Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything in the Twiverse.
Hello all!
My apologies if you're reading this chapter a second time. I accidentally uploaded the rough draft—without all my awesome Beta's suggestions and polishing. Here is the version I intended you to read. Thanks again, CassandraLowery for being awesome and divine! Enjoy :)
Chapter 9: Home Again
Edward's POV
After my pep talk with Angela, I walked toward third period Spanish and ran smack into Alice, her spritely energy nearly knocking me to the floor. She was bouncing up and down and speaking so quickly that it took all of my vampiric concentration to catch her words. In truth, I didn't have to read her mind to know what had gotten her so excited.
She'd seen my resolve to get Bella back.
Her ideas and thoughts on the subject were hitting me fast and furious, and I'd had to clamp my hands on her shoulder to hold her still.
"Alice," I said with a smile. "I understand your excitement, but I need to work this out on my own. So I'm asking you-with all the love I have in my heart-to stay out of it."
Her cheery face fell. "But I really think that you…."
I shook my head. "I can do this on my own, and I need to. Without interference from you."
I saw the plans evaporate in her mind, and she gradually fixated on the long wall by the staircase in our forest home. With a dramatic sigh, she said, "Well, since we're staying now, I'll just focus on my other talents." She whipped out her phone and squealed, "Okay, Esme. Let's talk wall color!" I smiled to myself, grateful that Alice had a legitimate distraction and braved the rest of my first day at school without Bella.
My confrontation with Lauren in English had quieted the rumor mill. Although suspicions were still running high, my temper was deemed too volatile to provoke. So for the remainder of the day, opinions went unvoiced, and I was treated as if I were invisible. Little did they know, I preferred it that way.
The only activity of interest occurred as Ben received word of Angela's talk with me. In true Angela fashion, she only said that I'd discussed a "personal matter" with her which only further incited his jealousy. I couldn't understand why Ben felt threatened by me, considering he didn't know I was a bloodthirsty monster, but I owed it to Angela to eliminate his confusion. So after the bell rung for lunch, I approached him at his locker. He hadn't heard or seen me coming, and his heart nearly stopped in fright.
"Cullen!" He tried to recover. "Dude, you scared the crap out of me."
"I'm sorry."
His mind raced through dozens of reasons why I would be talking to him. "So what's up, man?"
"I just wanted to tell you what an awesome girl you've got in Angela." I don't think I'd ever used the word "awesome" before, but it seemed right for the occasion.
His thoughts were still suspicious. "You think so?"
"Yeah. I was having a rough day, and she helped me see things from a better perspective. Bella has always been so fond of her, and now I know why." I lightly patted his shoulder. "You're a lucky guy."
He winced from the weight, and I was grateful that the strap of his bookbag prevented him from noticing the iciness of my hand. "Yeah, I guess we both are. I mean, you having Bella and everything."
"Right," I said, and in my heart, I knew it was still true.
"Hey," he smiled. "Maybe we could double some time."
I'd never gone on a double date before, having no use for human company outside of Bella. But this invitation sounded like something she would accept. So as a sign of faith in our reconciliation, I said, "Sure, Ben. Let's leave the details to the girls."
He laughed and clapped me on the back, too happy to notice how hard it was. "You're all right, Cullen. See you in Physics."
That was a nice thing you did, Alice thought as she joined me at the cafeteria's entrance a few moments later. I'm sure Bella will appreciate it.
I cocked an eyebrow, and she put up her hands in surrender. "I know, I know…. Don't interfere. But don't be surprised if I end up painting your room a different color. I need to vent all this energy!"
Somehow I survived the rest of the day and made it to the final bell with my sanity intact. I still had no idea what to do about Bella, but I knew that things would be better…eventually. As I walked to my car, I had the strongest urge to go check on her. But she'd left me again today, and I wanted to respect the space she was asking for. Maybe I would call her tonight…or text her. I'd never texted Bella before, always preferring to hear the nuances of her voice to the sterility of electronic communication. But to avoid forcing myself on her, perhaps a text would be better. Maybe I'd ask Esme about it when I got home, if I could pry her away from her great fall decorating project long enough.
