"Bonnie," Stefan murmurs one night, easing down on the bed as she thumbs through a grimoire. She doesn't answer but she doesn't need to. They both know she'll listen to him anyway. "We don't have to do this. Eventually, they'll start not to care."

"He'll hurt everyone, Stefan," she replies, lifelessly, scanning over the words and pictures. Bonnie has experimented numerous times but, if anything, the bond has grown stronger. "I have to do this."

"We could run away," he suggests, suddenly eager, scooting closer. She doesn't look up but she's sure he looks hopeful. Oh, Stefan. "We all could leave and we'll find a place where they can't find us."

She marvels at how similar the brothers really are. Do they know how alike they are to each other? Perhaps that is why they cannot get along as much as they'd like to. After all, it's opposites that attract, not the other way around.

Bonnie flickers her eyes over Stefan's face and he breathes in at the eye contact. She offers a tiny, sinister smile. "I wonder if the ripper inside you would agree with that idea."

And that's the end of the conversation.

-x-

She decides to walk in the garden. It's a little humid but cool enough and she takes a breath. This feeling has to stop. Bonnie shuts her eyes and wants to cry but can't. There's so many reasons to cry. There's Caroline's distance, there's Abby's attempts to mend the past. There's her dead grandmother. There's her missing father. There's Stefan's betrayal, Damon's constant immorality. There's Tyler's strange loyalty. There's Klaus and his family. There's the whole balance of nature that has yet to be restored. And then there's Bonnie, who is in between something she can't figure out yet and she isn't able to move at the moment.

A quiet noise causes Bonnie to snap her eyes open and she spies a dark figure meters away, off by the trees. She squints her eyes and notices Tyler. He offers a timid smile as he nears her. She doesn't smile back. He seems to notice that. There's dried blood in the corner of his mouth and Bonnie knows he's been hunting.

"I thought you'd be asleep," Tyler says and there's a small question within the comment.

Bonnie crosses her arms and glances up to her bedroom window, where she's sure Stefan is listening. "Dreams keep me restless."

His head cocks to the side. For a moment, Bonnie is sure he's about to ask but he decides against it, eyes dimming with something akin to disappointment. "I hope you sleep better. I'll pray to the spirits for you."

Tyler moves past her and she narrows her eyes at his sudden avoidance. "Since when do you pray to the spirits?"

"Since you saved us," Tyler tells her, opening the back door and she finds herself wanting him to stay with her. Glancing back, he says, "The day you abandoned them, I guess."

-x-

The next night, she's going through the mail. There are a couple bills and then there's a beige colored envelope. Bonnie tilts her head to the side and looks at the return address. Narrowing her eyes at the Mikaelson name, Bonnie tears it open.

I hope your research is moving forward. I'm sure you are working as hard as you can. By the way, your mother must be a great help, going back and forth from your house to hers. It makes one wonder if she could possibly get in an accident that way.

Elijah

Bonnie doesn't realize she's shaking until the envelopes fall to the ground. She can't breathe. Everything's blurred and she's trying so hard not to be loud in anything she's doing because—fuck—she doesn't want the others to see her like this. Scared. Terrified. Because she can't lose Abby now. Not again. She holds in a breath and tries counting to ten but doesn't get past five.

Grabbing her keys, Bonnie runs out of the house. She glances wildly around before slipping into her car and driving away. Bonnie's not even sure where she's going. All she knows is that she needs to find an outlet somewhere.

How dare he? Bonnie grips the wheel hard. He's a damn bully. That's all he's probably been all his life. He hides behind class and suave moves, a terrifying perfect mask for who he really is. He wants control and he doesn't have any regard for human life. But…isn't that what vampires are? They cannot care for human life? That is why their humanity is lost. That is why witches exist, right? Witches have to restore the balance lost.

Bonnie remembers some place downtown Caroline mentioned where vampires go as a 'hang out'. She's been there before, probably with Damon or Jeremy in a mission to save Elena. Turning the wheel, Bonnie swerves in the direction she wants to be.

