A/N: Surprise. Double update!
"Carly, Honey, it's a mess." Sam and Dad sat down next to me as my fingers wandered over Mom's tombstone. I couldn't bring myself to look to the left; I didn't want to see the confusion and inadequacy in Sam's eyes, and worse still, I didn't want to look in the direction of the grave of my mother's first lover.
"I never wanted to give up my children; we just never got to sign the known donor contract because Carla died first. The agreement basically said I got to be fun Uncle Steve with visitation rights similar to a non-custodial parent, when possible given my career." I nodded and squeezed Sam's hand.
"You were going to do it anyway."
"I knew they'd raise you and Spence to be good people. This world doesn't have enough of those, Honey." It took me a moment, but I finally stopped crying.
"Why have I never seen her grave?" Dad shook his head and sighed.
"I don't know. I couldn't relive losing her, I guess. Spencer came a few times in his late teens, but after that, he started having nightmares." Sam's head jerked.
"What kind of nightmares?"
"Weird ones that made him doubt his existence." I sighed and looked at Sam, finally. Her eyes told me all I needed to know; she knew about my own nightmares. My doubt of my existence, self-worth, worth to her, ability to love and be loved…
"You should've told me, Carly." She was trying to mask the hurt in her eyes, but I could see through it. I couldn't respond; I could only nod and fall into her arms, crying. "Dad… I wish I had known all of this. Carly's been having the same kind of dreams." My tall, military-hardened father rose; at that moment he looked like a shy boy. He leaned down and gently scooped me off my lover and looked me straight in the eyes as I curled into his chest.
"I'm going to introduce you to someone you may not want to meet, but I think you need to." I could only wish he wasn't taking me to her grave site as I felt us advance in that general direction. He'd pointed it out, but I dared not venture there yet.
"Daddy, don't…"
"Shh." With that, he placed my butt-first on the ground in front of her, grabbed Sam's hand, and led her back to the cemetery's main path. I was left alone to think, and ultimately, I just didn't want to. So instead, I spoke to the tombstone of a woman I didn't know existed before yesterday.
