A/N: I've never loved anyone but I've cared for many people… This is so shitty…

What would he think when he found my number? I doubted that he'd call me. I felt like a desperate school girl and it was a disgusting feeling once I rationalized.

I never wanted the day to end. Even when his aroma hit my nose I didn't mind. I never wanted to part from that smell of humidity and negativity. I wanted to burry my whole self in it. I knew that smell meant problems in the future but I couldn't imagine my future. Chances were slim that total opposites like me and Vincent would ever become an item. Opposites do attract but Vincent and I weren't magnets. We were made of different things.

As I thought about it more I didn't want an item. I wanted him there. Eye contact wasn't necessary either just his cold essence there made my life worth living. Once I admitted that to myself I felt I was going to implode. I needed Rain but I'd never know how to find her. Suddenly life became a lot darker and the world became crueler. I was back at the beginning. I became a hermit in my head again. Even the heat of the sun would not light up my corner or warm my body or soul only his acceptance would. And someone who wasn't in love and was never in love would never understand the feeling. They'd laugh and call me a cheese ball. I'd laugh at myself too, actually.

My head raced as I looked at the scene outside my window. The moon was grand tonight and I pretended to touch it. I wasn't able to see any stars like the kind I used to watch when I traveled to less industrial areas. A sigh of mine rang for a good while in my ears. It was put aside by a knock on my door. I would have pretended to be sleeping but I wasn't in the lying mood. I got the door. It was just in my head so I went to watching the world that moved without me outside.

The cell phone on my lap was motionless and noiseless… I hoped we'd connect in that cliché looking at the moon at the same time way that was portrayed so many times in films.

Tired of wallowing around I cracked my fingers and grabbed my laptop. I had set a goal to keep me occupied! That goal was to learn everything I could about Vincent Valentine! I would not rest until every file was glued into my head.

The information was in the restricted section of the old Shin-Ra files. Knowing this was a must read I decided to conjure the powers within and work some of my magic! Having progressed and succeeded I prepared myself mentally and physically for an all-nighter. I soon understood why he had reacted the way he did to me being a Turk. I needed to find Hojo's entries if he had any.

Covering my tracks and setting up the security once more I dashed out and slinked the halls until I met my apartment door. I had left it open.

"Where were you?" The hair on the back of my neck stood. It was the Tseng. Slowly I had given him a smirk. He was sitting on my couch extremely comfortable and shameless.

"I couldn't sleep. With all due respect, what are you doing in my room?" I sounded too cool to be respectful. He got crossed his left leg to the right I shook my head and sat beside him. "What do you want?" He dove in for a kiss and I met him. "I see," I whispered. "You know we can do this about a million times but our relationship will stay the same, right?" He stopped.

"Reno let her go and learn to love again." His words were interrupted by my neck each time he pressed his lips against it. He was late.

"Moving on isn't my problem. I've always been able to do that. My soul is nomadic," I assured accepting his affection and forcing him onto me at times. "But if it makes you feel better you're the first man I've ever been with." I was sure it would. He gave and ah and laughed softly.

"It does," he said biting at me, which I found so bizarre but appropriate and arousing.

Tseng wasn't any bad; in fact he was gorgeous with his naturally grim face and his essence of maturity. It was a shame that I couldn't come to the point where we'd actually be serious. I recalled that I had something someone I knew wanted but didn't cherish it like she did. I half wished she were walking around at this time of the night so that she'd come upon my open door and walk in. She would too. Curiosity was her downfall not to mention her big mouth. I laughed to myself which made Tseng think it was his fault and sped up with foreplay, I guess you'd call it.

That was another thing my bum was a virgin and I planned it that way for sometime. I was always up for new things but that was way too crazy for me. I'd practice sodomy but I wouldn't be the one getting told to relax…