So, it's been waaayy too long since the last update - I'm sorry! I've had so many friggin' exams and am literally dead on my feet! On the plus side, not only am I finishing school in six days (so I will have waaaay more time to write and update ;] ) but this chapter is also super long! :P Mwahaha...your reviews for the last chapter were awesome, as usual, so thankyou! Gahh, I hope I haven't bored you all into leaving :S ! I also apologise for any mistakes - it's way too late at night, but I'll come back and correct them when I can. Right, I won't waste your time with mindless babbling - on with the show!

Hope you enjoy!

Em xx

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight...I just own all the characters that you don't recognise from the books ;).


JPOV

I was acutely aware of the countless pairs of eyes on me, watching curiously as I sat at one of the benches that were scattered around La Push's interpretation of a park: no climbing frames or other typical park equipment, no sandpit or slide. Instead, the little green area was occupied by several benches, where parents could bring their children for picnics on sunny days and buy ice creams from a tiny stand at one end of the park.

But today the stand was closed up tight, the sky dismal and gloomy with the promise of rain, and the benches were empty. Save for one.

It was hard to keep still, knowing that passers-by and people in stores across the street were all trying to subtly figure out what I was up to. Only Cathy knew why I was here – she'd volunteered to take Sasha for a few hours after school again, so that Leah and I could meet up and talk. Though I wasn't sure that I would actually be able to do much of that, with the nerves twisting my stomach and driving me crazy. I felt sick, terrified and exhausted all at once. Not a good combination when you're about to make a decision that could change lives.

I knew what I was going to tell her. I wasn't healed. I wasn't ready, emotionally, to let her in again. To forgive her. But I had yet to decide the boundaries that I would have to set, and to what extent she would hear of the truth. There were some things that I could definitely not tell her. Like how, since she returned to La Push, I woke up in the early hours at least twice every night in a cold sweat, still murmuring her name and reaching out as if I could make her come back.

It always started with her in my arms, happy and contented. I was smiling and whole. I was the man that I used to be. It always ended with her leaving.

Sometimes she left alone. Mostly, though, she left with a faceless man whose hand she never, ever let go of. I'd beg her to stay, get down on my knees and tell her how she was everything, how I couldn't live without her, how I needed her more than I'd ever needed anyone or anything in my life. She would smile, sadly, leaning into the stranger's embrace and looking more content than she ever did when I touched her. She'd apologise –

"Please don't think that it was because you didn't make me happy. Or because I didn't love you. Please don't think that."

And then she'd disappear. Fade away into nothing. As if she had never been there in the first place. The worst nightmares were the ones where she took Sasha with her. Not a baby, but a child, she would cling to her mother like letting go would cause her to fall off the edge of the world. My little girl wouldn't come near me. Wouldn't talk to me. I was unknown. I was forgotten.

Just the memory caused my chest to ache painfully, and I closed my eyes, letting my head fall into my hands. It had been a long, long time since I'd considered anyone but Sasha to be my world. Ever since she was just a baby, I'd known that Sasha's love was the only constant thing in my life that made up for her mother's absence. She filled the empty space in my heart that I hadn't even noticed was there until the moment two pink lines changed my life. I was so afraid of losing her. From the moment I first held her in my arms, I knew that I would never fight harder to protect someone than I would my daughter. Aged just 19 I discovered every parents greatest fear; that one day they wouldn't be there, that something irrevocable would happen.

When Sasha was two and she almost fell down the stairs at our then new house, it near enough gave me a heart attack. We'd only moved in a couple days beforehand and were still drowning in boxes, and I hadn't fixed the stairgates on yet; I caught her just in time, so she wasn't hurt. She wasn't even upset that I had interrupted her exploring session so rudely – Sash only giggled and chewed her hand, unperturbed, while I was trying not to have a breakdown. That's the thing about babies. They're so inquisitive and so quick that you have to keep an eye on them all the time. I was later reassured by Sam that I shouldn't beat myself up about it: it happened to every parent, first-timers and veterans, and it wouldn't be the last time. I myself had been dropped as a baby by complete accident, with no harm done.

