Ashley's P.O.V.
And of course, after a few more dates, Spencer and Aiden became an official couple. Shocker right? So I got just what I wanted, my two best friends dating, and the three of us living happily ever after, being the three musketeers. NOT. Oh, how I wish that's how things turned out.
Now, don't get me wrong, the first few weeks were the best. Spencer and Aiden were seriously one of the cutest couples- and this is coming from a girl who isn't a huge believer in love. They were touchy and mushy, but they never over did it, which I was extremely thankful for, since I was around them a lot. But everyone knew how strongly they felt for each other, you could see it by the way they looked at each other.
Of course I was happy for them- in the beginning. I mean, my two best friends were pretty much in love, yet they never made me feel left out. We were a trio to be reckoned with- that is, until things changes.
And by things, I mean my feelings, for Spencer. I probably began to notice the change a month after the two had started dating. Spencer and I were almost always together, and the more time we were around each other, the closer we got. The closer we got, the more time I wanted to spend with her. i started to find myself feeling jealous when her and Aiden would go on dates. I brushed it off as me feeling alone, since the two of them were my only friends at school. This theory was disapproved when Spencer was home sick one day, and it was just me and Aiden. You have no idea how much I missed her that day, I mean the day was just so off with out her.
I also began to feel a bit angry when Aiden would wrap his arm around her waist, or kiss her. You have no idea how many times I had to talk myself out of punching the kid in the face, thinking things like "Calm down Ash, they're dating."
Even with all of this proof in front of me, it took a very special evening for me to realize that my feelings towards Spencer were no longer friendly, but much more than that. We were at a park one Saturday night, and it was just the two of us because Aiden was having a guy's night with Glen. As we sat on the swings and admired the stars, I couldn't help but steal a few looks at her any chance I got. I remember thinking how beautiful she was, and I got lost in my thoughts when she caught me starring.
"What is it?" she had asked.
"Oh nothing, just trying to figure out how Aiden was able to get such an amazing girl," I had said.
This had made her blush, giving me this incredible sensation in my stomach.
"Ash, you shouldn't put me on a pedestal. I'm not perfect," she had said, looking back up at the stars.
Her response had actually kind of surprised me, I had expected her to say something along the lines of "Oh, I ask myself how I got a guy like Aiden."
"Hey," I had said, taking her hand.
She turned and looked at me with those piercing blue eyes, an unreadable expressions across her face.
"Your perfect in my books, and if you hadn't noticed, I have high standards," I had said jokingly, getting her to laugh.
As I had said the words, I had realized what I guess I had been trying to unconsciously deny in my mind. I was starting to fall hard for this girl, who in my eyes, was the definition of perfect.
And what did I do about it? Absolutely nothing. For the next two months, I constantly fought off my growing feelings for the blonde bombshell, always having to mentally remind myself the tragedy that would ensue if I were to ever pursue her.
Even though I was suffering this great internal struggle, I was really good at hiding it. So neither Aiden nor Spencer knew how much it killed me every time they did something as simple as looking into each other's eyes.
I occupied my time by doing what anyone who couldn't have the one they wanted would do- have meaningless sex. While Carmen said it was the best sex we had ever had, it did nothing to help put out the fire of emotion I had for Spencer. At least someone was enjoying it.
This week, which was their third month anniversary week (WOO FREAKING HOO!), was different though. As good as I had been at hiding my true feelings, my ability was beginning to slip. I found myself lashing out more, and just being a super bitch. It was probably because deep down inside, I had a feeling that they would finally consecrate the relationship. And by consecrate, I mean have sex. The thought of the two of them in bed made me sick.
"Ash, you want to come over and help me get ready?" asked Spencer as I opened my locker.
It was Wednesday, and Spencer and Aiden were celebrating their three month anniversary tonight. Since Spencer discussed all things having to do with Aiden to her new bff Madison, I hadn't heard much about it. Not having to talk about Aiden with Spencer was the only reason I was able to deal with her friendship with Madison.
"Can't, I've got plans. Have Madison help you get ready, she's probably going to come over anyway so she can bone Glen," I said curtly, shutting my locker and turning away from her.
"What the hell is your problem?" asked Spencer, grabbing my arm before I could walk off.
I turned around and when our eyes made contact, I immediately felt horrible. She didn't deserve this behavior from me. She had done absolutely nothing wrong to me, and if I continued to act in this manner, I knew I would lose her.
