Author's Note: Whew! Another chapter down! One more to go in this story… Enjoy!
#2 – You Have Got to be Kidding!
"You have got to be kidding me," Darcy grumbled as she sat up, staring at the strange room. "Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea?"
"Hello, Miss Lewis."
She turned her head, her eyes closing in one long, slow blink as she took in the man now standing in the doorway. "Do I know you?" Her gaze raked over him yet again. "I don't know you." Rising to her feet she began to look around the room, careful to keep him in her peripheral vision.
His lips tightened into an irritated line, but he kept his voice level. "Justin Hammer, Miss Lewis," he introduced himself. "A pleasure to meet you."
"That won't last," she advised him, still searching the room. "Trust me when I say that really won't last." Then she paused and tilted her head. "For some reason I seem to remember you being in jail. Why are you not in jail?"
"I can be…persuasive." Hammer's smile took on a superior quality. "I'm sure you understand that, being one of Stark's underlings."
Darcy lifted a brow. "Technically I'm his keeper." She turned to face him, planting her hands on her hips. "Look, could we just get the monologue out of the way? I know that's a thing for you villains, but I'm expecting a rescue any time now."
"They don't know where you are, Miss Lewis. I'm afraid you will be enjoying my hospitality for longer than you might expect."
Her fingers itched smack the smug look off of his face but she forced herself to remain calm. "Oh, no," she corrected. "It's you that is mistaken. I'm getting married tomorrow – and my people have a lot invested in this wedding taking place. I'd put it in terms of emotions and other sappy stuff, but since that would go right over your head, I won't bother." She folded her arms over her chest. "And really, you couldn't have waited a week?"
"Perhaps, if I had known, I might have let you have the wedding," he shrugged, "but your plans are truly of little concern to me. You are a pawn on my way to the greater prize."
"My plans? Oh, those will be going on despite your interruption." Darcy rolled her eyes. "Security is going to go through the roof – yet again, thank you very much – but the wedding will go on. No, what irritates me is that you had to choose the week my family is in town? Do you not comprehend the insanity you are unleashing on the city?"
"A family from the backwoods in the middle of nowhere?" He scoffed and leaned against the door jamb. "They don't frighten me."
"You really are as stupid as Tony claims," she muttered, lifting her eyes to the heavens in a plea for patience. "The idea of having my entire family gathered in one place has been known to make war-hardened generals blanch. There are a couple of drug lords – currently in federal prison – and some terrorists – currently missing and presumed dead – who could give you chapter and verse on dealing with my family." A grin filled with mischief curved her mouth. "None of this includes the sheer trouble you're getting into with the Avengers. They're the icing."
"I don't think you're in any position to threaten me, Miss Lewis." Hammer scowled at her.
"I've been through worse," she sniffed. And Hammer did not begin to reach the levels of frightening she had seen in her previous abduction. "And you've obviously never met my family."
He drew himself up to look down his nose. "They don't scare me."
"Then you really are as dumb as you look."
Glass shattered and a dart streaked through the room to bury itself in Hammer's shoulder. He staggered back, swaying on his feet but managing to remain upright. Darcy ducked down and rolled back to the corner formed by the bed against the wall, careful to keep her head below the window sill. She presumed the dart meant her rescue was at hand, but her spies had taught her never to make the assumption. All four repeated the same advice over and over again until she could probably recite it in her sleep.
Wait for the evidence.
The evidence came as a cadre of her family kicked in the door and spilled into the room. Weapons up, hot and ready as trigger-happy fingers tightened in preparation to fire. She waited, knowing the routine, as they did quick scans of the room and all its occupants.
"Clear!" Uncle Gabriel announced from one side of the room.
Cousin Monica's voice came from the other. "Clear!"
With that, Darcy rose to her feet. "Where have you been?" she demanded, hands going to her hips as she watched them secure the room, the scene, and the idiot. "Two minutes is an eternity with this idiot."
"Sorry, Darce," Aunt Gloria shrugged. "I wanted to finish my whiskey."
"Traffic," Cousin Marc added. "It's killer in New York."
