Chapter 8
Darkness surrounded Hawke. He was in a dimly lit room with stone walls. A circle of light cast from a singular candle in the middle of the room kept his eyes unadjusted to the darkness. The other corners of the room were a mystery to him, but he heard a deep rumbling growl emanating from the darkness. He looked around but couldn't find the source. It seemed to be coming from all around. He slowly edged toward the candle, but as he got within a few feet, the candle flickered and extinguished as if smothered by an unseen entity. The moment the flame went out, an immense cold set over the room. The ominous growl sounded again...right behind Hawke. He spun to face this specter. His eyes weren't quite adjusted to the darkness, but he could make out the shape of a man. The shape stepped toward him, but Hawke held his ground. As his eyes adjusted, he could make out a face. His own. Twisted as it was, his features were unmistakable, though they were horribly contorted in a look of pure rage. But what scared Hawke the most was the smile on this apparitions face. It's look that cut Hawke to his core. That told him it knew him.
That it was him.
Hawke gasped. He felt as if he were drowning. He frantically pulled for air, but couldn't get enough. He opened his eyes wide to see Anders leaning over him.
"Calm Hawke, calm. Breathe slow. You've collapsed one of your lungs and if you continue to breathe like that, you're going to pass out again." Anders said as he leaned over Hawke, his hands aglow with energy as he tended to Hawke's numerous injuries.
"Oh is that all?" Hawke coughed out between labored breaths.
"Again Hawke, you defy reason. You should be dead you crazy bastard." Anders said, looking up at Hawke, a tone of disapproval entering his voice.
"Oh, is it my fault trouble always seems to find me?" Hawke teased, repressing another, more melancholy response that had immediately come to mind. He'd never cared to burden others with his problems.
"Hmmph. I'd hardly call taking on a group of Coterie thugs in the condition you were in just 'trouble'. You're a magnet for all sorts of disaster and violence." Anders said, finishing up with Hawke's lung and moving on to his last broken rib.
"Ach, that hurt." Hawke cringed as his rib slowly moved itself around and snapped back into place with a sickening crack. He could have sworn he saw a small grin cross Ander's face if only for a moment.
"Found you collapsed on the stairs to the clinic. Thought you were dead. Gave me a good scare you bastard. Lucky I found you too, looked like a couple fools were thinking of taking what you had." Anders sat back and pondered to himself the inevitability that Hawke would again be on one of the cots in his clinic, recovering from yet another horrific encounter. He grinned to himself and shook his head.
"Well Anders, it seems again, I owe you my gratitude and my life." Hawke said as he stood with some effort, trying to stretch the stiffness out of his sore abdomen. "Drinks later at the Hanged Man? On me. Varric had mentioned something about a game of cards too if you're interested."
"Hah, I'm surprised. You haven't been out for drinks in a while. Merrill letting you get out mo-" Anders began to tease, but caught himself as he saw the expression drain from Hawke's face.
Hawke felt like he'd taken a blow to the gut, but he tried to hide it. He recomposed himself and simply replied "Yeah...something like that." He turned and started towards the door, noticing the confused and worried expression on Ander's face. "I'll probably end up explaining it to you later tonight after I've had a few."
"And I'll try to make sure you don't do anything rash." Ander's said, knowing all too well that sadness and alcohol were a bad mix. He already knew for the most part what was going on. Nothing but that could take away Hawke's generally care-free attitude.
"See ya later then." Hawke said as he opened the door and left the clinic.
A deep sense of gloom accompanied Hawke on his way about Kirkwall. He wandered wherever his feet would take him, aimlessly searching for anything that would keep his mind off her, but search as he may, no easy solution presented itself. Most of all, he wondered. Where had she gone? Was she afraid of him? Was all of this his fault?
Hawke found himself at the steps to the Viscount's Keep. He looked up at the massive gated archways leading to the doors. The statues lining the walkway. He began up the stairs, figuring he might as well stop in and say hello to Aveline. They hadn't spoken much in the past few months. He'd seen her once or twice on patrol in the streets and gotten her to spare a few minutes catching up, but she always seemed so busy now as guard-captain, not to mention her marriage to Donnic.
