Chapter 9

"How'd it go?" Will immediately asked.

"Better than I imagined. Thanks Will."

Will just smiled as he started the car and they took off. For a long time JJ had just been sitting around, not really doing anything. Somehow Chelsea gave her a second wind, she was going to do something productive today. Maybe do a light workout. Her body was still healing, but she was really missing the active side of her.

Maybe it was time to bring her out.

"Let's go on a run today." JJ announced.

Will sent her a skeptical look.

"Well, at least a walk."

"A walk sounds wonderful Jayje, how'd you come up with that?"

JJ smirked.

"You sarcastic son of a-"

"Woah, woah, woah." Will stopped her, trying to hold in his laughter.

JJ sort of chuckled as they pulled into their driveway, for the second time that morning.

"I'm still sorry about last night." JJ said regretfully.

"No worries Jayje, whatever you need I'm here for you. Just remember that."

"Will do, handsome."


The rest of the day went similar to most. JJ and Will did take their walk, they even brought Henry along. It was long and the weather was beautiful. JJ loved the beginning of spring, it wasn't too cold, not too warm, just right. And it was absolutely gorgeous.

JJ hadn't felt this content in a long time. It was her first really good day since- JJ took it. She took it gratefully and was taking advantage of it. She wanted her old life back, and one good day at a time was how she was gonna do it.

She was still skipping out on meals, food had yet to sound appealing. She made sure to wear her bagginess clothes, she didn't want to raise any concern around Will or anything. Because she was fine. One day food would sound better, she would stop skipping and her old life would be back.

Ain't that a thought.

JJ didn't really see it as a problem, she had been through a traumatic experience, what was the real harm in skipping a meal here and there. It's not like she wasn't eating at all. She was just picky.

She could hear Will's vice in the back of her head.

"But Jayje, you're going to lose too much weight, and then you know where that'll getchya? Back in the hospital."

She shook the thought away easily. She wasn't doing anything wrong. Food just wasn't appetizing yet, she wouldn't skip meals forever.


As the day came to an end, JJ was feeling refreshed, energized. It was the best she'd felt in a long time. They all welcomed it with open arms.

"I'm really glad today was such a good day. Did Chelsea really help then?" Will asked as they climbed into bed.

"I guess so. I mean...I'd like to think its just me. All on my own, gettin better." JJ said with a wink.

"Definitely." Will agreed with an amused look.

JJ pulled out her book and Will lied down to fall asleep. Will easily fell into a slumber, and 2 hours later JJ was still wide awake reading her book. The book wasn't nearly as interesting as her plaguing thoughts, yet she keep reading. Hoping that something would happen and keep her distracted.

It was like her mind was running a hundred miles an hour. She couldn't stop it, and it wouldn't stop. Her mind was just bouncing from one thing to another, things she didn't want to remember. Stupid things she's done in the past and will never forgive. Bad childhood memories, anything that JJ could possibly come up with, it was running through her mind, driving her insane.

She rubbed her temples, begging her mind to shut up and leave her alone. To forget the things she so desperately wanted to bury and never dig up. Her mind was its own though, and it only kept going. JJ tossed and turned, screaming on the inside, anything she could do to escape.

Suddenly, she jumped from her bed and began pacing. She glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand.

3:02 AM

Her mind was still running crazy, her eye kids drooped, eager for sleep. But if her mind couldn't shut off, her eyes couldn't shut off, which meant no sleep.

JJ began to panic more, she needed sleep, without sleep she couldn't get better. Ifshe wasn't better, she couldn't return to work, and then what purpose would she have? She loved her son and husband dearly. Her family kept her going in the rough times of the FBI, but she needed to help everyone. Random people, lots of people. She thrived on it. The feeling of being needed was like poison, it was good until she cared to a fault. And that's when she put everything on the line.

She was still pacing 30 minutes later, maybe trying to wear herself out. If she stood long enough, maybe the next time she hit the bed, exhaustion would take over her crazy mind, and put her out of her misery.

Her mind had some what slowed down, just analyzing certain events JJ didn't want to remember. As if mocking her, brutally shoving it in her face, like there was nothing she could do.

"Now listen to me, I own you!" JJ whispered under her breath.

A second later she stopped pacing. Her head fell into her hands with an evident despair. She collapsed face first on to her bed.

"They're gonna lock me up. I'm crazy. I'm talking to myself!" JJ cried into her pillow.

She started to sob into her pillow.

Will heard the disturbance and woke up, he checked the clock and looked over at JJ. Her face was shoved into her pillow, trying to muffle her heartbreaking sobs.

"Jayje?" Will whispered into the night and gently put his hand on the small of her back.

JJ hadn't been expecting to wake her husband, and when she heard him through her sobs, she became embarrassed and depressed. She jumped from the bed in a panic and fright.

"Don't touch me." She growled through gritted teeth. She felt like a wild animal that couldn't be tamed. There was no hope for her now, a lost cause.

"I'm sorry JJ. Can I talk to you?" Will asked gently.

JJ kept silent. Her brow was hard, she was angry. Angry with herself, angry with Will for waking up, and then angry with herself again because she woke him up. Her sobs started to ease and she listened to the calming sound of Will's voice.

"Hey, we're okay. We're safe. No need to panic. Do you want to talk?"

"I'm not panicking." JJ grumbled after a moment of silence.

"Okay, then what's going on? Why did you wake up? Was it a nightmare?"

JJ started to sniffle. She wished it had only been a nightmare, at least she would have gotten some benefits from the rest.

"I never went to sleep."

"Why's that?" Will asked as gently as possible.

"Because I couldn't." JJ said through gritted teeth. She was using anger to mask her real depression, and sense of self hatred. She couldn't even go to sleep? She must be some sort of pathetic.

"Come here, come lay down. I'll tickle your back."

JJ hesitantly nodded and then climbed up on their bed. She laid on her stomach and Will's gentle hands went to work. His fingertips were a warmth and comfort JJ forgot how much she loved. Will really calmed her down.

"Talk to me." JJ muttered. Her book couldn't keep her distracted from her brain, but maybe Will could.

"Sure." Will started on a story JJ had heard countless times. He knew she loved it, and it brought a warm smile to her face.

"I was only 12, clearly naive to the world..."


Thanks to the reviews. I should try and explain this chapter a bit. What JJ goes through is an insomnia attack. These are how my insomnia attacks go, I'm not sure how anybody else's is...or what not. But they are incredibly infuriating, like you can't have control over your body, and I just hope I captured that well enough in this chapter. Thanks for your endless support, it means so much to me.