The moment she pulls up to the small bar, Bonnie's stepping out of the car, scanning the parking lot. The vampires linger outside with their bottles and small talk. Mostly males. There's one strolling through the door and she leans against her car, watching him. He must be a big deal, Bonnie figures, as he walks past the others and they hush until he's a good distance away. His brunette hair goes a little past his ears and his skin is that sickly pale color, reminding her of Elijah instantly.

Their eyes meet and she smirks, pushing off the car and heading towards the back. He narrows his eyes and watches as Bonnie strides to the back alleyway. She just hopes no one is there. When she scans the ally, she smiles when it's empty. In the next moment, he's behind her and she spins around with a small gasp. He's leering down at her and Bonnie feels her lips curve upwards again.

"You're lost," his voice has a hint of a southern accent to it. The vampire moves to grab her arm but she moves so he catches her sleeve instead. "This isn't a place for pretty little girls."

When their eyes lock, Bonnie can tell he's attempting to compel her. When it's obviously not working, Bonnie laughs aloud. Instantly, the vampire growls.

"Witch," he states in disgust.

"Yes," Bonnie breathes out, flicking some hair off her shoulder and turning to him with a sick smile. "And you're so stupid."

Before he speeds to her neck, Bonnie has him pinned against the wall. He tries resisting and growls, eyes turning black and fangs protruding. There have only been a few times she thought that horrifying face has seemed intriguing. And that was with Caroline and Stefan. It screamed majestic and petrifying at the same time. But as this predator thrashes to free himself from her invisible force, Bonnie can only think how petty it looks.

Bonnie starts with his intestines, holding her hand out as she twists his organs inside out. He roars and she's sure someone is going to come but she doesn't care. She'll take them all on and have them drop before the hour is over. Then it's his lungs and she closes her hand into a fist and they collapse. Blood spurts from his mouth and hits the pavement below them. And there's the best part: the heart.

Moving forward, Bonnie stares into his monstrous eyes. He moves his lips and a strangled noise that sounds like a, "Please…" follows. She's beyond requests. She's beyond allowing murderers slide. And when Bonnie places a palm above his heart, she imagines Elijah writhing in pain, begging. As she plunges inside this chest and pulls out the organ, the body slinks to the ground and she waits for it to stop beating until dropping it next to him.

It's then Bonnie turns to see her audience. A woman with skin matching hers and long, straight brunette hair. Bonnie tilts her head to the side and feels a sense of familiarity overcome her. The woman stares back, almost passively.

"That's pretty close to dark magic, cuz."

Lucy. Bonnie instantly smirks and bends down to wipe the blood off her hand on the victim's shirt. Glancing back, Bonnie shrugs.

"What could I do? He attacked me," Bonnie steps closer and Lucy smirks back.

"We both know who was really looking for trouble," Lucy nods towards her. "I'm impressed."

She sighs out and nods her head. Yeah, Bonnie was looking for someone. But isn't that what vampires do? They ruin lives. They've done nothing but ruined hers. And if that vampire was about to hurt her, he was asking for it. Just like Elijah is asking for it. If only she could find a way to turn the tables on him.

"What are you doing back in town, Lucy? I thought you stopped letting vampires control you…" Bonnie's eyes flicker in the general direction of where the vampire hang out is.

Lucy eyes flash with mischief. "I am. Just tying up one last loose end. That guy," she nods to the dead vampire, "was my last problem. I was going to offer a deal so he'd get off my ass. But having him dead is better. So I guess I should be thanking you—again."

In return, Bonnie grins. There's something strange about the way Lucy is all right with all of this. As if witnessing a brutal murder is something she's used to. "That's what family is for, right?"

Her distant cousin nods. "Let's exchange numbers this time. I think Mystic Falls is a nice place to settle down for a bit."

"It's not," Bonnie replies with some humor, "but it's a place for Bennett witches and that's all that matters."

-x-

When they part with contact information, Bonnie's eyes flash over across the street and she leans against the car again. The parking lot is now empty and she wonders if her recent killing had anything to do with it. They must have not liked him, or they would have tried to stop it.