The ceremony had been a nice affair. The wedding held at the Chantry in Kirkwall. Many of the city guardsmen were there, most still in uniform as they had just come off duty. Anders had helped the caterers prepare a fantastic meal. Varric had hired some old friends to play music and sing. He'd even got up and joined them after a few too many drinks. Fenris, well Fenris just kind of showed up, congratulated Aveline and Donnic, then sat down and brooded. Hawke had insisted on paying for the entertainment and food. He was happy for Aveline. Seeing her with Donnic...she just seemed so happy. Happier than he'd seen her since Wesley was killed. He'd spent most of his time mingling with everyone. He'd made friends with most of the guardsmen, danced and sang with Varric and the band, and spent the rest of his time with Merrill. It was a good day.
As Hawke stepped through the doors of the keep, he was treated to quite a scene. Meredith stood before a man Hawke may have mistaken for a guardsman or soldier were it not for his entourage and ornate, well-polished, undented armor.
"Soooo, that's you're final answer then?" The man asked in a tone that reminded Hawke much of Varric's playful teasing.
"You have harbored apostate mages, your highness, what were you expecting me to say?" Meredith spat at the man, obviously infuriated, but unable to do anything about it. Hawke guessed that had something to do with the "your highness" title she had just conferred upon him.
"Hmm...a 'maybe' would have been nice?" The man sarcastically replied, obviously taking pleasure in seeing the Knight-Commander fume...Hawke liked this man already.
"I do not deal in 'maybes'. I deal in cold, hard facts." Meredith recited her favorite response to anything worded with a maybe. "Maybe when Fereldan next chooses a King, it will be one who takes his duty to The Maker seriously." So, this man was King Alistair.
Hawke simply couldn't help himself. "Didn't you just say 'I do not deal in maybes.'?" Hawke said as he drew closer, wearing a sly grin as he saw Meredith's face contort into a scowl.
Meredith opened her mouth as if to say something, but stopped herself and simply said "We are done here." as she turned and left.
"Ah you must be Hawke." Alistair said, turning towards him and extending a hand to him. "Sorry you had to see that...is she always like that?"
"Ohh don't mind her, that's just her idea of 'Kirkwall hospitality'." Hawke said with a chuckle as he shook the King's hand. This close, he could see the lines of age and worry that had beset the man's face. From what he knew, Alistair was only but a few years older than he, though the deep lines of a furrowed brow and the dark circles beneath his eyes spoke otherwise. Hawke did not envy him. This was one of the reasons he hadn't tried to take up the viscount's position after defeating the Arishok...he simply didn't want to deal with all of that stress.
"Hah, then I imagine 'Kirkwall scorn' must burn the skin right off your face." Alistair said, laughing. "But I was hoping we could talk, I've heard a lot about you. Would've been better timing before being emasculated by Meredith, but I'm not picky."
"Huh, I suppose things are looking up. Not often I get called on to meet with foreign leaders." Hawke said with a smile, genuinely glad to meet him.
"Hey, I'm not so foreign. You're a refugee from Lothering aren't you? Came to Kirkwall, and you've obviously done well for yourself against all odds. I'm glad to meet you though. I was hoping your influence here in Kirkwall may be of some use. Things haven't been going well with Orlais, unfortunately and without a Viscount here, there's only the Knight-Commander to deal with and I'm sure you could see she isn't exactly fond of me."
"A lot of Fereldans fled to Kirkwall during the Blight." Hawke said, trying to steer the conversation away from the leadership of Kirkwall, dreading Alistair may ask him to take up the mantle of Viscount.
"I know...I wish I could have helped them." Alistair said, looking down, a somber note in his voice. His gaze returned to Hawke. "The Blight devastated the kingdom and ever since, well it hasn't exactly been the same. They're all welcome back though, as are you, of course. After all this time though, would you still consider Fereldan home?"
"No...I suppose not. I've grown quite fond of Kirkwall." Hawke said, returning the King's gaze.
