Chapter 9

A/N: I know I still owe a replies for this and other stories, and I promise I will get to them, soon, I hope. Just know that I still appreciate each and every one.

Thanks to Soar, JuliaAurelia and Sinead-Conlan. You all rock.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you recognize and I'm not making any money.

Dean had always valued being a big brother, right from the time his parents had told him that he was going to be one. While other kids at nursery school told him that babies were stinky, yucky, loud and no fun, Dean never felt that way. He had been excited for Sammy's arrival, and would ask his dad every day if Sammy was old enough to play with them yet after he had been born.

Now he was starting to think those kids had the right idea. Baby brothers were gigantic pains in the ass. Why had Sam called Bobby? The elder hunter had always been Dean's confidant, and the one place he could go to when he needed to shed the Dean Winchester hunter persona. That had all changed after that God-forsaken hunt. His father had warned him that visiting Sam wasn't a good idea, but no, he had to prove that he knew best, and after a disastrous weekend, he had to go try to hunt. He was distracted and he knew it, but once again, he had to prove what a macho man he was, and his dad had paid the price, and so had his relationship with Bobby.

God, sometimes he missed the man so much it hurt. Why the hell did Sam have to go and call him anyway? It was none of his damn business. Then, telling Dean that Bobby wanted to talk to him. Call and yell at him maybe. After all, Dean had given the amulet away.

The amulet that Bobby had risked his home, his business and his very life for, and Dean had given it away with barely a second thought. He guessed that was part of the reason why he was so reluctant to call Bobby. He didn't want to admit what he had done. He wasn't sure how Bobby would react.

He honestly wasn't sure how he felt about it either. The amulet was in the place where it was doing the most good, and he didn't regret giving Zack a chance at a better life, but he would be lying to himself if he said he was 100% okay with it.

Because having diabetes just sucked.

Sure, he knew the consequences when he made the decision. He knew it meant injections and blood sugar testing, controlling his diet and all the other crap that went with it, but knowing it and experiencing it were two totally different things.

He had made his decision, and he wouldn't change it, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

------

He had been seriously tempted to ignore Gray's orders about stopping by the mess hall, as eating was the last thing he wanted to do, but contrary to what some people might think, he didn't have a death wish. He managed to choke down what he hoped was a reasonable amount of food and headed back to his cabin.

He was a little touched about the concern everyone showed for him. His campers crowded around and kept asking if he was okay. Troy took Gray's instructions seriously and wouldn't let Dean do much of anything, and Dean had to admit it was kind of nice to have someone look after him for a change. They spent the evening playing board games and cards. Dean taught the kids how to play poker, and then they told ghost stories.

Overall, Dean had to admit that it wasn't a bad way to spend an evening. At least it got his mind off his troubles, if only for a short while.

That evening, when the group went to the medical cabin for blood tests and injections, Dean accepted the needle from the evening nurse and took his medication, but tried to skip out on getting his blood sugar checked. He couldn't quite convince himself though, that Gray showing up at that exact moment was a coincidence, especially since the physician insisted on testing Dean himself.

"I was a good boy," Dean said with a touch of exasperation in his voice. "Nurse Laura gave me my needle and I took it."

"Yeah, and then promptly tried to skip the most important part. Knowing your blood sugar level is essential, especially in the first few days of treatment."

"Spare me the lecture, alright," Dean snapped.

"No. You're going to take care of yourself, even if I have to tie you down to make it happen."

"Can we just get this over with?"

"Someone's grouchy."

"Shut up."

"I'm not sure if we should chalk that up to low blood sugar, or your award winning personality," Gray joked.

Dean was not in the mood for this, but he knew that Gray was doing this because he cared about him. He held up his hand with this middle finger raised. "What's the verdict?" he asked hoping his tone was light.

Gray placed the lancing device on Dean's finger and pressed the plunger to draw blood. "We're hoping to get some of those new meters that allow you to test on your arm. It's less painful than doing it on your fingers," Gray said trying to make conversation.

"Call me when mine comes in," Dean quipped.

"Your sugar is a little lower than I'd like it to be. You said that when you were first diagnosed, you had problems with hypos."

"I told you that, like, a million years ago," Dean said in disbelief.