It doesn't feel as a great as she wanted it to. Elijah is still alive and she can't do anything about that. Her arms rise to hug herself and she shivers. He needs to go away. For a moment, Bonnie considers the Salvatores' stupid suggestion of running away. They would find them, Bonnie knows. But it would be nice not live with that burden. Just her, the brothers, Caroline and Tyler—maybe Klaus—and it would just be them. Just us.

Bonnie laughs at herself. She's sick of this insanity. How pathetic she sounds. She's slipping away from her old self and it's never felt so cold. That depression begins creeping back and Bonnie just wants to scream. Her eyes flicker across the street again and she spies something that stops her heart.

"Rebekah?"

But in a blink, she's gone and Bonnie wonders why she would be watching her anyway.

-x-

When she returns home, Tyler and Stefan are in the kitchen, as if they had waited for her. They rise from their seats when Bonnie enters but she shakes her head, indicating she doesn't want to talk. Tyler takes the hint, despite the tick in his jaw but Stefan moves closer to her anyway. She wonders why; he usually complies. She catches something in his eye—that worry he's always had.

Bonnie shoots him a warning look and he pauses. He murmurs her name and she scoffs, giving up the thought of a cup of water and leaves. As she exits, she sees the open letter from Elijah on the table and her heart drops. She didn't want them knowing. Fuck.

Her body hits the bed and she pulls the covers over her head. She's so sick of it all. Is this what change feels like? Hasn't she already been through this before? Being a witch grows harder and harder by the day and she's so tired.

Stefan slips into the bed with her. Bonnie curls into a ball and wishes he'd just go away tonight. She can't be with a vampire right now—she doesn't even want to speak to one. And Stefan is a vampire. Its truth has hit her in the face more times than she can count on her fingers. It has startled her over and over again. He appreciates her, he's a part of her but he's still a vampire and she loathes vampires and what they've done to her.

A hand falls on her arm and she flinches. It stays there, as if he's unaware of her inner turmoil. Bonnie wants to scream at him, tell him she's finished with this supernatural world. She's just finished. Defeated. But Stefan tugs her closer and she releases a gasp. When her back is pressed against his chest, Bonnie shuts her eyes tightly and is slightly horrified when a tear slips down her face. He's on top of the blanket, so it's not like they're touching intimately. But it feels that way. Everything with him feels more intimate than it really should. And maybe that's how they've always been. That scares Bonnie.

"Stefan…don't…"

It's too much. Especially for tonight and she can't do this. Not after everything that's happened within the past couple of weeks. She doesn't want to be touched, she doesn't want comfort. She just wants to get away. Tonight has been full of emotions—emotions she's not ready to acknowledge and it's taking a toll on her. Bonnie can't have one more to top it off. Stefan always has been that one to come in scatter everything she's ever felt about a situation. Or herself.

He lets her go and she breathes out, scooting back to her side of the bed. Bonnie can hear him sigh and move even farther away. She's growing distant, withdrawn from him. And she wonders if that's why he's reaching out more than usual.

When she closes her eyes, Bonnie prays she doesn't dream of the other brother.

-x-

Stefan's gone in the morning and she takes the time making the bed. She senses Klaus is gone, as well, probably causing havoc somewhere. Whatever. As long as it doesn't have anything to do with my friends. Bonnie sighs out and rubs her hand over her face tiredly. When did she become so complacent? Was it this whole situation over the bond?

Her eyes find the stack of grimoires upon the desk, sunlight spilling over where they lay. Something twists in her gut and she shuts her eyes. It's too early to feel this miserable about that. There has to be something to spark her interest today. She'll take anything over the spells. The Mikaelson's be damned, Bonnie needs something to take her mind off the burden.

But the memory of Elena being compelled and Stefan's painful cries flash through her mind and Bonnie groans. There's no escaping it.

