Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine
Previously:
Scorpius was right; I thought I lost everything when I broke up with Tom, but in reality, the only thing I lost was myself; I'd lost my values, my pride and my humanity, all for some guy that doesn't even fucking care.
What the hell had happened to my life?
I slipped into the Great Hall and took a seat next to Lizzie. The opening term feast was never really my thing, especially tonight. All I wanted to do was collapse into bed and pretend like the day had never happened.
Scorpius and I had fought before; I mean, what sort of siblings didn't? But it was never quite like this. He had never hurt me like this before. And I didn't like it at all.
I glanced over towards the Slytherin table and saw Scor sitting there, completely disinterested in what was going on around him. Tom was trying to get his attention, but to no avail.
"Brighten up," Lizzie whispered. "It's not the end of the world."
"For you maybe," I snapped.
"Come on," Lizzie said. "You're acting like a spoilt bitch."
I grinned fleetingly; leave it to Lizzie to make me laugh again.
"I'm sorry," I said. "We've never fought quite so badly before."
"It's chill," Lizzie said. "I know how close you guys are. You'll work it out."
"I hope so," I murmured, turning my attention towards the food that had just appeared.
Guess I had missed the welcome speech. Oh well, it wasn't like I hadn't heard it all before.
"Are you going to eat Ari?" Lizzie's voice once again broke into my thoughts.
I shrugged and continued playing absently with my food.
"Don't really feel like eating," I said.
"You need to eat."
"Yeah..."
Lizzie shook her head and gave up, turning back to her previous conversation.
"So who died?"
I sighed and turned to meet Lucy's mocking gaze.
"I'm not in the mood," I said. "Say whatever the hell you want and then fuck off."
To my surprise, Lucy didn't say anything. Instead, she took a seat next to me.
"What's happening Ari?" she asked, actually sounding concerned.
"I fucked my life up," I said angrily. "Now run off and tell all your friends and laugh at me behind my back."
Lucy didn't move.
"What?" I snarled. "You want something more to gossip about? Try this; I fought with Scor about fucking not only Daniel, but someone else as well. Never mind the fact that I actually haven't ever screwed anyone..."
I took a deep breath and avoided Lucy's eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "I know how close you two are."
"Why do you even care?" I said bitterly.
"We haven't always hated each other," Lucy said softly. "Remember?"
I paused, a smile flittering across my lips.
"I remember," I said. "We'd play down the bottom of your garden and try to find the fairies Mum told us were down there."
"Yeah," Lucy laughed. "We would have been eight before we figured out she was just making it up."
There was a silence between us.
"I've missed you Luce," I said, not knowing how true that sentence really was until I'd spoken it. "I'm sorry I've acted like a bitch in recent years."
"It wasn't just you," Lucy said. "I've hardly been the nicest person around."
"Why'd we start hating each other?" I asked.
"Because we discovered boys and makeup," Lucy laughed hollowly. "We became jealous of each other when there really wasn't anything we should have been jealous about. We were best friends. We were supposed to be happy for each other."
"I remember," I said. "His name was Joel, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," Lucy nodded. "Joel Thomas."
"We both thought we were in love with him," I said. "He didn't know we existed."
"It was better that was," Lucy told me. "It was better because all we had were dreams. When he started talking to us, things got hard."
"Yeah, we both start competing for his attention. That was when we began to fight."
"We were so stupid. He was probably laughing at us behind our backs."
"He was a dickhead. He didn't care he that he was tearing our friendship apart."
"He especially didn't care when he kissed us both in the same night," Lucy said bitterly. "And when I told you, you told me..."
"That he couldn't have kissed you because he kissed me," I finished.
"God, I can't believe we let that happen."
"I can't believe we actually thought it meant something. We weren't even ten."
"If I knew then what I know now, it would have been so obviously that he was fucking with us," Lucy said.
"We fought so badly," I said. "Over some asshole who probably doesn't even remember our names."
"I don't think he ever knew our names," Lucy said. "Because he never cared."
"Have I told you that I've missed you?" I asked.
"Yeah," Lucy nodded. "You did. I've missed you too Ari but..."
"Things will never be the same," I finished quietly. "I know Luce, god do I know. We've both said some pretty awful stuff to each other, but we don't have to anymore. We can be friends."
"It's never going to be like it used to," Lucy said. "Because we can't just go back to that."
"I know," I said. "And I'm not sure I want to. Don't take it the wrong way, because I miss being friends with you, but I don't miss what I've learnt from what happened. I grew up a lot in that year and I learnt some pretty valuable lessons."
"No guy should ever come between a friendship," Lucy nodded. "I vowed never to let it happen again because I hated hating you."