"I would feel more comfort..."

"I said no," Dean huffed. "I'll eat before I go to bed. Are we done here?" Dean didn't wait for an answer. He just herded his campers out the door.

They made a trip to the mess hall for evening snacks, and then they went back the cabin and got the kids ready for bed. Dean lay down on his cot with a Kurt Vonnegut book and tried to relax.

The problem was that he couldn't sleep. His mind was on overdrive. He was feeling guilty about his earlier thoughts, and for snapping at Gray. He was also wondering how this whole insulin thing was going to work out.

It was expensive. Right now, he didn't have to worry because everything he needed was in the medical cabin, but what about after this job was finished? Gray had promised that he would make sure Dean's medical needs were covered. He had even said that he would pay for it. Dean was grateful, but he still wasn't sure how this was going to work. What if he was in California? Could Gray call a prescription into an out of state pharmacy? Even though it was irrational, it had been driven into his head since he was four that Winchesters didn't take charity, having Gray pay for his meds was hurting that stubborn Winchester pride.

The biggest obstacle, however, was the unknown. What if Gray had to disappear because a threat to his family came up? He'd be on his own for his supplies, and just how the hell was he going to afford that? Some days he barely had enough money to put gas in the car. There had been dozens of times when Dean had slept in the impala because he didn't have the funds for a hotel room.

Sam had often accused him of acting without thinking, and it appears he was right. There were complications he had never even thought of when he put that amulet around Zack's neck, but Gray had said that Zack was getting to be a kid, and that made it all worth it, right?

It was during these musings that he got a text from Sam. He waited a sufficient amount of time, just enough to get Sam wondering if he would answer, and then sent back a reply. He was glad when Sam didn't send one back.

Knowing that he wasn't going to come up with any answers tonight, Dean rolled over and went to sleep.

-----

I knew I shouldn't have drunk that extra glass of soda, Steven thought when he woke that night, really needing to use the washroom.

Zeppelin Cabin's designated hitter had come a long way since that first day. When Steven had been first diagnosed, he was too scared to participate in anything as he was too afraid of hypos, and his parents didn't help any. They were more scared than he was. He was even giving himself his own injections now. Dean had told him it was okay to be scared, and that he had been too the first time he had done it.

Steven crawled out of his sleeping bag, grabbed his robe and his shoes, and went to go wake up the commander. It was a cabin rule that no one was allowed out by themselves after dark. It was something that Dean insisted on. Secretly, Steven was glad that the rule existed because he was a little nervous about being outside by himself.

"Commander," Steven called softly as he parted the curtain that separated Dean's bunk from the rest of the cabin. "I have to go visit Timberlake." The young boy could never figure out why Dean got such a kick out their name for the outhouse. He had been told he would understand when he got older.

Steven frowned when he got no response. Dean was usually such a light sleeper. "Commander," he called again, a little louder. There was still no answer.

Knowing that Dean'd had some problems with his blood sugar earlier, Steven was just going to let him sleep, but a low moan caught his attention.

"Daaad, nooo, S'mmy, mmmoom."

"Commander," Steven said hesitantly. Dean seemed to be having some type of nightmare.

"Nooo, S'mmy," Dean mumbled under his breath.

Getting really scared, Steven stepped up to Dean's bed. He reached out and tentatively put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Commander," he said once more, this time lightly shaking Dean's shoulder. He felt his heart start thundering in his chest when he could feel that Dean's skin was damp with sweat. It was a hot night, so that could explain the sweat, but Dean was also shivering. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He had to do something.

"TROY!" Steven yelled as he backed up, stumbling, almost tripping over the curtain. "TROY!"

The whole cabin was woken by Steven's frantic calls. "What's wrong?" Troy said instantly alert. He scrambled out of bed and knelt beside the distraught boy.

"It's the commander. He won… he won... he's..." Steven started crying hard.

"What's wrong?" "What's happening?" The other boys all called out in confusion.

"It's okay, little man," Troy said trying to comfort Steven. "Take a deep breath. Are you okay?"

"Yeeaahh," Steven nodded shakily. "Dean... he... won't... Dean."

"Something's wrong with Dean?" Troy inquired. Steven nodded.

