SHE'S GOT MY BLOOD RUNNING COLD
9. Define Avelina for me
Bella was adjusting to vampire life like a caterpillar adjusts to being a butterfly; so perfect they wonder why they were a caterpillar in the first place. The kid, Renesmee, wasn't as bad as I thought. I constantly thanked Avelina for holding me back that first day because 20 minutes later Seth entered and imprinted on the spot. Imprinting is really becoming a huge joke to me, what's the point? It was just weird to think of Seth and Nessie (as he liked to call her) being inseparable, but whenever he's in wolf-form I can see how happy it makes him…and it sickens me. I waited around for a few days after Bella's transformation was complete, kind of waiting for the right moment to approach Edward. Thankfully, Charlie was taking Bella, Nessie, and Seth out for dinner (Bella, of course, would not be eating). Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper planned to go hunting, and Alice was going to take Rose and Avelina shopping. Leaving Emmet and Edward to hold down the fort.
So far as I could tell, Avelina was fitting into the Cullen family perfectly. She was treated like a hero by Esme and Carlisle, like a close sister by Alice, a casual gal pal by Rosalie, a playmate by Emmet, a respected friend by Jasper, and then there was the intimate (yet not really intimate) way Edward treated her that blatantly invited her to be with them. Leah kept most snide comments about Avelina to herself (and even had a small conversation with her now and then). Seth just thought she was the greatest, to him she was like that older-brother's-extremely-cool-long-term-girlfriend. She was a friend, and even though she was new most of us felt that life without her would be downright wrong. She was introduced to Nessie as "Aunt Avelina". When Edward first introduced them Avelina gave him a grateful smile, he returned it and a suddenly-stony Bella became mysteriously preoccupied by Nessie's stray hair.
I had every intention to ask Edward about Avelina's freak out when Bella was having the baby. For some reason it seemed really significant, and what about that sentence "Sometimes love isn't enough"? I had to find out. I was on my way to the house when I saw Avelina leaning on a tree at the edge of the treeline, watching various Cullens head this way and that, preparing for the day. I walked up next to her.
"What's up?" I asked her, she glanced at me with a tiny smile.
"I'm going shopping." She said with amusement.
"You say it like it's a bad thing." I commented.
"It's not…in small doses. I'm worried about trying to get Alice to bring me back." She then turned to lock eyes with me and place her hand on my shoulder. "If I'm not back by Monday, start your search in Mall of America and follow the shopping bags until you find us." She said seriously, though her eyes were laughing. I laughed too, and to think I used to hate Avelina.
"I'm going to talk to Edward today." I told her. Avelina cocked her head until I elaborated, "I'm going to ask him about the other day…what you said…"
"Oh." Her face fell and she bit her lip, "I can't stop you…but I think you shouldn't look too much into it."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm…a liar. I mean, I didn't lie outright but there is something that is a little…contradicting. But it isn't my fault, and I don't say much about it because I didn't want …" She was searching for words, which was weird for her.
"Everyone lies." I said, "I just want to know what's going on with you." Avelina smiled sadly.
"Don't think less of me." And she walked off. I stared after her, more than a little confused.
"Hey, Edward." Edward was lounging in living room, Emmet was nowhere in sight. Edward had, of course, seen this conversation coming all day.
"Come on." He led me out back and leaned against a tree not very far into the woods. "You want to know about Avelina." He stated flatly. I nodded.
"Well, yeah. I was just wondering because…." Sometimes love isn't enough. "I want to know what she means.
"How much do you know about Avelina?" Edward said on a sigh.
"Not much. She's a vampire, she was your friend before becoming vampires, she knows when she needs to help people and how she became a vampire." I'm a liar. What did that mean? Don't think less of me.
"Here's the thing about Avelina." Edward said, "She doesn't like always being the weakest one. She grew up not being able to protect herself, always needing someone's help, giving all she had just to make it out alive."
"I don't…understand." I said.
"I don't know how much of that story she wants me to tell you. You can ask her, and if she says for me to tell you I will. But…it's hard to talk about. You wanted to know what she was hiding from me.
