They didn't meet again for 9 months
at the ASZ
Sadie and Daryl left the picnic table leaving Michonne, Sasha and Abe staring open mouthed in their direction. They knew that Daryl had been looking for somebody in the past. But he seemed to have given up. So they all dismissed the name Sadie. Because to bring up a sore spot from Daryl Dixon's past, was a way to make a new enemy.
She followed Daryl into the nearby woods. Sadie was sure Daryl wouldn't live anywhere for very long if there wasn't some woods nearby.
He's different. Daryl has been defeated. Sadie watched as he built a fire. Watched as he skinned and cleaned the rabbit he shot while they walked. His motions were the same as always, but there seemed to be no more purpose behind them.
They had walked for 45 minutes. Not a word between them. Sadie knew she should speak first because short and sweet Mr. Daryl sure wasn't going to. The only problem was, she didn't know what to say. The magic had been broken. Three months turned into nine. They still found their way back to each other… but a lot can happen in an extra six months.
Sadie felt it deep inside. Her bones felt the crushing weight of the tension between them. She knows that what he witnessed and experienced is something he'll never be able to unsee or unfeel. No matter what happened to him after that night. She knew that one night was the one that weighed on him.
Daryl turned the rabbit on the makeshift spit, still not sure what to say. The responsibility that he feels for what happened to Sadie is too much for him. He has carried the burden for what, probably a year now. He stopped keeping track of time. After the first 90 days passed with him not seeing her, he gave up. The anguish he felt inside was worse than any beating he suffered in those woods that night. He will always blame and punish himself for not being able to help when he was needed most.
Daryl had come to when he smelled the rotting flesh, then felt the earth vibrate from so much movement. He opened his eyes and saw that dozens of walkers were almost on him. His whole body was racked with pain, but he had to survive. Sadie was counting on him. He scrambled to his feet and raced for a nearby tree. The girl was smart. He always gave her that. After securing himself to the thick branches he closed his eyes and assessed his injuries, much like Sadie had so many months ago.
His left eye was completely swollen shut. He felt a massive knot over and around it. He figured he had some broken ribs from being kicked so many times. Two fingers that were bent the wrong way. Well, he could fix that right now. Daryl had broken fingers before and knew you had to reset them to allow them to heal properly. So he snapped his ring finger and pinky finger on his left hand back the way they were supposed to be.
He had several cuts and laceracions. But he's been in fights before. He'll heal from all of this. What he wasn't sure he could heal from, what he had nothing but hours to think about as the dead clawed at his tree… was if he could heal from seeing Sadie dragged into that cabin by her beautiful copper hair.
"Daryl?" Sadie broke the silence. Had to break the silence. Every sound hanging in the air between them was causing a larger gap with every passing minute.
"Yeah." The soft, growl of a response. This wasn't going to be easy. But just like the beginning. Short and sweet kid, short and sweet.
"I'm ok." A smiled slipped across her lips. A smile? Shit. Sadie couldn't control herself. She was ok, she knew it. And she was beside herself with excitement to see him again. But she knew she would have to convince him that she was ok. To have to convince somebody else seemed ridiculous to her. She shouldn't be responsible for making somebody else believe that she was mentally sound.
"I didn't ask." Daryl continued to turn the spit. Brr, even he could hear the coldness in his voice.
"Well. Then everything is just fine."
"Mmhm." Another grunt. If Sadie has to listen to one more grunt from this mountain man she'd leave she told herself. But… he had to know. He had to know that she was ok. That she wasn't harmed.
"Daryl?"
"Yeah?" Annoyance now bared it's ugly head.
"He didn't hurt me."
Silence. Well, she supposed silence was better than annoyance or despair.
Sadie continued. "He scared me a little. Embarrassed me. But he didn't hurt me. I know you couldn't do anything. I don't blame you or hold you responsible for anything."
"But I do!" He jumped to his feet and began to pace. "Sadie, I don't know what happened in that cabin. I wasn't there for you. Those guys carried me away from the house and beat me unconscious. When I came to I didn't know where I was or which direction you were in. Just like that, you were gone."
"Daryl, I'm here now. I've worked through it. Now you need to. You need to know what happened in there so you can let it go."
"Just shut up. I don't need to know shit. Stop talkin." The pacing continued. She had never seen him like this. So this is what Daryl looks like when he's scared.
"I want to talk about it with you Daryl." He charged her. A feral animal that's been spooked. He was on her so quickly. Daryl grabbed her shoulders, his face a foot from hers pulling her in while pushing her away. The conflicting motions and tones didn't go unnoticed to Sadie.
"I don't want to hear about it. 'S bad enough I had to be out there while he did God knows what to you." His head fell, hair sliding over his eyes. "I was too weak to help you." The last sentence was wet with tears. He was nearly sobbing and she didn't even know he was crying.
'My God,' Sadie thought. She was able to be done with this nine months ago, and he had to carry it with him. For nine months he didn't even know if she was alive. He had to know the full story. He had to be able to let this go.
"Daryl. He didn't violate me. He scared me and made me uncomfortable and nervous and embarrassed. But he didn't do what you think he did. I came out different but I wasn't defeated. I was stronger. I have been stronger." She grabbed Daryl's arm right back and he hissed in breath as if he'd been burned.
