Virgil's head hung low, the anxious Side too ashamed to face Patton. The aforementioned Side had been silent the entire time Virgil had recounted his story, which unsettled Virgil. Silence was very uncharacteristic for the usually loud and rambunctious Side, and the strange behaviour set Virgil on edge.
After an immeasurable amount of time had passed and his tragic tale had come to a close, he waited for Patton to say something. When the other Side did not, Virgil hunched into himself even further.
He waited. Patton continued to remain silent.
Virgil wanted to say something, but he didn't. He couldn't figure what to say! What was someone even supposed to say after the story he had just told? What was he supposed to do now? He could get up and leave, he supposed, but this was his room. That would just be weird.
Eventually, the silence became too much for him. He needed the other Side to say something. Anything.
"Patton?" He hated how meek and pathetic his voice sounded.
He heard a sniffle and his head up to finally look at his companion. He was startled to realise Patton was crying; silent tears streaking down his face.
"Shit, Pat, are you okay?" He asked, concerned. Patton sniffled again, and then gave a breathy laugh.
"After everything you've been through, and you're asking meif I'm okay?" The moral Side reached out a hand, and then stopped himself. He drew in a deep breath, and asked "Virgil, is it okay if I touch you?" The anxious Side nodded, a sob escaping him. Quickly, Patton pulled him into a secure hug, and Virgil sobbed again, resting his head against Patton's chest.
"Oh sweetie, you're shaking." Patton murmured, running a gentle hand through Virgil's hair. Virgil leaned into the touch. It was so gentle, and even though his instincts were telling him to run, because Patton was touching him and touch always ended with him being hurt, he couldn't bring himself to leave the moral Side's embrace.
Despite himself, he couldn't help but compare the feeling of Patton's arms around him to that of Deceit's. When Deceit held him, it was always tight, controlling, suffocating, but here, in Patton's arms, he felt secure, he felt safe, and for the first time in his life, the touch of another didn't make his skin crawl. Another sob ripped itself from his throat and Patton tightened his hold ever so slightly, just enough so that Virgil would know that it was Patton telling him that he was there for him.
Virgil finally broke down, all the pain and confusion and hurt that he had kept bottled up inside himself for years finally spilling out all at once. He cried, hard, and clutched Patton's shirt as he wept into his shoulder. Patton, ever patient, held him as he wept, murmuring quiet reassurances to him the entire time, but making no attempt to make Virgil stop crying. When Virgil ran out of tears and his body stopped shaking, Patton still did not let go.
"Thank you." Virgil rasped into Patton's shoulder, when he could finally force himself to speak.
"No need to thank me." Patton said softly. "I think you needed a good cry." Virgil hummed his agreement, releasing his death-grip on Patton's shirt and hesitantly wrapping his arms around the other, wrapping him in a proper hug. For an admittedly dumb moment, Virgil feared Patton might let go – that Virgil had gone too far and assumed too much, but the moral Side simply squeezed Virgil gently and rested his head on Virgil's shoulder. The younger Side sighed contentedly.
Not long after, the exhaustion from the day's emotional turmoil caught up with him, and he sagged against Patton, too tired to hold himself up. A moment passed, and Patton lay himself down on Virgil's bed, pulling the tired Side down with him. Virgil stiffened at the action on instinct, and Patton noticed immediately, sitting up and removing himself from the bed, hands held out in front of him.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Virgil! I didn't even think –"
"Please don't leave!" Virgil gasped, his hand snapping out and clutching Patton's wrist desperately. "Please, I don't…" I don't want to be alone. He couldn't say it, was too weak to admit that he was too weak to be left alone, but Patton seemed to understand. With a soft smile, he sat back down onto the bed, sliding behind Virgil and curling his arms around the smaller Side, pulling him in close. Virgil took a deep, shuddering breath, and relaxed into Patton's embrace. Exhaustion swiftly engulfed him once more, and he let it drag him into unconsciousness, trusting Patton to keep him safe while he slept.
When he woke, he came to slowly, taking a moment to adjust himself to his surroundings. He felt a warmth wrapped around him, and remembered that he had fallen asleep in Patton's arms. He listened for a moment, and deduced that Patton had also fallen asleep. He smiled a little, and snuggled in closer to Patton, who nuzzled his nose into Virgil's neck without waking. Virgil went still, but when Patton remained asleep and nothing else happened, he forced himself to relax. Logically, he knew Patton would never hurt him, but he had spent years at the whim of Deceit's predatory desires, and the scars were more than just physical. Deceit had instilled within him a fear of intimacy that he knew would not disappear overnight.
