17

TARA'S STILL

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

CHRISTMAS

Chapter 8 Recap

Jax and Tara continue their idyllic stay in the snowy mountain cabin with Adam and his children Connor, Lucy and Tyler. After one last toboggan ride down the hill, Jax and Tara begin the walk up the hill. It's time for them to leave and return to Charming. Suddenly, they hear screams. Tara tells Jax to run ahead of her and he tells her to bring the toboggan in case someone's injured. When Tara gets to the scene, Adam and Jax are arguing loudly and Lucy is screaming. Tyler has fallen through the ice.

CHAPTER 9 The Truth You Need

"Lucy, quit screaming. It isn't helping," I said in that firm tone adult's use when they are demanding obedience. I think it was the first time I'd ever used that voice.

"Thank you," I said when she quit screaming. "We are all a team and we will get your brother out of the pond. That's for your dad, Jax, and me to do. The two of you need to go to the cabin and get it ready. Tyler's going to be very cold. We're going to need to warm him up. Lucy, you need to make him a nice hot bath. We're also going to need blankets and comforters. That's your job, Connor. We need at least six. We're going to be really cold too. If you can't find extras in a closet, take them off the beds. Can you get back into the cabin? Do you need a key?"

Connor shook his head.

"No. There's a hide-a-key outside."

"Why can't they just go over and pull him out?" Lucy asked.

"Why are they fighting?" Connor asked.

"They are making a plan to rescue Tyler. Sometimes when guys make plans, they get loud. Give me your mufflers, we might need them."

"My mom made them for us last Christmas," Lucy said as she handed me her bright red muffler.

"I'll be sure to return them," I promised.

Connor handed me his. He had a better grasp of the situation than Lucy. He knew rescuing Tyler wasn't as simple as walking over to him and picking him up. That's why he was so terrified. He was afraid he was going to lose his brother.

"OK. Go! We'll be there in a few minutes."

They both nodded and ran off in the direction of the cabin.

"Let me go! My son needs me!" Adam shouted. He tried to step around Jax.

"Your son needs you alive," Jax said. He shoved Adam hard, knocking him back about three feet. "You're going to fall through the ice and die. I have a plan."

"Tyler fell through the ice. You weigh four or five times that. You'll never make it to him," I said.

"Tara and I might be able to rescue Tyler, but I don't think we would be able save you when the ice breaks under you. How are your kids going to deal with their dad's death? Tyler will blame himself. Your great family will go to hell in a minute."

Adam took a couple of calming breaths.

"Tyler, we're coming. We need a plan first," Adam yelled.

"Hurry!"

"We will."

"I sent the kids to the cabin. I got their mufflers. I thought they might be useful."

"Good thinking," Jax said.

"Maybe someone should call for help," Adam suggested.

I did the math for him.

"Five minutes for me to get to the cabin, ten minutes to drive to a place with cell reception, a minimum fifteen minute response time. Figure another fifteen minutes to plan and get the equipment ready. Best possible case, we're looking at forty-five minutes to get help. I don't think he was that kind of time. I think I'm more useful here," I said, keeping my voice low so Tyler couldn't hear me.

"My plan's simple," Jax said. "I'm going on the toboggan. That will spread my weight out. Adam will give me a push to get me as close as possible to Tyler. I'll lift him out of the water and Adam will pull us back using the toboggan's cord attached to one of the mufflers. That will give us enough length."

"I should go," I said. "I'm smaller and lighter. I'll have the best chance of not falling through the ice."

I wasn't trying to be brave or the hero. It just made more sense for me to go. The only thing that mattered was getting little Tyler out of the pond and warmed up before he drowned or died from hypothermia.

"Tara, you don't have the physical strength to lift him out of the water," Jax said.

"I'm not going to lift him out. I'm just going to grab him and you guys are going to pull us back."

Jax and Adam looked at each other and nodded.

"Are you sure?" Jax asked.

"Yeah. My job's easy. You guys have the hard part pulling us back to safety."

"Let's add a safety line," Adam suggested. "We'll tie a muffler around your waist and tie the others together so if you get separated from the toboggan we'll still be able to get you back. I'll give you mine to tie around Tyler just in case you lose your grip."

Adam explained to Tyler how we were going to get him out of the pond. He made it clear to Tyler that he wasn't to stand up when he was out of the pond or he would fall through the ice again. He also told him to do everything that I told him.

