, but what's done was done.
He'd gone and put himself out there, served himself to her once again on a silver platter and now the ball was in her court. So he simply refused to be there, stand there with the rest of them, watching and idly waving goodbye as she left him yet again to get back to her Hero.
Instead he'd cleaned up the mess they'd made earlier while staging the scene before they'd locked Hurley into the closet down the hall for their little theatrical showdown. Then he had eaten something, found himself some beer, had randomly fished a book from the bookshelf, before he finally retreated to his room to call it a night.
The bed was comfortable and he couldn't help but wonder just for a moment what it would've been like to share this place with her. Putting his glasses on, he did his best to push any more thoughts of her out of his mind again when he opened his book and began to read instead.
'The invention of Morel' was, as James quickly discovered, the story of a fugitive hiding out on a deserted island, where suddenly Tourists arrive, and he hides out of fear of being discovered.
Huh, what do you know?
He thought as he immersed himself into the plot of the book to keep from thinking about Kate on her way back to Jack, yet somehow everything in the story reminded him of her.
He didn't know when, but exhaustion had eventually taken over and he'd fallen asleep. A yell from Hurley woke him up – half sitting half lying in bed – with his glasses still perched up on his nose and the book still lying in his lap.
Grumpily he climbed out of bed, threw the book and glasses on the nightstand beside him, scratched his beard, rubbed the sleep from his eyes before he pulled his jeans on that he'd discarded on the floor the previous night and went to investigate what all the ruckus was about.
Sleepy eyed he walked into the kitchen and found Hurley dabbing at a big dark stain that covered the front of his shirt. "Are you trying to wake the dead?"
"Oh crap, dude, did I wake you up?" Hurley looked over at him apologetically. "I found this shirt that actually fits me, and then I end up spilling hot coffee all over it."
James skeptically looked him over, "I'd say you're using the word 'fits' a bit freely there, Butterball."
"Yeah, I know." Hurley sighed and threw the dishrag onto the kitchen counter, realizing he'd have to change back into his old sweaty shirt.
James stepped into the kitchen and looked around just as Hurley stepped out, "And where the hell did you find the coffee anyways?"
"Kate found it, but Claire actually made it." Came Hurley's simple answer as he slowly started walking towards his bedroom.
The mention of her name caught his attention, and momentarily he lost his cool when he couldn't help himself. "What do you mean, Kate found it?"
Hurley had noticed the surprise tone of his voice and stopped to turn towards his friend, realizing instantly that this was no longer a conversation about coffee, "Yeah, she crashed over at Claire's last night. You didn't know?"
He shook his head completely dumbfounded, "I thought she'd left with Sayid."
"No, Sayid left with that red-headed chick and left that Chinese guy here instead. He's our new hostage now down in the boathouse. But Kate stayed." Shrugging he simply said, "I thought you knew." Hurley watched him for a moment, noticing how his face had lit up and added, "You should go over there and say hi. I never liked coffee a whole lot, but I gotta say that was pretty good up until when I spilled it."
James smiled back at him, he just couldn't help himself. The thought that she'd actually stayed had to mean something.
Didn't it?
"I might do that." He beamed at his friend.
"Well, I'm gonna go take a nice long shower, dude. We might get attacked again, so who knows when I get another chance." Hurley announced before he started walking again, but stopped short once more to add, "Oh, before I forget, we need to think what we wanna bring to the Christmas dinner."
"Christmas dinner? How long was I out for?"
"Dude, it's December 23rd. It's Christmas in two days, and we're all having a dinner over at Locke's. Man, you're like totally out of the loop."
"Guess I missed the town hall meeting 'bout upcoming holidays." He retorted sarcastically and a bit annoyed at the realization that he'd completely lost track of what day it was.
Hurley just shrugged and finally disappeared in his room, leaving James alone with his thoughts.
Back in his bedroom he opened the closet to find something clean to wear but to no avail. Instead he found a closet full of clothing that to his best guess were about her size, and he quickly realized what an opportune moment had presented itself to him.
