May 12th, 2012: Happy happy joy joy, YukinoKara hast risen from the dead and edited this chapter. Woo!
Malady Marksonne Malaprop: Yeah, it's a lot sadder, and there's a couple reasons for that. I'm quite a bit older now than when I started Seven Reasons, which means I realize just how serious a lot of the issues I touch on are. Especially in a fic like this, where they are in essence the plot, it's important that I don't gloss over the emotional impact. I'm glad you like it anyway though :D
Part 2: Aoi Tori (Bluebird)
Chapter 9
Quandary
These eyes have seen too much
Ears heard the screams I cannot silence
This tongue has not said enough
I cannot end this needless violence
These hands have not done enough
I cannot save myself from hell
But if I end a victim's suffering
Should I end my own as well?
Where is the edge, so I may leap?
Where is the edge, so I may cross?
Into unknown lands, where darkness
Shall have no holding in my heart.
Ed closed the notebook, unwilling to read more. The first half of Envy's notebook read like a suicide journal, a perfect chronicle of his final descent into complete depression.
I wonder what stopped him in the end. I can't be arrogant enough to think it was me.
He looked up, expression softening as he looked at Envy. The blond was sleeping in the same bed that he'd pushed Ed out of that morning, having passed out a few minutes after crossing the threshold of the Elric home. His long eyelashes flickered slightly as his eyes roved around his lids, dreaming.
Ed sunk even further into his armchair, listening to the faint sound of voices – the higher one Al's, the lower one belonging to Wrath in a strange reversal of expectations. The minute Alphonse had seen Wrath and the cut in his arm, he'd taken over, bustling Wrath into the bathroom to properly clean out the injury.
Ed groaned and clasped his hand to his forehead. He'd known from the start that things weren't quite right with the Angevin family, but he hadn't expected something this bad. The eldest daughter dying…the eldest brother abusing his siblings in ways that made Ed feel sick to think about…
"M-Mr. Elric, sir?" came a faint and quavering voice from the doorway. Wrath stood there, arm in a sling and bruises on his face already darkening, and Al protectively behind him. The youngest Angevin certainly didn't look his age – if Ed hadn't known that he was only a year younger than Alphonse, he would have placed him nearer eight than thirteen.
"Just call me Ed. What's up?"
"Th-thank you." He smiled shyly, the bags under his purple eyes like charcoal smudges and thick, matted black hair hanging over half of his face.
"Hey, it's no problem. How's your arm?"
"Mr. Al says I should keep it in a sling for a week." Wrath's face fell. "I guess that means I have to tell Lust what happened."
"Well, isn't that for the best?"
Wrath shook his head.
"Aren't you going to go to the police?" asked Ed, getting a strange feeling.
His eyes widened. "No! Why?"
It was all Ed could do not to gape. "Greed stabbed you!"
"It…it was an accident! It was my fault, I ran into him!" stammered Wrath.
Ed took a deep breath, feeling rage begin to rise inside of him – not at the boy in front of him, but at Greed. "Here, sit down. How about you tell me what happened."
Wrath sunk into himself a bit, but Al gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He took a few steps in and perched himself nervously on the swivel-chair. "Um…well, this morning G-Greed got mad at me be…because I wouldn't do what he wanted me to." He didn't elaborate – probably for the better. "He…he, um…He locked me in the closet, and I guess he tried to go find Envy, but he'd already come here. So Greed went to get him, and then I heard them come back in." Wrath started scratching at his arms, probably subconsciously. "He was saying…bad things…to Envy. The, the same things he says to me sometimes. So I broke down the closet door –" He stopped, turning red at Ed's astonished expression, and smiled sheepishly. "I don't know. I just kept throwing myself at it until it fell down. And…I started hitting Greed. He was…" He gulped. "He was on top of Envy. But then Envy kicked him and we both fell down and…yeah." He pointed to his arm.
"I don't understand," said Al. "Why did Greed have a knife out in the first place?"
"He had it to Envy's throat."