"Don't start pulling until I tell you," I said.

I laid down on my stomach with the curl of the toboggan behind me. I took off my gloves. I thought I could get a better grip on Tyler with bare hands. Adam and Jax gave me a big push running as far as they dared on the ice. I slid to less than a yard from Tyler.

I used my hands to sort of paddle my way through the snow to get closer to him kind of like a surfer. He had been lucky. He was clinging to the hole's edge. As long as he held on and didn't go under, I'd be able to grab him.

I tried not to think about what would happen if he let go and slipped underwater. His chances of living would plummet and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get him out alive. Some kids have been pulled from icy water and been brought back to life, but that wasn't how the story usually ended. That's why it made news. It didn't happen often.

"Tyler, I'm right behind you. I'm going to loop your dad's muffler around you and tie it. This is going to give me an extra hold on you."

I had to scoot off the toboggan so that most of my upper body was stretched over the hole and my sleeves were actually in the water. For a second, my hands locked up from the cold and I regretted taking off my gloves.

I flexed my hands to warm them up a bit before I reached out and looped the bright red muffler around Tyler and tied it using the slip knot that Jax showed me. I wrapped the scarf around my wrist. I knew this was risky. If Tyler sunk below the water, there was a good chance he would take me with him, but I needed to be tied to him for my own peace of mind. If we were tied together, I knew we would both be OK.

My entire life just got very simple. The only thing I wanted to do was grab Tyler. Nothing else mattered—just that little kid. I reached out and slipped my arms under his arms. He was facing away from me, still clinging to the ice's edge.

"OK, Tyler. I have you. Let go and your dad and Jax will pull us back off the ice."

"I'm scared."

"I have you. I'm not going to let you go."

He shook his head.

Adam called to him to let go. I told him to let go. Jax told him to let go. Tyler clung to the ice. I couldn't fight him. It might break the fragile ice.

"Remember when we went ice skating and I fell? I trusted you to help me up. It's your turn to trust me."

He shook his head. Suddenly he looked up and became very calm.

"I'm ready now, Tara," he said. He let go.

"Don't worry. I am tied to you and we used the mufflers your mom made last Christmas as a rope. The guys have that as a back-up. In just a minute or two or even less, we'll be back on the ground."

"I'm not scared. I'm a big boy."

"You are. Most kids, even big ones, would be crying. OK, guys, we're ready. Pull."

It wasn't as easy as I had thought it would be and it required more strength too, but in that kind of situation, my body made up for the ice skating debacle by giving me strength I didn't know I had and I didn't know I would need.

Tyler was only four or five, so he didn't weigh that much, but the guys had to pull me back too. They had to pull slowly to keep us straight and lined up with the toboggan. My upper body was still off the toboggan. Gradually and very carefully, Tyler was pulled clear of the ice. Some of it broke, but he remained calm.

Once I was back on the toboggan, I felt relief. It would be easier to pull us back, but we faced a new hurdle. The scarves were knitted or crocheted and the yarn stretched, so Adam and Jax had to really reel us in. Suddenly they stopped. The mufflers had gotten stuck. The guys tried to free up the muffler, but we were still snagged. Jax laid down on the ice to disperse his weight, inched his way to the snag and freed up the muffler. Adam waited until Jax was back safely before he began pulling. They pulled us bringing us closer and closer. Suddenly the ice began to give and shatter. We had seconds, if that, before the ice completely gave way.

"Pull as fast as you can. The ice is breaking under us!" I shouted. "Let's count and see how long it takes for them to get us back," I said to Tyler in a softer voice. I needed to keep him calm. If he panicked, we could both end up underwater and we were so close to safety.

I counted to three before Tyler pitched in to help. We got to nine before we were back on solid ground. I unwrapped the muffler from around my wrist that was also around Tyler.

There was a bunch of hugging. Adam lifted Tyler to his feet and hugged him, he hugged me, he hugged Jax and then he went back to hugging Tyler. Jax hugged Tyler. In that moment, I could feel Jax's love for Tyler. He loved that little kid. That was the best of Jax, warm, kind and loving.

Jax hugged me and told me he was proud of me. We just stayed wrapped in each other's arms so relieved and thankful that Tyler was safe.

Adam took off Tyler's wet coat and wrapped him in his coat. Adam's breathing worried me. He was struggling for breath.