"Trevor, Xavier, run to the medical cabin and get whoever's on duty." They didn't need to be told twice.

Troy turned the overhead light on, walked over to Dean's area and pulled the curtain back. One look at Dean and he knew immediately what was happening.

"Is the commander alright?" Robert asked worriedly.

"He'll be fine," Troy reassured him. I hope. "I need you guys to be brave, okay?" Troy ran back to his bunk and grabbed his keys. Each cabin was equipped with a glucose meter, test strips and glucose shots in case of emergencies. Getting what he needed, he quickly went back to Dean's side and pulled the curtain closed behind him for a little privacy. He reached and took a sweat covered arm, and was just about to prick the top of his finger when Dean's words stopped him.

"Nnnnooo, burns, don't, dddaaddd."

Troy really didn't like the sound of that, but it could just be a reaction. He filed it away and decided he would ask Dean about it at a more appropriate time. A quick check revealed Dean's blood sugar to be 68. Way too low. Grabbing the glucose syringe, Troy drove it into Dean's thigh and pushed the plunger.

--------

"Dean, hey Dean, you with us?" Troy asked in concern.

"What... What's up?" Dean asked his tone full of confusion. "Are the kids okay?" He added sitting up quickly. That was a big mistake and the room started spinning.

"Whoa, hold up. Lie down," Troy said putting pressure on Dean's chest to make him lie back down.

The vertigo was really making him nauseous. He tried to sit up again, as he was going to hurl.

"Damn it, lie down," Troy said.

"I..." Dean paused. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth, everything in his stomach was going to come up. He tried to sit up again so that he could get to a garbage can. He was about to make a mess. "Up." Short and sweet.

"When the doctor gets here," Troy insisted.

"Now!" He frantically pointed to the can next to his bed.

"Here," Troy said as he finally clued in and grabbed the can and held it up to Dean just in time. "You okay?" he asked again.

"Yeah," Dean mumbled after he had lost everything in his stomach. "What happened?"

"You were in the middle of a hypo. It's a good thing Steven found you. I had to give you a glucose shot."

"That explains the nausea. Damn things make me puke every time."

"Don't you think it would have been helpful to inform us of that?" Troy asked. "I remember the first day of camp when you said it was a rule not to hide anything."

Dean shrugged. It had been a moot point at that time. "I didn't think it was that big a deal."

"Not that big a deal?" Troy asked incredulously. "Like not paying attention to your symptoms? Gray said that your pump had been malfunctioning for the last few days."

"I..."

Before Dean could say anything else, the curtain was parted and Dean looked up. Dr. Manning, one of the other camp doctors, was standing there. He was a bit relieved not to see Gray because he really wasn't in the mood for a lecture. That relief was short lived.

"I'm going to give you a quick exam and then you're going to the medical cabin for the night. No arguments," Dr. Manning ordered when it looked like Dean was about to protest.

"Fine," Dean huffed sounding like a chastised 3 year old. "Just let me talk to Steven for a minute."

"3 minutes," Dr. Manning compromised.

Dean got up and shakily went out and gathered the kids, where he praised Steven's actions and apologized for scaring them, and told them the doctors wanted to keep a close eye on him and he would be back in the morning.

--------

"Would it be wrong to say 'I told you so'?" Gray quipped as he walked into the infirmary.

"Yes, because..."

"So help me, Dean, if you tell me that you don't need to be here, I'm dragging your ass to the hospital and telling them to put you in 4 point restraints."

"Why are you here?" Dean asked, ignoring Gray's remark.

"Because my best friend makes an incredible sacrifice and then pretends he doesn't need any help."

"Gray," Dean said and started fidgeting. This made him incredibly uncomfortable.

"Fine. You're a stubborn idiot who wouldn't know what's good for him if it bit him in the ass. I thought I told you to eat something."

"I did," Dean protested. "I guess it wasn't enough."

"Would there be a way to get your old medical records?" Gray asked. He didn't trust Dean to give him the whole story anymore.

"I don't know. They might still be at Watertown General, but I was diagnosed in another state."

"You might be taking too much insulin," Gray mused out loud.

"I..." Dean broke off. Gray was going to be seriously irritated at what Dean had to tell him.