"I understand...Fereldan's loss." Alistair said, meaning every word of the compliment he had just paid Hawke.
Hawke grinned at him, grateful for his kindness. "So what's this business with Orlais?" he asked, genuinely interested what trouble his childhood homeland may be in.
"Oh you know, the usual: attempted assassinations, civil uprisings, fancy parties with stinky cheese." They both chuckled. "But really, things aren't going well, the Empress and I are trying our best, but many of the nobles of Orlais think it would be just grand to reclaim their lost province."
"We aren't going to let them swoop down on us though." The man next to him said.
"Oh Teagan, please forgive me, that business with Meredith must have stripped me of my manners." He turned to Hawke. "This is Teagan, my uncle...sort of." Alistair said.
"Pleased to meet you, I'm Teagan, I'm only sort of his uncle." Teagan said, shaking Hawke's hand.
"Well, you mentioned my influence here and it 'being of use'...how can I help the King of Fereldan?" Hawke asked, releasing Teagan's hand.
"Unfortunately, Meredith caught wind of my arrival sooner than I thought, but what you can do is continue to protect Kirkwall. It'll take someone like you to keep it from falling apart." Alistair replied.
"Just me between Kirkwall and utter destruction? No problem." Hawke replied jokingly.
Alistair gave a laugh. "You know, you remind me of an old friend even look a bit like him. We were in the same situation with Fereldan. Trust me, it wasn't pretty, but I'm sure you can handle it."
"Speaking of him, the Hero of Fereldan will be in Denerim shortly, we should return as soon as possible." Teagan interjected.
"Oh why are you always so formal, he has a name you know." Alistair said turning on Teagan. "Anyway, it was a pleasure to meet you, Hawke. I hope we can speak again in the future." Alistair said with a smile, again extending his hand to Hawke.
"Likewise." Hawke replied with a smile and a handshake, feeling as if he was saying goodbye to a friend.
Alistair and Teagan headed off, followed out the door by their cadre of guards. Hawke laughed to himself. He'd always thought of Kings as stuffy, impersonal people. Alistair had just proved to be an exception to that rule and Hawke was glad for it. He turned and started towards the stairs, heading to Aveline's office. Going down the stairs, he passed by Donnic, who headed a column of guards filing out of the captain's office.
"Donnic!" Hawke greeted him with a smile and a handshake.
"I'd love to stay and talk, but I have a post to report to Hawke, maybe another time?" Donnic quickly replied as he shuffled past Hawke with the rest of the guards.
"Yeah...sure." Hawke said as Donnic reached the top of the stair case. He turned and rounded the corner into Aveline's office.
"Hello Hawke." Aveline said with a smile. "How have things been?"
"Fine and you?" Hawke lied though his teeth.
"Oh I've been great. Donnic...he's a fine man." Aveline said, trailing off a bit.
"Hah, you never did say how the honeymoon was." Hawke joked.
"No, I didn't." Aveline said with a sly grin.
Hawke paused for a moment, then realized that was all she was going to say. He chuckled. "So it seems you've settled into your office well."
"It's been challenging, but yes I suppose I have. I think the people are just happy that things have stayed stable the past few years."
"Seems your men could give the Templars a run for their money. They're well-trained, Aveline." Hawke complimented.
"They have. Ever since the Viscount was killed, the damn Templars think they can take over and they've had more than one run in with my men. I won't have it. The people need to have faith in the guard and that won't happen if those bastards continue talking down to them. I've made it perfectly clear that that sort of thing won't be tolerated." Aveline's features hardened. Hawke could tell she disliked the Templars almost as much as he did.
"Well I'm glad to see you putting your foot down to them. They need someone to put them in their place." Hawke said, smiling at her.
"Don't think I've taken up Ander's cause now, Hawke. My only interest is in the guard maintaining face. But enough about work, how have you been? How's Merrill?" Aveline asked, looking up at Hawke as she sat against her desk.
"Fine." Hawke struggled past the knot that had just formed in his throat. He tried to force a smile, but it must have looked odd because Aveline's expression changed.