But it scared the shit out of me to say the least, and by the end of that day the stairgates were unpacked and fixed. As the years had gone by and she had grown up, I'd forced myself to tone down the protectiveness a bit. I made myself accept that I couldn't watch her all the time, that she would get bruises and scrapes, and that that was just part of growing up. She was a sensible girl for her age, and William was fairly responsible too. I knew that whenever they were off playing out of sight they would be careful. Cathy and I were always having to remind ourselves that they wouldn't let anything happen to one another.

But I would always be afraid of losing her. I was already dreading the day that she would leave home, and the day that she would decide she didn't need her old man anymore. If, one day, Sasha told me that she wanted to be with Leah, to go live with her mother, I knew that I would let her.

It would kill me to let her go, but I would let her. If it made her happy.

Which brought me back to the task that I was currently faced with.

I was broken, and not ready to forgive Leah yet. God, there were moments where I wanted to sweep her into my arms and kiss her like I'd never see her again. But then there were the moments when the thought of trusting her with my heart, of giving her everything again, filled me with fear and brought back memories so painful that it was suffocating. That was no sign to let her back into my heart. Still, Sasha deserved the chance to get to know her mother, the way I knew she wanted to. And that meant that I would still have to interact with Leah on a regular basis, and I would have to deal with any pain that caused me.

Maybe...Maybe, in time, I could begin to move on. I could begin to forgive. To let go.

Until then, this was my reality. And I had no choice but to face it.

Still painfully nervous, I checked the time on my cell phone. Four thirty. She should be here any minute now. It might have sounded mean, but I just wanted to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible. Being in Leah's presence was hard enough, and I could tell that no matter what happened this Talk was going to be emotionally draining. Already I wanted to go home and stay there. Not to mention the fact that Sasha was only at Cathy's until six, and I had to be back in time for Cathy to drop her off. What a great start.

Suddenly, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Looking up, I found Leah walking towards me across the otherwise empty park, arms folded across her chest to keep her jacket still in the light breeze; she was dressed simply, in jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt and a jacket, her hair falling silky and untouched past her shoulders. As she approached I was able to see that she wasn't wearing any makeup, save for what looked like a light touch of mascara. Or something. Something that made her already attention-grabbing chocolate eyes look even more emphasized. Or maybe it was me, unable to tear my gaze away from their anxiety-filled depths as I got to my feet with the intention of meeting her halfway.

There weren't any awkward greetings. We didn't mumble 'Hi' or ask how the other was. The only words spoken were my own, when I finally found myself standing in front of her and knew that it was now or never. "Do you want to go somewhere more private?" I asked, glancing over at the various people going about their daily business across the street, most of whom looked over several times on their way past.

Leah only nodded once in reply.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Jacob, please say something. You're scaring me."

I didn't mean to frighten her, but the only thing I'd been able to get out was her name. My fingers were clutching the little velvet box tightly in my hand, keeping it hidden in my pocket, but I was too nervous, too choked up from the emotional speech that I had just made about how much she meant, how important she was; the lump in my throat was making it impossible to follow up her name with that life-changing question, "Will you marry me?" –

"I'm sorry," I apologized, and it came out as barely more than a murmur. But the murmur seemed unbearably loud in the suddenly small space. Outside, the waves crashed and rolled, like a mirror image of how I was feeling on the inside. This was the most private place I could think of: inside my car, on First Beach. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now...now that we were actually here, the Beach was anything but peaceful.

Once upon a time I'd associated the spot with Bella. Associated the whole beach with friends and laughter and long summer days and crazy beach parties. But not anymore. Now First Beach only reminded me of Leah; the clearest memories now at the forefront of my mind were of me and her here. Me and her before we were together, mending our hearts piece by piece with honest conversations on the sand. Me and her chasing each other through the surf, her laughter and my lips on hers as I held her tight to stop the crashing waves from knocking her over. Me and her promising to bring our baby here. To make more happy memories.

Sasha had never been to First Beach. Which seemed ridiculous considering the fact that it was a favourite haunt of almost every child on the Reservation, and had been for generations. But I just hadn't been able to face taking her here. Not when the very thought of the place reminded me of Leah. It was hard enough looking at my daughter every day and seeing so much of her mother in her, in those large chocolate eyes that I'd seen every morning when I woke up to the woman who was the centre of my universe.

