I don't really like writing too much ANs but I want to convey to all of you dear readers my deep appreciation and that I do read each and every one of your reviews. I go over the ones who added Gladiolus as their favorite and count those who follow my story. To each one of my readers, thank you and Happy Valentines Day. I hope to see you on the next chapter.

I do not own the Hunger Games.

Chapter 9

Sometimes I find myself looking around crowds because I keep trying see her. I know that she's in District 12 and I, myself am stuck in the Capitol. Nonetheless, my eyes still rove trying to catch a glimpse of her. Katniss.

Is this normal? I don't think so…. I've been doing a lot of not so normal things since meeting the Girl on Fire. She tends to have that effect.

It's been a week and our daily calls are still continuing and for that, I'm grateful. Some days, it seems the only thing worth getting up to. I would call her mornings and she would call during nights. Sometimes, I feel as if she does it intentionally because that's when I have to entertain a client. It makes me feel warm, even in the midst of the Capitol.

Straightening my jacket, I adjust it securely. Stepping off the train station, I've arrived in District Two at last. Brutus keeps looking at me funny because ever since the start of the train ride, I fell silent.

That's right, I needed to do something here and for that, I revert back to the Brute that first came to the Capitol. After all, a brute will only respect another brute. Lowering myself to his level is distasteful but it's the only way I know that will teach that trash a lesson.

And by the time I'm through with him, I'll make damn sure that he'll regret every little hit or smack that he's given his entire wasted life.

Keeping the phone at all times with me, I see Prim looking from my side knowingly. Yes, she knew about the nightly phone calls and the morning calls as well.

Prim says that I miss him, that's why it always feels bad to end a call, whether it's an hour long one or just a five minute chat. Distance does that to lovers. They make you miss the other person so much that at times it physically hurts.

But Cato isn't my lover. Cato is just a good friend, right?

Yet, I think about him always, when I'm hunting, when I'm eating, when I'm talking to Prim, when I'm talking to Gale, and most specially when I'm with Peeta, every minute of every hour and even those in between.

A soft knock startles me from my reverie. Heading towards the door, I open it to see Peeta.

Peeta. We've been together since that first day back; everyday, all day. He takes me to picnics, introduces me to his friends, he took me to the Mellark bakery. We spend the day together, everyday for the past week, yet, when we part, I don't miss him at all. At first, I thought that this was normal, after all spending the whole day together ought to be enough. But Peeta misses me, he misses me so much that he even calls or drops by during late evenings just to get a glimpse of me. Sometimes, he even remarks how easy it would actually be if we just moved in together.

I didn't like it so he backed off but I can tell that my refusal hurt him deeply. Yet, it's true, I don't miss Peeta at all. I don't know why, I should be thrilled that he's so committed to this relationship but the problem is, I'm not.

At times, I find myself more and more wary of his attentions, irritated even. It's not really Peeta's fault. It's mine, I'm changing. Peeta didn't change, I did. Whether it's for the better or worse, I don't really know. And along with that change is my constant urge to hear another blond Victor's voice. Right after I hear the clicking of the phone on the other line, I usually have to forcefully restrain myself from redialing.

Cato.

My life would be so much easier if he didn't make it out of that arena alive. But he did and right now, I'm so grateful for that. So grateful for him because he's showing me another depth to myself; deeper and more intense and as much as those feelings are ignored and unspoken, it, nonetheless, remains present and persisting.

I don't speak about it, I hardly acknowledge it but those around me are starting to notice. They look at me funny when I stare at the phone for lengthy periods, lost in my thoughts. Prim looks at me, pityingly at times, when I say I love you to Peeta all the while keeping my fists locked tight. Even my mother starts to worry and Haymitch's glare increased exponentially that I'm forced to bypass his house just so I wouldn't have to see his disapproving looks.

And Peeta, Peeta looks like I've stabbed him worse than the Careers.

"Peeta, I want to visit Madge, is it okay if we don't go out today?" I ask him, quietly pleading that he doesn't contest my decision. The puppy dog look is in full force after telling him of my plans but I stand firm.

"Okay, I guess I'll just see you later?"

"Sure…" Watching him walk away with drooped shoulders, I can't help the guilty that gnaws at my gut for feeling relief at being able to spend some time away from him.

Walking to the Undersee residence, I knock on their front door and am surprised by how fast it swung open. Madge looks to me in delight.

"Katniss! I thought you'd never stop by! You've been back for almost a week and you hardly visited." Ushering me inside, we enter a small room used to entertain guests.

"Been busy with Peeta…" I mumble a bit discomfited at not visiting her at once.

"Yes, I heard that the two of you have been spending every minute of your day together, that's romantic."

"I guess so…"

"You don't sound sure."