The memory of Deceit made Virgil's skin crawl, and he couldn't bring himself to lay there any longer, as much as it pained him to lose Patton's warmth. Trying not to disturb Patton, he eased himself out of the other's arms and off the bed as quietly as he could. He stood in the middle of his room for a few minutes, unsure of what to do now. His stomach chose that moment to grumble, and the answer to his conundrum became clear.
Virgil managed to open and close his door somehow without waking Patton, and made his way downstairs to the kitchen. He gazed tiredly at the clock that hung above the living room couch, and realised that he and Patton had slept all the way through to morning. Strange. Virgil never managed to get that much sleep. Maybe that was why he wasn't feeling as crappy as he usually did after waking.
Smiling, he entered the kitchen and boiled the kettle while he set about making himself some breakfast, and then decided to make breakfast for everyone. It was a quarter past seven in the morning, and the others should be coming out of their rooms any minute now.
The kettle finished boiling and he made himself a cup of coffee, sipping at it absently as he watched the bacon and eggs sizzle in the frying pan. Just as he was taking them out of the pan, he heard footsteps descending from the staircase. Logan.
He set a plate of food for Logan at the table, and then one for himself, putting the rest of it in a container in the microwave so it would stay warm until the moral and creative Sides made their way down.
Logan entered the kitchen and sat down, then did a double take as he realised it was Virgil who had made breakfast, rather than Patton.
"Oh, good morning Virgil." He said, his surprise evident. "I wasn't expecting you to be up so early."
"Yeah, well, I actually slept good for once, so…" He trailed off awkwardly, not really sure where he was going with that sentence. Abruptly, he remembered the less than pleasant conversation the two of them had had the day before, and Virgil felt suddenly ashamed of himself.
"I'm really sorry about yesterday." He mumbled, not quite looking Logan in the eye. Logan blinked, surprised.
"I do not understand why you're apologising to me, Virgil. It was I who made you feel uncomfortable, and for that, I am truly sorry. I know I'm not the best at emotions, but I should have recognised that I was pushing you too hard yesterday."
"Don't worry about it," Virgil reassured the logical Side, setting down his plate and sitting beside him. "You were right. I did need to talk about it. Bottling up all my crap wasn't healthy."
Logan was quiet for a moment. "…I take it you talked with Patton?"
"I did."
"And…how do you feel?"
Virgil stopped to think for a moment, asking himself that same question before giving Logan his answer. "A lot better, I think." He decided. "Patton's a really good listener."
"I'm glad." Logan said, and Virgil could tell it was earnest. The two ate in silence for a few minutes, before Logan cleared his throat.
"I hope you know, Virgil, that you should not feel obligated to tell me anything you're not comfortable with me knowing. That being said, if you find yourself needing someone else to talk to, I will listen." The logical Side reached out a hand, slowly, so that Virgil could move away from the touch if he wanted. He allowed it, though, and Logan rested his hand on Virgil's shoulder in a comforting manner. "I care very deeply for you, I hope you know that."
"I do." Virgil responded quietly, leaning into the touch slightly. "Thank you, Logan. It…means a lot to me, that you…you know. Care." Logan removed his hand from Virgil's person and scooted his chair over a fraction, so that their shoulders were touching. The logical Side didn't say anything else, but Virgil knew this was his way of showing his support.
They ate in silence for the next few minutes, just enjoying each other's company, before a noise akin to a herd of stampeding elephants thundered down the stairs, and Virgil flinched slightly as Roman entered the kitchen, making his grand – and loud – entrance as he bade them both a good morning.
"Christ, Roman, could you be any louder? It's too early for that shit." Virgil grumbled as he took a long sip of his coffee.
"Well I'm sorry for being in a good mood this morning, Sir Doom and Gloom." Roman retorted over his shoulder as he rummaged in the fridge for food.
"There's bacon and eggs in the microwave, Princey." Virgil informed him around the bacon in his mouth. "Jus' make sure you leave some for Pat."