Lethargically, Bonnie makes her way to her drawers and pulls out an outfit. A shower would help. Slipping into the bathroom, Bonnie peels her clothes off and turns the water on. As she stands underneath the hot water, she closes her eyes and tries desperately to think of better things. No avail. Two years. She had two years without having to be used in such a way to break her down. There would always be Elena to save and she would never reject Caroline or Stefan—but she had two years. The cycle is starting again.

Shutting the water off, Bonnie wraps the towel around her shoulders. She shudders as the cold air hits her skin. It's then she realizes she had left the clothes inside her room. Crinkling her nose, Bonnie whips the door open without another thought.

Bonnie gasps as she spies someone sitting against the wall, right next to the bathroom door. Recognizing Tyler, she frowns as he looks up innocently. Shirtless, he has crossed his ankles, nearly blocking the hallway and there's a towel in his lap. His eyes travel down to her bare legs and he looks away instantly, a hint of pink on his cheeks. Bonnie lowers the towel a bit to cover herself for his sake.

"The shower is free now," Bonnie says and wonders why her voice comes out as shaky as it did.

When she turns to her bedroom, Tyler murmurs her name. Glancing over her shoulder to face him, Bonnie watches as he stands. Her heart jumps when he nears her slowly, as if she'd bolt if he comes too close. His eyes are locked on her face and she frowns when his thumb runs over her cheek. He leaves his hand there, cupping the side of her face and Bonnie stares at him in question.

"Bonnie...why are you crying?"

There's nothing condescending about the question. Tyler seems to want to know how to stop her tears rather than the reason why. Bonnie's frown deepens and she touches her cheek and spies water at her fingertips. No, she just took a shower. That's probably just water from…the shower…

Bonnie covers her mouth as a sob escapes and she bows her head. Oh my god, not now. Please, not right now. Not in front of someone. Bonnie feels the tears now. They stream down her face, relentlessly, spitefully. She whips around to lock herself in her room but Tyler catches her wrist. She turns to tell him to let go but something on his face causes her to freeze. Tyler has always tried to cover his emotions with this mask of a tough guy. And, at times, she understood why. And there have been numerous times she's seen him without that mask, mostly recently. And here he is, with that mask fading away. It strikes her more than she expected.

Tyler moves closer and she moves away. He doesn't push it. "What's going on? Is it Klaus? I can—"

"No, Tyler," her voice rises higher than she expected, "You can't do anything. Not about this, okay?"

With that, Bonnie spins around and breaks away from his grasp. She slams the bedroom door and sinks to the floor, covering her face. She can't break away from this. How used she feels. It's destroying her and Bonnie's not sure if there's a way to rebuild herself. Is there?

Bonnie holds her breath when she hears the bathroom door shut gently. She wonders if Tyler might have taken that hard. Closing her eyes, she hopes not. Oh, Tyler. Somehow, he's been stuck in the victim position lately but it doesn't wear well on him. He won't let it. And, despite himself, he'll stay with Bonnie. She worries she'll wake up one day and he'll just be gone. Like, Stefan and Caroline. Abby. Everyone leaves in the end and her days with Tyler seem to be running thin.

Sighing out, Bonnie stands, clutching the towel close to her chest. Opening her door, Bonnie crosses the hallway and twists the bathroom doorknob. Tyler's nearly in the shower and blinks at the sudden intrusion. Bonnie closes the gap between them and his brow creases.

"Bonnie, what's—"

Her lips cover his. He breathes in through his nose in surprise and his muscles tense. Pulling away, Bonnie bites her lip before murmuring, "I just need…a distraction from…"

She doesn't finish and when she looks up to see his reaction, Bonnie realizes she doesn't have to. Tyler tilts his head and meets her for another kiss while her arms move over his shoulders, bringing them closer. His hands cup her face, almost urgently and there's something endearing about his touch (it scares her). Her fingers disappear within his hair as he backs them up against the bathroom counter.

