Kudos to anyone who guessed that I named the lady "Clarice" because Anti-Cosmo says "Hello, Clarice," or "Clarice, is that you?" all the time. If you didn't... well...

I dunno. I've got nothing.

Anyway, seeing as most of you guessed AC (or claimed to, anyway) I have to say congrats. (Hands you all cookies.)

:::

"This is no different than what happened to your last wife," Juandissimo reasoned after a long, awkward silence.

"But I didn't love her," Anti-Cosmo whispered shakily, keeping his head down so he wouldn't have to look at the woman he loved in such a terrible state. "Clarice was a pawn. I used her so I could breed the perfect servant. Then I used her magic to age you so no one would be suspicious of you. But that didn't work, did it?" His head slowly rose and he gave his son a venomous pine-green glare that made Juandissimo a bit frightened for his life. "Wanda guessed your half-Anti-Fairy heritage. Your skin and hair; both of them were too dark for you to be a fairy."

"It was quite racist of her."

"If you were humans, perhaps it would have been," Anti-Cosmo growled. "But you were living amongst the fairies. Many paid no attention to your dark features, but she did. And you went and fell in love with the bitch!"

"Language, Father." As soon as he said it, Juandissimo winced, knowing he had said the wrong thing.

"Language? I'm a feeling a bit too bloody betrayed to worry about my language!" came the aggravated retort. "I ordered you to kill her to conceal our secret, but did you do it? No! You loved her. So what did you do? You hurt her so much that you made her want to die!"

"She refused to make love to me!" Juandissimo spat. "She said she was looking for 'el uno'. It should have been me!" Clenching his fists and teeth, he repeated: "It should have been me."

"So you raped her." Anti-Cosmo snorted. "You always had self-control issues as a child."

With lightning speed, Juandissimo grabbed on to his father's neck and held him firmly against the wall. "Do not mock me!"

Anti-Cosmo looked strangely calm. "Go ahead," he wheezed. "Kill me. I am nothing without her."

Juandissimo gave Anti-Cosmo an interrogative look and slowly lifted his palm from his parent's throat. "Go on, Father," he hissed. "Tell me of the wrong things I did to her."

"Going through everything would leave me with little time to kill Beaver Boy." Anti-Cosmo gave a bit of a chuckle. "Beaver Boy. That's good. I should write that one down..."

"You won't be alive long enough to!" Juandissimo growled.

Anti-Cosmo responded with a dismissive shrug and a sad stare. "Do as you wish."

"You infuriate me," Juandissimo told the blue creature.

"Noted." Anti-Cosmo glanced at his wife's body and choked back a sob. She would have been too stupid to do anything with the information anyway! She would have played along if Anti-Cosmo had told her to forget about it. Anti-Wanda wouldn't have had to die, especially as painfully as it appeared she had. Dammit! Why couldn't Juandissimo think these things through? "You do realize that in killing Anti-Wanda, you have sentenced her counterpart to damnation?"

Juandissimo blinked. "What?"

"Fairies and Anti-Fairies are two halves of a whole," Anti-Cosmo explained. "Didn't you ever wonder why Anti-Clarice suddenly vanished when I murdered her fairy-self? Fairies and Anti-Fairies cannot live without their counterparts!"

"I thought it was something of an 'evil-twin' thing."

"You thought wrong!" Anti-Cosmo snarled. "She will vanish in a matter of time! Did you ever wonder why Cosmo never died? I was too powerful with the souls I had consumed! I was keeping him alive!"

Juandissimo's violet eyes narrowed. "You traitor!"

"I'm a traitor?" Anti-Cosmo snarled. "You killed my wife!"

"That is not all I did, I confess," Juandissimo admitted, lowering his gaze to the floor. The fear for himself he was experiencing was the closest thing he had ever felt to shame or regret for anything he had ever done.

Anti-Cosmo was silent for a moment, and then asked in a quiet, horrified voice, "No, Juandissimo. You did no such thing. You..."

