Chapter 9 - Fall In Line

Ana's POV

The last couple months have been surreal. Christian has become my best friend, and so much more. We have become inseparable. I want to spend every minute I can with him, because when I'm with him everything feels right. He's told me about his childhood, and my heart hurts for the little boy left alone at 4 years old. I'm so glad he had the Grey's to save him, I can't imagine what that must have felt like. I also can't imagine the unconditional love they have for their children, even if they aren't biologically theirs.

I've told Christian about more about Vegas, and I still really don't like talking about it to much. I know he wanted to know about my past, but most of it just hurts to much. I hate reliving any moment of it. I've given it a lot of thought, and started therapy again to help get me through some things. At first it was hard talking to some random person about everything, but I don't want to slip into a depression again. Although, being around Christian I don't think that's possible. He always has a way of making me happy.

Kate and I have become fast friends. When she graduates, she wants to make me Captain of the dance team. She is going to WSU Vancouver in the fall, and I'm honestly really happy for her. I can't believe in these short few months the change in our friendship. I'm sad to see her go, but she is basically leaving me her legacy. The girls on the dance team are all supportive, they know how hard I work and that dancing is my life. My dance coach has helped me perfect my skills for my Julliard auditions.

In less than a year, I'll be applying to the school of my dreams. That means I only have a short time to make sure everything is perfect. I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off, but I need this to work out for me. Everything in my life right now is going so accordingly, I'm afraid that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Tonight is the talent show, as silly as it sounds I've been looking forward to this for quite some time. Kate and I have worked really hard on this. Whenever we hang out, we always end up finding time to dance. It's our common ground that has brought us so close together. We are last to perform, and we anxiously wait on the sidelines for our turn. I really don't care what everyone thinks, but still performing in front of everyone can be a little nerve wracking.

The last act leaves the stage, and the curtain closes. Everything gets set up and I take my place center stage. I stare at the curtain while it opens. When the music starts, I take the lipstick out covering my lips.

Little girls. Listen closely, 'Cause no one told me. But you deserve to know, that in this world you are not beholden. You do not owe them. Your body and your soul.

I'm standing, my mouth open but nothing comes out.

All the youth in the world will not save you from growing older, and all the truth in a girl is too precious to be stolen from her.

I'm on the floor clutching my chest. I feel this song deep in my soul.

It's just the way it is. And maybe it's never gonna change. But I got a mind to show my strength. And I got a right to speak my mind. And I'm gonna pay for this. They're gonna burn me at the stake. But I got a fire in my veins. I wasn't made to fall in line. No, I wasn't made to fall in line.

I drop to the floor, letting the focus shift on Kate off to the side of the stage.

Show some skin. Make him want you. Cus God forbid you know your own way home. Ask yourself, why it matters, who it flatters. You're more than flesh and bones.

She meets me at the middle of the stage and we dance together.

All the youth in the world will not save you from growing older, and all the truth in a girl is too precious to be stolen from her.

It's just the way it is. And maybe it's never gonna change. But I got a mind to show my strength. And I got a right to speak my mind. And I'm gonna pay for this. They're gonna burn me at the stake. But I got a fire in my veins. I wasn't made to fall in line. No, I wasn't made to fall in line.

Kate and I hold hands, just as the song is about to cut. We had to drop the explicit language in the song for the guidelines.

Yea, two, three.

Right, two, three.

Shut your mouth.

When the song cuts, and the curtain closes I finally breathe a sigh of relief. Kate and I change in the dressing room, and head off to Michael's. He's throwing a party tonight, and I'm supposed to meet Christian there. I know he watched the talent show just to see my performance, he is always there to support me, but I told him I was riding with Kate and I would meet him at the party.

Kate and I are laughing in the car, singing along to the radio. With everything in my life going so right, I still feel like something is missing. I think about everything, wondering what I need to do to get this feeling off my chest. Will I always feel so heavy? I just want to be young and carefree, can someone tell me when that will be?

The party is loud and kind of crazy, but nothing like something in a movie. There are probably 50 people, but on the huge property it doesn't seem like so many. The driveway is nowhere near full, Michael has a house rule, only certain people can park cars here, everyone else needs to be dropped off. No one can park on the street, so there's no attention brought to the house. Michael has parties every time his parents go out of town, which is a lot. He likes to have a good time, but can't get caught by the police for underage drinking or his whole future will go down the drain.