"Apparently, many years ago, Avelina was in a situation similar to mine. She fell in love with a human. At first, she didn't tell him what she was. She walked with him at night, cuddled in tree tops and flirted over café tables. But he, like Bella, discovered the truth. When he confronted her about it she just froze, it's always hard when you think that what you are will keep you from the person you love. But he couldn't find it in him to discard her, because he loved her too, and sometimes that can make you forget about safety. Avelina was….ecstatic, to say the least. But she was also very conflicted, obviously. Because she knew that she wouldn't be able to stay with him, but she couldn't stay away from him either. That and she knew that, eventually, he would die and she'd be alone again." He stopped and sucked in a breath.
"I can't imagine how painful that'd be." I said, and he knew I wasn't just saying it for Avelina.
"Thanks. She started doing everything she could to spend more time with him, but time goes by so quickly when you're immortal. This is where our stories begin to differ. Their time together wasn't enough for either of them. He dropped out of college so they could travel, they had enough money to travel comfortably for a century. He gave up the normal life he could have had, and she let him. I can't imagine allowing that, but they were both happy for nearly twenty years. I sometimes wonder…" He drifted off. I cleared my throat.
"Avelina?" I reminded him. He grimaced.
"Yes. Avelina. Well, you were there when she talked about how human blood was unappealing to her after killing a complete stranger." I'm a Liar. "That's not where she lied. She did lead you, and everyone else for that matter, that that was the only time she killed." I was starting to feel like I didn't want to hear this story anymore. "They went rock climbing in Europe once, and he started to faint from the heat. Avelina started helping him up so they could get to a ledge so he could lie down. But he was practically unconscious, Avelina was so desperate to get him to a safe place that she wrapped her arm around him and dragged him up the cliff. However, when she got him up there she found that she had clutched him so hard that it crumpled his ribcage and ruptured his heart, he was already dead." Edward ducked his head for a moment as I absorbed. I'm a liar. Sometimes love isn't enough. You shouldn't look too much into it. I can't stop you. You'll kill her. It made sense. Edward had seemed sure that he could keep Bella alive because he loved her. But Avelina…
"She lost her chance at love because of what she is." Edward continued. I couldn't tell if he was finishing my thought or following his own. "She could never forgive herself, and it was completely an accident. And sometimes love just isn't enough."
"Why did she tell you?" I asked, "Why did she care so much if Bella lived or not?"
"Because that's the kind of friend she is." Edward whispered, "In any case, it's a kind of pain that if you experience it you wouldn't wish it on anyone." I was torn. Torn into two horrible halves. Half of me just wanted to tell Avelina she wasn't a liar, and how sorry I was. The other half of me wanted to cry, to sob shamelessly because I couldn't imagine feeling anything so horrible. I glanced up at Edward, he looked haunted. His eyes had dark shadows in them, his breathing irregular, sometimes closing his eyes for several seconds at a time. He was seeing it, I realized. I couldn't picture it; a faceless man I'd never met laying in the dirt, his chest crumpled and bleeding, Avelina bent over him in pure agony. Edward saw it, the man he saw had a face, he was seeing Avelina's face too, and feeling her agony, feeling it all. I suddenly got the urge to be very sick, I took a deep breath and let it out, calming myself.
"Have you talked to her about it?" I asked finally. Edward sighed.
"I don't know how to bring something like that up; I don't want to make her feel worse. And I don't know what she might resent, she doesn't seem like it but I feel something here makes her uncomfortable." He said.
"Well, you should say something. You are her best friend, after all." I pointed out, "And you're the only one who can begin to imagine how she feels." I suddenly smiled, "And I bet she isn't nearly as uncomfortable as Bella is." Edward's head snapped up.
"What?"
"You're kidding me, right?" Reliant on mind-reading much? I sobered quickly, I needed to talk to Avelina.
I know I know! But I've been busy.
Me+Fanfiction+youtube+school+Guitar+American Idol+Rereading those books I have memorized+Possible Courageous Persuaders project= JUST PICK A FREAKING HOBBY ALREADY!!!
I need to update my other stories....
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