A/N: OK, this lightens the story up quite a bit. A short chapter to redirect the story.
A Time for Honesty
Chapter Nine
Team Bartowski and I are in Casey and Kate's hotel room in downtown Brussels. The four of us are working to establish the footprint of the mission now that we know that Arnaud has been implicated. It is essential to determine who is involved and who isn't.
I'm having trouble focusing as Casey talks about some of the various weapons that have trickled into the Middle East recently.
My mind withdraws to earlier this morning. At around 10:00 a.m., I was awakened by Chuck's surprisingly strong but gentle hands on my shoulders. I roll over to face him with a little anxiety about how the night before might change things between us. Especially, the facet I was pretty sure we're about to sample.
One thing led to another and I have to smile as I relive the end of our collaboration in my mind. I love to replay the great moments of our synergy.
"Agent Walker has been kind enough to supply the summaries before each of you," Casey said snapping my concentration back to the mission. But the pull of this morning upon my attention is too strong.
I had worried that something intrinsic might change between Chuck and me over the thing with Arnaud. But my apprehension melted away when I realized the texture of our relationship runs far beneath the rind. The thaw of my trepidation set my emotions free and groomed the rest of the morning.
And as great as our conference was, the time we shared afterward may have been even better. It was honest without internal reservation or external ramparts to keep each other at bay.
As we lay in bed, Chuck and I talked about our wants and desires and I felt as though I had been freed from the long incarceration of my true yearning. For the first time since I suspected that I had crossed the CIA's line and allowed myself to feel something for Chuck, I was forthright in my approach with him.
I hated to get out of bed but I knew that we had a meeting over at Casey's later so reluctantly we went to the kitchen to fix some breakfast.
While we waited for the bagels, we sat at the table drinking coffee, the legacy of our lovemaking still an aspect as I observed his shirtless form.
"Sarah, we might wrap this up pretty quick you know…what happens then?"
"I'm not sure about me. But Team Bartowski will most definitely be going back to LA. General Beckman has been calling my coordinator daily and is pressing to get you, Casey and Kate back as soon as possible."
"How did you find that out?"
"General Beckman isn't being necessarily discreet about her desires."
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said smiling. He knew how the general could be.
"It's no big deal. We'll adjust to whatever comes our way."
"Sarah, you sound as though you're OK with us separating again?"
"It's not like I want that but I've had some time to think. And some of the conclusions I've drawn have given me a sense of peace about everything."
"Care to share with your boyfriend," he said smiling at me. He went to get the bagels and returned handing me mine.
"Sure," I said knowing full well that I was getting ready to drop the hammer on him. "I belong wherever you are, I know that now. But we have our own responsibilities to work through. It might take me a while before I can join you back in LA or wherever you are, but the point is…I will join you."
Chuck looked at me as though I had spoken in some code that needed deciphering. Suddenly, as though he had just broke the code, he looked at me with a hopeful expression on his face.
"You really believe that?" he asked.
"Believe what?"
"That you belong wherever I am?"
I can feel my smile growing as I look at his expression.
"Absolutely."
"So, agent Walker, what are you saying," he said coyly.
I couldn't wait to see his reaction to what I had to say next. I'm pretty sure he will not expect it. "What I'm saying, agent Carmichael, is that I've decided that I want you. Not just today or tomorrow. Not for any finite allotment but for always. Until we end. And, I don't just want a part of you. I'm not going to be satisfied with you giving me the part of you that makes me happy. I want it all, the good and the bad…for better or worse. Do you understand?" When I finished I looked at him closely to capture every facial change and to see his breathing accelerate. I'm thrilled when I see his eyes mist over. He started to speak but hesitated, his voice betraying his heightened emotions.
"You're not saying what I think you're saying?" he said seriously.
"That depends on what you think I'm saying." I smiled lovingly at him.
"You're not talking the 'M' word are you?"
"M word," I repeat as though I don't know what he's talking about. My smile gives me away though.
"Sarah, this isn't funny. Are you being serious?"
"What do you think?" I see he's way off balance.
He regains his composure quickly though. "I thought the CIA had a policy against deep cover agents marrying?"
"Someone's been reading the policy manual I see. There's always a way around any policy." And that's when I say it. I hadn't intended to…it just came out. "Ask me-I'll say yes." They were five words like any other words, but for Chuck and me, five very special words.
"Don't you think you're jumping the gun here?" he said flustered standing from his stool. He saw a side of me that he had never seen and was clearly not comfortable with the outgoing Sarah who spoke her mind about her love, about shat she wanted, about who she wanted.
I smile at him even wider than before, standing too, I step closer to him. "Ask me-I'll say yes," I repeated. I see his mind is swimming, desperately trying to stay above the surface as he claws with his hands and feet for precious elevation.
"Sarah, don't kid around about this. I know you can't get married. He took another step backward as I stepped forward.
"Chuck, ask me-I'll say yes," I said stepping forward again my expression matching the seriousness of his. I wanted him to know I was not joking.