Fully dressed in his own clothes from the day before and on his way out of his bedroom his eyes fell on the small jewelry box that sat atop the vanity table across from the bed. Who knew what other treasures he would discover, he wondered before he stopped to have a closer look.
A couple of earrings, bracelets and necklaces', but nothing that stood out to him up on further inspection. But then in the midst of it all he found it, a ring. It took him a moment to get the ring untangled from all the other junk before he could examine it better. It didn't exactly scream Tiffany's, but it was definitely something he could work with.
James stepped back and sat on the foot of the bed, turning the ring over in his hand while he critically examined it some more. It was a thin band with a small sized rock – nothing extraordinaire – but he'd sold his fair share of junk to know that this wasn't that. This was real gold, with a small yet real diamond. This ring was in fact something.
What the hell am I doin'?
He suddenly tossed the ring back onto the vanity table as if the small piece of metal had branded the flesh on his fingers. He shook his head to himself. This wasn't him. He wasn't the kind of man that would look at a ring, suddenly get all gooey inside and pictured her wearing it.
No, he wasn't that kind of guy and Kate wasn't that kind of girl either.
Yet he stared at the ring for another long moment, unable to take his eyes off of it from the safe distance of the bed. It wasn't like he was thinking of proposing … or maybe he was. On second thought that notion was completely absurd. It was just a peace offering. Just a gift, and hey, Christmas was just two days away. It was all in the presentation after all. Down on one knee versus just wrapped up in a bow. It could be just a gift. It wouldn't have to mean anything. Surely Kate knew him well enough that she'd see that too, wouldn't she?
James shook his head to himself once again, stood and picked up the ring and wordlessly stuffed it in the pocket of his jeans. It was just a thing, no big deal, and he still had two days to decide whether or not to give it to her at all … and most importantly how he'd give it to her.
Son of a bitch! Who was he kidding? He had it bad for her! He had it real bad!
With that thought in mind he left the house and headed over to Claire's. No ulterior motives in mind, just a guy out for a hot cup of joe … at least that's what he told himself when he saw Kate sitting in a chair on Claire's front porch.
And suddenly that damn ring began to slowly, but surely burn a hole into his pocket.
X
James was in the middle of cleaning out the fridge when Hurley walked in, back in his old shirt, yet freshly showered with his hair still wet and a white towel slung over his shoulder, "I think a chick must've lived here."
James rolled his eyes at him, "You think? What gave it away?"
Either not noticing the sarcasm in James' voice or simply ignoring it for the sake of conversation Hurley went on to elaborate, "Well, there's like girl stuff all over this place. Clothes, shoes, jewelry and stuff."
"I noticed." James huffed almost irritated when he was reminded of the ring once again.
James took a plate of chicken from the fridge, held it up to his nose to smell it and was just about to throw it in the garbage bin he'd moved closer when Hurley grabbed a hold of the plate and stopped him, "Whoa that's perfectly good!"
"That's perfectly rotten." James retorted.
Hurley took the plate from his grasp and placed it right back in the fridge, "Dude, there's nothing wrong with this. I know chicken."
James appeared annoyed, "Listen Hugo, there's fifty other fridges in this place just full of food poisoning. Why the hell you gotta crash with me anyway?"
Hurley frowned and thought about it for just a second. "I don't wanna live alone." Was his soft spoken answer while he watched James further investigate the contents of the fridge.
"Fine, stay. When you're pukin' up that chicken, I ain't holdin' your hair.
"Awesome. Oh, an' when Kate shows up I'll split."
James sighed as he walked over to the sink, "Kate ain't showin' up."
"Oh, what'd you do?"
James turned towards him offended, "Why you takin' her side?" When Hurley simply shrugged and raised his eyebrows, James further explained, "She got all freaked out thinkin' she might be pregnant. She's mad at me because I said 'let's hope you're not'."