"Oh! Well Peeta loves it but I've never really been the kind to just hang around idly, besides he talks to me about me most of the time."

"He just loves you,"

"Too much, if you ask me"

"… And that's bad?" Madge looks as if she's trying to fish for something.

"It's bad if I can't return it equally"

"Ah…" she utters as if expecting it "I've been worried about that…Peeta's more in love with you than you are of him. A more shallow woman would call that an advantage but you've never been shallow, Katniss"

I nod in agreement and try to explain to her as best as I can my current dilemma with Peeta "It feels tight. I'm trying to return his feelings but- but- sometimes it just feels fake and wrong and unreal. It feels as if I'm still playing up for an audience. And I don't know how- how- to make it more genuine for me and him."

Katniss is stammering. This is a new development because she never stutters, which means that she's truly at a loss. Katniss is smart, good at most things involving other people but ask her about herself, and she's lost.

This is my time to assist her. As the girl best friend in our unlikely triumvate, Gale, me and with Katniss at the tipping point, it's my duty to help her in these matters. Especially since Gale would much prefer to serve himself to Katniss than help her resolve love problems.

And I know just where to start.

"Where's Cato, Katniss?"

"What are you talking about? We're supposed to be discussing Peeta"

"But you've already talked about Peeta with your mentor, your sister and even your mother. Now, I want to discuss the actual elephant in the room"

"What?"

"It's a metaphor, Cato's the elephant in the room"

"I don't have an issue with Cato, it's Peeta I'm worrying about" Again, she's lying. I can see it in the way she twists her shirt continuously.

Sighing in exasperation, I try again, "Who gave you that bow, Katniss? I've never seen something of that design in the hunting store"

"It's the only one of its kind. A gift… from Cato." She says, smiling softly. "He designed it for me"

Oh boy, I guess things are moving faster than I thought.

"That's pretty special. Okay, so let me ask again, what do you feel about Cato, Katniss?"

After squirming beneath my gaze, I see her slump her shoulders in defeat then everything just started spilling out.

"I… miss him. Our talks never lasts long enough and I can't help but feel that he's keeping something from me. That he's not really okay with everything and he's not telling me to shield me from that. And I don't like it. I want to know, know everything that he's going through. To be there for him."

Looking at her in astonishment, I was surprised at the level of gravity in her voice. She looks to be hurting because he could be hurting. That's going beyond ordinary friendship.

"He's protecting you…"

"I can do that myself! I don't need nor want anyone protecting me. It's just unfair, he's there all alone, you know? His mentors don't talk to him, his parents are gone and he's going through this alone. He needs someone."

"And you think that someone is you?" She blushes at that. It looks good on her, I've never seen Katniss blush when she's with Peeta.

"I don't know."

"But, do you want it to be you?"

"I don't know, okay! It's all too much. It feels too much when I'm with him and even when I'm just talking to him. Besides, I'm already with Peeta. If I can't solve my problems with him, how can I hope to be of any help to Cato?"

"Because it's different Katniss, you've been racking your brain trying to be what Peeta wants you to be, and you're struggling because no matter what you do, you can't. And maybe the reason you can't is because unconsciously, you don't really want to."

She starts to deny my statement but I shut it down, fast.

"You don't want to be Peeta's romantic partner anymore. You don't want to be part of the starcrossed lovers anymore, and finally, your sense of gratitude was greatly diminished after saving him countless of times in the arena, which means the Boy with the Bread isn't as high in your list of priorities anymore. Inside the arena, you needed something to cling to from home and that's Peeta but now that you're back home, you don't need to cling to him as much and you feel guilty for not placing him at top anymore because there's Prim, your mother, Gale, and the rest of the Hawthornes who are just as important."

Katniss remains silent.

"You feel guilty because you're starting to see that what you feel for Peeta might not be as different as what you feel for the others." I tell her in a matter-of-fact tone. "At the same time, it scares and frustrates you that what you feel for Cato might not be like how you feel for the others. And definitely not mere friendship at that." My voice carries finality to it.

Katniss remains seated beside me and looks overwhelmed. I know that this is difficult for her to ingest but those words needed to be said and more importantly, she needed to hear it.

My best friend has dedicated her whole life to others, the very least that they could grant her is freedom to choose who she wants to end up with.

Knocking on his door, I open it to see that he's got visitors. Plenty at that, whores mostly. I slam the door shut to announce my arrival.

"Knock knock! Anyone home?" I call out maniacally. Stalking towards the scene of debauchery displayed in the front foyer.

He turns to me scowling "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm hurt, Landos, I thought you would at least recognize your step-son." I imitate a fake hurt expression with matching sad eyes.

"What are you talking about? I don't have a son"

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you not remember your favorite punching bag eight years ago? That was me!"

"Ah, the scrawny boy who keeps sniffing at his mother's skirt, you grew up well boy!"

