Chapter 8: Secrets

Dave was starting to get antsy. Melodie had been back to her usual self on the car ride home, even subjecting him to her singing again. But he could see that her hair was messy, as if it had air-dried, and her shirt was stained with the evidence of the blue slushie. He tried not to let it bother him. She was his cousin, but it wasn't as if they had ever been friends. Why should he care if the guys gave her a little crap about being in Glee Club? It didn't bother him when they did it to Kurt…stop that train of thought right there.

Kurt didn't mean anything to him. He kept telling himself that, anyway. Even if he did, he wouldn't care…I've only spent the last two years of school making his life miserable. He thought back to the day he and Azimio had cornered Kurt in the hall last year. The day was over, the halls were empty. All his friends were probably singing show tunes in Glee Club. He was all alone, wearing the most ridiculous getup Dave had ever seen, and he was obviously terrified. There were tears in his eyes. But he looked at Dave and Azimio and he told them to go ahead and pummel him.

"I swear to you I will never change. I'm proud to be different. It's the best thing about me."

Dave had been unable to admit to himself, then, why Kurt's proud defiance made him so angry. He was only barely able to skirt around the edges of the true reasons now. But he hadn't been able to deny the nature of what he'd felt when Finn Hudson had shown up, wearing a bright red getup even more freakish than Kurt's and surrounded by the rest of the Glee Club in their Lady Gaga outfits. Kurt's face had gone from terrified to flabbergasted, then just purely awed. Grateful. The hero-worship on his face when he looked at Hudson had made Dave's stomach clench, and he wasn't able to deny that it was with jealousy. Kurt would never look at him that way.

He shook his head, annoyed with himself. The one good thing that had come out of Melodie living in his house was that he was so busy looking out for pranks that it had been awhile since he'd been able to brood about Kurt Hummel. Apparently her effectiveness as a vaccine against his being…well, apparently it was wearing off. He glanced warily at Melodie. She was still singing, but he thought he'd caught her watching him out of the corner of her eye as well. She was really making him nervous.


Melodie smirked around the words of the song she was singing when Dave caught her watching him. The first phase of her plan was underway already. She could tell she was making Dave really uncomfortable with her nonchalant attitude about the slushie. And she could tell he knew about it, because he'd paled when he'd seen her ruined shirt, but he'd said nothing. Now for phase two. She stopped singing. Dave looked at her, nervous but also relieved.

"Finally. Don't you sing enough in Glee Club?" Melodie shrugged.

"Rachel gets most of the solos. I'm really new, so I mostly just harmonize in the background. Anyway, I didn't really feel like singing after…"

"After what?"

"Nothing. Just some idiot threw a slushie at me. Kurt and Mercedes helped me clean up, it's no big deal." She noted, with satisfaction, the minute defensive narrowing of Dave's eyes when she said Kurt's name. There was something there, definitely. She just had to find out what it was. She plunged ahead.

"Kurt's really nice. And cute. It's too bad he's so very gay." Dave clenched his fists on the steering wheel and said nothing.

"I mean, you knew he was gay, right? Really gay. It's so obvious." Nothing from Dave. Melodie worked to make her tone sound worried.

"Um…you did know, right? I didn't think it was a secret or anything. Oh God, don't tell anyone if it is! I thought he was out, though I guess in a town like this it makes sense if he's not—"

"God, Melodie, just shut up! Yeah, everybody knows that Hummel's a fag! Why do you think he gets so much more crap than the other losers in that stupid club?" Melodie's eyes widened.

"David Karofsky, you take that back. Don't you dare ever call one of my friends that again. Do you even know what that means?" Dave shrugged.

"Means he likes to do guys. I'm not stupid." Melodie rolled her eyes and smacked him—just a little too hard to be teasing or friendly—on the arm.

"You idiot. It's not a synonym for "gay." It's really offensive. Historically, it carries connotations of fear, intimidation, and violence. It's dehumanizing. I can't believe I'm related to someone who uses that word!" Now Dave looked uncomfortable, but he just snapped at her.

"Fine. I won't say it anymore. God, you're annoying."

Melodie smiled, satisfied. She would definitely bring up Kurt more often…Dave's face just gave away too much.

