I apologize for the long wait! I got distracted writing parts of future chapters ;) there's going to be a lot of emotions being thrown around in those ones! This one is pretty relaxed though so no need to get anxious just yet ;) Enjoy!
"Regina?"
The gentle voice had her lifting her head, not expecting to hear him seeing as how they hadn't really spoken since their argument. She didn't stand though. She remained sitting against the wall with her legs tucked beside her in the straw with Rocinante's large head on her lap. Her thumb moved over the soft fur on her cheek as she remained silent and waited for him to show himself.
He walked directly to her mare's stall when he noticed that the simple horse's head was not hanging out to greet him like she always had. He looked over the door to find Regina looking directly at him with an entirely open expression, "you didn't come to dinner last night nor breakfast this morning. Are you alright?"
"Yes I'm fine," she smiled simply at him.
He was almost happy that he had found her in the stable, she was always more relaxed and easier to talk to when she was with her horse, more willing to talk to him, "I thought you may be hungry," he opened the stall door and closed it behind him. She watched him innocently as he walked toward her and lowered himself to sit a friendly distance beside her. Once seated he offered her a small freshly baked loaf of bread and an apple.
She took the food with a curt but friendly nod, "thank you," she had hoped he would leave her in peace but judging by how he sat next to her that wasn't going to be the case. She avoided eye contact with him, using the excuse of carefully tearing a piece of bread from the loaf to its full extent.
He couldn't help the small smile that pulled at the corner of his mouth when she absentmindedly placed the apple on Rocinante's cheek so she could use both hands to tear the bread, careful to keep any crumbs from falling in her mare's eye. The horse didn't move and Regina clearly thought nothing of the act but he found it to be amusing. It was then that he came to realize that she was not wearing one of her many gowns but instead a simple linen frock laced tightly around her torso.
She was just as beautiful as when she wore any other gown made of the finest fabric but he did not quite understand why she chose to wear such a thing. Dirtying one of her gowns wouldn't have been an issue, "what have you been doing that kept you away so long?"
Regina paused for a moment and finished tearing the end from the loaf. She cocked her head and lifted the apple from Rocinante's face so it would not fall when she chewed. Once lifted she placed the heel of the loaf under her muzzle and smiled when she eagerly took it, "forgetting," her smile faded instantly and she watched the muscles move in Rocinante's jaw as she chewed.
It was an answer he found rather distressing, he was aware she wasn't happy at the palace but to hide away for nearly an entire twenty four hours in a commoners gown to pretend she was somewhere else meant she was more than unhappy, "why is it you come here so often?"
"She is my only friend," she answered without hesitating and looked up to meet his eyes for a moment before looking back down, "the only one I'm allowed to see anyway...she will listen to me no matter what I have to say. I've had her for most of my life," she placed the apple back down on her cheek as she had finished chewing and ran her hand down her face, "she knows all of my worries, all of my desires, and all of my secrets and I never have to worry about her telling a soul. She knows me inside and out just as I do her."
"Why don't you talk to me?"
Regina's features remained unchanging as her hand ran gently over Rocinante's eye as she closed it, "why don't you talk to me?" She countered with the same question and it effectively silenced him as she knew it would. Perhaps things may have been different if they had confided in each other, perhaps she wouldn't have become so dark if they had talked.
But how could she have? His daughter was the source of much of her pain and she couldn't just tell him that. She didn't want to explain that to Snow either, she didn't want her to have that guilt but maybe if she were to tell her she could finally get some closure...she didn't think she had it in her to tell her, not without breaking down herself. She tore a small piece off the loaf, "did you need something?" She placed the piece in her mouth and kept her eyes down on her fingers as she picked at the bread.
"Yes I came here to apologize Regina," he turned his body slightly so he could look at her and he waited until she met his eyes however unwillingly, "for striking you. I didn't mean to do such a harmful thing. I don't know what came over me."
She knew he was genuine in his apology but she didn't smile nor did she accept it, "it wasn't entirely uncalled for. I purposely pushed you, I just pushed a little too far," she pushed another piece of bread past her lips.
"That doesn't make it okay."
She shook her head quickly and swallowed as her brow creased, "no it certainly doesn't. We are both at fault here, that's all I'm saying."
He nodded slowly and thoughtfully, yes they both were at fault, him with his loss of control and her with her secret companion, "why would you push me in such a way?"
She finished chewing and swallowed again, "because you were angry. I've been angry for all of these years and it was a refreshing change to see you angry as well. It's just not natural for a human to be so calm all the time. I was tired of being the only one that was ever angry in this place...it may not make sense to you but I found relief in seeing someone just as angry as I was even if that anger was directed at me."
He watched her pick at her bread in silence as he tried to understand. He found the motives behind the actions of any woman to be rather hard to understand at times let alone those of an unhappy and angry woman. He supposed he could sort of grasp where she was coming from but he didn't know how far it went, "you didn't seek out this man did you?"
She snapped her head up to him, "what? No! I would never do something that spiteful."
"I'm only trying to understand what your relationship with this man is, Regina," her face remained guarded and expressionless as she pulled another piece of the diminishing loaf in to her mouth and kept her eyes down. She wasn't going to give him anything, "if I were to guarantee his safety?"
Regina breathed out a quiet and entirely humorless laugh as she moved a piece of bread around as she answered, "safety? And where is this safety that you wish to take him to? No," she shook her head slowly, "I have been hurt and fooled far too many times to not read in to the vague suggestions of a deal."
He hadn't meant it like that but he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't have used that little out if he so desired, "a promise then."