"Yes, I did. To better beat you up, asshole" And then I attacked. Pandemonium erupted. His ladies of the night started scurrying for the door but I ignore them. They are of little consequence. My business here is with Landos.

My first punch lands solidly on his nose, hearing the crunch, I smile cruelly. That's right, make him feel it. The kick to his midsection threw him over the sofa and stalking over to him, I bodily pick him up just to throw him again over the glass table. It breaks and the glass shatters around but I ignore the tiny pricks coming from the shards.

He picks up one of the legs from the table and hits me on the side of my head. My forehead starts to bleed. I laugh uproariously, after all, half the fun is making them fight.

I hear footsteps approaching but I already have Landos' neck in my hands and I have every intention of squeezing the life out of him.

"Remember my face, I want to you to remember me as I take your life just as you took everything of mine before." Squeezing tightly, I see his face turn a sick shade of blue but before I can twist his neck or cut off his last breath, I was knocked out from the back.

Two days left.

I'm starting to panic, I've been trying to contact Cato for the past two days but all I hear is a busy tone. I tried bullying Haymitch into talking to Brutus again but he just wont budge.

What's happening Cato?

Slowly opening my eyes, I regard the Peacekeeper in front of me indifferently.

"Why did you do it Victor Cato?" The Peacekeeper is wearing the normal white uniform and he's holding a tablet in his hand, slowly scrolling down my file.

"You already hold a copy of my file, shouldn't that be reason enough?"

"What you did to Victor Landos is punishable by imprisonment or banishment. No one is above the law, even Victors"

"Then you should have taken that animal off the streets decades ago, I was just making your job that much easier" I smirk, really I'm not that afraid.

"Given your current status and the list of offenses you presented against Victor Landos, the council has decided on being lenient." The Peacekeeper droned on ignoring my remark.

Looking at him in boredom, I wait for the verdict.

"Banishment. Luckily, given that you are the latest Victor, the Council will leave it up to you to choose what District you'll go to."

This surprised me.

My District of choice? Should I stay in the Career Districts? Like transfer to District One? It's not that far from home, but it reminds me too much of my own District and the Capitol influence is seen on every corner, such a trivial place will never feel like home to me. How about Four? beaches and sunny weather all year round, I can buy a house near the beach and spend the rest of my days lounging by the shore.

Or maybe I should check out the outliers. . District Three maybe? with all those technologies, it would be fascinating. In District 6, I can travel wherever I want but the city-wide issue of drug addicts disgusts me, anyone who needs to resort to chemical products to stay sane seems weak and I don't want to be associated with those kinds of people. Maybe, District 7? The trees are scenic with fresh air plus the people are said to be hospitable… and so my deliberation goes on and on…

Yet even as I contemplate the different Districts, I know deep inside that I've already chosen. Looking straight at the stoic Peacekeeper, I tell him of my decision and for the first time since this interrogation started, I saw his façade crack in surprise at my decision.

I simply smile.

"Haymitch, I'm telling you, something bad is happening to Cato…" I tell my mentor for the nth time.

"And so what? The boy is already 18, of legal age. He can take care of himself. Besides he's the Capitol favorite right now so whatever bad happening to him is not done by the President or his cronies, it's probably intentional" He adds the last statement quietly.

"What are you saying? That Cato wants to make trouble?" I ask him scornfully. My arms cross over my chest and my right foot starts to tap in offense for what he's implying.

"Yes, did you not see him during the Games? He went out of his way to irritate everyone"

"But he hasn't answered his phone for two days! That's not like him." Imploring Haymitch to understand.

"Maybe, he saw a client that he actually likes… and just forgot about you" Haymitch tells me cruelly. I stop mid-protest, I can feel my jaw lock in anger. The fire in my eyes also looks on with deadly intent.

"He's not like that, Haymitch"

"Oh, and how would you know? you've just started talking to him, what, four days ago?"

"I just know, okay?"

"No, not okay. What you're doing is wrong, does Peeta even know that you're here everyday trying to badger me into calling his nemesis?"

"Nemesis? Peeta is not Cato's nemesis…" And I'm definitely right in that. As much as I hate to say it, Peeta would be killed in under three minutes when faced with Cato.

"There you go again, looking at things from your District Two's perspective. I'm not talking in battle, sweetheart, I'm talking about another competition. One that you're obviously unaware of."

What the hell is Haymitch talking about?

Looking at me for another minute, as if waiting for a reaction, he suddenly sighs exasperatedly. "You're hopeless, sweetheart. Just go on back home… you'll be seeing him soon enough. The Victory tour starts in District 12 … just a day left. Bear with it."

