Chapter Nine
Dean stared up at Castiel, disbelief flooding his thoughts.
"Cas… what are you doing here? How did you find me?"
Castiel seemed calm as ever, while Dean was having a small conniption.
"Sam."
Castiel answered simply, as if it was the obvious answer, and Dean shouldn't have even asked.
Dean's expression didn't change. He continued to stare at Castiel, jaw agape. His beauty was astounding. He was so glad to see Castiel standing in front of him again.
"I'm here to see you, Dean. I was wondering if we could possibly meet up sometime. For dinner, maybe?"
All Dean could conjure up was a small nod.
"Great, I'll meet you at T.G.I. Friday's tomorrow night at 6."
Castiel said seamlessly, resting a hand on Dean's shoulder once more before turning to walk out of the bar.
~.~.~.~
Castiel pushed open the doors of the bar, feeling the cool night air fill his lungs as he took a huge breath, followed by a sigh of relief.
It had taken him all the courage he had to come back to Lawrence to find Dean and meet up with him. Since the night Crowley ripped his heart out, things had been different. It left him feeling incomplete and all alone.
Now that he was a grown man, still feeling his heart beat for someone else, he decided to face his fear and try for the happiness he longed for.
Sleeping that night was impossible for Castiel. He couldn't stop thinking about the day ahead of him. Unable to keep his eyes closed, he flipped the light and radio on, grabbing his book on the bedside table.
The soft glow of the motel light shone through the drapes on the windows of the motel room. He was wary about staying in a motel, thinking it would bring back horrible memories of his childhood, but so far he'd gotten by with minimal emotional scarring.
As he read his book absent-mindedly, he heard Hot For Teacher start to play on the radio. He laid his book down on his lap, and thought back to the night he spent with Dean in his room. He smiled, thinking of Dean's awful air-drum skills.
His heart fluttered thinking about Dean, when everything was still okay. Castiel remembered he would only be seeing him shortly, and became giddy.
Even though he'd only just picked his book up, he shut it again, turning off the lights so he could fall asleep listening to the song that brought back good memories, with a smile on his face.
~.~.~.~
Dean sat at the table in his apartment, staring at the empty bowl of cereal like a mental patient.
He didn't have the first clue of what was going to happen tonight. He told Jo that he was going out with Castiel, since it was harmless, and if he didn't tell her it would seem suspicious.
What would he say to him? The more he thought about it, the more he thought that he really didn't HAVE anything to say to him.
He was an engaged man, it's not like they could date. Did Castiel even know he was engaged?
Dean sighed and picked up the empty bowl, carrying it to the sink and letting it fall with a clatter.
He opened the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, reaching for the small bottle of Advil while filling a glass with water. He took the pills and stared ahead into the mirror, taking in his tired features.
Since it was a Saturday and he didn't have to work, he figured he would sit at home and wait for the night, which he knew was a bad idea. If he wasn't doing anything he would think about that night all day, willing the time for him to get ready to come slower.
He sat down on the couch anyway, kicking his feet up after grabbing the remote and a Coke, waiting for the time to come when he had to face something he wasn't sure he even wanted to.
~.~.~.~
"Table for two, please."
Castiel told the hostess quietly.
"Right this way, sir!"
She replied, grabbing the menu's from the side of the front podium and leading him along to the back of the restaurant.
Castiel slid into the booth and observed where he was sitting. He was perfectly positioned to see the door, which he was thankful for.
After telling what the waitress what he wanted to drink, he unrolled his napkin, letting the contents fall to the table, making a loud sound.
He nervously played with whatever was on the table, anxiously awaiting Dean's arrival. He'd managed to keep himself busy today, as to avoid thinking about what was to come at their meeting.
Castiel looked up to see Dean push his way through the doors. His heart skipped a beat, seeing Dean in his usual ensemble, consisting of jeans, work boots, and a v-neck with a army green jacket over it. Oh, and of course the amulet he'd had around his neck since God knows when.
The hostess pointed Dean over to the direction of the table Castiel was sitting at, and they met eyes for a moment, sharing an awkward smile.
Castiel studied Dean as he got closer, looking at his prominent cheek bones, large muscles straining against his shirt, eyes green as ever.
Dean was cute and sexy all at the same time.
"Hey, how's it goin?"
Dean asked, making conversation, as he slid into the seat, similar to Castiel.
"I'm doing fine Dean, and you?"
Castiel answered, using the "proper voice".
"Aw, come on Cas, you know me, you don't have to use the proper polite voice."
Castiel blushed. It had been quite a long time since he'd heard Dean call him Cas, and he didn't realize how much he'd missed it.
Dean nervously played with his hands, thinking of a way to break the silence, when the waitress walked up, breaking the tension.
"Hey guys, my name's Anna, I'll be your waitress this evening, what can I get you guys to drink?"
Dean answered first.
"I'll have a draft Bud Light."
After placing his order, he looked up at Castiel, as if to give him the go ahead.
"Um, just a sweet tea."
Dean smiled at Castiel's politeness.
Castiel began the small talk.
"When I called Sam, he mentioned he had just left to study law school at Stanford, that's rather large achievement."
Dean smiled, knowing how proud he was of his little brother. Despite the tragedy they'd gone through, he still managed to graduate High School with flying colors and get a full ride to the college of his dreams.
"Yep, that's my boy. He's so happy. He's finally living out his dream, yanno?"
Castiel nodded.
"It doesn't surprise me, he was a very smart kid."
Dean smiled, illuminating his gorgeous green eyes.
"Oh yea, I forgot you had all those nerd talks with him."
Castiel blushed and threw the napkin at Dean, flirtingly.
