"Violet, get out of bed," Aria ordered for the sixth time that morning. Her face was purple with rage. "Class will be starting soon!"
"No," I said, rolling over so my back was facing her. "I'm not going to class."
As she had been doing since the fight began, Aria marched over to the other side of the bed, forcing me to face her again, "You can't just… skip class!"
"Watch me," I grumbled, rolling over again. This was getting somewhat exhausting.
"What are the two of you arguing about?" Margret Cambell asked, stepping out of the lavatory, looking absolutely stunning, as always. Her long, red hair was draped across her shoulders in a way that framed her long face perfectly. Her cheeks were dabbed lightly with freckles, as if God himself had carefully placed each individual speckle.
"Violet won't get out of bed," Aria said, glaring at me with her hands on her thin hips. "Margret, you're head girl; can't you do something about this?"
"Not really," Margret shrugged. "It's Violet's responsibility to go to her classes. Technically I'm not allowed to inflict any sort of punishment until she's already skipped a class."
I burrowed under my fuzzy blue comforter, I hate you, Margret. Even when we were friends I hated you. I can't believe you got head girl over me. One day, someone is going to knock you off of your high horse…
"Oh, please don't punish her!" Aria begged on my behalf. "She's been a bit melancholy lately. Maybe she just needs a mental health day?"
"Alright," Margret sighed cheerfully. I watched as the two of them left the room, Margret flashing an evil grin at me when Aria wasn't looking, and I could read her thoughts; you're so pathetic. Why don't you just shrivel up and die in here? Yes, that's what she was thinking. I pulled the covers up over my face and fantasized about pushing her off of the Astronomy tower.
However, even daydreaming about causing my rival pain didn't keep me distracted for long, and my thoughts soon drifted back to Professor Lupin. When I closed my eyes I could still see him, slowly transforming into that hairy beast.
I slid out of my bed and stretched, wandering over to Ashley's wardrobe. I opened the drawer she hid her "secret" stash in, and grabbed myself a few pumpkin pastries to nibble on. I sat down on the edge of the bed and ate my not-so-balanced breakfast.
"It all makes since, when you think about it," I said to my stuffed dog, Goober. Or, at least, he was a dog at some point. Goober had belonged to my mother when she was a child, and had been given to me for my first birthday. Needless to say, he was a bit worse for wear. He was missing one eye, and the eye he did have was a button from my father's old coat. His fur was matted and dull, now a charcoal gray instead of the original lustrous black. Half of his ear had been chewed off by a real dog, as had one of his back legs. "His boggart taking the form of a full moon, the scars on his face, how he seemed to be getting sicker as the full moon got closer and closer… A few more months, and I probably would have figured it out on my own."
As usual, Goober didn't have anything constructive to say. Or anything to say at all, for that matter. I shoved another piece of pastry into my mouth with a sigh, "I think this is why I stopped talking to you when I was twelve."
I left the unfinished cakes on my bed and wandered over to Margret's wardrobe for a little snooping. I dug through her belongings as I continued to think aloud, "It must be quite the secret, I'm sure. I bet students would totally wig out if they knew…" I paused, "Hey, this is my eye shadow. I knew she took it. Gaah, that little twit…" I snatched the plastic container and slammed her wardrobe shut, and then tossed the eye shadow onto my bed. "The nerve of some people…"
After I calmed down, I meandered over to the window – which had a gorgeous view of the courtyard – and watched students wander about, unable to recognize any faces from this far away. I rested my forehead on the widow and sighed.
"And to think, I thought he was ducking out of class to avoid me… I really am spoiled, aren't I?" I asked the empty room. "Maybe I haven't changed as much as I thought. I still foolishly assume that other people's decisions revolve around me. It was so stupid to think that what happened between us would affect him so much…"
I wiped my eyes off on my sleeve, "Why do I care so much? Even after everything that's happened these past few days… I still feel the same. I still… I want to be near him. I want to see him smile…"
I decided to cut my mental health day short, partly because I thought class might get my mind off of Professor Lupin, and partly because I ran out of other people's things to rifle through. I was a bit down for the rest of the weekend, however, but I did my best to keep busy. I even went to the Quidditch game between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff with Ashley, so she could ogle at Cedric like a creepy fangirl. To tell you the truth, I didn't miss playing Quidditch. I did it because it was expected of me, not because it was something I enjoyed. I was happy to be free from the commitment. Anyway, due to some unplanned interference by the Dementors; Hufflepuff won the match.
I was both uneasy and happy to be back in Professor Lupin's class the following Monday. I broke my usual habit, and didn't arrive early. Instead, I stuck by Aria, and the two of us walked into class just before it started.
Alright, the moment of truth… I thought as we sat down. "Good morning, Professor."
"G'morning," he mumbled, not taking his eyes off of the floor as he walked past our desks.
"What's up with him?" Aria whispered. "Did you two have a fight or something?"
"Y-yeah…" I said, my eyes still fixed on Professor Lupin. "Something like that…"
"So that's it, then," she said, as if she'd solved one of life's great mysteries.. "I knew it had something to do with-"
"Alright, class," Professor Lupin said, sounding very tired. "I apologize for my absence. Thank you all for behaving yourself for Professor Snape; he didn't have any negative comments written down about your class, and that is no small feat." The whole class laughed at that, even me. "So, if you would, please push the desks aside, and we will continue practicing the Patronus Charm. I'm anxious to see how far you've come on your own."
Once the desks were scooted out of the way, we began to work. My eyes followed Professor Lupin around the room, and it was all I could do to force myself to look away.
You can't let this ruin your grade in this class, my inner voice told me. You're stronger than that. Just… try the charm.
I nodded, as if I was listening to an actual person, and took a deep breath. I dug through my memories, trying to find a good one to focus on. Most of my more pleasant memories were of my early childhood, but they were all so faded, it was hard to use them to cast a Patronus. Lately, I had been trying to use more recent memories – of Aria, Ashley, and Jeff – and that seemed to be working a little better.
Try to think of the happiest you've ever been… my mind whispered. I thought of Professor Lupin. I pictured him laughing, smiling… I remembered him holding onto my hand that evening in his office. Even though moments after that, my heart had been shattered like that tea cup, that part of the memory was happy.
I closed my eyes, smiling as I raised my wand. After replaying all of my memories of Professor Lupin, I opened my eyes and uttered the incantation, "Expecto Patronum."
I felt a jolt, and suddenly, an adorable penguin erupted from the tip of my wand. It slid around on its stomach, and the class clapped and cheered as they watched.
"I… did it…" I said in utter disbelief. "I did it!"
"Yay Violet!" Aria squealed, throwing her arms around me. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Congratulations," Professor Lupin said, offering me an awkward smile without any eye contact. "Twenty points for Ravenclaw. Excellent work, Miss Carroll."
"Thank you, Professor," I said, fidgeting with my wand. I couldn't live like this. I couldn't go to his class and pretend like nothing happened. I couldn't just enjoy watching him without any emotional connection – it was stupid of me to think that I could – and I certainly couldn't watch him sulk every time we were within a few feet of each other.
I knew what I had to do. I had to confront Professor Lupin.