Alice climbed into the passenger seat with both her phone and mind in overdrive. From what I saw in her head, she and Esme were practically redoing the entire house. I saw wallpaper, window treatments, and paint colors in more shades than should be allowed by law. She even got a text from Rosalie about wanting a vote this time because she apparently hated the backsplash behind the sink in the kitchen she never used. I didn't know what my brothers were up to this evening, but I knew I needed to talk to Jasper before the weekend was out. If he wasn't home tonight, maybe I'd sit at the piano and try to work out my feelings there. Music always seemed to help me when nothing else did.
I was driving along the familiar road to our home when my senses played a trick on me. As though she were less than a mile away, I could smell Bella. The forest, for all its natural beauty, contained nothing that could approximate the freesia and lavender of her alluring scent, so I knew it had to be false.
But I enjoyed it just the same.
I drove through the illusion, embracing it as tangible proof of my desire to be with her. But as we neared the house, the scent got stronger and stronger as more of the undertones of her fragrance assaulted me.
And then…I heard it.
That unmistakable, beautiful sound that made my life worth living.
Her heartbeat.
It was faint at this distance, barely perceptible even to my keen ears.
But it was there, ahead of me.
Which meant that she was ahead of me.
At my house.
Bella.
She had come to me.
I froze at the steering wheel, aching to drive on but needing to swallow this unbelievable turn of events. From the corner of my eye, I noticed the corners of Alice's mouth struggling to stay neutral. Her focus on her interior designs multiplied, but she couldn't ignore my incredulous gaze for long.
"She told me not to say anything," she whispered.
I gaped at her. "How long did you…?" Then I realized that it didn't matter. My curiosity at my sister's role paled in comparison to my desire to see Bella, and I sped toward our home at a pace which tested the limits of my Volvo's speedometer.
When the rusty orange of Bella's truck first came into view, I slammed on the brakes, nearly sending Alice through the windshield. But Alice jumped out with a smile, "I think I'll walk the rest of the way."
I started to apologize, and she waved me off. "Don't worry about me. You just handle your business."
She blew me a kiss then disappeared toward the back of the house. Her path let me know Bella was out front somewhere.
If I'd had sweat glands, they would have been in overdrive as I pulled the car to the edge of our yard, not wanting to waste the time to park in the garage. I could practically taste her scent in the air, could feel her heart pounding as if it were in my chest, but nothing compared to what I saw when I cleared the trees on the side of the house.
Bella stood a few feet from the front steps, her hands folded neatly in front of her. Her hair was loose and wavy, and I could still smell the strawberry of her shampoo. Her perfect body was outlined by a royal blue wrap dress that stopped above her knees, teasing me with the sight of her long legs. She looked like something out of a dream I was unworthy to have, and I nearly fell to my knees in gratitude at the sight of her. Whatever she came to say, whatever was about to happen would be worth it simply for the privilege of seeing her again.
I hadn't realized I'd stopped walking until her eyes squinted in my direction. I was still some distance from her, using my otherworldly eyesight to drink in her radiance undetected. With my new resolution running through my mind, I readied myself to face the woman I loved.
When I got close enough for her to see me clearly, her heart skipped a beat. She covered her chest with her hand, and I was struck by the innocence of the gesture. The heated anger pouring off of her this morning had cooled, and there was something else in its place. But for the life of me, I couldn't put a name to it. She had obviously put some effort into her attire, still not believing that she was delectable no matter what she wore. But aside from that, her intentions in coming here were a mystery. In the face of all that could go wrong, my confidence began to waver, but I chose to be strong. I had to remember that although I wouldn't control Bella, I could control myself. She could tell me that our relationship was over, but I would never stop loving her. She could tell me that she was giving up on me, but I would never give up on us. And as long as I remembered these salient points, I could handle whatever awaited me.
I reset myself a second time then paused in mid-step when her eyes lighted on me.
So beautiful. To whom did I owe the pleasure…
She pulled her bottom lip beneath her teeth and fiddled with her fingers, looking quickly away. The movement was so sweet and so Bella that I wanted to press her against my chest and protect her from whatever was making her so anxious. But respect was the order of the day, the order of my new life with her. And if I wanted it, then I needed to wait for her cue.
She cleared her throat then looked at me again, her eyes teeming with private feelings. "Hi."
It was one of the simplest words in the English language, and I was already undone. "Hi."
"I…." Her eyes went back to her shoes, black ballet flats I'd never seen before. They provided an uninterrupted view of her ankles and feet, places I ached to kiss. "I hope you don't mind me coming."