"Shut up! All you ever did was fill your brain with car and classic rock facts, and look where that got you!" Castiel paused, thinking. "Where exactly did that get you again?"
Castiel asked, laughing at his own stupidity.
"I'm a mechanic now, I'm working over at Bobby's."
Dean shared.
"Oh that's nice. At least you're doing something you like."
Castiel said nicely.
"Which reminds me, what do you do now, Cas? When we were friends you never once mentioned your interests."
Castiel smiled, proudly.
"I'm an artist. Paintings, to be specific. I've had my own gallery already."
Dean was impressed.
"Really? Who founded you?"
Castiel smiled, happy that Dean was taking interest.
"Um, Balthazar, actually. You remember? From Truman?"
Dean thought for a moment before his face lit up in recognition.
"Oh yeah! I remember him! Did you go to college?"
Dean thought the question may have been crossing the line a little, but Castiel didn't seem to mind.
"No, Balthazar had seen my work and got ahold of me. Things just got better from there. What about you, did you study to be a mechanic?"
Dean looked down, somewhat ashamed that he didn't. But then he remembered why he did it.
"Unfortunately, no. Mom and Dad… They died in a house fire when I was 18. I gave up college to raise Sam. I did everything I could for him, and it all paid off. Now he's doing what he's always wanted to. I'm very proud of him."
Dean finished, a bit of a sadness in his tone.
"Dean… I'm so sorry. You're such a good person… you know, to do that for Sam. You must be proud of yourself."
Dean grunted, taking a rather large swig of his beer that had just been placed in front of him
"I see your opinions of alcohol haven't changed with the years."
Castiel said tentatively. Dean chuckled.
"Yeah, well when your fiancé owns a bar…"
Dean's sentence trailed off when he caught a glimpse of Castiel's expression, realizing he must not have known Dean was engaged.
Castiel felt heat rise up his throat, and soon thought as if he might be sick. He didn't know what to say. He had no idea that the bar he'd asked Dean out in the day before was owned by his FIANCÉ. It was a kick in the gut.
"You, uh… didn't know, did you?"
Dean asked, questioning whether he should leave or not.
"No, Sam did not mention it."
Dean mentally cursed Sam, before he started taking on the challenge of getting through the new stage of awkwardness their conversation had just reached.
"Yeah. With Jo Harvelle, for about two months now."
Castiel was now on the verge of tears. The knot in his throat was getting bigger and bigger. When he spoke, his voice cracked several times.
"I'm very happy for the two of you. If you'll please excuse me."
In one motion, Castiel rose from the booth and bee-lined straight to the bathroom, fighting back the tears.
He pushed open the bathroom doors, and let his hands rest against the cool granite counter. His knee's were shaking violently, threatening to buckle, sending him to the bathroom floor.
He heard the bathroom doors open behind him, and when he looked up into the mirror, saw the reflection of the handsome, bow-legged man standing in the doorframe.
Castiel couldn't quite explain why he felt the way he did; like his heart had just been ripped out. But he couldn't help but blame himself, somehow. Like, if he'd come earlier, this wouldn't have happened. And if he'd been more desirable, Dean would've found him instead.
"Cas… are you alright?"
Dean asked, putting a comforting hand on Castiel's shoulder, though he still didn't answer.
Instead he turned on the faucet and splashed water on his face, and took a few deep breaths before he started speaking again.
"My apologizes, Dean. Ever since leaving you, I've felt a part of me is missing, and I thought by coming back here I would find it in you. I must have expected you to come running to me with open arms, but I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable."
Dean stared at his old friend, his heart slowly breaking. Castiel felt the same way Dean did. He couldn't believe what was happening. It was all so surreal.
Castiel stood back up on his feet, sturdier this time, and faced Dean, their chests inches away.
The only sound they could hear was the faint bumping hum of the music from outside the bathroom, and each other's breathing, which seemed to get faster and faster with each second.
Dean couldn't control his emotions, and slowly began to lean in; knowing what he was about to do could potentially ruin a lot of things.
But before he could finish his thought, they both heard the sound of the door creak open, and were cut off, leaning apart from each other again, as the person, glancing at the two of them standing there, made his way into the bathroom.
Castiel stared at Dean, unsure of what to do. Dean couldn't handle looking at Castiel any longer, being so close to him. He turned and made his way for the door.
"Dean, wait!"
Castiel called after him, but Dean couldn't turn back now, not with this mind-set. He stormed into the damp night, and flung himself into the car, shaky hands reaching for his phone and pressing the speed dial.
Dean almost hung up after the first few rings, but just as he took the phone away from his ear, Dean heard the deep voice on the other end.
"Dean?"
Sam said with a gravelly voice, waking up from a nap he didn't intend to take while studying.
"Sammy…"
Dean said, voice cracking. That's all Dean had to say, and Sam knew something was wrong.
"What happened Dean? Is it Cas?"
Sam took the silence on the other end as an answer.
"Dean, if you're having… feelings, go talk to Jo about it. It's the best possible thing you can do. You know how much she loves you, she's there for you to fall on."
Dean was thankful for his little brother, who was so much more mature than he was.
"I miss you Sammy."
Dean said simply.
Sam felt bad for leaving Dean, even though he had Jo, Sam knew Dean didn't want the only family he had left to go.
"I miss you too, Dean. But remember that you've always wanted the best for me, and this is the best. It'll be worth it."
Dean couldn't handle talking to Sam anymore. It just reminded him of how much he missed him while he was at Stanford.
Dean clicked the off button, and Sam smiled at the dial tone on his end. Typical Dean.
Dean would do anything Sam told him to, so he hesitatingly started the car, and pulled out of the restaurant parking lot, and made his way to Jo's apartment.