Beside me Leah was silent, waiting for me to continue, but part of me was screaming that this was a very, very bad idea, that I should turn and run and go home and hide under my bedcovers like the wounded boy I felt. Blaring sirens trying to get my attention and tell me that this was all too fast, all too soon. I wasn't ready. This would end in heartbreak. But I had to do this – I wouldn't let myself back out now, not when this Talk would make or break everything. There were so many things I needed to know, and so much that I needed to say; I owed it to Sasha to try.

C'mon, Jacob. You can do this. I pictured my daughter's smiling face, then pictured the numerous different outcomes that this decision could have. Imagined what else could happen if I didn't man up and do this. And I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer.

"We can't carry on like this, Leah." My voice came out surprisingly quiet, sounding steadier and more assertive than I'd expected. For a split second, I thought I saw Leah flinch out of the corner of my eye, but I forced myself to ignore it and kept my gaze fixed on the waves. "This...this thing that we're doing...we can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." I sensed rather than heard her breath hitch when I paused, taking a subtle deep breath of my own. I hurried on, knowing that if I didn't say it now then I never would. "I can't just leave it...us...hanging in the air like this. Every time we meet I don't know how to act, I don't know what to say, because it feels like all the lines are blurred and I can't...I can't do it..."

I wasn't even sure if she'd heard me properly, it all came out so fast; the words tumbled out of their own accord and I trailed off, not really knowing how else I could phrase this...pretending. I couldn't keep up that front. I couldn't keep pretending to be okay, when inside I was anything but. "So you don't love me." She whispered the words, so quietly that I barely heard them even though she was right next to me. My chest already felt constricted with the painful ache that had settled heavily over my heart, but a stronger jolt thudded through me at her assumption, and the unmasked hurt in her voice. Distantly, a part of me registered that I was stupid to feel like this, to feel guilty for making her hurt – after everything I had gone through because of her, it seemed ridiculous that I should even care that I was causing her pain. She'd brought it on herself, by walking out the way she did.

But I wasn't that man. I didn't have it in me to be so heartless, even when she'd broken me first.

"Leah, I – "

"No, Jacob, it's alright." She was refusing to look at me, staring out at the ocean with her arms wrapped around herself, visibly trying to keep her composure. "It's alright, I should have known, I don't deserve you after what I did. I'll go – "

"Lee, wait." I reached out as she moved to open the door, and stopped her with a hand on her arm without even thinking about what I was doing. We both froze instantly.

The silence that fell over us was suffocating, weighing down my lungs, making my breaths come out unsteady and hushed. I don't know why she froze. Maybe it was because I had been the one to touch her, this time. Maybe it was because she wondered why I didn't want her to go. Or maybe, like me, she stilled because she knew that this could be the very last time I would ever touch her. Slowly, almost as if she were afraid to move, Leah lifted her head and met my gaze, her chocolate eyes wide. Her expression was one of surprise, but there was a single tear track drying on her cheek; my heart was thudding so loudly that I was almost certain she could hear it too. Damn it - why did she have to take her jacket off? God, why am I so powerless?

Her skin was burning the palm of my hand like fire, but it wasn't like the burn of the wolf days; this burn was different, the effect of it having been so long since I'd been able to touch her properly. Her skin was so soft and I found myself wanting to touch her the way I'd once been able to, slide my hand further up her arm, feel the curves that motherhood had enhanced, remind myself of how it felt to feel her under my fingertips and know that she was mine. It was a burn that squeezed my chest and turned my blood to fire and curled like smoke in the pit of my stomach.

Ah, shit. I swallowed hard, all of a sudden very aware of how small the space was and how the temperature had abruptly trebled. It had been years since I'd last...and damn it all, did she know how torturous it had been for me? I was still young and hot-blooded and there were still things I wanted; I had spent the last seven years alone in more ways than I supposed she'd even thought about, because I'd promised her. Because she'd asked and I was too in love to say no.