Christian and I have only ever been here a couple times, never really wanting to be around everyone and anyone. We prefer to stay in and just be together, him and I. Kate has been dating Michael since her and Adam broke up. Adam cheated on her, and Michael was always there for her I guess. I never liked Adam anyway, the couple times I met him he just made me feel uneasy.

We walk past the few people outside and into the guest house. Another rule being the house is off limits, he does have his very own set-up out back for everyone. We find the boys talking right away, and make our way over to them. I kiss Christian, like I haven't seen him in ages.

"Wanna drink, baby?" He asks, and I nod. He leaves me with Kate and Michael, and goes to find me a drink. They are all over each other and make no efforts to hide it. I thought Christian and I were bad. I walk away from them, and instead of going to find Christian I make my way to the bathroom. After I come out, I don't see Christian anywhere and assume he is looking for me. Just as I am walking around the side of the house, I bump into someone.

It's Adam, and even in his drunken state he is quicker than me. Because the next thing I know I am being pushed up against the side of the guest house. I instantly see red, and go into panic mode.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about." He says, touching my side. My knees would have given out if he wouldn't have me pinned. He tries to kiss me, but I move my face.

"Get off of me." I say pushing him, but even in his drunken state he barely budges.

"Come on Ana, you know you want it." He says, still making attempts to kiss me. Before I know it Adam is thrown off me, and I am in the safe comforting arms of Christian. I cry, and my body collapses into him.

"You're lucky if I don't kill you right now. Leave."

"Ohh come on man. She wanted it." Just as he gets up off the ground, I see Michael punch him. There are a crowd of people around, and this time Michael is the one kicking him out.

After he leaves, and I am somewhat coherent, he apologises to me that this happened, he didn't even know Adam was here. He's officially banned from the house, but I don't care. I don't think I'll be coming back.

Christian takes me home, and I want to tell him to stay, but as if he already knows he carries me up the stairs. We just lay together until we fall asleep, and when the morning hits my window I know what I need to do today. I untangle myself from him, and quickly get dressed. I leave a note on the bedside table, and head off to Montesano.

The drive to Ray's is a little over an hour, and I don't even know what I'm going to say to him. When I reach the house I grew up in, I get this strange feeling in my chest, but I go up and knock and the door.

Ray opens the door, and a million emotions cross his face. I cry, and just embrace him in a hug. I didn't realize how much I missed him until this moment.

"Annie. Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here?" He asks after we have been sitting on the couch for sometime. I haven't said anything, and I'm not crying anymore but something about being here hits me hard.

"I guess I just missed you. I haven't heard from you since Carla took me away." I remember the day like it was yesterday.

"She said you didn't want me here anymore, I just wanted to know why you gave up on me." I know I didn't talk much after I came back, but that didn't mean I didn't want to be here.

"She told me that she told you the truth, and you didn't want to be here anymore." She took me away when he wasn't home, I guess I never thought anything of it. She was lying to both of us, that manipulative bitch.

"What do you mean the truth?" I ask.

"She never told you, did she?" He asks.

"Told me what?" Now I have to know.

"Annie, there's something you should know." He says, and I'm not prepared for the truth.

Christian's POV

I wake up to a cold bed, and instantly wake up in a panic. Where did she go? I look in the bathroom, and when she's not there I go back to the bedroom to grab my phone. There's a note on top of it that I read.

Christian, I'm sorry. Not sure when I'll be back, but I will call you. There's something I had to do.

Where did she go? What was so important? I check my phone, and there's nothing from her. I decide to get dressed and leave and wait for her call. I don't want to sit around her bedroom and wait for her, I don't even know where she went. Why didn't she wake me up?

When I get home, I go upstairs to my room. Mia comes in and asks me if Ana is okay, she saw what happened at Michael's party. I didn't even know she was there.

"She's fine. Adam is lucky I didn't punch him." I say, Michael knows I would have killed him.

"I'm glad you're not fighting anymore. Ana's really helped you, Christian. I know mom and dad don't know why, but they see it to." She says, and I know I've been doing better in school, haven't been drinking or fighting. I really have changed for the good.