I was shivering. I'd gotten almost completely soaked from the water seeping through the cracks in the ice.

"Take off your coat. I'll give you mine," Jax said.

"I'm OK," I insisted. My teeth were chattering so much, I bit my tongue.

Jax took off his coat. He still had on his blue hoodie and flannel shirt under the coat.

I tried to unzip my jacket, but my hands were so cold, I didn't have fine motor skills. I couldn't unzip my jacket.

Jax unzipped my jacket for me, helped me out of it, put his coat on me and zipped it up.

"Thanks," I said.

"Jax, can you take Tyler back? You're faster." Adam asked. He was pausing between words.

"Sure," Jax said. He scooped Tyler up.

"Adam, I need you to help me. I can't walk very fast," I said. I didn't want Adam to look weak in front of his son.

"I can help you," Adam said slowly, but Tyler didn't notice.

"When I sent the kids to the cabin, I told Lucy to make a hot bath for Tyler. It's a fast way to warm someone up. Tyler's skin is numb. He won't be able to tell if the water is too hot until it's burned him. That can be a very bad injury. Jax, you need to check the water carefully. Don't just test it with your fingers. Put your whole hand in and leave it for a few seconds."

Jax nodded. "Check the water with my whole hand. Be careful about the temperature. Got it."

"We'll be there in a few minutes," Adam said.

Jax took off at a run, cradling Tyler against his body.

I took the mufflers, Tyler's wet coat and my wet coat and put them on the toboggan. I began dragging it by its cord as we walked to the cabin.

"I'm the one that needs help," Adam said, still fighting for breath and pausing between words.

"Tyler didn't need to know that."

"Thanks."

"Before the kids ran to the cabin, Connor asked me why you and Jax were fighting. I told him that you and Jax were making a plan and guys sometimes get loud when they are planning."

Adam smiled at me.

"You sound like my wife. She was always tactful."

"The tact thing is kind of a first for me."

We finished the rest of the walk slowly and silently. It was just too difficult for Adam to talk and walk with his asthma. He was also shivering from the cold since he had given his coat to Tyler. I left the toboggan and its contents on the porch.

Lucy flung open the door before we could open it. She must have been watching from the window.

"They're here," Lucy called.

Connor came in carrying two blankets. He gave us each one.

"You warmed them up," I said. "Great idea."

"I put them in the dryer. My mom used to do that sometimes with our pajamas," he said.

Connor and Lucy hugged their father.

"Jax told us you're a hero and he told us how you made the plan to save Tyler and how you used our mufflers like rope," Connor said.

"And you had to help Tara get back to the cabin," Lucy added.

"Your mufflers are in the toboggan. They're wet," I said.

"How's Tyler?" Adam asked.

"I had everything ready," Lucy said. "I made it a bubble bath because he likes bubble baths better than plain ones."

We went into the bathroom. Tyler was in the bathtub. The color was returning to his skin. He was bouncing back.

I was relieved that he was doing so well. He wouldn't have to go to the hospital. He had only been in the water a few minutes, but it seemed like hours to me.

"How are you feeling, Tyler?" Adam asked.

"Good."

"You were right about the water," Jax said to me. "It was too hot, so we added cold and I've been monitoring it as the water cools and we add more hot water."

Jax told me later that Connor had helped him remove all of Tyler's clothes except his SpongeBob SquarePants underpants. Little kids needed to keep their dignity.

"Why did you go out on the pond after you were told not to?" Adam asked.

"I don't know."

"What did you think would happen?"

Tyler shrugged.

"I didn't think anything would happen. Then I thought it would be fun if I jumped up and down and then the ice broke."

That's when I learned that little kids just can't be trusted. They do dumb things just because they don't understand the consequences of their actions and they are little kids.

Jax and I turned to leave.

"I have something to tell everyone," Tyler said very seriously.

I wondered what could be going on with that little kid. I was hoping this accident wasn't going to leave him screwed up for life. Poor little guy had just lost his mother; he didn't need anymore trauma.

"Does that mean me?" Jax asked.

"Everyone," he said with obvious annoyance. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so odd.

"OK. Tell us," Adam prompted.

"When I was in the ice, Tara kept telling me to let go, but I was scared. I saw mommy. She was wearing that big dress that she said it was her bag dress."

"Bag lady dress?" Lucy suggested.