"Is that nervousness, Hawke?" Aveline asked, standing with a look of shock on her face.
"Well-" Hawke started, but Aveline cut him off.
"Why didn't I see it sooner? You've been seeing each other for how long now? Three years?" Aveline was standing before Hawke, a look of joy on her face.
"Aveline, I-"
"You're going to propose aren't you?" Aveline's excitement was evident.
"No, Aveline-"
"Don't worry, I remember how nervous Donnic was, but we're-"
"Aveline!" Hawke yelled. He couldn't let her go any further.
Aveline stopped, her expression dropped.
"Merrill left Aveline." Hawke said. "I'm not sure for how long, or whether it's for good, but she left and I can't help but feel it's my fault. I don't even know where she went."
"Oh, Hawke." Aveline said, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah." Hawke said, taking a seat.
Aveline pulled up a chair next to him. "Hawke, I don't know what to say."
"Neither do I Aveline, neither do I." Hawke looked down at his hands. "I don't know what to do."
"Do you love her Hawke?" Aveline asked.
"Of course I-"
"Well then get out there and find her!" Aveline yelled. "Sitting around trying to figure out what you're going to do isn't going to solve anything. You need to act. You need to talk to her. Three years don't go out the window just like that Hawke. I don't know what all this is about, but I can assure you, she still has feelings for you and that's something that you can't just let slip through your fingers. So I'll ask again," Aveline slowed her pace, emphasizing the weight of each word. "Do you love her?"
Hawke relived every sensation, every feeling he'd felt with her. Everything they'd ever done together. Every secret they'd shared. Their hopes and aspirations. All the love between them. He knew without a shadow of a doubt. "Yes."
"Then you need to make her see that Hawke." Aveline said, sitting up. "You need to make her see that."
Hawke grinned. He stood and hugged Aveline. "Thanks."
"Anytime Hawke."
He turned and left her office. As he stepped out into the night, he couldn't help but feel better. He had a pretty good idea of where Merrill would be and tomorrow, he was going to make things right. He started towards the Hanged Man, feeling much better.
"Hawke!"
Hawke laughed as he came to the top of the stairs and saw Varric standing on the table, dramatically reciting one of his stories to Anders.
"I was just telling Anders about the time...bah, I don't remember what I was saying." Varric laughed and took a draught of his mead.
Anders was laughing so hard he was in tears.
Hawke laughed and took a seat. Edwina came up and he ordered a drink. The night passed in a blur and before he knew it, the three of them were sitting down in the common room laughing boisterously, making friends, and drinking.
Varric put an arm around Hawke as they sat at one of the tables. Anders was telling a group of patrons about his time in Fereldan with the Grey Wardens.
"I'm sorry about what happened at Bartrand's estate Hawke, I don't know what came over me, but I'm glad you were with me." Varric said.
"Don't worry about it Varric." Hawke replied.
"Ahh dammit Hawke...you-" Varric's loss of word's surprised Hawke.
"You? Tongue tied? Isn't this something." Hawke laughed.
"Enjoy it Hawke, this probably won't happen again." Varric begrudged. "You're a good man Hawke and I'm honored to have known you."
"Wait, what? Are you about to die? Am I?" Hawke sarcastically replied.
"Laugh it up Hawke. I just can't believe it's been six years since I found you dragging your tail out of Bartrand's office. Six years."
"Six years and one of the best friends I've ever had." Hawke said, raising his mug to Varric.
"I'll drink to that." Varric said as he tapped his mug against Hawke's. And they did.
They drank to a good night, to friendship, to a long life, and to happiness.
So college...yeah, I kind of slacked off on this chapter. This should have been done sooner. But, it's done now, and I genuinely hope you enjoy it. I'll try not to let too much get in the way of this fic again. Been kind of busy and I'm not gonna lie, a lot of the time that I would have put into this went into Skyrim...soooo I'm sure any of you who've played it understand. I've actually been considering writing a few one-shots about some of my characters in that game...once I'm done with this. So, thanks for reading and waiting so patiently on this chapter! You're the best!