"Just like Aiden said, I'm pmsing," I said, my tone easing up.
This got Spencer to smile, and let go of my arm. I actually wished she hadn't, I loved her touch.
"I don't believe that. You've never pmsed this bad. Tell me what's really bothering you," said Spencer encouragingly.
One thing I loved and hated about Spencer was that she could read me so well. Obviously now was one of the times I hated this quickly obtained ability of hers.
"It's nothing, I just got into this argument with my Dad on the phone over the weekend," I lied, and Spencer looked at me for a few moments, probably trying to figure out whether I was telling the truth.
"Ok," she finally said, though she sounded a bit doubtful.
"I'm sorry I can't come and help you get ready. I hope you guys have fun tonight. Call me later," I said, walking off before she could respond.
After getting into my car, I texted Carmen that I was coming over, then drove as fast as I could to her place. Luckily for me, she had taken a day off. Once I got to her apartment, I knocked on the door, crossing my arms and impatiently tapping my foot as I waited for her. After what seemed like a freaking hour, she opened it.
"Hey," she said as she opened the door.
I didn't say one word. Instead, I practically slammed my lips against hers, kicking the door shut as I pushed her further into the apartment. My lips still moving forcefully against hers, I wrapped my arms around her waist, picking her up, and carrying her into her room.
I didn't want to speak, I just wanted to do the one thing that would temporarily clear my mind of thoughts of Spencer, and Aiden, and my feelings.
"Whoa, slow down Ash, I can't breathe," said Carmen, breaking the kiss.
I put her down and sat on her bed.
"When ever you're ready," I said nonchalantly, laying back with my hands under my head.
"What?" asked Carmen like she was unable to understand what I said.
"When. Ever. You. Are. Ready," I said, acting as though Carmen was mentally challenged.
"I'm not in the mood anymore. You should go," said Carmen, walking back into the living room.
This made me shoot out of the bed and follow her.
"What? Why?" I asked in disbelief.
Carmen was ALWAYS in the mood to have sex. And even if she wasn't, I was ALWAYS able to get her in the mood. She NEVER turned me down.
"Because, you're starting to turn me off."
"Excuse me?" I asked, appalled.
"Look Ash, I'm fine with having meaningless sex. But now you're starting to act like a robot that runs on sex, and emotionless sex is just...it just isn't pleasurable. You're draining the fun out of it."
I just sat down on her couch, unsure of what to do. She came and sat next to me, and we sat in complete silence for a while.
"Does your recent need for tons of sex have anything to do with Spencer?"
I turned and faced Carmen, my expression probably one of surprise.
"No, why would it?" I said unconvincingly.
"Ash, you can't fool me. When I pick you up from school, the last person you say bye to is Spencer, and I see the way you look at her. When we hang out, you're texting her! You've even blown me off to hang out with her. Who blows off sex to hang out with a friend?" asked Carmen, actually making me laugh.
"Face it Ash, you've got a thing for the chick. And having sex with me or who ever isn't going to make those feelings go away. You have to confront them," said Carmen knowingly.
This was the first deep conversation me and Carmen had ever had. While I usually would've snapped at her for butting into my business, I didn't, because she was absolutely right.
"What am I going to do?" I said, putting my hands in my face.
"Uhmm, isn't it obvious? Tell her!"
"I can't, it'll screw up everything."
"Things can't get any more screwed up for you. I mean you're in love with your best friend's girl. How could things get any worse?"
"I could lose both of my friends."
"If you keep your feelings to yourself, you'll eventually get to a point where you can't bear to be around either of them."
Yet again, Carmen was right. It was a lose-lose situation. So if I was going to lose, I needed to go down trying.
"I have to go," I said with a determination in my voice, standing up.
"Go get her!" said Carmen encouragingly.
I wrapped my arms around Carmen, embracing her in a tight hug.
"Thanks a lot Carmen, I really appreciate you talking to me. You know, maybe we can actually be more than just fuck buddies...maybe we can be real friends."
"Eh, I don't know if I want to hang out with you outside the bedroom. You're not that great," said Carmen teasingly, and I rolled my eyes at her.
We then said our final goodbyes as I walked out the door and practically ran to my car. I may have gone fast while driving to Carmen's place, but I was seriously going at the speed of light trying to get to Spencer's.