"He didn't touch you?" Daryl's voice had dropped an octave. Sadie knew he would be uncomfortable talking about this for so many reasons, but he's trying. Can't lie. He'll know a lie and it will set us back.
"I didn't say that. I said he didn't violate me. What happened in that cabin was nothing I couldn't and can't still handle."
"He touched you?" The searing temper rose to the surface. God, it was like there were flames constantly licking just beneath his skin ready to flare to the surface any instant.
"It was nothing. He tossed me around a little to show that he was a big, tough, macho man. He told me what he planned on doing with me. He was sick and twisted, but he didn't act on anything."
"That ain't all that happened." His head slightly shook from side to side while the left corner of his mouth raised in an 'I'm not buying it' smirk. He knew better. Not wanting to know how badly he failed this woman he had been responsible for, but also not willing to accept a lie or a half truth.
"No, it's not."
"Well?"
"Got any smokes?"
Daryl lit a cigarette and handed it to Sadie. Then lit one for himself. He wanted to lean back against the old oak tree and make himself comfortable for a conversation he knew was going to be anything but. But, he didn't. He sat with his knees bent and his feet slightly apart. Arms resting on them with the cigarette drooping between his index and middle finger. The casual way the cig was positioned too far between his fingers caused him to cover the whole lower half of his face when he took a drag. Sadie knew the reference was probably wrong but she always thought it was so 'James Dean'. His eyes would move from her to the fire and back to her again. Not wanting to stare, but not wanting to seem disinterested. Hell, he had no idea what to do.
Until she began... And he couldn't take his eyes off of her.
"Joe wanted to show me who was in charge. He wanted to get through to me that he could say or do anything he wanted." Sadie inhaled deeply on the rich tobacco. Letting it fill her lungs and then slowly releasing ribbons of smoke from between her lips. Damn, she missed smoking. "Like I said, he pushed me around a little. Tossed me like a rag doll across the room a couple of times. One time when I fell, my shirt pulled up a little bit and when I went to lower it his eyes changed." Another drag. Another exhale. "As I tugged my shirt down he sat in one of the chairs. Told me to stand up. I did. He just stared at me. Let his eyes rest where they wanted." Another drag. Another exhale. "Take it off. He said. Just like that. He went from throwing me around to telling me to take off my shirt. I was pretty sure what was about to happen and I was gonna be damned if I let it happen. But Daryl, I also knew that if I just went along with everything for just long enough it would be enough to satisfy him for the time being. Do you see what I'm saying… Like if I just did the not so bad stuff, well, the bad stuff might not happen."
"Sadie, you don't need to justify this to me. You ain't done anything wrong. You know that, whatever you're about to tell me. You gotta know, you didn't do anything wrong." His sensitive side came out so easily when provoked. He was a kind man. More so than any other man she's met in her entire lifetime. The draw she felt to him from the beginning is so clearly obvious now.
"Yeah, I know. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I want you to know that nobody did anything wrong except for Joe. Not me, not you, and, that really, it wasn't that bad."
"Wasn't that bad? You just told me the guy beat up on you and made you strip."
"I told you no such thing. Don't let your mind get carried away. I'm telling you exactly what happened so you know that nothing did happen and that I am ok and I'm not some wounded little bird you need to tip toe around." There it was. Finally Sadie was able to say part of what she's been feeling. "Daryl, yeah, he made me take off my shirt. Commented on my body and told me all the filthy things he was going to do to it. He made me straddle his lap right before he threw me to the floor and told me that I smelled terrible and looked disgusting. Said I was to bathe before he'd let somebody as offensive to his senses touch him." Sadie went to take a pull off the cigarette and realized it had burned down to the butt. So she crushed the filter into the dirt and flung it away.
"So ya see. Nothing happened that I couldn't handle. But I knew that if I didn't come up with a plan and fast, there was a good chance my life was going to go very sideways."
"You weren't disgusting."
Sadie and Daryl were quite for about 2 seconds before she burst into laughter and he looked at her horrified. She had just told him this story that put a roadblock between the two of them and now she's laughing so hard tears are falling down her cheeks. What is wrong with women?
"That's… That's what you have to say? I wasn't disgusting? Oh… oh Daryl." Sadie was practically howling with laughter and though Daryl was never one to show strong emotions he did see the humor and awkwardness in his comment. So, he cracked a smile and chuckled along with her shaking his head.
"Woman, you are like nobody I've ever met. You're a crazy fool."
"Daryl, I'm so glad I found you again."
Daryl gently pushed forward from where he was and pulled Sadie in an embrace. He held her. She shed tears, his were all done. He had found her again and she was ok. Nobody will ever take her from him again.
After they felt well and comforted they seperated. Daryl sat beside her and she rested her head on his shoulder. His left arm snuck around her shoulders and continued to hold her.
He thought about staying out in the woods for the night, but also knew this area wasn't safe to be outside the walls after dark. He stoked the fire down to ashes and stood up.
"Come on, let's get back." Kicking dirt on the ashes he felt her hand grasp his as she stood.
They walked back to the Alexandria Safe Zone hand in hand.