"Oh, Jacob..." I'd never get tired of hearing it, never get tired of her under my hands and in my lungs and my ears and my mind and everywhere. Her face was flushed, racing heart matching mine beat for beat, biting her lip at my feather-light touches and searing kisses; she kept me impossibly close, her hold tight and almost desperate, like she thought I would disappear – but God, I swore I never would, had never known it more than in these moments where we were tangled and trembling –

She'd just waltzed right back in and messed my head up and broken me even more and left me terrified and confused and aching and it was too fucking much.

The realisation hit me like I'd just had ice cold water thrown over my head, and I let go of her arm instantly. "This is exactly what I'm talking about," I muttered, running a hand through my hair in agitated frustration. "I'm not the same man as I was when you left. Hell, I wish I could be, but I'm not. You left and it changed everything, Leah, everything." I covered my face with my hands, letting out an irritated breath. I couldn't tell what was making me more frustrated: myself, or the situation I was in. Leah was silent; I could see her watching me out of the corner of my eye when I removed my hands, but I kept my gaze fixed on the beach before us. If I concentrated hard enough, maybe I could go back to the boy that I had once been. Maybe I could turn back time and make Leah see that I loved no one more than her, that I wouldn't Imprint.

Deep inside, part of me blamed myself for this. I should have made her go see Carlisle. I should have realised that the problem was more serious than just unbalanced hormones.

"Tell me."

Her whisper was so soft that I barely caught it, but those two words were enough to make me look up at her in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Leah sat with her body half turned towards me, a determined edge to her posture and expression, pain and acceptance in her eyes. "Tell me everything," she whispered again, in answer to the unspoken question I was certain I wore on my face. "Please. I need to know what I've done. I need to know how to fix this." Her request caught me off guard, and made me return to the inner battle that I'd been fighting with myself ever since she came back.

Tell her the truth. Make her hurt as much as you do.

Lie. She's part of you. No one should ever have to feel that pain.

It was only now that I understood why I hadn't been able to make a choice between the two options; I couldn't have one or the other. Leah would always be a part of me, regardless of what happened now...but I couldn't lie to her. She would see right through me, the way she'd always done, and besides, I...I just...couldn't. I couldn't lie to her about what she'd put me through.

For the last seven years I'd hoped and wished every single day that Leah would come back. I'd longed to hear her voice again, missed her touch and wanted her to come home so badly that it physically hurt. I'd lain awake night after night and dreamt of the day she showed up out of the blue on my doorstep, dropping abruptly back into my life. I'd open the door and there she'd be, in all her unforgettable beauty, and she'd fall into my arms and she'd cry and tell me why she left, tell me some perfectly acceptable reason that explained everything. I'd accept it and forgive her and kiss her and we'd put it all behind us, because I loved her and she loved me and that was all that mattered. I definitely hadn't pictured a letter or a phone call or an awkward meeting. I hadn't pictured the two of us sitting opposite one another at a kitchen table and trying to figure out where and why it had all gone wrong. I hadn't thought that the tears of regret wouldn't just be hers.

I couldn't lie. What I would say would hurt her...but she'd asked for the truth. And I still couldn't say no.

Resignation weighing heavy on my heart, I took a deep breath and let it out as a quiet sigh. There's no avoiding it. It was always going to come down to this.

"I never said that I didn't love you," I whispered, fighting the urge to look at her. "You were my best friend, my Beta, my fiancée, my soulmate, the mother of my child...some part of me will always love you. But, like I said, when you left...everything changed. I changed." Painful memories were bubbling to the surface, but I couldn't hide, not this time. I couldn't pretend any longer. "When I woke up and found your note, it was like the world just caved in on itself. At first I...I was just...scared...so scared that something would happen to you, so scared that you wouldn't come back..." I swallowed again, deliberately looking down at my lap so that she wouldn't be able to see my eyes. I wouldn't let myself break, not again.