Bonnie feels him against her thigh, hot and thick and she remembers doing this before. When it was Klaus who initiated it, forced Tyler to be a part of it in his own body. She wonders if he ever thinks about it anymore—if it's something traumatic or something else. She remembers his touches being full of need, like she was all he had. And maybe she was all he had. (In those moments, he was all she had but she won't admit that.)

Tyler props her up on the counter and spreads her legs roughly and she gasps into his mouth. His fingers find her left nipple and when he squeezes hard, she can feel herself grow damp. A small sound rumbles in his throat and he breaks the kiss to bury his face within the crook of her neck. His favorite place, Bonnie had realized a while ago. Tyler breathes out and as she skims a hand over his shoulder, she can feel him trembling.

"Oh, god…" he croaks. The sound of his voice causes her eyes to flutter shut and smile. "I forgot…how great you smell…"

That catches her off guard but she doesn't have time to mull over it as his thumb runs over her clit deliberately. She catches the moan that tries escaping her mouth but their eyes meet and she's sure he still heard it. His finger pushes inside her suddenly and he swoops in for a kiss. And this time, there's a moan. There's a similar noise in response to hers, much deeper and carnal. Two fingers and she's gripping his shoulders tighter, shaking. He goes a little faster and she unconsciously squeezes her legs together and Tyler has to open them again.

His other hand keeps holding her hip and his grip tightens each time she makes a sound. It only takes her a few minutes to realize he wants to bring her against him. It's that closeness he's always craved and he's almost denying himself of it. Bonnie has little time to wonder why when she suddenly feels him move away and his tongue over her clit. She moans instantly—another tight grip on her hip. He's bent down, face between her legs and she has to keep half her concentrating on not closing them again. It's a different sensation, the sudden warmth. Bonnie gasps when he swirls around her clit, causing Bonnie to jolt slightly.

His tongue slips into her opening and back to her clit. She smiles. Yes. She's getting closer and she savors the feeling. The bonding spell with the Mikaelsons, Elena's problems, Stefan's feelings, issues with Damon, Abby—gone. If she focuses on it anymore, she's sure it'll dampen the mood some but not enough. This feels wonderful. This is what she's been missing. And Tyler must've known as he focuses on only her.

And when she comes, Bonnie can't stop the cry from her lips. She shudders when he offers one more lick. Tyler rises from his spot and abruptly kisses her, roughly. The kiss is full of need and she understands what he wants instantly. She tastes herself and smirks. Not bad. When Tyler pulls away, he's breathing heavily, that hand on her hip getting tighter again. She meets his eyes and offers a sly smile.

"Okay…" he steps back, averting his eyes and she stares at him questionably. "I hope that helped…"

When Tyler turns to step back into the shower, Bonnie narrows her eyes. Okay… First of all, she's definitely taking a shower after that. No way she's going to let Stefan (or Klaus) smell her leftover arousal today. And second: what the hell? Didn't he—?

Bonnie's eyes flicker downward when she realizes what he really meant. He was pleasuring her. That is what she asked for: a distraction. And she got one. Since when has Tyler ever turned down an opportunity to have sex? She's pretty certain most of the rumors of him in high school were true. And Caroline would spill every single detail possible, even when Bonnie was covering her ears. Bonnie looks back to the shower curtain that's now drawn. He turns the water on and she suspects he actually believes she's going to leave. Yeah, right.

She tears the curtain open, the water from the shower sprinkling over her. Momentarily, her eyes run over his body. The hot water flows like veins over his skin. And her eyes fall on that large bulge she had been accustomed to just a few months ago. She forces her eyes back to his. Tyler stares at her with some doubt, brow creased again. Bonnie offers a glare.

"We're not finished," she says testily, stepping over into the bathtub and pulling the shower curtain back. She'd rather not slip and fall when getting back out. He opens his mouth to interject but she shushes him. "I get it."

His eyes dim with the understanding and he smiles tightly. There's something about him right now—like he doesn't want her to see him this way. What way? Vulnerable? Tyler isn't exactly known to be generous, no matter what shape or form it came in. Maybe that's it. But then it clicks. Before he had an excuse. Klaus had been the driving force for whatever transpired between Tyler and Bonnie. Klaus was that reason. Now it's different. And she wonders if that's why he has stirred away from her since then, allowing Klaus to kiss her, not blinking an eye. The avoidance makes sense now.