She gave him an unimpressed look before she began removing the soft inside of the loaf with her fingers, "in case you haven't noticed promises aren't kept. There are only a small handful of people whose promises I would trust would be kept and I am not so sorry to say that you are not included in that handful."
"You're not going to give me anything on this man?"
"No," she answered simply and put the soft middle of the bread in her mouth and took the apple once again to give Rocinante the other end of the loaf.
There was no point in arguing, not when they were outside of the palace where everyone could hear. Besides he didn't want a repeat. He didn't know what had happened in his chambers when he had confronted her the first time but she did. The glass took a long time to be removed and he was still finding shards of broken glass on the stone floor. Surely it wasn't magic, she didn't seem like the type.
"I didn't mean to take so long to apologize. I was making my way to your chambers not too much long after you had left but Snow stopped me."
Her curiosity was peaked, "what did she say?" She kept her eyes down and she took a bite of the apple.
"She was absolutely furious. Like me, she could not believe I had done such a harmful thing to you...I have never seen her so angry. She pleaded your case and told me, yelled at me really, that I shouldn't even dare to see you."
"Smart girl," she dead panned and took another bite of her apple.
He furrowed his brow at her reply, not quite sure what to make of it. Her tone gave nothing away and neither did her expression. He wasn't sure he wanted to go down that road so he let it go, "she does care for you Regina. She never would have stood up to me like that if she didn't think it was important."
"Hmm," she raised her eyebrows slightly and hummed shortly without giving away the turmoil inside her. She owed Snow nothing for what she had done but that didn't mean she wasn't grateful and a little impressed with what she had done. She was still nowhere near forgiveness and as far as she could be from gaining her trust back, "I never said I didn't care for her."
...
"What do you think it would be like to live there?"
"In the palace?"
"Yeah. I think it would be nice. I mean you wouldn't have to worry about anything, you could have something different to eat everyday, the clothes wouldn't be so bad either," he tucked his forehead playfully in to the side of hers causing her to laugh.
His stubble tickled her skin and she tucked her chin in to get her neck away from his jaw as she scrunched her face and laughed softly though her teeth. He continued burying his face deeper to her neck, purposefully because he knew it made her laugh, "stop! Stop!" She pushed her hands on his chest to try and get away but he held her close with his hands on her waist.
"But I love to hear you laugh," he grinned as he pulled his head back and stole a kiss from her smiling pink lips. When they parted he smiled back at her and pulled her in closer as she nuzzled herself tight against him.
They laid on their backs on a hillside looking at her home not far off in the distance only she didn't like to call it home. It was the place she stayed it wasn't home it was just a building. Home is a place where something flourishes, where they are happy and well taken care of. She had found a home in the arms of her shepherd and in the kind words of his mother. That was her home.
He smiled when she rested her head heavier on his shoulder and took his right hand in both of hers. He held his left on her hip and tilted his head so it rested once again against hers, "what do you think it would be like to live there?"
She played with his fingers absentmindedly, enjoying how they bent at her touch. She didn't look toward the palace for she had seen enough of it, "I think it would be lonely."
"How so?"
"It would feel like you were trapped, unable to do what you truly wanted because of the expectations the rest of the world forced upon you. I suppose it would have its perks but would those really outweigh your freedom?"
It was great food for thought. He had never thought of it like that before. He had always envisioned it to be a place of joy and celebration not lonely and binding. He could see it happening however if surrounded by a specific type of people, "I think you would make an excellent queen."
She smiled a wide smile at his comment, fully aware that he couldn't see it, "being queen is overrated. It's just a title."
"A title that holds a lot of power."
"I don't want power."
"No?"
"No," she answered simply as she took care in intertwining her fingers in his. His calloused hands were much larger than her slim and delicate hands, it made her smile. The complete contrast of the lives they led and yet they fit so perfectly together. She studied them, taking in every detail, every bend and every line so that she could look back on them and remember the feeling that came with them.
"What do you want?"
She took a moment to answer. Not because she didn't have an answer but because it had been so long since someone asked and even longer since they had asked without pushing her in the direction they wanted her to go. She took a deep breath and softly breathed out her answer, "I want to be free."
His face became tainted with a quiet sadness for her. Freedom was not a lot to ask for. He sighed and tightened his arm around her and let his gaze fall to their hands, "there's nothing else you want?"
She sounded quite distant in her reply, "I have everything else," she was recalling a similar conversation that took place many years ago between her and her mother. She liked this version better.
He smiled gently at first but it slowly faded when she remained silent and he was allowed to register the emptiness her words held. She didn't want everything else. He furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to speak but closed it again when she rolled on to her side so her front pressed closely against his side. She exhaled slowly as she nuzzled her face deeper in to his shoulder, "what is it, love?"
She smiled a small smile, just a corner of her mouth before it disappeared in to a frown. She untangled her fingers from his and laid her hand flat against his chest, warmed at how he laid his on top of hers, letting his fingers curl to hold her hand, "I don't want to be alone again. I can't lose my shepherd too."
He pulled his arm around her tighter and softly kissed the top of her head, "I won't leave you alone, Regina," he rested his forehead against the side of her head and tilted his head downward so his mouth was closer to her ear, "I promise I will always be here for you."
"Is that really a promise?"
"Yes that is really a promise."
Regina relaxed fully against him, almost surprised by how easily she let herself believe him. She didn't feel the need to be wary with his promise or try and prepare herself for when he would break it just like every other promise anyone had made her. She believed with all her heart that he would keep his promise and that was such a relief to her, "thank you."
