Learning To Love With A Broken Heart
(Chapter Nine: Insomnia)
Olivia laid across the couch watching some Disney movie with Elliot and the baby. Elliot sat at the other end holding Savannah in his lap as some cartoon character sang yet another song. Obviously he was more adjusted to having kids than she was. Olivia yawned and blinked her heavy eyes.
"Hey," Elliot said squeezing her foot.
"Hmm?"
"Why don't you take the bed tonight? Stretch out and relax. I'll sleep in here with her. You look like you could use a good nights sleep."
"I don't want to take your bed."
Elliot laughed. "It's okay. I don't sleep in there. I sleep in the guest room."
"Why would you do that?"
"I don't know. It just seemed strange. That is your bedroom. It always has been."
Olivia smiled and rubbed her hand over her face. "I'll be okay. I haven't been able to sleep."
"Insomnia."
"Well, I slept a few hours last night. But that is probably the first time since I brought her home from the hospital."
"It's insomnia. Probably brought on by all of the change in your lifestyle. The baby and the move. It will pass."
"Yeah."
"Liv, go on. Get some rest. We'll be just fine."
"I should try to nurse her. And she'll get up a couple of times wanting to be fed."
"You have bottles ready. I can manage for a few hours. Honey, you are exhausted."
"Okay," she said taking the baby. "I'm gonna go try to nurse her and then I'll lay down." She carried Savannah down the hall to the bedroom to nurse her.
Elliot stretched out across the couch and continued watching their movie. Olivia returned about twenty minutes later and handed Savannah to Elliot.
"She ate good," she said kissing the baby and brushing her fingers through her hair. "She should be ready to go to sleep before long. If you have any troubleā¦."
"I know where to find you. Olivia, it's okay. I have taken care of babies dozens of times. And we are twenty feet away if you want to check on her."
"Okay, so I am over reacting. It's my right as her mother."
Elliot smiled. "Savannah, say good night to mommy."
"Good night sweetheart. Mommy loves you," Olivia said kissing her daughter's forehead. "Thanks, El."
"No problem."
That night Olivia slipped into a tee shirt and a pair of pajama pants then climbed under the blankets in her old bed. She exhaled and stared up at the ceiling. She turned her head to stare at the familiar shadows cast on the wall by the blue light seeping between the blinds. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep.
Olivia rolled over and opened her eyes to see him sleeping beside her. She smiled and scooted in against him laying her head against his chest. Trevor raised his arm and closed it around her. She loved the way his arms felt around her.
"Are you going to miss me?" He asked softly.
Olivia laughed. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about me going to Buffalo for three weeks to get the new office up and running."
"Of course, I will miss you. I still don't understand why it has to be you that goes."
"Olivia, the name of the firm is Henshall & Langan. It makes sense that either David Henshall or myself be there to oversee the project. David has been there for the past month. I told him I would go for a few weeks."
"It just sucks. Three weeks is a long time."
"I know baby," he said laying down beside her in the bed. "But I have a suite rented at a nice hotel. You can come visit me. We'll order room service and spent the weekends making love. It will be nice. You'll get to see the new building. Get out of here for a few days."
"It still sucks."
Trevor laughed. "I know. But it is only three weeks. Then I will be back in Manhattan. And right here beside you, where I belong."
Olivia smiled and snuggled in against him.
"I love you, Olivia."
"I love you, Trevor."
"And when I get home, we'll start making plans for the wedding. And in six months, you will be my wife."
Olivia raised her hand to block the glow of the sunlight from her eyes. She yawned and stretched as she sat up in the bed. She felt amazing. She hadn't slept that good in a long time.
She stood up and made her way to the living room to greet her baby girl. As she entered the room she noticed Elliot stretched out on the couch asleep. She moved to the bassinette to see Savannah looking up at her.
"Good morning Savannah," she said with a smile.
Olivia scooped the baby up in her arms and kissed her. She grabbed the diaper bag and carried the baby back to the bedroom with her. She laid Savannah on the bed and changed her diaper and got her dressed. She held her daughter in her arms and scooted back in the bed to nurse the baby. Afterward Olivia laid Savannah down beside her in the bed and played with her for a little while.
She carried her daughter into the kitchen where she placed her in her car seat. She sat the seat up on the counter and pulled some food from the refrigerator to make breakfast.
Elliot woke to the smell of bacon and coffee and made his way to the kitchen to check it out.
"Hey. Savannah and I thought we would make uncle Elliot breakfast."
"That was very sweet," he said tugging at the baby's little foot. "Are you helping mommy?"