Chuck had run out of room and had his back against the refrigerator. I step closer so I can put my arms around his neck. Standing on my tiptoes, I press my slightly open lips as softly as I can against his. I look deeply into his eyes all the while. I kiss him like this until I see his eyes close. I pull back only far enough to speak, my lips continue to brush his as I do.
"Ask me-I'll say yes," I said as breathlessly as I could.
He moved his head back to look into my eyes. He looked strong from one eye to the other. His expression was somber, appraising.
"I'll ask you to marry me when I believe you're serious," he said.
"You don't believe I'm serious," I said laughing.
"How can you say yes if it's against policy? I know you. You don't break the rules."
"What do you call us?"
No, no, no. I'm an agent now. Technically, we are not against the rules."
He had me there but I ignore that argument. Trying to think of a good comeback, I decide to stay with the one I had. "Ask me-I'll say yes."
"So, I propose that we each take a couple of marks, bug their phones and see what we find out. Pretty standard ceremony really," Casey said.
Casey's language of proposals and ceremonies had drawn my attention from earlier. I glance at Kate and see she's scrutinizing me with interest. When I feel the silly grin I have plastered on my face, I do my best to look professional. I know that Kate knows something is up so I do my best to forget about this morning for now. I know I have to concentrate on the mission.
Chuck and I are inevitable, that's clear to me now. But fate decided to help us out anyway that early afternoon in Brussels. Who knows, maybe after all of this time it was Chuck who needed a push to take the next step.
Casey had just excused himself to go to the restroom; Chuck had a set of headphones on listening to a recording of a phone conversation of Arnaud's we had just acquired. That left Kate and me. It's obvious to me that Kate has perceived something different about me but she isn't sure what has happened. I see her look from me to Chuck trying to ascertain what might be going on between us.
Just as Casey steps out of the bathroom, Kate decides to ask me a question. "Sarah, do you think we're close to wrapping up the mission?"
It was an innocent question as questions go. Why I chose to answer the way I did, only the stars above knows or why Chuck chose to take off his headphones at exactly the moment he did. But everything happened as though it were orchestrated by a higher hand. The conductor of the four spies in the room had each one of us play our parts with precise timing, the meter of the music driving each one of us to the climax of the score.
My answer was, "If you ask me, I'd say yes." But what Chuck heard when he removed the headphones was, "Ask me-I'll say yes." Maybe it was because like me, he had it on his mind still.
Chuck thought that I had been joking around with Kate about our little episode this morning and got his feelings hurt. In his anger, he decided to call my bluff right then, right there.
I see him walk towards me, he is angry but I don't have a clue why. When he stops in front of me and just before he speaks…his countenance changes.
He swallows hard as if what he is about to say is very difficult for him. I begin to worry…until he grabs my hand.
"Sarah Walker, this isn't exactly how I envisioned this but…will you marry me?" He said no more and waited.
I heard Kate gasp from somewhere but she seemed a thousand of miles away. I study his expression just to make sure he is not joking. I quickly see that he is not.
"Without hesitation or reservation my answer is yes," I said simply. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had rehearsed that answer.
His slow developing smile was never fully realized as he drew me towards him and kissed me deeply.
"Oh, great! Covert operatives in love," Casey said in his best deadpan voice. "Someone should write a song."
I ignore Casey. Not even he can spoil this moment for me. But he continues.
"Walker, did you have to drag Bartowski over here just to get some cheesy proposal from him?"
He was just being Casey. I didn't really care what he said. But something happened then that grabbed my attention, if I didn't know Casey so well, I might have missed it. But, I did know him well.
"Casey that's enough…now's not the time," Chuck said.
It wasn't that Chuck called Casey on it, I would have expected that. It was how Casey reacted to Chuck. He stopped talking.
It caught my attention like an auger, moving my curiosity ever high as I watched the dynamic between the three of them.
Why would Casey listen to Chuck? I thought. There was only one reason I could think of. I went over it again in my mind just to be sure. But when I was sure, I pulled away from Chuck and eyed him suspiciously.
I look at Kate and Casey with the slow dawning knowledge that I had been left out in the dark. That a very important piece of information had been withheld from me.
Looking at the two lovers standing side by side in front of their chairs just as I am, I turn my gaze back to my new fiancé. It suddenly occurs to me that I may have said yes to something I can no longer do.
"Would all field agents please sit down," I said as I took my seat. I watched Casey and Kate do the same thing with puzzled expressions.
I watch Chuck continue to stand as he looked at me like I'd lost my mind.
I rub my forehead as I think, now what? I look up at Chuck with a mix of pride and complete exasperation.
"What?" he says in response to my expression.
"Did anyone think it was important to inform me of Chuck's rank?" I asked looking around the room.
"AIC, you know what that means don't you?" I ask Chuck.
He continued to stare at me.
"Technically this is your Op. You outrank me…you outrank us all.
"I knew that," he said as though it were completely unimportant.
What I didn't tell him and what worried me the most was now I had two CIA policies to get around if I was going to marry Chuck. Deep cover agents cannot marry and there was a strict nepotism clause between management and field agents. It was a solid rule.
Where is that hand of the orchestra leader now, I thought. I'm going to need help with this one.