When they got home, Dave went straight inside and up to his room, slamming the door behind him and locking it, throwing himself face-down onto his bed. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. In a matter of minutes, Melodie had gone from a worrisome distraction that nevertheless got his mind off the infuriatingly desirable Kurt Hummel, to one more source of thoughts about aforementioned desirable boy. It was almost as if she were tormenting him on purpose…Dave froze.

Is she doing this on purpose? Does she know? But…how could she know? Nobody knows, and Kurt wouldn't tell her, would he?

No, he was sure Kurt hadn't told anyone. He hadn't even looked in Dave's direction since that day...


That Day, just after The Kiss

Kurt sagged against the lockers, sliding down to sit on the cold floor. His lips were still pulsing with the pressure of Dave's sudden kiss. His heart was racing, his eyes felt hot and dry, but his face felt cold. His hands felt cold. He leaned his head, which was suddenly pounding, against the cool metal of the lockers. There were no emotions for what he had just experienced…only temperatures. He felt positively frozen.

Eventually, it occurred to him that he didn't want to be found in the locker room by any of the football players. Even Finn…Finn wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but he could be perceptive about people's feelings, and Kurt knew it would be just his luck for Finn to find him now and be in one of those rare empathetic moods. He pushed himself to his feet and staggered into the hallway, not really thinking about where he was going, just seeking a way out of the hallways decked in the school colors…he thought if he lived the rest of his life without seeing that hideous red color, it wouldn't be long enough. He flinched as he banged into the double doors, one hand still holding onto his mouth, the other wrapped around his chest, and pushed through them, stumbling outside and in the general direction of the parking lot.

At supper that night, he didn't eat much. He knew Carol and his dad noticed, but they didn't say anything. They waited until Finn had excused himself and left for Rachel's before they cornered Kurt on his way down to his room.

"Hey, Kurt. Wait up a second. Come talk to us."

He stopped, one foot on the stairway down to his room, and took a deep breath. Then he turned to them with a showman's smile plastered onto his face.

"Dad? Carol? What is it?"

Carol reached out and drew an arm around him, and his smile faltered for just a second. Carol was just so…so motherly.

"Honey, you haven't said a word since you got home from school. Is everything alright?" And her eyes were so worried, her voice was so kind…she was warm and good through and through, so ready to be his mother and accept everything about him, so good at making his dad happy…it made him want to sob onto her shoulder, to tell her how he'd never kissed a boy before today, and how his first kiss had been stolen away by a terrifying hulk of a bully-Neanderthal, and how the worst part was how he couldn't stop thinking about it, analyzing it is his head over and over, trying to morph it into something other than the twisted reality it was.

But his dad was standing just behind her shoulder, looking intently and worriedly at Kurt. His father, who had so recently suffered a heart attack, who he'd almost lost. He couldn't worry him, and he couldn't tell Carol without worrying him. Kurt looked into her eyes and shrugged, hating himself for the lie he was about to tell her, even if it was the best thing for everyone.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired today…I think I'll have a nice soak before bed." Carol nodded and released him, but the worried crease between her brows didn't disappear. She turned to look at Burt. It was there between his eyes, too. Kurt wasn't telling them something.


The weekend passed quietly for all concerned. Melodie didn't pull any pranks, which was starting to drive Dave insane. She was so nice to him, which just confirmed to him that she was up to something truly diabolical. Between the suspense and her sudden and obnoxious habit of mentioning Kurt every other time she opened her mouth, he felt like he was in a permanent state of mental siege. It made him irritable. So when it was Monday and he could look forward to an entire day spent mostly out of her company, he was so glad he was almost whistling on his way to his locker. Then Azimio approached him with a slushie in each hand, and Dave groaned inwardly.

"Yo, I got you something. Who're we gonna get this morning? And don't give me crap about your cousin. She got one in the face on Friday, right?" Dave sighed quietly, but nodded.

"And she didn't say anything to anybody about it, right?" Again, a nod from Dave.

"Then we're cool," concluded Azimio. "You're back on slushie duty, bro!" He clapped Dave on the back in a congratulatory way, and Dave wondered if Azimio would talk to him or be so familiar with him, or walk so close to him, if he knew that Dave was gay. Gay. The thought startled him so much that he stopped dead in the hallway. It took Azimio a few steps to realize his friend had fallen behind, and he turned back in confusion.

"Dave?" Nothing. "Dave? Man, where'd you go?"