"Yes," he said and shot his sister a look of irritation. "She told me that I would be OK and I needed to be a big boy. She said I would be really cold, but I would be OK," he paused and looked at his father and then at his brother and sister. "She said to tell you that she loves us and she's around us. And not to be sad for her." Tyler tried not to cry, but it was too much for him and his eyes filled with tears.

I thought of my mother and I could feel tears in my eyes. I wondered if my mother or my aunt were around me. I never felt their presence, but that didn't mean they weren't around.

"Tara, your hands are bleeding," Lucy said.

I had been so caught up in getting Tyler that I hadn't noticed the damage I'd done to my hands. My knuckles had dragged on the ice and snow as Adam and Jax had pulled us to safety.

"There's a first aid kit in the master bath in a drawer under the sink."

"Come on, Tara. Let me fix your hands," Jax said.

It gave us a good excuse to leave the bathroom so the family could have some time together.

I know it's not a very modern thing to say, but I really liked it when Jax took care of me. I think it's because I was raised to be independent. When you are told you can't depend on anyone for help, it makes you feel that you can't depend on anyone's help because you don't deserve it or you aren't worth helping. I don't know, maybe I am the only one who can see being raised to be independent has a down side.

Jax cleaned my hands off, put antibiotic ointment on the scrapes and bandages on the deeper scrapes on my knuckles.

"Did you see a woman anywhere? You were closest to Tyler," Jax asked.

I shook my head.

"I didn't see anyone, but I was so focused on getting Tyler I had tunnel vision."

"I saw her. I saw this woman with long brown hair in this kind of baggy outfit. I wouldn't have been able to hear her speak from where I was, but I saw this woman. It was strange. One minute, she was just there, and then suddenly, she was gone. Tyler let go then and we began pulling you in."

"A change came over him suddenly. That would fit into the time frame. Maybe you both saw her. Let's see if Adam has a picture of her."

"Does that make her a ghost or an angel?" Jax asked.

"I don't know. Both?"

Everything was so intense that I'd forgotten about my wet clothes. My bag was still in the room. I went into the bunkhouse bedroom and changed into dry clothes. It felt so good to be dry and warm.

The family meeting was over by the time I opened the bunkhouse bedroom door. I asked Lucy for a garbage bag for my wet clothes. She brought me a garbage bag. She had already put my coat in it for me.

Jax and I needed to leave. It would take us a couple of hours to get back to Charming. We said our goodbyes to everyone. It surprised me that it was so hard. They had become my family for that small space of time and now I was losing them. I would have memories, but I would miss making new ones with them.

Tyler, all warmed up from his bath, hugged both Jax and me and thanked us for helping his dad save him. I just couldn't imagine that little boy drowned in the pond. I got teary-eyed when I said good-bye to Lucy. She was a cross between a little sister and a daughter.

Adam walked with us to the car. Since he had warmed up, his breathing had returned to normal. He had bounced back just like his son.

"You told my kids I was a hero," Adam said to Jax. "You were the hero. When I realized Tyler had fallen in the pond, all I could think of was getting to him and saving him. It was pure reaction without thought. You finally got through to me when you said if I went out on the ice, I would die and Tyler would blame himself. If you had been a few seconds later, or if you hadn't been so forceful in blocking me from going to the pond, I'd be dead and Tyler might have died too. If you and Tara hadn't spent that extra hour sledding, or if you hadn't stayed the three extra days . . ."

"You don't know what would have happened," Jax said. "You made the choices that brought Tyler to safety. You could have still rushed out on the pond. You didn't have to listen to my plan. You thought of the safety line. That was a great idea. You were struggling to breathe, but you gave your coat to your son. That was heroic. You asked me to take Tyler to the cabin. That was the best choice for him. You made heroic choices."

"I know the truth," Adam said.

"So do your kids. I gave you the truth you needed for your family. It isn't going to matter to Connor and Lucy if Tara and I were the heroes. It matters that you are the hero. You made the choices that resulted in Tyler's rescue. You are a great father. Every great father deserves to be a hero to his kids at least once in his life."

Adam hugged Jax.

"I'm glad I didn't punch you," he said.

"Me too," Jax said.

"Thank you, Tara. Tyler wouldn't have made it out of the ice without you. You were brave."

"Not really. I knew you guys had my back. Now, Tyler was brave."