Juandissimo kept his head down. "She bears such an uncanny resemblance to Wanda... her body has the same curves, her hair has the same curls... I... I could not help myself. She looked so much like the one I loved..." He looked up and grinned evilly. "And she had never gone through it. It was like the innocent teenage Wanda again, save her crooked teeth."

He emitted a low, eerie chuckle at the memory of it.

"Hola? Is anyone here?"

Anti-Wanda turned around in her room, tugging her shirt down over her stomach as she had been in the midst of taking it off. "Oh! Howdy. Didn't see ya there. Whatcha need?"

"I only want to speak to you for uno momento."

She gave him a look of confusion. "What language is that? I can't understand a word ya'll are sayin'."

"I just need one moment," Juandissimo repeated.

"Ah. Aite, what is it?"

"Follow me, senorita."

Anti-Wanda hesitated, not knowing whether she could trust a fairy. But, she remembered, Anti-Cosmo hadn't seemed too harsh towards Juandissimo, so she should be the same. After a bit of a pause, she followed him downstairs to the dungeon- which, she recalled, hadn't had a prisoner in centuries.

"Whadda we doin' down here? I don't wanna be down here long, kay? I gots a date with Anti-Cosmo later." She folded her arms over her chest and looked around. "I dunno how he stands havin' this place down here! It gives me the creepies!"

Juandissimo grinned in response. "I think the setting is perfecto for our last encounter."

"Last?" Anti-Wanda inquired. "You leavin' or somethin'?"

"Oh no, Anti-Wanda," Juandissimo chided the hickish woman. "It is you who is leaving."

Anti-Wanda stared blankly at him for a moment, and then the words registered, making here eyes widen and fill with tears. "Wh- what? H- he's leavin' me? N- no! That ain't right! He l- loves me!"

"Si, that he does."

"Then why is he leavin'?"

Juandissimo shook his head like a parent disappointed with a slow child. "Can you not see? He is not leaving you." He grabbed Anti-Wanda's neck and slammed her against the wall with such force that a few bats flew off, frightened by the impending fight. "It is you who is leaving him."

"N- no!" Anti-Wanda wheezed, fighting for breath. "I'll never leave him! He's mah husband, I can't just leave him when I love him so much! When I said 'till death' I meant it!"

"You do not understand, do you?" Juandissimo growled, putting a finger under her chin. "Death will part you. It will part you today."

"You're gonna..." Anti-Wanda trailed and Juandissimo was struck with a feeling that could only be described as pure sadism. Those cold, frightened eyes reminded of Juandissimo of Wanda too much for him to not do something.

"Yes," Juandissimo nodded, answering the unuttered question. "That will happen, but first...something else."

He took his wand from his belt and it lit up as he released Anti-Wanda, and both of their clothing seemed to evaporate off of them. Anti-Wanda shrieked and ran into a cell, locking it. She sat down in a fetal position, with her hands over her breasts and her legs covering her entrance. "D- don't you touch me! Anti-Cozzie! Where are ya? Help me!"

"You silly woman." Juandissimo poofed into the cell with ease, leaning over Anti-Wanda menacingly. "You have just locked yourself inside your cell."

"M- mah cell?"

"Si," Juandissimo grinned. "Time to play." He knelt down, kissed the Anti-Fairy forcefully, and grabbed her legs, wrenching them apart and forcing himself inside. He winced as Anti-Wanda's screaming pierced his ears, and he clamped a hand over her mouth and wrapped his free arm around Anti-Wanda's torso, keeping her where he wanted.

He could hear Anti-Wanda screaming her husband's name under his hand in her cries for help. When she finally realized that Anti-Cosmo did not hear her- or worse, didn't care- she quieted and only emitted the odd whimper, giving up.

Juandissimo could not help but smile as he looked into the woman's eyes. The look in a female's eyes, he recalled, was always priceless; especially the first time they experienced it. That quiet darkness could never be matched by anything else, and it was that look and that look alone that kept Juandissimo-

"You raped my wife."