"What?" Gray said, a touch of that irritation sneaking through.

"When I was first diagnosed, I had problems with low blood sugar in the morning. It took a while to get it regulated."

Gray had been tempted to yell at Dean for withholding that information, but he held his tongue. What was the point? "I would still like to take a look at your old medical records. Maybe Bobby cou..."

"No," Dean cut him off sharply. "I'll see if I can find them."

"What is it with you and..."

"Just leave it alone, okay?"

Despite the anger in Dean's tone, Gray could hear a pleading note in his voice. He wondered if Bobby knew that Dean had given up his amulet. He knew full well that Bobby had almost given his life to retrieve it. "Okay, but you're my prisoner for the rest of today and tomorrow. No arguments or I'll do something drastic."

"What's that? Tie me down. Does Kim know you swing that way?"

"Smartass. No, even worse. I'll send Sam in to nag you."

Before Dean could even say anything, Sam burst in demanding to know if his brother was okay. Sam couldn't figure out why they started laughing at him. Gray assured him that everything was fine and that he was keeping a close eye Dean. Then he sent Sam back to his cabin with a promise that he would find him immediately if anything went wrong.

--------

You're a fool, you know that, Singer. You're a damn, stupid fool.

He wanted his day back. The whole wasted day he had spent by the phone, waiting for the stupid thing to ring. He had an extension in the garage, but it was noisy out there and he was worried that he might miss the phone if it rang. If it was Dean and no one answered, he wouldn't call back.

But it turned out not to matter anyway. Dean hadn't called and it appeared that he wasn't going to. He wasn't sure why he had expected anything different. If Dean thought Bobby was mad at him, he'd just accept that he must have done something to deserve it.

In truth, Bobby was mad. Furious. He just wasn't sure who he was angrier at. Dean or John.

The mechanic had wanted to pump John Winchester full of lead that night, and the feelings hadn't lessoned in the year and a half that had gone by. Yes, Dean had made a mistake, but John had acted like he had done it on purpose. Like that idjit had never made a mistake of his own.

Then there was idjit junior. Bobby knew his anger at Dean wasn't rational. John had conditioned him since he was four years old. Still, he was a grown man now, and just once, Bobby wanted the kid to realize that his old man had been wrong.

He knew from experience that it wouldn't happen.

-------

1997

The invitation for the graduation ceremony had come in the mail, and Bobby had wasted no time in packing and grabbing a plane for Blacksburg, Virginia.

John had been MIA for almost a year. He kept in touch when he could, but the law had been on his tail after a hunt gone bad, and Bobby missed his adopted family.

He sat next to Sam and watched the young man he considered a son walk across the stage and collect his diploma, as well as a special achievement award in the sciences.

As proud as he was, he couldn't think of a time when he was more irate. Not at Dean, no, at the fact that John Winchester was nowhere to be seen.

Bobby had arrived in Virginia and had found the two younger Winchesters by themselves in a motel room. Dean had explained that their father was talking care of something, but had promised to be back in time for the ceremony.

He wanted to find that moron and haul his ass back, but ever the faithful son, Dean had said no.

The look on the Dean's face as he accepted his diploma and looked over at that the empty seat next to his younger brother would have been enough to melt the heart of The Grinch. To anyone who didn't know him, they would have missed it as a second later, his features hardened and he accepted his diploma and took his seat with the rest of his graduating class.

"So, you guys doing anything special?" Bobby asked casually as they drove back to the motel afterward. "The day of my graduation we had a big beach party. I'm sure it was a night to remember, if I actually could."

Dean just shrugged. "I'm just glad I'm done."

"You don't want a night out with your friends? You deserve it, kid."

"No. I just want to go home. I want to start looking for a hunt. Dad said as a graduation gift I could lead one."

"Which means we're leaving again," Sam huffed from the back seat.

"Sam, don't start," Bobby snapped.

"Sorry," he said sincerely. He hadn't meant to snap. He knew Dean was hurting.

Dean shrugged again. "It's no big deal. It's not like I ever cared about school. It's just a stupid piece of paper. I got more important things to do."

"Dean..."

"Drop it, okay?" Dean requested.