"You saved my family. How do you adequately thank someone for that?"

"You just did," Jax said. "I hope I can be as great a father as you one day."

We hugged Adam again and then Jax and I got in the car and left.

Jax's words about being a great father like Adam caught me a little by surprise. Jax's feelings about his father were complex. JT wasn't much of a father for the exact same reason Jax was a bad dad; he put the MC ahead of his own kids.

After Jax found his father's manuscript, his feelings alternated between love and contempt. I had hope that one day Jax would find his way back to fatherhood and use Adam as a model for a father.

"We forgot to ask Adam for a picture of his wife," I said after we'd gone about ten miles.

The good-byes were painful enough. We couldn't really go back for a look at a picture.

"We didn't forget. You forgot."

"You saw a picture of her?"

"Yeah. It sort of looked like the woman I saw, but I'm not sure. The kids showed me a picture while you were taking forever to change your clothes."

"You don't understand that girls' clothes are more complicated than guys' clothes."

"I know. I've got some experience in helping girls out of their clothes."

"Jax!" I said and rolled my eyes.

He grinned.

"What did you tell the kids about the picture?"

"I gave them the truth they needed too. I think it made them feel better—especially Tyler. He was happy that I had seen his mother."

"I like to think that our loved ones can come to us. A change definitely came over Tyler. He went from being frozen in fear to being very calm and serene. That was pretty great of you telling the kids that Adam was the hero."

"I just gave him the truth that he needed, darlin'"

"Yeah, but it was pretty great of you," I said. I kissed him on the cheek.

"Just add that to your list of why I'm so wonderful."

"I don't actually have a list. You're just going to have to remind me every day why you're so wonderful," I whispered in his ear and then I bit his earlobe.

"Tara Knowles, you are a bad girl."

"Not that bad," I said.

"I've got hopes," he said smiling at me before giving me a quick kiss at the traffic light.

"I really like how we keep our relationship to us. It's like we have our own world."

"I think we should keep what happened at the cabin to ourselves too. We'll just tell everyone that we had a nice time and leave it at that."

"It sounds cool and mysterious."

"Would you expect any less from me? I just like having a world for just the two of us and we're the only ones who know about it."

Keeping some mystery about our relationship from others helped us build our strong bond. Sometimes it was hard for me because I heard the girls at school wondering what Jax could possibly see in me, but I ignored it. Jax and I had a bond that would stand the test of time except, of course, when it didn't.

After New Year's, I sent the family Fire Ant T-shirts. Less than a week later, they sent me a package. Inside was a picture of them all wearing their Fire Ant T-shirts and a red muffler. It was the one Lucy's mom made for herself. Lucy wrote a note telling me that they decided as a family that I should have the scarf. That simple kindness touched my heart.

Jax and I would continue to see the family spending a week with them every summer and every winter until I went to San Diego and Jax and I split.

Jax would see the same woman ironically in a cemetery after Opie's wife Donna's murder. When Jax was going through big turning points in his life, she would just appear. He told me that he had seen her in an open air market in Belfast when he was trying to decide Abel's future.

Until I saved Jax from death, he thought this woman was Adam's wife and the kids' mother. He thought she was a guardian angel watching over him as thanks for saving Tyler's life. The reality of who the woman was and why she was around him during key points in his life remained a mystery until then. (Jax Is Really Alive Chapter 16 Déjà vu All Over Again will explain this)

Jax and I returned to Charming and, for awhile, we lived happily ever after.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am thinking about doing a sequel to Tara's Perfectly Imperfect Christmas. The plot will be either Tara gets a surprise plane ticket from her father, so she's spending Christmas in Charming. It's the first time she's been in town since she and Jax split up. Her father takes a last minute gig (just like original story) leaving Tara home alone on Christmas Eve. Jax comes by. The second option: Adam and his family from the Christmas story invite Jax and Tara to spend a few days at the cabin after Christmas. Jax and Tara don't want to tell the kids they aren't together anymore because the kids think they have this forever sort of epic love (or at least Lucy does), so they pretend to be a couple for a couple of days.

Please vote for either:

Tara and Jax alone together on Christmas Eve OR

Jax and Tara go to the cabin and pretend they are still together.

NO VOTES EQUALS NO STORY. You can either vote through the review process or PM me. Neither story will reveal what caused Tara and Jax to split up. That's for Tara's Story to do.