"Once it sank in, I...that's when it got worse. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating – I missed you so much, Leah, so much it hurt, and I was terrified about looking after Sasha because I was just this...this kid who had no experience and no money...It didn't stop after I got it together, either. I kept forgetting that you were gone. I kept waking up and moving to pull you closer or kiss you and finding that you weren't there, and it'd be agony all over again..." Even after all these years, the memories stung, burned the pieces of my broken heart and made it hard to breathe –

I was woken by a familiar cry. "Leah, it's your turn." The wailing didn't stop, only growing more insistent and slightly louder, and I sighed and opened my eyes and for a minute my heart stopped. I was out of bed in a moment. She stopped crying the second I picked her up, holding her ever so gently in my arms, careful because she was so tiny and seemed so fragile, and I was making soothing noises and rocking her slowly like I'd been doing it all my life. She wasn't hungry. She didn't need changing. That was a different kind of wail. "It's okay, Baby. I'm here." Somehow, I think she knew. She knew that her mother was gone.

Thankfully the mattress didn't squeak too loudly as I sat down, hoping I hadn't woken Sue or Seth up. My daughter made another one of her quiet mewing noises and nudged closer into my chest, her little breaths soft against my skin, but she seemed a lot calmer now that she knew I was there. That I hadn't left, too. Her tiny hand reached out and touched my face, narrowly missing swiping one of the tears that had escaped. I'd said her name without even realising it. The thing that made it hardest to breathe?

I'd actually expected a reply.

I kept forgetting that she was gone. Sometimes I was sure that I'd seen her out around the Reservation, or that I'd caught a glimpse of her going into the living room or standing at the kitchen sink. Sometimes I had to remind myself of what she'd asked before I could phase and run the length of the country until I found her. Sometimes I caught myself starting to wonder if life without her was really worth it anymore.

I couldn't keep doing this. It wasn't healthy, not when I was holding on to the fragments of my dying heart by a thread. Sooner or later, I had to get it together –

"It was so hard, but I kept going, for Sasha's sake. I kept telling myself that one day you'd come home, that we'd be a family again. And then eventually I had to stop, because it hurt too much. I moved in with Dad for a few months – I thought that, maybe, if I wasn't surrounded by reminders of you all the time, it wouldn't hurt so much. Only I was wrong. Every time I looked at Sasha, I saw you. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you. You were everywhere. And I just...I got to the point where I couldn't keep doing that anymore."

Tentatively, I licked my lips. Leah was still watching me, and I closed my eyes against the onslaught of bad memories. It didn't work. They were still there, like they always had been. "The Cullens bought the house when Sasha was two. They said it was a 21st birthday gift, but I know that they just wanted to help me out. I got a job, because I insisted on paying all the bills and supporting my daughter myself...raising Sasha...it meant that I had a lot less time to think, but I still thought about you. All the time. Then years had gone by and I was...content, I suppose. I was coping. I missed you and still hoped every day that you'd come home, but most of the time I...I was actually happy."

Looking up, I met Leah's gaze with honesty in my eyes, and refused to let myself look away. She'd wanted to hear this, after all. "Every time I look at you, I remember what it was like to live without you, how much it destroyed me to have you break my heart. I remember everything, Leah, I remember it all, and it hurts so much..." I bit down on my lip as my voice started to waver. No. I had to be strong for this. I couldn't carry on this way – I couldn't continue to be so helpless before her. So weak in the face of my past. "That's why I can't do this anymore," I continued once I was sure that my voice would be steady, though my fight to hold it together reduced it to a whisper once again. "Love isn't supposed to hurt, not like this. It's killing me."

My heart thudded painfully in my chest, each beat seeming to tear at the stitches and rupture the wounds that I had tried so hard to adjust to. The taste of iron stung the tip of my tongue, and for a moment I panicked – had real damage been done, this time? Had the roughly-stitched shards of my heart finally made a stab too many?

In attempting to keep a grip on myself I'd bitten my lip too hard; I mentally cursed the sting and ran my tongue over the offending cut, resisting the urge to grimace at the taste. Another reason to miss the wolf days. I ignored Leah wiping at her tears, knowing that she wouldn't want any sympathy that I found it in me to give. "I'll do anything to make it up to you, Jacob," she murmured, tears that she'd failed to catch still glistening on her skin, pulling her hair back so that it tumbled over one shoulder and she could look at me without it threatening to fall in her eyes. "Anything. Just tell me what you need from me, and I'll do it."

