Fragments of Us

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Rating is intended for later chapters.

Chapter 9 – A Difficult Decision

Kate was grateful to reach her room before completely breaking down. The evening had presented her with more emotion than she could handle – particularly on the heels of her confrontation with Sirius over Harry. Kate sat down hard on her bed. Harry. Gods, he was such a perfect combination of his parents – and yet there was something that was purely himself. Kate felt the hot tears slip down her cheeks and covered her face with her hands and simply sobbed. Sirius, who had caused her so much pain in the past 24 hours, was drowning in his own. When she reached out to comfort him, he pushed her away. Now, the bitter truth was that Sirius was further from her today than he had been when imprisoned in Azkaban. And, of course, there was their division of opinion about Harry. Kate had only a dim idea of why Sirius was taking such an adamant stand regarding her own relationship with the boy, but she suspected that his motives might be more complex than perhaps even he realized. Sirius may be very reluctant to relinquish any part of his relationship with Harry to anyone because of what had happened when he relinquished control of James and Lily. Kate's tears did not slow as she remembered meeting Harry in the hallway. The child had had to introduce himself to the stranger in front of him; Sirius couldn't even bring himself to introduce them. At least Remus had stepped in to clarify her position in the Order as well as the role she had played in Arthur's discovery and transport to hospital. Sirius, meanwhile, chose to remove Harry from the situation and, as was to be expected, what Sirius suggested, Harry followed. Sirius was as close to a parental figure as Harry had.

Kate slowly brought herself under control. She crossed the room to her bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Although she was exhausted, Kate knew she could not sleep, particularly given the headache she had developed in the past half hour. Remembering the various medicinal potions Molly kept downstairs, Kate decided to see if she could find something for her head so she could find some much needed rest.

Descending the staircase, Kate made her way to the kitchen silently. Other than the odd sounds of the house, Kate heard nothing to indicate that any of the other inhabitants were roaming the halls. She was surprised, therefore, to find Sirius seated at the table when she reached her destination. Her surprise was echoed on Sirius' face as he turned at the sound of someone entering the room.

Their eyes met briefly but neither spoke. Kate crossed swiftly to the potions cabinet and began searching for the headache remedy. Finally locating it, Kate uncorked the bottle and drank its contents in one swallow. She then rinsed the small bottle, placed it on the side of the sink and retraced her steps to the door. Kate had almost crossed the threshold when Sirius' hoarse voice met her ears.

"Kate…"

Kate turned. "No," she said to him softly. "I feel too much anger and resentment toward you to try to have a productive conversation. I'm not trying to hurt you by saying this; if I were trying to hurt you, I would lie and tell you that everything is ok and that we are fine. Neither of those statements is true, however. I made a promise to you when I moved in here. I told you that I would always tell you the truth – and so I am. The truth is that I don't know how to fix what's happened between us and I don't know how to change the way I feel right now. I reached out to you tonight and you pushed me away. I stood in the hallway with you and our godson and he had to introduce himself to me. James and Lily gave us responsibility for him in the event they died, but you won't allow me to fulfill that responsibility. You have reserved the role of godparent for yourself and that decision has caused me so much more pain than I believe you can understand. In my heart I know that you are suffering too, and it grieves me that I can do nothing to help you. And for all of that, I'm sorry. I don't want to argue with you. I want to sleep, if I can. I want to spend time in this house while Harry is here because it gives me an opportunity to get to know him on some level, at least."

Sirius nodded, but did not face her. "Are we finished?" he asked his voice barely audible.

Confused, Kate said, "I'm going upstairs to bed, so I guess we are."

Sirius raised his head and looked at her and Kate caught her breath at the pain etched on his face. "I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant to ask if we're giving up on trying to be together."

Kate felt her eyes fill. "I don't know," she whispered. "I can't go on like this any longer, I know that, but I'm not sure I'm ready to walk away from you just yet, either."

Sirius released a ragged breath and nodded again. "So you'll stay? At least for now?"

Kate nodded. "Yes. I'll stay for now."

"Goodnight, Kate," Sirius whispered.

"Goodnight," she responded and left the room.