Anti-Cosmo's voice pulled Juandissimo from his thoughts. "Si. What does it matter?"

"What does it matter?" Anti-Cosmo's teeth were clamped together in rage now. "It matters as much as anything matters! I loved her, to start with. She was my wife! My true love! And you expect me to hear you say you raped her and murdered her, and not do a thing about it? Just cast her memory away, like a piece of trash? I'd sooner die."

"That could easily be arranged, Father."

Anti-Cosmo's eyebrows only heightened a tad. "So sure of yourself, hm? Care to test your strength?" He pointed his wand at his son and it lit up in a harsh, striking blue.

"F- Father-"

"I have no time for your idiocy!" Anti-Cosmo bared his fangs and a blast of navy light shot from his weapon. "Goodnight."

:::

Timmy heard Juandissimo's scream from where he was tied up. A few moments passed, and there was an eerie silence that made Timmy unsure of whether he should be happy it was quiet or not. He looked around uneasily, scared to make any sound, when he heard another scream- this one higher in pitch, so he guessed it was Anti-Cosmo's- split the air and Timmy's eyebrows slanted together in worry. That can't be good.

"Timmy?"

Timmy would have spun around, had he not been tied to Anti-Cosmo's throne. "Wanda!" he hissed. "What are you doing here? How did you find me? Where's Poof? Why isn't your hair curly?"

"I knew who the Father was, sport," Wanda explained, floating down and untying Timmy. "I knew you had to be here. It's too obvious that Juandissimo took you. I had no time to do my hair. Poof is-" she was cut off by a long barrage of shouts from downstairs. "Poof's with Jorgen. He needed to be protected."

"Why didn't Juandissimo ever go to Fairy Jail?"

"Not enough physical evidence. Juandissimo argued the sex was consensual and everyone concluded I was just trying to get attention." Wanda looked up. "Everyone but Cosmo..." She snapped out of her dreamy state and grabbed Timmy by the collar. "Come on! Do you want to see Cosmo? He's in the hospital."

"Of course I do!"

Wanda nodded, and flew off just as the screaming downstairs was consumed by a large blast.

:::

The receptionist was relieved when Wanda burst in with Timmy.

"Are you Cosmo's wife?" she asked, hopping out from behind her desk. "And- and godchild?"

"Yes."

"Thank goodness you're here! He's been hurting lately, calling for you. Wanda, right? And Timmy?" She had gold hair and dark yellow eyes that reminded Timmy of thick honey.

Wanda nodded, feeling a bit fuzzy inside at the news that Cosmo wanted her. When she was lead to the room, she heard four voices. The first was...

Cupid? "Cosmo, it's okay! You're fine. It'll only hurt for a little!"

"Get that needle away from me! I hate needles!" That was Cosmo, all right. The receptionist walked away at this point.

"Cosmo, dear, lie still for the nice doctor!" Ugh! She'd have to face Mama Cosma!

"Well, we could put a medicine patch on him. Cupid, I think we should give up on the needle." At least Studwell was there...

"No! I don't wanna do anything!"

"But you'll die!" Right, Mama Cosma, yell at him that he's doomed! Like that would help. Wanda knew Cosmo well enough to know that if there was one thing Cosmo hated more than being alone it was being yelled at. Whenever Wanda yelled at him (which, although he often angered her with his idiocies, rarely happened; he normally gave her the puppy-dog eyes before she got to the yelling part, and she could never say no to those eyes!), he usually cried afterward, and became quiet for a long time after.

"I don't care! Where's Wanda? I wanna see her!" Wanda couldn't help but smile despite the pain in her husband's voice.

"She's not here! Deal! You would have been better off without her!" Mama Cosma was such a bitch sometimes!

"Celice, don't talk to him about Wanda like that!" Cupid sounded angry, and that surprised Wanda; he barely ever got angry with anyone unless there was a serious problem. "I understand love more than you ever would! Cosmo loves her, and you know what I think? He loves her so much that he would kill himself- on purpose- if she ever left him!"