A beat or two later Hurley registered what James had said, "So, you two …" An open ended question but James knew what he was asking.
So while he started to wash some dishes, James tried his best to suppress the smile when he looked back at Hurley over his shoulder, "Yes, us two."
"Well." He took a breath, "She'll forgive you dude." Hurley stepped closer until he was next to James, "Just, give her some space. She'll show up eventually."
Turning amused to his friend, James replied, "Well ain't I lucky to be bunkin' with Dr. Ruth."
Hurley gave him two encouraging pads on the back before he walked away, "You're welcome."
"You wearin' cologne?" James questioned Hurley's retrieving form.
"Maybe." Hurley said before he disappeared out of sight.
James finished the dishes in silence, pondering over what Hurley had said. She was just a few houses away, bunking with Claire.
She was still mad about the pregnancy. That much was clear when she'd flat out told him to leave.
James, go home!
He felt like a jerk, he knew he'd bailed on her when she was worried about being pregnant with his kid, but hell … he was no prince charming, never pretended to be and she'd known that right from the start.
He wasn't ready to take care of a kid any more then she was. But he got it, he understood why she was giving him the cold shoulder. Pregnant women died on this rock, so naturally she was scared and he'd made it ten times worse by bailing on her … he didn't need a shrink to tell him that it would take a while before she'd come to trust him again.
X
The next morning, he sat upright in bed pretending not to hear nor care when he heard the distinct sound of the front door closing … and that's when he knew that she was gone. After the night they'd spend in each other's arms, she'd gone and done it once more; Kate had left and was on her way back to Jack.
Frustrated and angry beyond words he reached for the first thing he could find and threw his book across the room, at the closed bedroom door to be exact … little too late, the small voice in his head quickly reminded him.
No!
James shook his head in anger. No, he wouldn't … he couldn't let her get to him like that anymore.
He hadn't done anything to be ashamed of this time around. She'd said she wasn't pregnant and he was relieved and happy about it. He'd felt like a heavy load had been lifted off of his shoulders with her revelation … never mind the fact that they weren't ready for a kid, most importantly was the fact that Kate would be fine. She wasn't going to get sick or worse … no, she was going to be fine.
So he refused to let her actions get to him any further. Simply refused to sit here and drown in his sorrow over losing her once again.
He'd practically jumped through hoops for her last night. Had helped her by distracting Locke, so that she could bust out Bruce Lee to have a little chat with Captain Bunny Killer. He'd helped her, no questions asked. He'd owed her that much. It was his way of making up for leaving her behind like he had.
But now, sitting here all alone he somehow couldn't help but wonder if he'd gotten played. He knew she wanted something from him the moment she'd appeared up at his front door. And he had even called her out on it.
You are terrible at this, Freckles.
Terrible at what?
You already said you didn't stay behind for me. So at least be woman enough to tell me you wanna use me for something.
I wanna use you for something.
At that moment he'd felt like he'd somehow kept the upper hand, because he'd seen right through her act. But hindsight was 20/20, and suddenly he couldn't help but feel like he'd been conned just as much as Locke had. Had she shown up in his bedroom just because Locke had told her to leave in the morning? Was the sad eyes and the make out session just another ploy of hers so he'd protect her from John?
Had the conman been conned?
He felt angry and used – or maybe he was just hurt – but still he couldn't let himself believe that it had all just been a plan of hers, that last night had meant nothing to her. He didn't want to believe that she could be that cold … as cold as he'd been.
He chewed on that thought for a moment.
But didn't that also mean that she'd wanted to stay? Why would she have cared about being 'banished' at all if she'd no intentions of staying?
Fuck, she had wanted to stay!
His own mean words to her from just moments ago came back to him now with full force.
Don't make this about me, Kate. You didn't want a kid any more than I did. You're just lookin' for some excuse to split and now you've got one!
Someway, somehow he'd screwed it all up again.
What's done is done.
And with that thought in mind James swung his legs over the other side of the bed, gathered his jeans off the floor and his shirt off the nightstand and got dressed.