"Please don't tell them, they'll want her to come over again. I don't think Ana is ready for all of that." It took months for her to finally accept we were dating. I really don't like putting a timeline on things. I don't want to push her into something she's not ready for. It's why I wont tell her I love you, I don't want to scare her away. But she ran away today, and I don't even know what I did wrong.

"I promise. But you can't keep this a secret forever. You know they are getting curious." I know they have a feeling something is up. I "hang out with Michael" constantly. I am always in a good mood now, and I haven't gotten in trouble for anything. I talk with them more at dinner, and actually hug my mom before I leave the house. It really is a bunch of little things, but I know it means the world to them.

It's about 5pm when I get a text from Ana saying she's home. I know instantly that I need to go see her.

"Mom, Dad, I'm leaving. I'll be back later." I call out, and mom tells me to be back by 10 because it's a school night. When I get to Ana's her car is the only one in the driveway, and I head straight up to her room. She's laying on the bed, and takes out one of her headphones when I enter her room.

"Hey." She says, scooting over for me to lay down.

"Where did you go this morning?" I sit on the bed next to her.

"I went to go see someone." She says. Who did she go see? I feel like she's holding back, and I know we've been here before. We keep going around in circles.

"It doesn't really matter." She says, she's about to cry.

"Will you tell me one day?" I hate that she won't tell me, but I'll compromise. I trust her. She will tell me when she's ready no matter how badly I want to know why she looks so sad right now.

She just nods, and I lay down next to her, putting an ear bud in my ear. The music is loud, but soothing a female voice is singing about when somebody loved her. I just listen, hoping to get insight of how she feels.

Ana's POV

I just lay there. I can't tell Christian about what happened today, I don't even believe it myself. I know he wants to know, but how do I tell him my whole life has been a lie?

Could you beam me up, give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it. I'd Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face.

Beam me up, Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter, I think, A minute's enough, Just beam me up.

How do you give up a child and let them go through so much pain? I know my miscarriage still haunts me sometimes, I wouldn't have been able to have a baby through that trauma. That doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. How did he let me go as a baby? Did he know she had me? Did he even care about all the pain I ended up going through?

No place big enough for holding, all the tears you're gonna cry. Cause your mama's name was "Lonely". And your daddy's name was "Pain". And they call you "Little Sorrow". Cause you'll never love again.

I want to cry, the truth hurts too much to tell him. He'll never understand it, how can I ruin his perfect family? My mom kept the truth about my dad a secret, why didn't she tell me? She used the truth to hurt Ray, and now I know what a bitch she really is. She destroyed our family, and hurt another's family in the process. She doesn't even care the damage she did. She only ever looked out for herself. Does he know that I'm his? Does Grace know what he did? How do I confront him? Maybe I just need to let it go. I don't want him in my life, he's Christian's dad. He isn't my father despite the truth, Ray is more of a dad than he will ever be. Carrick Grey may be my biological father, but Ray Steele loved me unconditionally.

Christian's POV

When Ana starts crying, I just hold her. I turn the music off, and hold her till she falls asleep. I know I have to go soon, but I don't want to leave her like this. She never told me what happend, but whatever it is was hard for her. She has never been so distant. I hope she knows how much I love her. No matter what she says or does, I will always be there for her. When she falls asleep, I give her a kiss on the forehead. I cover her up, and hope that one day I'll be able to spend every night with her.

When I go home and lay in bed, I dream of her sleeping, wishing I could be there to keep her nightmares at bay. I don't want her to hurt or feel anymore pain. I know that in everything I do, I'm going to show her how much I care. I love her, even if she isn't ready to hear it. Nothing could keep me away from her. She's everything I need, and more.


A/N So, I can't believe how much attention this story has gotten lately, I love all of the kind reviews from everyone. Thank you for reading. I am having malfunctions with my computer, so I mostly do all of this off my phone. I know there are errors here and there. I do this for fun, and I'm not looking to make a best seller. I don't mind the critiquing that I get, but you also don't have to rough with it. I write this story for me, and honestly I'm kind of surprised so many people are enjoying it so much. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'm very happy with the way things have turned out so far, I have some big plans for the future of this story, and am so excited to share them. I will keep trying to update as often as possible. Thanks for reading!