Her lips twitched as she fought of the chuckle and glanced down at Hammer. "I did warn you," she offered as she walked around his trussed up form. "Never mess with the Lewis clan. It's a motto in our area of Appalachia." She looked up as three more people strode into the room. "There you are!" she exclaimed. "You're late."
"Sorry?" Clint grinned.
Bucky glanced around the room and gave a shrug. "Looks like we could have stayed home."
"Very funny, boys," she laughed before turning to Natasha. "Tash?"
The redhead stood over Hammer's prone form, fingers tapping the side of her thigh. "Nothing was allowed to interrupt this wedding," Natasha frowned. Her matter of fact voice seemed to frighten the erstwhile businessman more than anything else thus far. "You irritate me," she told him.
"All right, kids," Darcy laughed. "Time to put away the toys. We have things to be doing and you can play after the wedding." All three gave her looks of patient affection.
"I can't decide whether this entire situation is amusing or problematic." Fury strode through the door, his coat flaring as he moved. "And I was supposed to have tonight off." He fixed his eye on her. "Why do I have three different federal agencies as well as half the Joint Chiefs calling me about you?"
"Because my family got a little unhappy over Justin Hammer abducting me the night before my wedding," Darcy replied, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "They pulled strings and probably pulled stunts the like of which I don't know about, don't want to know about, and have absolutely no plans on asking about." Her shoulders rose and fell in a careless shrug. "Plausible deniability is a real thing with this clan."
"Wonderful," he grumped. His eye narrowed. "Any of them likely to consider jumping ship?"
"Do not recruit my family," she warned. "Why do you think I handle Jane, Tony, and the collective scientists so well?"
He blinked. "Never mind."
"Thank God."
Both of them turned to find Maria Hill standing nearby.
"Hill?" Fury prompted.
"I would have resigned in protest, sir."
"Smart woman," Darcy complimented.
Maria offered her a small nod before looking back to Fury. "The prisoner is currently being prepped for transport, sir."
"Turn him over to the feds," Fury ordered, "but make a note to have our people keep an eye on him. I don't want to deal with this kind of a mess again." His eye shifted to Darcy. "Go calm your people down please. I don't need a coup going on just to get you to the church. I like my helicarrier the way it is."
She blinked wide, innocent eyes at him. "They'd give it back."
"Coulson!"
"Sir?"
Darcy's smile blossomed into a full bloom as her intended entered the room. His gaze swept over her in a quick check for injuries before he met her eyes. "I'm good!" she chirped in reply to the unasked question in his eyes. "He didn't even get to the monologue before the cousins came through the door."
He nodded and stepped to her side before facing Fury. "The scene has been secured," he reported even as his hand brushed hers. "Hammer's men have been restrained."
"Take her home," Fury ordered. "And take her family with you. It's downright embarrassing to be shown up by the family of a civilian consultant…even if they aren't really civilians. Federal agencies, every branch of the military…I keep expecting to get a call from Interpol."
"Not likely," Darcy mused. "Cousin Sean won't be here until tomorrow morning."
Phil's lips twitched and Maria turned away with a hasty cough. Fury just shook his head. "Go," he sighed. "Please?"
"Going!"
The couple slipped out of the room, trying not to laugh as Fury muttered behind them. "How the hell am I supposed to write this up?"
"You know," Clint noted from where he strolled along behind them, "if you wanted a real bang for your last night as a single woman, you should have picked a club." There came a pause and then…"OW! Nat!"
"Ignore him," Natasha requested. "He's had too much sugar."
"You're the one who bought the cookies," he pointed out.
"You weren't supposed to inhale them," she retorted.
Bucky's mumbling capped the conversation. "I need a beer."
"I think you might want to corral your children," Darcy prodded Phil.
He looked down at her, one eyebrow going up in question. "And why are they suddenly my children?"
"When they're sleep deprived, injured, and having nightmares, then they're my children," she informed him. "Sugar high or hyped up on adrenaline? Then they're your children." She clapped her hands. "So go on – chop chop!"
"I think we need to renegotiate."