Honest to god, in all the excitement of having her here with him, he'd all but forgotten about that damn ring, but now that he reached into his pocket and realized its absence, a sudden wave of panic overcame him that he wasn't able to shake off. So his eyes instantly scanned the wooden floor in search of anything that sparkled before he dropped down to his knees to take a look underneath the bed. But the ring was nowhere to be found. It was just gone. Just like her it had simply vanished.
"Son of a bitch." He cursed in frustration again, before he left the room to clear his mind.
That's how he'd ended up with a bowl of dharma frosted flakes and Hurley sitting across from him, babbling on and on about this upcoming Christmas and how he'd usually spend them at home.
James welcomed the distraction that Hurley was currently providing, but when the big guy started to suggest them decorating a tree, he had chimed in with his own two cents, "No way in hell. We ain't settin' up a tree."
He took another mouthful of cereal and swallowed before he waved the empty spoon in the air along with his words, "I just cleaned this place up, so you ain't gonna drag some foliage up in here and call it a Christmas tree."
"You gotta have a tree to put the presents under." Hurley further elaborated.
James almost chocked on a mouthful of food, "Who the hell said anything about presents?"
Hurley frowned at that just for a moment, "Dude, this is Aaron's first Christmas and with Charlie gone … I just wanna do something nice for Claire, you know."
Hurley looked up and met James' eyes, but he wasn't going to get sucked in again by a sad story about a fatherless child and a puppy dog look. "You wanna do something nice for her? Then why don't you drag that tree up in her house instead and leave me out of it. And besides, Aaron ain't gonna remember none of this anyways."
Hurley frowned again and pushed back his chair, "Man, you're like worse than the Scrooge."
James shot him a look, and Hurley got up to take his dishes over to the sink, "Ha." Hurley gave him a pointed look over his shoulder, "Maybe that will be your nickname from now on, Scrooge."
James took the last bite, then drank the last of the milk out of the bowl before he pushed his chair back and got up himself, handing Hurley his dishes to be washed.
"Fine, I'll make you a deal. We nix the whole tree idea, but you can put my name on the card should you come across something to give to the kid." He started heading back to his room, but before he disappeared down the hallway he added, "And if you can't find anythin', we can always put a bow on that swing set out there and call it a day."
"Worst deal ever." He heard Hurley mumble as a reply, but couldn't hear what else he said when he closed his bedroom door behind him.
He picked up his book off of the floor and took it over to the bed with him. Determination crossed his features. She would be back. Jack would screw up sooner or later, and she would be back and that was that.
He adjusted the pillows behind his back for more comfort, put on his glasses and tried to find the page he'd been on when Kate had stopped by the night before. He'd quickly found it and gave the book his full attention now, still trying to put Kate out of his mind.
So the fugitive on the deserted island was struggling with mixed emotions when he found himself falling in love with one of the tourists he was actually hiding from.
He desperately wanted to tell her his feelings, but an anomalous phenomenon kept them apart.
Unsatisfied with where this story was going, he tossed the book back onto the nightstand and sighed frustrated.
This bed smelled like her!
How could he possibly not think about her when the whole god damn bed smelled like her?
Yet James made no move to leave the comfort of his bed. More the opposite, because he scooted down, rearranged the pillows around once again to actually lie down and dwell in the sheets that held the lingering smell of Kate.
Just then, as he rolled onto his side to get more comfortable, he felt something small but hard dig into his side. He lifted up enough to blindly run his hand over the sheet in search of the culprit, and immediately found it.
James stared at the ring in his hand for a long moment and smiled before he shoved it back into his pocket again.
He closed his eyes, smiling as he drifted off to sleep for a late morning nap with her on his mind, and mumbled to himself, "How 'bout that?"
Yeah, she'll come back!
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End Notes: Please leave a quick review or comment to let me know what you all thought … good, bad or neither? Thanks for reading! xoxo