"Not at all." The thought was absurd. "I'm very happy to see you."
My voice sounded strange even to me, but it couldn't be helped. I was so afraid she would fly away again, and I didn't want to scare her.
"Could we talk?"
"Of course." I extended my arm toward the house, and she shook her head. "Not in there," she said, and I cursed my insensitivity. Why would she want to talk in the house where she'd almost died a few nights ago? Idiot!
"It's a nice day," she continued. "I'd rather stay outside." Her voice betrayed nothing unusual, but I still planned to tread lightly. This was the longest, most pleasant exchange we'd had in a few days, and I didn't want to wreck it.
"How about the side of the house?" I suggested.
"That would be great, thank you."
I stepped aside to let her lead the way, inhaling deeply as her aroma wafted past me and walked a few paces behind her. The irony of the situation was not lost on me, but I could only hope that the outcome would be different than yesterday.
She walked to the large stone Emmett had carved into an elevated bench of sorts during the summer and sat down. I was more comfortable standing and chose a spot not too far away. Bella approached the bench but didn't sit down. I heard the deep breath she took, then she turned around.
"I owe you an apology."
I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up her hand.
"Let me finish." I had annoyed her after only a few first words, and my hope sank again. I took a deep breath then gave her my full attention as she explained. "I asked if you could respect me enough to let me make my own choices and you said 'no.' That's why I ran yesterday." The reminder sliced me afresh, and I fought down the pain along with my ready apologies. "Despite that, you came to school today, sat next to me, and I deliberately antagonized you and then ran away. That was wrong, and I apologize. Do you accept my apology?"
I thought of telling her how needless her apology was but settled on, "Of course."
She seemed pleased by this. "Now, I don't know why you came back because I never gave you the chance to explain. But if you'd like to do so now, I am willing to listen." With that, she sat on the bench, smoothing her dress around her and looking up at me.
I could not have been more proud, shocked, or aroused. Bella's heart was racing, beads of sweat trickling down her neck in spite of the cool breeze, yet her eyes were resolute and strong. I couldn't believe how calm she sounded. There was no teasing lilt, no emotion in her voice at all when she addressed me. But for all of that, her confidence and bravery were so provocative that I just wanted to fill my hands with the curves and lines of her body. Bella was so much, too much for me, and my resolve to have all of her had never been stronger.
But as she sat there waiting for me to speak, I realized that none of what I had prepared to say would have mattered. I thanked God that she ran this morning so that I had occasion to speak to Angela. For without her wisdom, I would have ruined any chance of getting Bella back.
I walked over to my angel and knelt at her feet. Her soft intake of breath at my nearness made my heart soar, but I kept to my task. I reached for her hands, relieved when she didn't resist, and held them gently. My eyes were warm and steady as I gazed into hers, and I said the only thing I could say, the only thing I wanted and needed to say.
"Forgive me."
She started at my sincerity but didn't release my hands. Her acceptance of my opening statement encouraged me, and I continued.
"Forgive me for how I've behaved since…well, since your party, certainly. But before that, as well. Forgive me for trying to run your life. Forgive me for trying to leave you, for even thinking of it. Forgive me for…" I forced myself to say the words, "…for not respecting you the way you deserve. But most of all, forgive me for being scared."
"Scared?" she breathed. "Scared of what?"
My eyes bored into hers. "Of you."
Her lips moved wordlessly, and I rubbed her hands. "Bella, I have always been scared for you. Your proximity to my world puts you in constant danger. When James set his evil sights on you, that was my worst nightmare realized. The idea that someone could fixate on you and not rest until you were lifeless…." The thought made me shudder, so I went on to the next point. "Then we turned on you, the very family you trusted with your life. That scared me more than anything ever had. But since you ran away yesterday, I've realized that what scares me most in this world is you."
She shook her head, blinking her confusion, and I tried to explain. "Bella, I have never needed to trust anyone completely–human or otherwise–because I could always hear their thoughts. My relationships certainly involve some level of faith, but with you, it's different. I can't read your mind; I can't hear the truth behind what you say, and that terrifies me. All I have to go on is what you do and say, and that terrifies me. I could blame my fears on the fact that after decades of observing humans and hearing their thoughts, the only certainty I've discovered is how fickle human emotions are. I could even justify my insecurity with the fact that the only other humans I ever loved both died."