Now he has no excuse. And that spot where he had been holding her hip burns. He's been wanting to touch her, Bonnie realizes with some shock. He's been restraining himself. And perhaps the biggest reason for that is Klaus. (Klaus has changed him—all of them.) But it's different now because she's asking him to. And he doesn't want to go farther because that means something deeper than he's unwilling to admit (and her too). Bonnie swallows when his lips open slightly to breathe, water trickling over his face.

"Touch me," she says breathily. Their gazes tangle together and he looks hesitant. "Tyler, touch me."

Her back's against the tile wall in the next second, his hands cupping her face again. She wonders if it signifies anything, if it's something special because it feels that way as he kisses her forcefully. Need. Bonnie recognizes the feeling immediately. She knows all about need. Her hands wrap around his neck and his body presses closer to her. She feels him against her thigh and she involuntarily shudders.

Tyler's murmuring her name against her skin. He nips her at the crook of her neck then kissing her there. "Bonnie…I…"

He's trying to hold off pushing inside her as much as he can, she knows. And, really, Bonnie wants the same thing. She skims her hand down his chest, trailing down to his dick and holds him. He jerks a little, hands at her hips, digging into her with bruising force. He says her name in warning and she smirks. When she moves her finger over the tip, he growls, the sound hitting somewhere in her chest.

"This isn't a test," he breathes out and his hands grip her ass, pulling her up, forcing Bonnie to straddle his hips.

Bonnie chuckles and kisses his mouth soundly. "No, if it were, you would have failed just now."

In response, Tyler positions himself outside her entrance and pushes inside. Breathing in sharply, Bonnie throws her arms around his shoulders to secure herself better. He's already thrusting and she whimpers at the force. He's being relentless and she loves it. She realizes he's been suppressing this desire for so long—and everything's finally been freed. And that somehow turns her on even more.

Tyler finds his favorite spot again on her neck. Bonnie doesn't mind—in fact, she sort of likes it. One of his hands finds her right nipple and he pinches. It startles her enough to flinch around him and he hisses at the feeling.

"Fuck…" Tyler grunts, thrusting into her deeper.

He's getting closer. Bonnie moans as his movements turn more desperate. The same hand that discovered her nipple drops down to the small space between them. She whines when he flicks her clit, drawing her closer to the edge. Bonnie tightens around him, whimpering out as she comes. He follows seconds later, bringer their bodies closer together, her breasts against his chest. He keeps muttering her name, over and over into her neck. And with one last thrust, Tyler groans, the sound rumbling through her.

Unlike the other times, Tyler doesn't pull away. Instead, he keeps a hold on her. Bonnie smiles as she runs a hand through his sopping wet hair. As his breathing levels, he nips her neck again and Bonnie whimpers. He licks the water on her skin, lapping up any droplets on her neck. He moves up, licking her cheek, her nose and she giggles, covering her face.

When their eyes meet, Tyler grins with a hint of cockiness. There he is. He pulls out of her and she sighs. There's a strange look on his face, suddenly.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't think we should have done that," he whispers, as if afraid of her reaction.

He steps aside so that the water pours on her more. Bonnie frowns. "And why not?"

Tyler takes his time answering, averting his eyes. She waits, holding her breath, waiting for that It was a mistake to fall from his lips. It's inevitable, isn't it? She has always had problems in this particular area in her life. It's only a matter of time. But Tyler meets her gaze with some defeat.

"Because now I don't think I'll have much control."

-x-

There's something bubbling in her chest, a familiar emotion she's only felt a few times. It's that need for power and she wonders if it'll resurface again. It's coming back.

Maybe she should thank Tyler.


-x-


a/n


-x-


LOL, I need a beta reader. Anyway, much longer chapter. Thanks for all of your comments thus far. It's been amazing.