Huffing in irritation, I stomp out back. Bypassing the Victors Village, instead I go straight to the forest with my bow in tow. Recently, I've started avoiding Peeta. After my conversation with Madge, I knew that I have to make a decision about the two of us and the only thing that clears my mind these days is hunting. Entering the forest, I breath in deeply, the scent of leaves always refreshes me. The bow that Cato gives me is quite difficult to hide especially with its red highlights but I wouldn't change it for the world.

The high strength of the bow string and its great recoil more than makes up for it. I aim using a barebow and the bow flexes smoothly with the different aims that I employ. Furthermore, the almost weightless body makes it easier for me to chase down games.

Gale and me have mended our friendship and for a few days the air was tense but after awhile, we're back to being comfortable with each other again. In a way, it also showed him that maybe it is better for us to just stay in a more platonic relationship. I'm grateful for that. Right now, the less complications, the better. With my attention solely on deciphering once and for all my feelings for Peeta, the need for a clear mind is a must. Plus, trying to leave out Cato from the equation is really taking a toll on me.

Because as much as Prim and Madge seems to think that I've already fallen for Cato, I'm not entirely sure if I've actually fallen out of love for Peeta. Slowing down as I approach a meadow, I sit silently amidst wildflowers. It was already nearing sundown.

I can't believe what I'm about to do…

Picking up one red poppy, I tear a petal… I love him, another petal, I love him not… Considering that most poppies have an even number of petals, I'm fairly sure before I reach the end that the answer would be I love him not…

Sighing, I try to ask myself whether I deliberately picked up a poppy to decide my feelings for Peeta. And if so, does that mean that I've already made a decision?

Groaning tiredly, I plop on my back, flattening the grass and other flowers beneath me, closing my eyes, I try to imagine the two of them side by side. Cato or Peeta…

Despite their almost similar coloring, the two of them are polar opposites. Not discounting the large height difference, Peeta is all about sweetness and innocence, some would call that puppy love. Meanwhile, Cato is tall, gorgeous, and he's aware of it. Some would say that Peeta's sweet disposition will complement my brash temperament, thus, taming the fire that's usually associated with my nature while Cato's aggressiveness will just ignite it further. So confusing…

Opening my eyes slowly, I was surprised to see one flower bending over me, touching my forehead. Looking at it closely, I note that it's a field gladiolus, the sword lily. Sitting up straight and rubbing my forehead, reminiscent of Cato's habit of touching his with mine, I stare at it in astonishment. Prim told me once that this flower represents infatuation and it was shaped like a sword because a bouquet is supposed to mean that the receiver pierces the giver's heart with passion.

Passion. That's what was missing in my relationship with Peeta. After the games, after the adrenaline rush, that something extra became nonexistent. I kept looking for it with him these past two weeks, trying to re-spark it, but it alluded me. Peeta who's been beside me, holding my hand, kissing me all this time never provoked a reaction as strong as a simple goodbye from Cato invoked in me. If intensity was the barometer, then Peeta would easily lose.

Am I just delaying the inevitable?

It seems that my decision has already been made even before I boarded that train going back to District 12. I close my eyes yet again and the events of before passes through my closed lids like a film, Cato saving me, Cato arguing with me, Cato looking to me in admiration, Cato touching his forehead to mine, Cato saying goodbye… my heart falters and then starts beating wildly again… This doesn't feel like friendship anymore…

I may not be well versed in lessons of love but I know what friendship feels like. My feelings for Peeta became muddled because it's friendship tinged with infinite gratitude for the Boy with the Bread and protectiveness.

I smile sadly recalling our kisses, they were pleasant enough and it made me happy that I was able to give him something he wanted. The same kind of happiness that I derive from making Prim smile after I presented her with Lady… but with Cato…

Puffing out a breath, I recall what it feels like to be with him, in the latter part of the Games and in that bed, the feeling was intoxicating and carnal. Slapping my hands onto my face, I shake my head in embarrassment. I don't consider myself a sexual creature but Cato dons his casually and with blasé that I find myself breathless in his presence.

In the distance, I hear the faint sounds of a train approaching.

He's here.

I run, feeling freer that I ever did before.

The townsfolk stop to stare at the girl racing across District 12. In a place with a population of about 8,000, you'd think that a girl running is of no importance but this was different, she was the Girl On Fire. Katniss.

Her expression looks happy, something that was so seldom seen on her face that more than a few of the spectators ask, what is she so happy about? Is it because of the baker's son? Or maybe because she'll never have to hunt anymore for food.

Their musings stopped when they saw her throw herself towards a blond boy stepping out of the train, a blond boy not from their District. This boy looked fit and tall and he hugged her so hard that she was lifted off the train platform. To anyone who didn't know that she was involved with the baker's son would think that she has just been reunited with her lover.

Her expression of euphoric bliss only matched by the ones seen on the young man hugging her.

End of Chapter 9