-------

Saying that things were tense back at the motel was an understatement. Dean grabbed the Impala's keys and disappeared, and every fibre of Sam radiated anger. Every move he made was done with exaggerated force. Not that Bobby blamed him. He wasn't in the most jovial mood himself. So when the door opened an hour later and John Winchester entered, Bobby almost exploded.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?" Bobby thundered as a greeting.

John, for his part, at least had the good grace to look ashamed, but he didn't take getting yelled at kindly, it automatically put him on the defensive. "I got held up. It couldn't be helped," he defended himself.

"Couldn't be helped?" Bobby scoffed in disbelief.

"I had to take out the..."

"No, what you had to do was be there to see your son graduate. It only happens once. Whatever the hell you were hunting, there would be others to take care of it."

"Dad, you know Dean was counting on you," Sam accused.

"This is none of your concern, Sam."

"It is too," the younger Winchester protested.

"It is," Bobby insisted sticking up for Sam.

"So what you're both saying is that I should have left in the middle of a hunt? This is none of your concern either, Singer."

"The hell it isn't," Bobby fired back. He grabbed his pant legs with both arms in an effort to keep from decking the man in front of him. "You're the one that sent me the invitation. I'd ask what the hell you were thinking about taking a hunt in the first place, but it's obvious you weren't."

"That Cu Sith was going after children, Bobby, I couldn't sit back and let them get hurt."

"So you're willing to hurt your own kid?"

"Stop it, all of you," a new voice broke in. Sam, John and Bobby looked up to find Dean entering the room. He was carrying a two-four, and Bobby figured he was planning his own private party. With the amulet, it took about 3 times the amount of alcohol to get him drunk, and Bobby guessed that if John hadn't come home, Dean had been planning on getting himself completely wasted. He just stuck the beer in the fridge and turned toward the other three. "I told dad to take the hunt. I knew he may not be back in time."

"It's still no excuse," Sam added not wanting to let the argument go.

"Sam, drop it," Dean said attempting to stop this argument before it started.

"Dean, I'm so sorry," John said sincerely.

"It's okay, dad," Dean said as he laid his hand on John's shoulder. "The ceremony was lame anyway. It was just a bunch of boring speeches, and don't even get me started on that the stupid cap and gown. I wanted to skip it remember?"

"But Dean..." Sam protested.

"Dad feels bad enough, Sammy. Let it go, okay?" Dean said firmly, but there was a pleading note in his voice. "Besides, it's my day and there's a movie playing at the cineplex I want to see. Can we go, dad?"

Bobby could see it. A slow flush crept up John's cheek alerting Bobby to the fact that John had no money. He must have used it all on gas. His truck was almost as expensive as the Impala to fuel. He glared at John, hoping that for once he would throw his pride out the window.

John caught on to what Bobby was offering. "Sure, what movie are we going to see?" he said wisely.

------

No one really enjoyed themselves that night. Bobby knew that Dean had chosen to go to the movies so they wouldn't have to interact with each other, Sam and Bobby were still furious that John didn't get home in time, and John was feeling guilty.

After the movie was over, Dean disappeared again. Sam and John, who weren't speaking, headed back to their motel room, and Bobby went to his, but kept watch for Dean instead.

It was late before Dean drove the Impala back into the lot. Bobby glanced out of his window as he saw Dean get out of the car and take a seat on the hood of the Impala. He knew he should give Dean his space, but he couldn't leave him out there by himself.

"Dean, everything okay, son?" Bobby asked gently trying not to startle him.

Quickly swiping at his face, Dean turned and faced his adopted uncle. "Hey, Bobby."

The moonlight hit the tear tracks on Dean's face as if it were a spotlight. It just made Bobby mad all over again, but he forced himself to bury his anger. This wasn't about John. "I thought you might be thirsty," Bobby said offering the young man a beer. He had to ignore what he saw, or Dean was going to bolt faster than lightening could strike.

"Sure thanks," Dean said accepting the cold brown bottle. He swiped at his face again, trying to hide the evidence.

"I'm proud of you, son," Bobby offered, the words he knew John was feeling, but had trouble saying. "Graduating high school is a big accomplishment."

"No biggie," Dean said non-chalantly, but Bobby could see that the words pleased him. "I'm just glad I'm done."