For a moment, I hesitated. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't wish I wouldn't wake up to that to that awful, always-empty side of the bed, where the mother of my little girl should have been sleeping. Had we gotten our happy ending.

Only life isn't a fairytale. And Leah wasn't mine anymore.

I didn't know how she'd react, what she'd think...but she'd asked it of me, and it was only fair that I was able to ask it of her..."Time. I need time." There was a pause, and I began to wonder if she would say no – but when I gathered my courage and glanced over, she was nodding. Silent, and wiping at more tears, but nodding. "I just need us to start over...be...be friends, so that I can move past this. I need to learn how to trust again, and learn how to forgive you, and I just...please," I finished, wishing I wasn't so bad at explaining how I felt.

"You waited for me, Jake," Leah whispered, "I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes. I...I won't hurt you again..." I nodded, just once, holding in a little sigh of relief. I'd done it. I'd set the boundaries.

We lapsed into silence once more, the both of us now gazing out at the beach and the ocean. I couldn't help but try and guess what she was thinking about. Was she remembering the old times, too? Those happy memories that it hurt more to hold on to than to let go? Out of the corner of my eye I could see that she was toying with the sleeve of her jacket in her lap again; something was worrying her, something that seemed to have only just occurred to her – "What about Sasha?" Leah suddenly, looking up at me. Her question caught me unawares, and when I looked over at her in surprise the expression she wore hit deep, striking a nerve. I knew that look of anxiety on her face; it was the same anxiety that I felt whenever I thought about Sasha wanting to go live with her mother, that I felt whenever I thought about losing her. Leah was scared, the way only a parent could be.

"I'd never make you stay away from her, Leah," I answered quietly, holding her gaze and thrown by how deeply I empathised with her fear. Her chocolate eyes were wide, anxious, and I knew that she had been expecting me to ask her to keep a distance from the daughter she'd only just met. The harshest punishment that I could exact. "I've never wanted to," I continued. "You can see her whenever you'd like...as long as it's what she wants. She's always loved you. I wouldn't take that away from her. From either of you." Leah didn't nod. She didn't smile. She didn't even look immensely relieved, like I'd expected her to. Instead, fresh tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks, and she looked away, covering her mouth with her hand, presumably to hold back any sobs.

Not knowing what else to do, before I could help it I'd reached out and covered her other, surprisingly cold hand with my own and squeezed gently. The contact sent sparks up my arm, but I pushed that thought away; for now, all that mattered was that we finally knew where this was going. She would wait for me – I'd heal, eventually, learn how to trust again somehow. I'd learn how to not feel pain whenever I remembered what had happened. And then we'd go from there.

A few moments, several sniffs and a shuddering breath later, Leah removed her hand and opened her eyes, her features relaxing as she took another deep breath. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you." I nodded again, and – trying to be polite about it – I gave her hand a final squeeze and let go. The ache in my chest eased a little, and breathing became easier. "You should be so proud, Jake," Leah continued, a ghost of a smile appearing on her lips as she returned her gaze to the beach before us. "You've done so well...she's so beautiful, so polite...and she's so clever."

"I know," I murmured in reply, and soon the corners of my mouth were turning up to match hers.

"Could...could you...it's so...but would you mind...could you tell me about her?" Leah peered up at me from underneath her eyelashes, chewing her lip again, her smile faltering just a little with worry. I simply looked at her for a few seconds, thinking. What must it be like, knowing nothing about the child she'd always wanted? The daughter that had loved her without even knowing who she was?

"She loves Scooby Doo," I began, still looking at her. "She never says a bad word about anyone – she knows the Cullens aren't blood, and sometimes I think she knows that they're not even human, but she considers every one of them family. Her first word was 'Daddy'. Her favourite colour is yellow, she loves to draw and she has better manners than I do." Leah let out a chuckle, and I felt a smile grow on my lips, deciding to continue. "She trusts easily, loves unquestioningly, loves to read, and she has two sets of godparents."

"Who?" Leah asked curiously, the soft smile returning to her face.

"Embry and Anna," I answered, also still smiling. "And Rosalie and Emmett."