Wanda wouldn't put it past him to do it.

She turned the knob and peered inside. Cupid and Mama Cosma, along with Studwell, were bending over Cosmo's bed. The first two looked really worried, but Wanda couldn't tell with Studwell as he had his back to her. "Hello?"

That was her first mistake. Mama Cosma was on her like a ravenously hungry dog on a thick steak, and tore into her just a quickly. "You bossy, naggy, overly-controlling bitch!"

"Mama Cosma, please! Timmy's right here!" Wanda stated, giving her in-law a harsh pink glare.

"W- Wanda?" Cosmo looked around but could not see her; his mother was blocking his view. "Is that you?"

Wanda tried to push her way past Mama Cosma, but the woman would not budge. "Ohh no! I'm not letting you near my little boy! You've almost killed him twice now!"

"It was Juandissimo that did it," Timmy piped up, hoping he wouldn't awaken Mama Cosma's inner beast any further. "Not Wanda. Wanda would never hurt Cosmo."

"Ha! If you," she pointed accusingly at Wanda, "had never come into my son's life, your crazy little admirer wouldn't have tried to kill him! This is your fault!"

"Mama! I wanna see her!" Cosmo whined.

Mama Cosma glared at her rival for a moment longer, then moved for Timmy and Wanda. She knelt down beside Cosmo and held his hand, stroking it with her thumb. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah." Cosmo grinned at her. "I missed you a lot. I'd hug you but it hurts to sit up."

Wanda didn't return the smile; she only looked worried. "That's not what I'd call 'okay'."

"Meh." Cosmo shrugged and winced as a crack came from his shoulders. "Owwie... it hurts to shrug too."

Wanda looked up at Studwell. "What was that crack?"

"Just some excess air," Studwell assured her. "Like when you crack your knuckles. It's okay."

"Isn't cracking your knuckles bad?" Timmy asked, wandering beside Cupid.

"Only if you do it too much. Trust me, it's okay."

A bit of a pause followed before Cosmo registered that Timmy was there too. "Oh! Hey Timmy! I missed you too."

"I figured," Timmy smiled. "You hate being alone."

"Don't remind me." Cosmo turned to his wife again. "Where's Poof?"

"With Jorgen."

"Did you...?"

Wanda sighed. "Yes, Cosmo. I told him what happened. He didn't believe me. Happy? It's high school all over again."

Cosmo looked down. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, hon." Wanda kissed his cheek and Cosmo couldn't help but grin even more. "It's not your fault."

Mama Cosma pointed to Cupid and curled her finger inwards, telling him to come over to where she was. When he did, she narrowed her eyes. "Why, Cupid? Why did you make my Cosmo-lolo fall in love with that... that whore?"

Cupid looked like he was mad again. "Whore? Mama Cosma, she's known no one else but your son." His angry expression melted into a disappointed one. "...And Juandissimo."

"Juandissimo raped her."

Now the love god looked offended. "What? Never! He would never hurt anyone like that! She was just trying to get attention!" he hissed, crossing his arms defensively. "Cosmo loved Wanda without the help of my arrows! That's a love that's strong, meant to be! Yes, I shot him, but that was because he needed it to get the courage to ask her to date him! I shot Wanda because it's like I said: Meant to be! Hear that? Meant. To. Be! If you don't like it, too bad! If she had stayed with Juandissimo, I wouldn't be able to be with him. Sure, he still loves Wanda, but I'll just stab him with an arrow and we'll be together. I even checked with Jorgen if I could be with Juandi-" he trailed as he looked over Mama Cosma's shoulder. "Speak of the devil, there he is!"

:::

Muahahaha.

Wow, this chapter is looong! Cool.

And sorry for Anti-Wanda. That was my first ever attempt at writing a Southern accent. O.e Fail.

~Mikichu