The Rumour

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.


Chapter 9: The Uniform

Colonel Roy Mustang had always been popular. He had always had a way with the opposite sex. Phone numbers, letters, invitations, they all appeared on his desk regularly. But he was surprised by the amount that arrived in the morning mail the day after his medical examination.

Mustang opened one at random and then another. He frowned in confusion as he opened several more and they were all the same. They were variations on the same theme.

"I heard you had this small problem and I'd love to help you out with this."

None of them specified exactly what his 'problem' was supposed to be or how they were intending to 'help' him with it. But it didn't take a genius to realise that they were all from women and he was easily able to guess what kind of 'help' they were offering. But it was his 'problem' that he had trouble with. If it was his supposed terminal illness or his alcoholism, then sex was not a cure he had considered, or even heard of, before. Not that he was adverse to it, of course.

The letters remained stacked on the corner of his desk all morning as he tried to figure out what was going on. When the afternoon mail came and he saw the amount of letters that arrived, the whole office came to a standstill.

They watched him open letter after letter. He tried to keep his face expressionless but several times his hand shook and his eyes became slightly wild. One letter even had his face becoming slightly pink.

"Colonel?" Hawkeye queried after he had put down the last letter.

He blinked as he realised they were all watching him and he frowned. He had absolutely no idea what to do. It was a new experience for him. He knew how to juggle two women at a time, but fifty? This inundation was astounding and baffling. As soon as the official results came through confirming that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, he was going to have them posted up where everyone could see them.

Havoc snickered and they all turned to look at him. He was reading one of the letters and Mustang snapped quickly. Havoc dropped the burning page even quicker with a protest.

"Hey, come on Chief, no fair!"

"I don't recall seeing your name on there, Havoc." Mustang replied sternly.

Havoc leant back against his desk. "That writing looked very familiar. It's almost the same as Ed's letter."


Edward Elric was not happy as he looked in the mirror and straightened the jacket again.

"Leave it alone, Brother. It looks fine." Al said with a long suffering sigh.

"It itches, Al. It's uncomfortable. It's stupid!" Ed grumbled. If there was one thing he hated more than even the bastard Colonel, it was having to wear the uniform. And this was one time when he had to wear it.

Recruitment Day.

It would be a whole day of being dragged from pillar to post, of being on display, of having to lie through his teeth and to look happy while doing so. It was moments like these when he would have almost preferred drinking milk. Almost.

Al had to push him out of the dorms and the familiar sight of a scowling Fullmetal being dragged by his brother was soon seen heading towards Mustang's office.

"They'll all be swooning for you now, Boss!" Havoc teased the glowering blond as he appeared until Hawkeye shot the cigarette from his mouth.

"No smoking in the office." She said and he could hear the 'leave him alone' she didn't say. But Havoc wasn't far wrong she thought. Edward in uniform was definitely worth looking at twice or even three times. She looked across at the Colonel and wondered when Roy was going to realise that Edward was going to supplant him with the female population of East City.

"I still don't see why I have to be part of this," Edward groused as he slumped into a chair after giving Havoc a hard stare.

"Because it's expected," Hughes said calmly as he checked his pockets for his photos, stopping short from actually bringing them out as he saw Roy lift a gloved hand, fingers ready to snap.

"If I have to do this, so do you, Ed." Mustang said as he straightened his jacket.

"Great. A whole day wandering around in an itchy uniform with a bastard Colonel." Edward sneered and Al reached over to cuff his brother. Ed turned around looking affronted. "What was that for, Al?"

"Be nice Brother. It's just for one day."

Ed sighed. "I'd rather be in the Library with you," his eyes wistful as he stared at the empty armour.

Hawkeye watched them. Roy was looking at them with a slight frown as well, she noticed.

"I'll take care of him, Al." Mustang suddenly said and everyone stared at him.

"As if!" Ed retorted, losing the wistfulness beneath the wave of familiar irritation the bastard always provoked. "Says the man who can't even take care of paperwork."

"Listen, shrimp…"

Hawkeye, Breda and Hughes shared a quick glance and smile. As long as those two bickered, they knew everything was fine.

"Are you going to break that up, Hawkeye?" Breda asked quietly as everyone kept watching the pair's exchange get louder.

"Soon. Let them get it out their systems now and they'll behave better out there."

She let them have ten minutes before she pulled her gun out and ended the argument in the usual manner.

"It's time to go." She looked at them both.

Ed grimaced. "Fine. Hope you got enough ammo Hawkeye, for when show pony here starts incinerating people."


"… the only one I'll be doing that to, is you Ed."

"In your dreams." Ed snapped as they left the office to join the others going past to their Recruitment Day duties.

The news that Colonel Mustang had set his sights on the Fullmetal Alchemist devastated and infuriated ninety percent of East Headquarters' female soldiers. It relieved most of the male population.


Author's Note: You can't tell me you didn't see this one coming at some point… grins

silken :)

Edited 21/3/08...ffnet has deleted all line breaks from my fics, so I am slowly going through and replacing them.. please forgive any delays this causes