"You mean Padre's not awake yet?" Virgil shook his head. "Then who made the food?" Virgil raised an eyebrow as he shovelled another few pieces of bacon into his mouth. From the corner of his eye, he could see Logan trying not to smile.
Comprehension finally dawned on the creative Side and he cleared his throat awkwardly before mumbling a thank you to Virgil, who dismissed it with a wave of his hand. Roman collected his portion of food from the microwave and sat down at the table opposite Virgil, and began scarfing down his food as fast as humanly possible. Virgil gave a confused look to Logan, who shared it, before clearing his throat.
"Roman, you really should slow down. You're going to choke."
"Nonsense." Roman said as he shoved the last piece of his food – an entire egg – into his mouth, his jaw moving as he chewed quickly and then swallowed the rest whole.
"Fuck me, you ate that entire plate of food in like…twenty seconds." Virgil said.
"Yes, perhaps I did go a little too fast, but I have so many video ideas for Thomas now that he knows about Deceit, and I wanted to eat quickly so I could tell you about them!" Roman exclaimed, not noticing how Virgil flinched at the mention of Deceit.
Logan did, however, and was quick to interject. "Roman, are you sure it's…wise, to bring Deceit back? He's not exactly –" Whatever Logan was going to say, however, was cut off by an overly enthusiastic, idea-driven Roman.
"Look, I know he's not the most pleasant person to be around, but come on, with Thomas finally aware of his existence it opens up so many doorways for potential videos!" He stopped, looking to Logan and Virgil for…something. Validation, Virgil suspected, but he couldn't bring himself to give it. He felt sick. He suddenly regretted all the food he had eaten, because the idea of Deceit coming back regularly for videos made him want to throw up. He stood abruptly, and both Logan and Roman jumped in surprise.
"I have to go." He said stiffly, and darted out of the kitchen. He vaguely heard Logan excuse himself as Virgil fled up the stairs, but he didn't pay any notice. His only goal was to get to his room.
He heard his name being called from behind him, and he realised Logan had followed him upstairs. He paused outside his door, hand resting on the knob and ready to twist.
"I know I was rude, okay? I'm sorry, but I can't -"
"Virgil, it is okay, calm down." Logan said gently. "I meant what I said earlier; I care for you, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."
Virgil took a deep breath, and let his hand fall from the doorknob.
"Would you like to come to my room?" Logan offered. Virgil nodded, and the logical Side led him through his own door, and gestured for Virgil to find somewhere to sit. Logan's room was nice, Virgil noted. Set up similarly to his own room, but much tidier. Virgil sat on the bed, and Logan sat beside him. Virgil almost chuckled – he was sitting in the exact same position with Logan that he had been the afternoon before with Patton.
Logan placed a gentle hand on Virgil's own. He breathed in deeply.
For the second time in twenty-four hours, Virgil told his story. He didn't go into quite so much depth this time, choosing to spare Logan from some of the more graphic details of his time with Deceit, but he didn't leave out anything important. Like Patton, Logan was silent throughout the duration of Virgil's story, and by the end of it, there were tears on both faces.
At some point during the story, Logan had wrapped a hand around Virgil's shoulder as a gesture of comfort while he spoke, and now, Logan pulled him in close. They stayed that way for a while, before Logan finally spoke.
"Virgil, I…there are no words to describe how sorry I am that you had to go through all of that."
"Hey, don't apologise, it's not your fault." Virgil assured him. "You weren't involved."
"But that's the thing, Virgil! I wasn't involved in any of it! You had to go through all of those horrible things alone! I should have…I should have done something!" Logan put his face in his hands, and Virgil gently held his wrists and pulled them down so Logan would look at him.
"Hey, don't go blaming yourself for something you had no way of knowing about." Virgil said. "The only person to blame here is me. I'm the one who let those things happen to myself."
"Falsehood!" Logan exclaimed, his brows furrowed. "Don't you dare blame yourself for what that snake did to you! Sure, there are things you could have done differently, but he was the one who made the choice to hurt you! That was his decision, they were his actions, and I refuse to let you believe that his actions are your fault! Don't. You. Dare."
Virgil was silent, too stunned to actually say anything after Logan's outburst. Eventually, he just settled on a mumbled apology. Logan's expression softened at that.
"Virgil, please don't apologise. It isn't your fault. I promise it isn't."