She looked down in sadness, but I lifted her chin. "But those would be half-truths, Bella. Because the real reason I'm scared of you is because I have to trust you completely. This…this amazing love I share with you, this all-consuming passion I feel, is unprecedented. It's beautiful and life-giving. But it is also a terrifying, leveling thing. I didn't realize how much I relied on my advantages–the advantage of time, of experience, of telepathy before. But with you…." I caressed her face with the back of my hand, reveling in the subtle shiver that shimmied down her body. "I am completely vulnerable, as naked and trusting as a newborn child. And as much as I love you, as much as I trust you with me, that terrifies me. And when my fears get the better of me, I do really stupid things."
She smiled, the first genuine smile I'd seen since her birthday, and I thought my heart would shatter with pleasure. "I'm sorry that I behave that way in the name of love or duty or whatever it is I've used as excuses. And I am deeply sorry that my behavior ends up hurting you, you for whom I live, breathe, and move. But Bella, if you let me, if you can trust me once more, I promise that I will always love you, that I will never disrespect you, and that I will never try to leave you ever again."
My eyes were stinging with long-extinguished tears. "Could you give me that chance?"
I watched Bella's face as she sat nearly frozen above me. Her hands stilled in her lap, and she hadn't blinked in some time. Her eyes were glassy and out-of-focus, but her heartbeat was speeding up. I feared another explosion of anger when she suddenly looked at me as if just realizing I was there. The intensity in her gaze was almost too much to bear.
And then the blaze mellowed out, replaced by tender love pooling in her eyes. She blinked away the threatening tears and whispered, "Oh, Edward…" before throwing her arms around my neck. I caught her as she crashed into me, a flurry of blue fabric and creamy skin. She met my eyes briefly before bringing her soft lips to mine.
Her kiss was delicate, hesitant, as if she were getting to know me all over again. I held back, despite the fire raging inside me at having Bella in my arms again, and kissed her with patience. She placed her hands on either side of my face and held me gently to her mouth as if to cherish this sacred seal of our reunion. She kissed my lips, my chin, my cheeks, my nose, and my eyelids as they fluttered shut during her amorous attentions. She pulled back, and I opened my eyes.
That's when everything changed.
The tenderness in her gaze completely gave way to an amorous inferno. She was breathing so hard that I could hear her breaths, could smell the steamy arousal rising from her pores. Her chest rose and fell against me, and my decision to tread lightly disappeared. Her pupils dilated, and she groaned softly before she kissed me again.
This time there was no hesitation, only honey and heat. She covered my cold lips with hers, licking my bottom lip before taking it gently into her mouth. I growled at the sensation and slid my hands into her hair, releasing fresh waves of her scent with every movement. Her mouth was hot and relentless, and when she swirled her tongue around mine, I thought I would collapse with wanting her. I had to be careful, knew I should be respectful. But Bella's tongue wouldn't stop tasting me, and her scent wouldn't stop taunting me, and her body wouldn't stop tempting me.
I needed more.
I lifted her off the bench and she crushed herself against me, her legs wrapping around my waist on instinct. Without the barrier of her jeans, I felt more of her softness than I ever had before, and her precious warmth staggered me. She opened her eyes, dark desire in their depths, and she lowered herself to make the most of our new position. I backed her against the largest tree in the yard and bent my head to the pulse in her neck, savoring the sweaty sweetness she stored there just for me. She breathed my name over and over, her hips moving against me impatiently, and my mouth found its way to the deepest part of her V-necked collar. She wriggled and moaned, imploring me with her hands to go lower, and I was powerless to ignore her. Pressing her against the tree with my hips, my right hand held her at the waist while my free hand moved to her shoulder and slid the offending fabric out of my way. I kissed her bare shoulder, once, twice, a dozen times, before tasting her on my tongue.
Exquisite.
With my lips and tongue, I blazed a trail from her shoulder to her chest, marveling at the unique flavors of her heated skin. I ran my cool tongue over the swelled skin above the freshly revealed white cotton fabric, and she inhaled sharply. I pulled away, thinking I'd done something wrong, but she pleaded "Edward, please…" and guided me back, her hands firm and frantic in my hair. My lips continued exploring the delicate flesh above the scalloped edges of her bra until I finally dared to explore inside. My mouth gently sucked this most precious of skin, and Bella trembled. This was a joy I couldn't believe, that I could give her such pleasure, that she wanted me to touch her, to taste her. I lavished her with passionate reverence, honored to have such an angel in my arms. Her hands were touching me everywhere all at once, but they always made their way back to my hair, cradling me to her as I suckled her breast, holding me as if afraid I would move.