At those six words, Ed got to his feet, eyes blazing, and started heading for the door. Al grabbed him, blocking the doorway as much as he could. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to find that son of a bitch and give him a thrashing to go with the headache he's already got!"
"No, Ed!" Al managed to push Ed backwards and back down into the chair. "You're probably already going to get in trouble for what you did to him! Don't make it worse!"
Ed growled. "I can't help it. That fucker…" He sighed and looked up at Wrath. "Why the hell don't you want to go to the police?"
"Because…because…" Wrath rubbed at his eyes. "I don't want anybody else to know! You m-must think I'm so stupid for l-letting him…"
"No, not at all," Al reassured him. Ed was silent, gripping the arms of his chair. Al gave him a look, and then smiled down at Wrath. "How about I make us some dinner? Do you want to help?"
Wrath perked up immediately. "I'd love to! I love cooking!" He quailed, "are you sure it's alright?"
"Yes, yes, of course! My brother is terrible at it – he could burn salad if you leave him alone long enough." They walked away, leaving Ed still burning with cold fury.
How badly did he hurt you? He thought, clenching his fists. Please, please…let me have gotten there in time.
Envy woke up with a start, eyes opening to show him only a blank white ceiling. He sat up, breathing hard as the last vestiges of his nightmare faded away, and then looked around in confusion.
"Where am I?" he asked dully. His head felt foggy.
"Oh, hello, you're awake." He snapped his head towards the armchair, where Ed looked nonchalantly up from his book. "How are you feeling?"
"Strange."
"That'll be the shock. You're in my room, by the way, if you're feeling a bit disoriented."
Envy raised his hand to his face, staring at it intently, and then looked back at Ed. "What…happened?"
"Greed happened." Ed picked up the notebook and held it up, his gaze still focused on the novel in his lap. "You left this behind. I went to return it to you and found Wrath bleeding and Greed beating the shit out of you."
"But…I…" Suddenly it came flooding back, Envy's face going pale as it did. "Oh god. I'm so sorry."
He looked up, gold eyes both warm and cold at the same time. "Don't be. It's not your fault." His expression, though, made Envy wonder whether he really thought so.
"I…" Envy swallowed. "I could have dealt with it myself."
"Like hell you could have!" Ed snapped, his novel tumbling to the ground. He put down the notebook still in his hand, a slight quiver in his arm. "He had you by the throat. And Wrath told me about the knife - that miserable bastard had it to your neck."
"Well, thank you," he responded coldly. "for acting the white knight." He couldn't clear his head.
"Well, what else was I supposed to do?" Ed got to his feet, irises flashing passionately. "I read it, Envy! I read your goddamned notebook! And I…I…" He ran both hands through his hair then clenched them, tugging at his blond locks. "Fuck it, I ran so fast, just – I didn't even want to let you leave with him, and that was before…before…"
To Envy's shock, he realized that there were tears streaming down Ed's face.
"I'm sorry," Ed said after a moment of silence, and then walked out of the room.
Fuck, Envy's head hurt. That didn't stop him from feeling angry – if anything, it made it worse.
Then, as if Ed's outburst was a gust of wind, the clouds rolled away. Envy pulled the sheets off his legs and followed him. He stood on the landing for a moment in confusion, unsure of which way he'd gone, until he heard a thump…thump…thump…from a room down the hall.
He walked over slowly, pushing the half-closed door slightly open. Ed was standing in the middle, driving his fists into a punching bag with enough force to send the bag flying up with every blow. His face was a steely mask, but the tightness in his shoulders and the vehemence of his attacks showed his anger in clear and bold strokes.
After a moment, he stopped, halting the punching bag's swing with a flattened palm. He looked up at Envy, tears gone but eyes still red, and smiled wryly. "I've named it Greed for now."
Envy didn't dare make eye contact. "I didn't ask for your help."
"Didn't you? I may not be a poet but I can tell a cry for help when I hear one."
"Then maybe you should get your ears checked," retorted Envy, voice laced with bitterness.