Dave snapped out of it, and looked at his friend, bemused.

"Uh…sorry, man. I just realized I forgot something at home."

"Damn. I hate that feeling." Azimio shrugged it off. "Oh well, nothing kills your frustrations like throwing slushies at gleeks, right?" His grin wasn't malicious, despite his motives. He actually had fun, didn't see any harm in it. Dave wondered, with a sick twist in his stomach, whether Azimio even saw the kids in Glee Club as human beings. But he just shrugged and grinned weakly. He had just managed to think, without even a mental stutter, of himself as gay. He had admitted it to himself. That didn't mean he was ready to admit it to everyone else, join the Light Side, and become a victim of the daily slushie facial himself in a show of gay solidarity. He just wasn't there yet. He wasn't entirely sure how he'd gotten here, to this sudden place of honesty with himself. Reluctantly, he followed Azimio down the hall, toward where he knew several of the gleeks would be getting books out of their lockers.

As he and Azimio rounded the corner, they were both pulled up short by a cascade of something blue, purple, red, green…and fucking cold.


"God, it burns!" Dave felt this had to be the third time he'd heard Azimio make the complaint, and it was starting to grate on his nerves. It wasn't that the slushie didn't burn…it hurt like hell, he felt like his eyes were never going to stop watering at the same time as he felt like they were on fire. He also didn't particularly enjoy the sticky feeling down his chest, or how cold he was…and of course, his t-shirt and his letterman jacket and a good bit of his jeans were now covered in a myriad of colors. Then, too, he was burning with humiliation at being made a public spectacle.

The difference was, he felt like he deserved it. And as he attempted to rinse his eyes under the spray of the locker room shower for the sixth time, he swore he would never slushie another kid as long as he lived. It was terrible. He'd thought it was harmless and hilarious at one point, and now he knew better. It fucking sucked. And he had done it to Kurt and his friends how many times? He cringed, and it wasn't from the burning in his eyes.

Another aspect of his acceptance, of course, was the fact that he felt really, really stupid for not seeing this coming. He should have known when Melodie was so nice and bubbly all weekend. His mother had contributed it to her excellent parenting skills or something equally stupid, and Dave had just hoped Melodie was getting all glowy and happy because of Glee or something. God, I'm an idiot. People don't change overnight. I should have been suspicious the second she didn't go screaming to the principal about bullying and injustice.

Still, he was a little annoyed that she'd picked him out to slushie. He hadn't had anything to do with her getting doused, and had even tried to prevent it. As soon as he had that thought, he put it aside. He did deserve this. Penance for his torment of Kurt.

As if his thoughts had summoned the boy, Dave heard the locker room door creak open, and then he heard Kurt's voice, and froze.

"Azimio? Karofsky?" He sounded nervous, and rightly so. Dave couldn't see anything but a blur, but he turned toward the boy anyway.

"I'm sorry they did this to you," he said hesitantly. "Um, my friends, I mean. I think they were trying to make a point, though. A valid one. Now you know how it feels."

Azimio growled at him.

"Get outta here, ladyboy. If I weren't half-blind right now I would stomp your ass." Dave flinched at this, but didn't contradict his friend. He could hear Kurt shift nervously, and when he spoke, his voice sounded farther away. He was edging toward the door.

"Right…fine. Just…as a suggestion? Cold club soda will get the stains out better than laundry detergent. I would know." Dave thought he heard a bitter smile in Kurt's voice. Azimio just grunted at this and went back to trying to rinse his eyes, but Dave got up and advanced slowly toward Kurt. Walking was difficult when everything was blurry. He heard the boy making a hasty retreat, and he sped up. Kurt was out the door before Dave caught him by the strap of his messenger bag.

"Hummel, wait."

Something in his tone, or the fact that he'd grabbed his bag, or maybe just the fact that he looked less threatening when covered in slushie debris, made Kurt stop and turn to look up at him. Dave blinked a little, and the water cleared from his vision. He could see a little better, but his eyes still burned. He bet he looked terrible, but the moment those eyes found his he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Um…thanks," he said awkwardly. "Thanks for the tip about club soda…and er…about keeping my secret." The indescribably-colored eyes (blue? Green? Grey? All three, shifting and blending into one another seamlessly) widened a bit, and Dave thought he detected a slight pink flush creep into Kurt's cheeks.