As if I'd dare move.
I kissed my way to her left breast, my other hand massaging and teasing the dimpled flesh I'd just enjoyed. As I took the supple mound into my mouth, I was fascinated to discover that it was slightly fuller than the other one. I licked and swirled my tongue around the hardened tip, drunk on her passionate reactions. The rhythm between her legs was pounding into me now, producing an equally violent response in my frozen loins. I could feel myself rising to meet her, straining against my jeans to be closer to her, and I closed my eyes when we first connected, the sensation electric even through our clothes. An expletive escaped Bella's pure lips, and she gripped my hair, grinding her hips against me. I continued to feast on her breast, my teeth grazing her nipple and causing my mouth to water. When I opened my mouth with the intent to bite her, I pulled away in shock.
What the hell was I doing?
I knew that my actions had been motivated by lust, not bloodlust, but that didn't make it right. I had lost all sense of control of myself and had almost pierced her with my venomous teeth.
Bella sensed the shift in me. "Edward, please…it's all right…."
I stared at her bare breasts, her goosebumped skin, her disheveled dress, and shook my head. Was this my idea of respecting her?
I reached for the strap of her bra, trying not to focus on the blushing swell of her breast, and she gripped my wrist. Although her force barely registered, I recognized the intent. "Edward Cullen, look at me."
The last thing I wanted to do was see how I'd sullied and disgraced my angel with my selfish desires, but I did as she asked. Her eyes were smiling, shimmering with happiness.
That made me feel worse. She had been enjoying herself, and I'd had to ruin it with my destructive urges.
"What do you think you're doing?" she asked.
I pulled the strap up on her shoulder. "I'm getting you dressed."
She pulled it back down. "Why?"
"Because I almost bit you."
She flinched, but her eyes revealed her excessive delight. "It's okay, Edward."
"No it isn't." My mood was souring by the moment. "Biting you is never okay."
"Fair enough." She inched closer to me. "Then keep your fangs to yourself." She laughed and seemed genuinely surprised when I didn't join in. "What else?"
"I don't want to disrespect you by defiling you here in the middle of my yard."
She looked at me in confusion, then she kissed me. "Look at me again."
Her skin was flushed, giving it a pleasing rosy hue. Her hair was blowing around her, wild and wavy. Her lips were swollen and slightly parted. But her eyes, her penetrating eyes, were bold and dangerous.
"Do I look defiled to you?"
The cocky smile tugging at her lips made me weak. "Actually, you look quite sexy."
She pulled down the other side of her dress, exposing herself completely. "Then act like it."
I stared hungrily at my new-found favorite parts of her body, licking my lips at the thought of tracing my tongue all around the one, of filling my mouth with the soft perfection of the other, then shook my head. The pressure in my jeans was robbing me of what little decorum I had, but I remembered enough to gesture vaguely at the house. "My family…."
"I took care of that," she said slyly and checked her watch. "And if my calculations are correct, we've got another twenty-three minutes before anyone is within earshot."
My mind flitted to Alice's smile in the car, then focused on the more important point. Having that much alone time with Bella with this much passion flowing between us…it was enticing. It was tempting.
It was a bad idea.
"Bella, we can't…."
"Edward." She pulled up so that her bare breasts were pushing into my chest, and the sensation made my spine tingle. "I know you have boundaries, and I respect them. So if you want me to pull my top back up for your sake, I'll do it. But if you're worried about disrespecting me or turning me into some backwoods harlot, I'd rather you put your energy to better use."
She watched me with that archness that always did me in. To drive her point home, she swirled her tongue around my earlobe, flicking it with a throaty chuckle. "Twenty-two minutes."
I groaned and crushed her to me, resolution and longing quickening my steps. As I sped toward the house and up the stairs to my room, I barely remembered to shut the front door.
Ah … together again. What do we think of their reunion? Only one way to tell me…
ps – Their story is far from over… so much more to come :)