Ed closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them again. "Come here."
Envy obeyed, stepping into the room and walking up to Ed – only to be caught in a bone-crushing embrace that pinned his hands to his sides.
"I care about you, dumbass." Ed's breath tickled his ear as he murmured softly. "I'm not trying to make you a…a project."
Envy's breath caught. "How did you –"
"Know what you were thinking?" Ed released him, sticking his hands into his pockets. "You're not the only one who's needed help, ya know." He twisted his toe into the ground. "I was in a really bad place awhile ago and…yeah, I got some help."
"So that's why you're helping me."
"In part. In part because I like you. In part because you're incredibly talented. In part because…" Ed rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Well, I'm lonely too. But enough about me." His face turned serious. "What are you going to do?"
"About what?"
"Not you too," groaned Ed. "I've already got Wrath insisting that we don't go to the police and that it's his fault."
"The kid got stabbed! Maybe now's not the time!"
"I know, I know, sorry. I've never done this before."
Envy rubbed his arm, chuckling half-heartedly at his friend's sincerity. "I don't really want to go to the police either…"
"What? How come?"
"It's just…I'd have to talk to them and tell them, right? And…"
Ed placed a finger under his chin, turning and lifting it until they made eye contact. "Envy, what did he do to you?"
He was speechless for a moment, but pushed Ed's hand away with a half-smile. "Nothing too bad. Don't worry."
The words rang hollow, and Ed didn't quite look like he believed him. "Alright. So you don't want to go to the police. So that's it, then? You'll go back home and hope Greed doesn't pin me for assault?"
Envy wanted to say yes. He wanted things not to change – to just deal with things his way, the same way, the usual way…
But…
"Wrath."
"Hm?"
"I could go home." Envy scratched unconsciously at his arm. "I could deal with it. I'm old enough. And he won't try again, not after today. But Wrath…"
Ed nodded. "I saw your pictures."
A stab of guilt. "I shouldn't have drawn them."
"Why? This way Wrath doesn't have to tell me."
"But it was supposed to be…" Envy struggled with the words. "a secret."
"A secret?" A look of horror appeared on Ed's face. "Envy, do Lust and Sloth know about this?"
"I…I don't know. I think Sloth does. Lust…I don't think so." Seeing the expression on Ed's face, Envy snapped, "What would you have done? Lust's ill, and neither Sloth nor I can do anything! You saw how easily he pushes me around, and Sloth's even smaller!"
"Okay, okay. But, see, now I know – and if Al has any brains at all he'll figure it out. And now…well, now you have an option." Ed took Envy's hand, pulling it away from his arm which was now covered with red marks from his bitten and jagged nails. "When's your birthday, Envy?"
"Uh, next May."
"That's a bit more than a year. We can do that."
"Do what?"
Ed grinned. "Stay with us until you turn eighteen. Then you can move out and Wrath can go with you."
And suddenly it was like Envy's entire world had been blown open.
"What do you think?"
Think? What did he think? That it had even been a possibility to leave that shadow-wreathed house of horrors, to leave his scream-infested walls and hollow smiles and greetings behind? To step out into another world, a world of sunlight and freedom…to be able to smile without wondering who was watching and who was judging…to have a place that felt safe…to come to this place that for some reason, for some strange, unfathomable yet obvious reason, felt like a home he'd been away from for far too long?
What did he think?
"I know there's a few kinks in the idea, but Hohenheim leaves us enough money that it shouldn't be a problem."
"I don't deserve you," said Envy breathlessly.
"S-sorry?" asked Ed with a chuckle, blood rising in his cheeks.
"You, Edward Elric, are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am never, ever going to let you forget it." Envy wrapped his arms around the shorter boy, warmth suffusing his body.
"H-hey, don't go…aw man, I'm all self-conscious now," he joked.
"Oh, shut up, I'm being sappy."
"You're entitled." Ed hugged him back, ignoring the stream of questions and problems that were already offering themselves up in the back of his mind.
Those could wait.