"I vowed the exact same thing," I said. "But it's happened again. And I didn't even realise until, once again, it was too late."
"It's never too late Ari," Lucy said. "It's not too late for us and we've hated each other for ten years."
"But even if we are friends," I said. "We're not going to be the same type of friends. I've got Lizzie now, and you have Sara. We're not going to be able to talk like we did, or tell each other everything."
"We could," Lucy said. "It's only what you think that is stopping you."
"No, it's life," I said. "We've grown up now. We have different secrets and different dreams. We're not children anymore Lucy. We haven't been children since that summer."
"I know," Lucy whispered. "But I'm hoping. I want to go back to that, to us, so badly that I'm overlooking the fact that it's near impossible."
"We'll still be friends," I said. "We'll always be friends."
"Good," Lucy smiled. "Now tell me why it's too late for you and Scorpius."
"I've let a guy come between us," I said. "And it's so fucking stupid because I know what happens when I let that happen. But I didn't realise until it happened. That's why it's too late."
"I've just told you it's never too late," Lucy said. "Past mistakes can be fixed."
"But things will never be the same," I insisted. "Like us; we're not the same. We'll never be best friends again and I'm scared that will happen with Scorp and I."
"It only happened between us because we left it ten years," Lucy said. "Maybe we could have fixed things back then, but because we left it, we can't. We spent all those years hating each other and regretting our actions, but we never tried to fix it. Ari, you fought with Scorpius today. It's hardly too late."
"It's been building for a while though," I said. "He told me he didn't want it fixed."
"Look at him!" Lucy exclaimed, gesturing towards the Slytherin table. "Does he look happy to you?"
"No," I admitted softly.
"Because he regrets what happened just as much as you do!"
"I guess."
"Now, who's the guy?"
I bit my lip, hesitating. I wanted to tell someone about what's been going on in my life, but I wasn't sure if I could tell Lucy. We'd only just became friends again after all. But, then again, we used to be so close.
Ah, what the hell. What's life without a little risk?
"Tom Zabini," I said.
"Oh my fucking god," Lucy was wide eyed. "Scor's best friend."
"Yeah, you say that like I haven't realised it yet."
"How did that happen?"
"I dunno," I shrugged. "He wanted a snog buddy with no strings attached and so did I. He's hot as anything and he's pretty fun as well."
"You deserve better than a simple snog-buddy, Ari," Lucy said.
"Maybe, maybe not," I replied. "But to be honest, I haven't been able to have a proper relationship after what happened between us. Sure, we were young, but it really affected me."
"It affected me too," Lucy admitted. "I never got close to another guy because I was scared he would come between me and my friends again."
"It's funny," I said. "I was so worried about him coming in between me and Lizzie that I forgot about how it might affect Scorpius."
"Did Scor find out?" Lucy asked. "Is that why you're fighting?"
"No," I said. "He never found out. Tom didn't want to tell him. Ironic really, because he didn't want to ruin their friendship. I didn't tell him because I didn't want him going all over-protective on me. I guess I tried to distance myself and that's why everything got screwed up."
"But you're with Nott now?"
"Yeah," I laughed. "Our relationship isn't real. He wants to make someone jealous and so do I."
"But what about Tom?" Lucy raised an eyebrow. "You seemed to be fine with him."
"I fell for him Luce," I said softly. "And I fell fucking hard. He doesn't feel the same."
"Have you told him?" Lucy asked.
"Gosh no," I said. "At least I can still fuck around with him if he doesn't think actual feelings are involved."
"Talk to him Ari," Lucy said. "Sometimes guys will really surprise you."
"Tom's never been one for surprises," I said. "I've always known what he wanted. He's not the most subtle of people."
"You never know until you try," Lucy said.
"I don't want to get hurt again."
"You won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know you, or at least I knew you. You don't let people bring you down."
"Maybe on the outside I don't," I said. "But it sure hurts like hell on the inside."
"Look," Lucy said. "I know we're both new to the whole friend's thing again, but I'm telling you because I care. You're only going to regret it more if you don't try."
"I'll regret it if I do try."
"No you won't. We both regret that we never tried to fix our relationship yes?" she waited until I had nodded before going on. "So don't regret Tom. Don't regret that you never admitted how you felt because one day, he's going to marry someone. And you'll really regret it if you don't have a chance to see if that girl could be you."
"Yeah," I said. "Thanks Luce."
"No problem," she smiled, standing up. "Have a good night."
"You too," I smiled.
She took a few steps before turning back and looking at me.
"Ari," she said. "I'm really glad that we're friends again."
"Yeah," I said. "Me too."
A/N Aww, they finally made up. Haha. Let me know what you think.