"Rosalie?" Her expression abruptly turned to one of surprise, her eyebrows shooting up. "I thought you guys hated each other?" I shook my head, thinking back to the day where I asked Rosalie to be Sasha's godmother, and how she'd reacted so unexpectedly: I'd been cut off in the middle of explaining how, if something happened to me and Embry and Anna were unable to take care of my daughter, I knew that Rosalie would keep her safe and raise her right – Emmett had worn the brightest grin I'd ever seen him wear as a blur shot forward and Rosalie reappeared, embracing me as tightly as she could without causing any harm. It was the strangest thing that had ever happened to any of us, and Rosalie and I had been anything but enemies ever since.

"Those days are long since over," I replied, trying not to think about how fast time seemed to go. Some days, it still felt like the blonde jokes and dog bowl times were only yesterday.

"She's so kind," Leah continued after a few moments of silence. "She's so much like you, Jacob. She has your heart."

"She has your courage, though. Your eyes. And I'm pretty sure that once she hits her teens, Sash will definitely have your attitude."

Leah laughed, and for once – just once, just for a second – it didn't hurt so much to hear it. It felt...good. "I wouldn't be surprised," she admitted. "But you'll keep her on the right path, Jacob. She's surrounded by a family that completely adores her, and that little boy from her school that she's friends with seems genuinely loyal. She'll be okay." I was about to agree, when I remembered. Leah had taken Sasha to school the other day. Which meant...she must have met Cathy and William.

Mentally, I cursed having to work those extra hours. So much for keeping Cathy out of this.

"Catherine seems nice, too," Leah was saying, slowly. "Sasha called her 'Aunty'..."

"She's my best friend," I explained, in answer to Leah's unspoken question: 'Who is she?' I wasn't prepared to lie about my relationship with Catherine, just to set Leah at ease. We were close, and she was important to me. After everything we'd been through and everything she'd done for me, I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye again if I denied that. "Her son, Will, and Sasha have been inseparable ever since they started school."

"So...you...you don't...?" Part of me didn't think I should answer that question. Didn't think that Leah deserved an answer. She'd admitted to being with several other men in the time that she'd been away – and yet here she was, asking me if I had feelings for one other woman? I hated to feel so irritated, considering how light the mood had been a few moments ago. But now reality returned, and my guard was up again before I knew what was happening.

"Cathy fell pregnant when she was seventeen," I replied, trying my best not to let my annoyance show. "Her boyfriend...she wanted to leave, but she couldn't. She wasn't on speaking terms with her parents anymore, because of him. And David, he...he shouted at her a lot. Kept calling her things, reminding her that she was worthless...it took her years to get over the verbal abuse, because she believed him. Anyway, he found out she was pregnant, and he left, and she was all alone – her family had disowned her, and all of a sudden she had to raise Will and go through everything on her own." I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. "She understood what I was going through. She still understands. And I'm...I'm the closest thing Will's ever had to...well...a father figure, I suppose, or any kind of male influence. I'm like his uncle. And Catherine, she's the closest thing that Sasha's ever had to a..."

I didn't finish that sentence. "I mean, what was...what am...I going to do when Sasha hits puberty? Catherine's someone that can...well, y'know...explain everything, and just...be there for her to talk to." I was digging myself a hole here. Now that Leah was back, she'd undoubtedly want the role of the female influence in Sasha's life. She'd want to be the one to talk to her about boys and changes...general girl stuff. She'd feel like it was her job as her mother – her mother, who's been absent her whole life – to do all that, even though Sasha loved Cathy and trusted her and had known her far longer than she had Leah. "My point is, she's kept me sane all these years. She's important to me. To me and Sasha."

When I finished Leah's eyes were on the beach, as if she were watching the waves continue to roll and crashed, unperturbed by problems or emotions of any kind. She seemed far away somehow. Like she wasn't watching the ocean at all, instead caught up in a memory of another time. Another life.

A few minutes of not-quite-awkward silence passed, before she finally spoke.

