CHAPTER 9

Reid sat in the back of the van, shivering, crying softly, and occasionally mumbling at the Man that had taken over his mind. Morgan drove in silence, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed in anger; anger at the Man, the voice, that had so rudely interrupted Reid's sanity. JJ sat in the back with Reid, holding his hand as he rested his head against her shoulder, exhausted by all of this. All of the arguing with himself, the war inside, the drugs... true, utter exhaustion.

It had all sent him spiraling down.

Then, suddenly, he would lash out. Kick and scream, beg and plead, shout and swing wildly out at JJ next to him. Morgan glanced over his shoulder, then gripped the steering wheel tighter as JJ held Reid's hands tight to keep him from harming her.

"Don't... Don't take me! Stop touching me, let me go! I just want to go. Let me out of here, JJ, you can't keep me. Stop it. STOP IT."

JJ cried softly as she squeezed his hands, leaning her head against the window, and he finally settled, curling up next to her and crying again. "I'm not worth this..." he muttered. Morgan's head whipped around.

"You shut up. I know that's him, the guy in your head, saying that, and I just want to tell you to tell him to shut his mouth. He doesn't know what he's talking about, Reid. We would do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to keep you safe. So don't even pretend with me right now, man."

Reid sat back, mumbling under his breath. "Stupid bitch..." JJ's head whipped around at this, glaring at him.

"What did you just say?" Reid cried again.

"It wasn't me, it was him. I swear. I swear, JJ, I couldn't say that about you. I wouldn't say that about you!"

JJ covered her mouth with a hand, voice hitching on a sob as she looked out the window again. She couldn't handle this anymore. She couldn't handle seeing Reid this way. It destroyed her inside. Morgan squeezed the steering wheel tighter. He couldn't handle this either.

The rest of the team, in the van behind them, were lucky. They didn't have to see this.

They finally pulled up at the hospital, and Reid was asleep, curled up against JJ, who stroked his hair and whispered softly to him. He tossed and turned, as though nightmares plagued his sleep, and jolted awake when she gently shook him. He was quiet, though, and it seemed the monster had been slain for the time being.

When they entered, Reid shook. And then ran. He ran straight out the door, and he kept running until they caught up to him. "Hey, hey, Reid, man, come on," Morgan pleaded, reaching out to his friend, but Reid stepped away, shaking his head, holding up a hand in defense.

"I can't do this, I'm not ready to do this."

"We just want to get you checked out, man."

"No, no, you think I'm stupid? You think I don't know how this works? They'll commit me. They'll lock me up in there and pump me full of drugs and they won't let me out."

"We just want to get you checked out..." Morgan repeated, trying again, but Reid shook his head vigorously.

"You can't make me go in there."

JJ spoke up, her gentle voice soothing Reid slightly. "Please, Spence. We just want to take care of you."

"I don't need you to take care of me," he spat. The Man was back, standing behind Reid and softly whispering into his ear what to say. "I can handle this on my own."

The Man whispered to him again. "You're better than this. You can do this without them."

Reid nodded once, then waved a hand at the air behind him. Morgan looked on sadly.

"He's talking to you, isn't he?"

Reid stayed quiet for a moment, then shook his head. "No. No, I'm fine. I swear. It was the drugs. I just need to get off the drugs, and I'll be better, I swear. Just let me try to get off the drugs. Let me try."

Morgan hesitated, and glanced to JJ. JJ shook her head. "How can I trust you, kid?"

Reid's eyes began to well up again. "I don't want to live like this anymore. They... they were messing with my head. But I've been clean for over a day now and he's not here anymore. It was just a side effect; statistically, one in four users have experienced something like this. Just let me get off the drugs and if I'm not better then, I'll do whatever you ask."

Morgan sighed. "Okay, kid. I'm trusting you, here. We care about you, we just want what's best for you, but... you know best."

Reid nodded slowly. "Yes... I do."

Morgan sighed again, motioning for Reid to get into the car. "Come on, kid." As the others climbed out of the other van, Morgan motioned to them. "He's gonna be fine. We're gonna give him a chance to get clean. Let's get back to the office."

Reid was quiet. "Can I work with you?"

Morgan took a moment. "That's Hotch's call." Reid looked to Hotch, patiently awaiting his fate.

"If it will keep you distracted, fine. But no field work. You stay at the office."

Reid nodded, up and down. "Yes, yes, I can do that. Thank you, sir. Thank you."

Hotch nodded curtly. "We trust you, Reid."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the office, Reid was twitchy. He kept glancing over his shoulder, then twisting his neck around at something behind him, then scratching at his arms. Morgan watched on with sadness, then would look back down at his work.

"Okay. Back to the drawing board. Where were we before we focused on Reid?"

Prentiss spoke up. "Geographical profile complete, but listen up, we've got new intel. Another murder."

Reid looked up suddenly, eyes wide, timid when he spoke, scared of the answer. "Did he look like me?"

Prentiss hesitated. "He... he bears some similarity, yes." Reid nodded, looking down.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

Morgan nodded, watching after him. He couldn't babysit the kid, he just had to trust him.

But in the bathroom, Reid was scrambling through his messenger bag - did it feel good to have it back and be back in an office - for his drugs, as the Man paced back and forth in the bathroom.

"I wonder why they all look like you."

Reid prepared the needle, trying to ignore the voice.

"Maybe he really will come after you."

Reid pressed it against his skin, taking in a sharp breath.

"You're not ready for this. You're so not ready to be what they need. You're crazy, Spencer. Psycho. Lost your marbles. You have no business being here."

Reid slid the needle under his skin and discharged the drug, emptying it into his veins, where the rush took him over and let him settle back against the wall with a sigh. His eyes fluttered shut, the voice disappeared, and the world went dark. He sighed again, jaw lulling open as the Dilaudid rushed through him and warmed his soul, penetrating to his core. He didn't feel so crazy when he was high.

Ten minutes later, once the rush had passed and his head was clear, he cleaned up and rolled down his sleeve, before joining the team again. "Sorry about that. Not feeling well."

Morgan glanced up. "Withdrawals?" Reid looked away, ashamed.

"Yeah."

Morgan slid a file across the table, which Reid caught and flipped through as he leaned against a desk and crossed his legs.

"This is Jim Haskell, a construction worker from the suburbs. He was 26." Reid cringed as he flipped through the crime scene photos, the gruesome beatings and the hanging figure. It suddenly felt as though the noose was back around his neck, choking him, giving him no room to breathe. "You okay?" Reid looked up.

"Yeah. Yeah... I'm... great."

"Good. We need to come up with a motive here. Where is he finding these guys?"

"Well he clearly has a type, we just need to know why," Prentiss said.

Reid was quiet for a minute, then suggested this: "Maybe these victims remind him of someone. Someone he knew, or knows. Most likely knew. Felt their death was unjustified. Wanted to do it right. But nothing feels right." He paused. "He's doing this out of love."

"Someone he loved must have killed themselves. He's re-creating the act because he couldn't mourn properly when it happened, so he needs to let himself do it now," Prentiss added.

"Good, this is good," Hotch said, entering the room. He looked to Reid. "Good to have you back, Reid."

Reid smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Good to be here."

The Man appeared behind him.

"Is it?"

Reid swallowed.