"What are your plans?" Bobby inquired. He knew he was about to bring up a touchy subject.

"I told you. Dad said I could lead a hunt. I'm hoping to find a demon in South Beach or Daytona."

"What about after the summer?"

"We'll settle down somewhere for Sammy to start school."

"Any thoughts to college?"

"You're kidding right?" Dean scoffed. "Do you know how many calls I didn't tell dad about, or letters from guidance counsellors that I burned? I can't go to college. Dad and Sammy..."

"You have a right to live your life, Dean..."

"No," Dean cut him off sharply. "I get enough of that from Sammy."

"It still doesn't change the fact. If it's a matter of money, I could..."

"Thanks for the offer, but I know what you did. This thing didn't come cheap," Dean said, his voice full of sincere gratitude as he fingered his amulet. "You've done enough and besides, what would I take. Hunting's the only thing I'm good at."

"You know that's not true," Bobby said trying not to sound frustrated. "Remember that visit you got from the forensic math guy?" Bobby asked tentatively. That was another sticky area. "It was something that interested you. You got that science award tonight. You can still help people, just in a different way. You can give someone justice. But no matter what, you can succeed at whatever you put your mind too."

"That would be too late," Dean mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Forensics. It's about catching the bad guy after the crime's been committed. It's too late. Even if I catch the guy someone else's...." He stopped abruptly.

"Someone else's what, Dean?" Bobby prompted.

"Nothing," the younger man deflected. "Any more beer?"

"Come on, Dean," Bobby encouraged.

"It means someone else's mom doesn't come home, okay?" Dean said defensively. He tried to slide off the car, but Bobby laid his arm over Dean's shoulders to stop him.

"Don't, Bobby," Dean said. He so didn't want a chick flick moment. Of course, Bobby was not easily deterred.

"I want you to listen for a moment," Bobby suggested gently. "His name was going to be Nathan."

"Your son?" Dean asked. When Bobby had gotten the amulet for him, he had told Dean that his pregnant wife was attacked by a junkie, resulting in a miscarriage, which left her predisposed to demonic possession.

"Yeah. I get why you want to hunt, Dean, I really do. I wish there had been someone there to prevent her from getting attacked. That night, there was a cop a few blocks away who had pulled over a drunk driver before he could get into an accident and hurt someone. I was bitter and angry for years that he wasn't there to protect Nathan and Anna, but you know what was worse? They never got the guy that attacked her. She couldn't identify her attacker and there was no physical evidence. You can't save everyone, but giving a victim's family closure can be just as important. Not to mention the fact that you can prevent whoever did it from hurting anyone else."

"What about dad and Sammy, they need me," Dean said softly.

"You and your brother would be welcome to live with me, you know that. Your father can hunt and stop by on his way through and you guys can join him on school breaks."

"I... I..." Dean trailed off. "I thought about college a lot, you know. Sometimes I thought I would like to go. Study math or engineering, but... well you know."

"I do," Bobby sympathized. "I'm not trying to pressure you, son. I just want you to know that you have options."

"Thanks, Bobby. I'll think about it, and I'm sorry about your son."

Bobby knew that was the best he would get, and that Dean had already made up his mind. He knew it was time to change the subject, Dean wasn't going to sit still much longer.

"Thanks. Now, I don't know of any demons in Florida, but I heard rumors about a black dog on a beach in California."

Before he could say anything else, he found himself wrapped in Dean's arms. The hug surprised him, but he only hesitated a fraction of a second before he returned it.

-----------

Present

Bobby knew that Dean was set in John Winchester's ways. That wasn't going to change anytime soon, and if he wanted his family back, he was going to have to make the first move, whether it was right or wrong.

He made up his mind that he was going to call Dean in the morning.

Having made up his mind, he went to bed, and was rudely interrupted from a deep sleep by the phone ringing at an ungodly hour. When Sam snapped at him that he needed to get there, he didn't even hesitate, just threw some clothes in a suitcase and booked a flight.

Even under the circumstances, he couldn't wait to see his boys.

A/N: I know there wasn't much Sam and Dean interaction in this one but I promise some will be coming soon and the action will pick up in the next chapter as well. Please read and review, and make my day.