The 15 minute drive to her house took me only five minutes at the speed I was going. After pulling up to her house, I shut off the car, and sat in it for a few moments. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to risk losing her and Aiden?
As I repeated the questions in my head, I was finally able to come to an answer of "yes." Just as Carmen has said, there was no one I could only be friends with Spencer anymore. As for Aiden and I, I couldn't even think of what was going to happen to us after this. No, I had to block those thoughts from my mind, because they were the one thing that would stop me from doing this. And I HAD to do this.
I took a deep breath, collected myself, and then got out of the car and walked to her front step. After ringing the doorbell, I waited a few moments before it opened. I was surprised to see Paula standing in front of me.
"Hello Ashley," she said, obviously a bit surprised to see me.
"Hi Mrs. C, uhh it's nice to see you. No work today?"
"Nope, I took the day off. Wanted to spend a full day at home."
"That's nice. Is Spencer home?" I asked, not wanting to continue with this small talk.
"Yeah, she's upstairs, but she's getting ready to go out with Aiden," said Paula, obviously trying to provide a reason for me to turn around and get my ass back in the car and leave.
"I just need a few minutes," I said, not letting her have her way.
"Well, ok," said Paula in defeat, letting me in.
I slowly made my way upstairs, stopping as I reached Spencer's room. I took another deep breath before entering. Spencer was standing in front of her mirror, checking out her outfit. God, she was so gorgeous. I couldn't help but stand there, and stare.
"Ash!" she exclaimed as she turned around, only realizing I was in her room after a moment.
"Hey."
"I'm so happy you came, I can't decide what to wear!" she said in frustration, throwing her hands up in the air.
She was so damn cute when she was in a frenzy. Ok, stop it Ashley, you need to focus.
"Spencer, we need to talk," I said, sounding more serious than I had intended too.
"What's wrong Ash? Is everything ok?" she asked, coming over to me and taking my hand.
Her warm hand felt so nice against mine. She was standing so close to me, and I could smell the victoria's secret perfume from her body. Our faces were only inches apart. I took a look into the depths of her blue eyes, and all thoughts were gone from my mind. I completely forgot what I was going to say. Instead, I let my body take over, and do what it had been wanting to do for so long.
I leaned in, closing the distance between us, and gently pressed my lips against hers. The moment our lips connected, it felt like an electric shock went through my body. My heart literally went into over drive, and the sensation in my stomach was almost unbearable, but in an amazing way. I had never felt so much in one kiss. I had never felt anything like this in my entire life. This kiss was everything I had ever dreamed it would be and so much more.
And just as fast as it had began, it had ended, when she abruptly let go of my hand, and stepped back.
"Whoa, Ash, what was that about?" asked Spencer, confused.
It took me a few moments to regain my senses and recollect myself.
"Spencer. I like you. A lot."
"Of course you do, we're best friends!" said Spencer, clearly not understanding what I meant.
"No, Spencer. I like like you. As in, more than a friend. Way more than friend."
She just stood there, starring blankly at me, as she processed what I had just said.
"Spencer?" I said concernedly, starting to get worried by her silence.
"I think you should go," said Spencer flatly, looking down.
"Is that what you want?" I asked, desperation in my tone.
"Yes," she said, still not looking at me.
I practically shot out of her room, and almost tripped down the stairs. I didn't bother to close the door as I ran out of her house, or turn around as I heard Paula call my name. Instead, I kept my eyes on my car, running as fast as my legs could go to the one thing that would get me the hell out of here. I literally jumped into my car, and floored the gas pedal. After driving straight for a few miles, I pulled over to the side, shut off the car, and began to cry. At first it was just sobbing, but that turned to a down pour of tears and hysterical crying as the words "I think you should go" kept crossing my mind. I sat there for an hour, letting all of my emotions flow out through my tears until I could no longer cry. I then rested my head on the steering wheel, feeling numb. I didn't know what was worse- the fact that Spencer didn't feel the same way as me or the fact that I had just lost my best friend.
A/N:
Hey guys! I hope you liked this chapter! As promised, it was a Spashley chapter :) Now I know many of you wanted a different kind of Spashley, but don't worry, I promise the next chapter will satisfy that desire! Next update will be sometime this week. Don't forget to comment with your thoughts. Thanks again for reading :)