"Coffee," Olivia said handing him a cup.
"How did you sleep?"
"Wonderfully. It was like I laid down and half an hour later I was awake. But I was fully recharged. I feel great."
"Good."
"How did things go with you two last night?"
"Fine. I let her stay up late and watch scary movies. Then we ate junk food until we passed out."
Olivia laughed.
"She wok up three times to be changed and fed, then went right back to sleep. She is a very good girl." Elliot leaned over and kissed the top of Savannah's head.
"I was thinking about some things last night before I fell asleep. And I think I know why I can't sleep."
"Why is that?"
"It isn't the baby or adjusting to having her, because I slept better here on the couch and got up with her every few hours. I think it's the apartment."
"What's wrong with the apartment?"
"Nothing is wrong with it. It is just that it is Trevor's apartment, you know? I am trying to sleep in his apartment, in his room, in his bed, without him. I think maybe I made a mistake by moving in there."
"Well, you know I still have my place until the end of the month. All I have to do is let them know I'm not moving. You could have this place back."
"But it really isn't big enough with the baby."
"It is for now. You take your old room back and I will get her moved into the guest room."
"What do I do with Trevor's place?"
"Keep it. Or sell it, if you want. Or you could rent it out. But you don't have to do anything right away. Think about it for a little while. Maybe I rushed you into moving into Trevor's place. I didn't mean to do that. I just thought maybe that way you could have the bigger place and still feel close to him."
"I just think maybe I was a little too close. I was also thinking maybe I could just start looking for my own place. For Savannah and I. Bigger than this one, but not Trevor's place. I'm gonna call the real estate agency tomorrow."
"You could move back in here until you find another place. Like I said, I still have my place. And the guest room would make a perfect nursery."
"What if the baby and I slept in my old room? Just until I find another apartment. Then you could stay in the guest room and keep the apartment when we move out. She sleeps in the bassinette right now anyway and I can leave the nursery stuff set up at Trevor's until I find another apartment. I if you wouldn't mind sharing your place, that is?"
"Not at all. I think it is a great idea. Then there is no rush for you to find another place. You can take your time and find one that is right for you."
" I also have to go tomorrow and fill out some paperwork for Savannah."
"What kind of paperwork?"
"She will receive social security benefits until she it eighteen. Because of Trevor's death. I have to take her in and they want a paternity test of course, to prove she is his. But I am going to set up a savings account in her name and have her checks deposited into it for her. I don't really need the money to take care of her, but that way I know she will have money later for a car or college or whatever. He had no living relatives and we had already changed our wills, so Trevor left a lot of stuff to me. The apartment, his savings and even his half of the law firm in both locations. I want to set up a trust for Savannah, also. But I couldn't do any of this until I had a name for her and I get her new birth certificate back with her name on it."
"That is really smart."
"I want to know my baby is taken care of should anything happen to me."
"Olivia don't talk like that."
"Elliot, not talking about it doesn't keep it from happening. No one would have ever guessed anything like this would happen to Trevor. But it did. If he hadn't thought to prepare for something like this then I would probably be struggling to support my child."
"He promised he would take care of you."
"He has. And it is my job to take care of her. I need to have my will updated. And if anything should happen to me, I want you and Casey to take care of her."
"Me and Casey?"
"Elliot, you are my best friend and the entire reason I have her now. If it wasn't for you I would have given her up for adoption and someone else would be raising her. You love her, I know that. And she adores you. But with the risk of our job, I need to have a second choice as well. Casey loves her, too. And I know that between the two of you Savannah would be well taken care of."
Elliot smiled at the baby. "It just scares me that you ever have to think about stuff like that."
"Well, don't worry. I plan on being around for a long time. I just want to know things are taken care of if something happens I can't be. I want to be prepared."
Elliot wrapped his arms around Olivia and hugged her.
"I promise you, that is if should ever come to that point I will take good care of her."
"I know you will, that is why I chose you. Because no one else loves her like I do. No one but you."
"I do, Liv. I love her like she was my own. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for this little girl."
Olivia smiled. "And there is no one else I would even consider for a Godfather. I guess what I am trying to say is that I would like to make it official and legal. I want you and Casey to be Savannah's Godparents."
Elliot smiled. "I would love to. I would be honored."
"Thank you, Elliot. You don't know what this means to me, that you would do this."
"You don't know what it means to me, that you would ask."
"I still have to talk to Casey about it, then I will work out details."
Elliot kissed her forehead.
"But for now, lets eat. Before breakfast gets cold."