"I'd better get going," she murmured, offering me a hint of a smile. "I promised Emily I'd call her – her friend Amy's having a hen night out in Port Angeles, but she's new in town and doesn't really know anyone. Em's getting all of us girls to go." For what felt like the millionth time that day, I nodded, not wanting to speak for fear of saying something that would worsen the already tense atmosphere. Without saying a word I reached and turned the key in the ignition; the engine came to life immediately, and the relative silence of the beach was disrupted. "And...Jacob?" I looked to her, finding that her smile had grown just a fraction stronger. But there was a different emotion behind it, this time. It was a sadder smile. Less relaxed. "For what it's worth...I'm glad that you weren't alone."

XXXXXXXXXX

I resisted the urge to run a hand through my hair as I rang the doorbell, standing on the porch of Cathy's little house in the semi-darkness. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and in need of sleep. A lot of sleep. The Talk had taken a lot of out me, but I supposed it was worth it. At least I had a measure of control, now, over the situation. I wasn't completely helpless.

I heard faint footsteps and looked up just as the door opened, and Cathy appeared. "Hey, Jake," she greeted me cheerfully, throwing me one of those reassuring smiles that never failed to offer some degree of comfort. "Sash's just getting her bag and Will's showing her his perfected handstand. You wanna come in for a sec?"

"Sure," I replied, pushing my hands into my pockets. "It's getting kinda cold out here." She stood back to let me in, and closed the door against the breeze once I was inside. Catherine's house was small, more by choice than by necessity. The front door opened on to the living room, with a door on the left leading to the kitchen and a staircase on the right that led upstairs. It had a smaller front and back lawn than Sasha and I's house did and the rooms weren't as big, but it made up for with its warmth. There had always been something inviting and homely about Cathy's house, that set it apart from any other.

"You look tired," she murmured, turning to face me and lowering her voice so that the kids wouldn't hear upstairs. Her hair was tied up as usual, with some loose, curling tendrils here and there – she brushed them behind her ear, pulling her cardigan closer around her and folding her arms across her chest. The happiness in her kind blue eyes was disappearing, replaced by concern as a little crease of anxiety crept onto her forehead. "Did it go okay?" I didn't like it when Cathy worried; she was usually so bubbly and upbeat, and the look of concern didn't suit her.

"As okay as it could've gone, I guess," I answered quietly, rubbing my face with my hand for a moment to try and wake myself up. I'd spent so much of the last few hours drifting in and out of memory and reality, that wondered if I would even have any mental energy left to dream tonight. "I think that at the minute I'm just...I just need some normality, for a change. The last couple weeks have been nothing but worry and confusion and one great, big pain-fest..."

Her hand instinctively found my much larger one, squeezing gently in an attempt at comfort. That was the thing about Cathy – she was always keeping me in touch with reality, reminding me of who I was on the inside. She knew when I needed reassurance and when I needed to be left alone. Cathy knew I wasn't all the things that my problems and troubled past made me feel like I was; I was just...Jacob. And it was enough. "You'll be okay, Jake," she told me, the corner of her mouth turning up in a ghost of her warm smile. "Leah loves you – she'll wait for you to get through this. It'll all be okay." And, as always, she made me feel better, just like that. The ache in my chest faded away and the tiredness ebbed back in and I was Just Jacob again, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like everything might actually be alright. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze back, feeling a small smile appear on my lips. Cathy always knew how to stop the pain.

It wasn't until I woke up at three am with tears rolling down my cheeks that the worry in the back of my mind started to come back. She'll wait for you to get through this.

I need to learn how to trust again, and learn how to forgive you...

It seemed like we'd all missed one terrifying possibility:

What if I can't?


Phew, that chapter took me a while! What did you think? :S What do you wanna see more of? Have you changed your opinions of different characters? What do you think's gonna happen? Although I should warn you, I'm whipping out the drama for the next chapter...*evil laugh* Also - I've changed my penname, obviously :L It felt like the other one took half a century to say/spell and it felt like time for a change :). And I don't know whether or not to bump the rating right now or not, though it might get bumped in the future anyways...what do you guys think qualifies as 'strong coarse language?' :L I have no friggin' idea, I personally curse way too much. Anywho, let me know what you think! 'Til next time ;) xx