"I know." Virgil admitted. "Logically, I know it's not my fault, but every time I think about it, I just think about all the ways I fucked up, made him angry. All the ways I could have avoided pissing him off or how I should have just come here when I first formed and avoided ever meeting him in the first place.
"There are so many what-ifs, Logan, and sometimes I feel like it's my fault for making the wrong decisions, doing the wrong things. Could I have avoided all of it if I had just done something differently?"
Logan paused for a moment, considering. "Well, it is very likely that there are a multitude of ways things might have turned out differently had you made different choices, but I don't think you should focus on that."
"That's a lot easier said than done, buddy." Virgil said grimly.
"I didn't mean it like that." Logan said. "What I meant was…rather than focus on the choices you made that led to an…undesirable outcome, try to focus on the choices you made that got you out of there. The ones that brought you here. It may make it easier for you, if only just a little."
"…Thanks, Logan. That…that actually does help a bit."
"I'm glad I can be of some help to you, Virgil."
"Yeah…me too."
Neither of them spoke for a while after that, content to just sit beside one another on Logan's bed and comfort each other. Virgil had the feeling Logan didn't really know what to do, but that was okay, because neither did he. After a while, though, something dawned on him.
"Hey Logan?"
"Yes, Virgil?"
"I just realised I never got to finish my coffee."
"Would you like to go make another one?"
"That would be fucking fantastic, tbh."
"Did you just…did you just say the acronym for 'to be honest'? Out loud? With your actual mouth?"
"I might have."
"You are a disgrace to the English language." Logan shook his head in disgust. Virgil laughed, standing up off the bed and pulling Logan up along with him.
"Come on, grammar police." He chuckled. "Let's go get a coffee. I fuckin need one."
Logan rolled his eyes, but followed the anxious Side back downstairs.
Virgil noticed instantly upon arrival that Patton was now awake and busying himself with the dishes Virgil and Logan had left behind. The two apologised for their tardiness, but Patton dismissed them, insisting that some things were more important than dishes. He sent a small smile Virgil's way, and the anxious Side returned it as he flicked the kettle back on and retrieved his favourite mug from the drying rack. He was just pouring the hot water into his coffee when Roman came down the stairs.
"Oh, Padre, you're finally up!" He said, studiously avoiding both Logan and Virgil. A pang of guilt hit him – he felt bad for not engaging with Roman's enthusiasm this morning, but he still could not bring himself to talk to Roman about why he had left so abruptly. He was still terrified that Roman would be disgusted with him.
"Yup! Sorry for sleeping in so late. Someone," Patton said, with a pointedly playful look at Virgil, "Didn't wake me up this morning."
"I thought you could use the extra sleep." Virgil shrugged. "Besides, I didn't mind making breakfast for everyone."
"It was really good, by the way." Patton encouraged with a smile, and the other two nodded their agreement, Roman somewhat reluctantly.
"Yeah well, it was nothing."
"Speaking of nothing." Roman interjected. "What was with this morning? You just ran off without a word."
"On the contrary," Logan piped up, "he specifically said 'I have to go' before leaving."
"Oh that's not what I meant and you know it!" Roman snapped, earning looks of shock from his three companions. "You didn't even give me a chance to tell you my ideas before you tried to shut them down." He turned back to Virgil. "And you, you just…ran off! Did you think my video ideas were going to be so horrible that you didn't even need to hear them?"
"Look, I'm really sorry about that. It's nothing personal. I'm sure your ideas were really great, but…"
"But what, Tom Riddle-r?" Roman spat, and Virgil backed up a step. Roman hadn't been this openly hostile towards him since the Accepting Anxiety videos, and it startled him.
"But I don't like Deceit, okay?" Virgil shouted. "I don't trust him!"
"He may not be the most honest guy around, but at least he's nicer than you are half the time!"
Patton's hands flew to his mouth in shock. Logan's jaw hung open.
Silence.
His hands were shaking.
"Fuck. You." Virgil said lowly. He stalked out of the kitchen – coffee abandoned once again – and up the stairs. He paused, a hand on the banister. He looked down at Roman, straight in the eye. "Fuck. You."
He opened his door. Slammed it shut so hard the walls shook. In the safety of his room, he sat down, wedging himself in the corner between his bed and the wall.
He shattered.