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The following morning saw many tired faces gathered around the kitchen. The Weasleys were exhausted by the events of the previous evening, but were also buoyed up by the prospect of visiting Arthur later that morning. Remus as well as Sirius' cousin, Nymphadora Tonks would accompany the group, providing protection for Harry, who would go with them. From the time they had met, Kate had taken a liking to the young Metamorphmagus, with her bright hair, cheerful disposition and commitment to the Order. For her part, Tonks, as she preferred to be known, admired Kate and made excuses to be part of her detail whenever possible. Kate couldn't help but notice that Tonks seemed to have something of a crush on Remus. She hoped Remus would give the relationship - if there was to be one – a chance. He was so adamant that his lycanthropy prevented any intimacy or long term relationship that Kate was afraid it would all be over before it could properly start.

Just before everyone was to leave for the hospital, Sirius came into the kitchen and rested a hand on Harry's shoulder as he greeted everyone. His eyes found hers briefly before moving on. The sound of stumbling feet and a murmured, "Bugger!" heralded the arrival of Tonks. When she entered and found everyone looking at her, Tonks became indignant for a moment, asking, "Who moved the bloody umbrella stand? Damn near broke my neck!"

There were scattered chuckles at Tonks' words. True to herself, though, Tonks merely greeted Kate with her favorite, "Wotcher, Kate! Are you coming with us this morning?"

Kate smiled at the young woman with the shocking pink hair. "Not this time, I'm afraid. I didn't draw this assignment. Perhaps we can work together on the next one."

Tonks smiled brightly, "I hope so, Kate!"

Harry looked over at Tonks and caught Kate's eye. He smiled tentatively and Kate felt herself smile warmly in response. She was standing near enough to the boy to speak and so she said, "Good morning, Harry. Are you looking forward to your visit?"

Harry's brilliant green eyes clouded for a moment, then he shook it off and said, "I'm glad that Mr. Weasley will be alright. It will be nice to see him for myself, though."

"But…" Kate ventured, not knowing how he would react.

Harry searched her face for a moment and seemed to find whatever it was he needed to feel comfortable answering honestly. "But…it's hard," he said. "I saw it happen my dream and my perspective of the attack was…," Harry paused, closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, his face and demeanor were more relaxed. "well, it was if I was the snake. Sirius and I talked for awhile last night, though and he said a lot of things that made sense, you know?"

Kate nodded. "I do. I think that Sirius' perspective on this situation is one that you should listen to. He was in the first War, after all and has experiences that will be a huge help in this one. And, of course, he loves you very much." Harry listened and, when Kate finished, he smiled – the first genuine smile she had seen since she'd seen him the previous night. He nodded. "I know. Thanks, Kate," he finished. Kate just smiled in return.

Remus called over to them. "Harry, we're leaving, now. Ready?"

Harry glanced at Kate one more time, and then walked over to join the others. Kate smiled softly and walked over to pour herself some tea.

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Later that morning, Kate went into the library and found the boxes of Christmas decorations that Kreacher had so unwillingly (and loudly) brought down from the attic. Sirius had, apparently, begun to put up some of the garland and a large tree had been magically secured in front of the large windows at one end of the room. Kate took her wand from her pocket and murmured, "Revelo" while pointing at the largest of the cartons before her. The contents were quickly revealed and she smiled. A sound behind her caused her to turn suddenly and the spell ended. Sirius was standing in the open doorway, his face less grim than it had been.

"Hi," Kate said quietly. She gestured around her. "You certainly lit a fire under Kreacher."

Sirius smiled wryly. "No, but it's certainly something to consider." He paused, looking at her face for a moment then, "Katie, thank you for what you said to Harry this morning."

"I only spoke the truth," she replied. "You are in the unique position of being able to keep that boy whole through everything he has to face in the coming months – perhaps years."

Sirius snorted. "Ironic, isn't it? Me. Keeping anyone whole when I'm hardly whole myself."

"Oh, I don't know," Kate replied. "I hear that it's all a matter of perspective, after all."

"Katie, I know that you're not happy with me and unsure of whether or not we'll move forward, but I'm glad you stayed. I'm glad you're here," Sirius said, his eyes never leaving her face.

Kate smiled softly. "I am, too." She looked around the room again, then back at Sirius.

"Well, then, shall we see what we can do to pull this all together before the others return?"

Sirius smiled, then and came into the room. "Yes, let's – all except the tree. That's something we should all do together, alright?"

Kate nodded and they opened the first carton and began.

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Thanks, again, to those of you who have read and taken the time to review. I'll admit that I really enjoy seeing the reviews come in! I hope that this chapter makes you all feel a little more hopeful about Kate and Sirius. While their road will still be treacherous in spots, they've hit a bit of smooth pavement...for now! Enjoy!