"It's not my secret to tell," he said crisply. "You'll tell people when you're ready." He turned to go again, but Dave wasn't finished. He reach out, semi-blindly, and was immediately mortified when he felt his hand close, not around Kurt's bag strap, or his sleeve, or his clothing-covered shoulder, but his bare, soft, small hand. Kurt spun around and jerked his hand away. But he didn't run.

"Look Karofsky—" Dave flinched at the use of his last name, and at Kurt's tone. "What happened, happened. I accept it, and I won't tell anyone about it for the sake of not outing you. But let's make this clear: I didn't want it. I didn't invite it, and I did not enjoy it in the least. Of all the ways to have my first kiss, that is absolutely not the way I would have—"

"Wait…what?" Dave was squinting down at Kurt, his expression appropriately horrified.

"That was your first kiss? I mean, it was my first…um, gay kiss…obviously, but I didn't think—"

"What, you thought that because I'm out and proud I must be a total make-out slut as well? Well, you thought wrong, Karofsky. Before you threw yourself at me in that locker room I had never kissed a boy before, and let me just say it was somewhat removed from the fairytale I'd built up in my head."

Dave didn't know what to say. He just wanted to die right there on the spot. The slushies, the dumpster drops, even the locker checking and the slurs, he could probably have made up for over enough time. Maybe not to the point Kurt would ever forgive him, but at least where he could forgive himself. But he had forcibly stolen beautiful, perfect, porcelain-faced, doe-eyed Kurt Hummel's first kiss? What the hell do I do with that? He thought miserably. He took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Kurt..." and his voice was so soft, so gentle and pained that Kurt's mouth actually dropped open. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…if I had known…I shouldn't have…you were just so…"

"So what?" Kurt said, so sharply that Dave missed the honest curiosity in the question. Dave looked down at his feet and mumbled something before he turned and stepped back into the locker room, to greet a suspicious and confused Azimio.

"What the hell was that about, man?"

"Nothing, Az. Just…um, putting the fairy back in his place." He cringed at his own words, but Azimio didn't seem to notice anything off, as busy as he was still trying to get his eyes to stop burning and his clothes to stop being multicolored. He shot Dave a slightly sadistic grin and chuckled his approval.

"Man, nothing stops you."

"Yeah…I guess not," agreed Dave weakly.

Outside in the deserted hallway, Kurt just stood frozen to the spot for a moment. Then, he turned sharply on his heel and practically ran to the class he would be ten minutes late for, trying to leave the word Dave had uttered behind him, trying to leave it on the ground like the slushie-tinted water that had been dripping onto the floor from Dave's clothes and face and curling hair.

Beautiful.


Author's Note: Hey guys. Sorry it took me so long to update! School has been a little insane, and although I actually wrote the first half of this chapter last weekend, the rest didn't want to happen till just a little while ago for some reason. Anyway, here it is, and I hope you like it! Also, I will soon be updating all my chapters with better formatting and spelling/grammar editing here and there. I just realized that the separators I had between sections in chapters in Microsoft Word didn't carry over to FFN's document manager, and I'm sure that makes it a bit confusing. I'll be fixing that soon, so if you get a bunch of alerts from this story in a day but nothing new is up, please don't get too mad at me!

Also, I decided to give you guys a little Kurtofsky action! I know, I know, I really just want them to fall in love and make gay babies too, but that's not how it works in real life and I'm trying to make this at least somewhat realistic. Dave is very conflicted about his sexuality; I mean, we're eight chapters in and he just managed to say, in his head, that he is gay. It's a long road to self-acceptance, and then and only then will he be able to tell other people. Don't worry, this is definitely a Kurtofsky fic regardless, and the longer it goes on the more there will be of Kurt and Dave and the less there will be of Melodie, although I love that my little homemade character has gotten such positive feedback, and although I think I have a love interest planned for her as well, and with a canon character!...tee hee, can you guess who it will be?

You guys have just been great, I get new alerts and reviews every other day and it makes my heart soar and inspires me to keep writing this. I have never been a part of a more supportive writing community, and know that even if I don't respond to your review, I DO read every single one and I love every word, both positive and negative feedback. So yeah, this is my big thank you to anyone I haven't written a message back to, and if I could, I'd mail you all little Dave-and-Kurt plushie dolls.

-The Raisin Girl