Chapter Nine

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Unexpected Deliveries

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For it being a simple Thursday evening, with nothing to do but give his usual show-stealing performance, somebody's anxiety levels were ramping up at a most alarming rate.

"Okay, it's just one tiny phone call, Harkness - Let's do this." Uncertain of the reaction he was about to receive this time, with one foot tapping nervously on his dressing room floor, Jack prepared to call his famously short-tempered boyfriend.

It was actually a dose of both good and bad news he was about to deliver, and with regards to the more unpleasant element of the two he was already primed to vehemently protest his innocence; insist that his intentions had always been good.

Staring down at his cell he gave a sigh; plaintive and deep. It really had been one of those days. Things had started off badly, then, aside from an immensely enjoyable trip to Croydon with Eddie, had just gone downhill from there. First thing, with Ianto getting ready in the bathroom, he'd actually braved sending his abruptly worded text to Joe. The reply had come back in an instant.

'don't think you can fuck me about! I've still got yan's number and I promise I will tell him everything - i will ruin you jack- in every way', was the warning he'd opened from his angrier than usual ex.

Naturally he'd decided it might be best to comply with the guy's demands after all – for a little while longer, at least. This was the point, also, that he'd concluded all the bad things he'd ever done in life, were justifiably coming back to bite him on the butt. But just because he deserved every moment of it, it didn't mean he wanted it right now. One hand had only just gifted him a glimmer of hope with Ianto, and here, already, another was threatening to take it back again. After praying for months, that his boyfriend might soon start to open up emotionally, that closed young man in his life was finally revealing a more loving side to his nature; was allowing his true self to shine through in so many pleasing ways.

Yes, it was clear that Ianto was still afraid of being hurt, but, slowly but surely, he was coming around; even admitting that, as a couple, he too wanted them to be long term.

Encouragingly, in continuing to be his agent Ianto was also proving that he'd be willing to do whatever might be necessary to keep the pair of them together – but, even so, you didn't need to be a genius to realise that there'd be no chance of this new show of leniency forgiving the ultimate crime . Dragging him into the dock, Ianto acting as both judge and jury would refuse point blank to hear this particular defendant's plea; would never consider giving him a fair trial. His deep-seated hatred of Joe would always cloud his view on the situation.

Hunching up on his bed, his head finding his knees, it'd taken Jack all of two seconds to admit that that wouldn't be the case at all. Ianto, regardless of how much hate he had raging through his veins, would be hearing nothing but the truth from Joe, and would be fully justified in making his damning decision. This coward of a boyfriend really was as guilty as hell and truly deserved to suffer whatever punishment he might be given; he'd not only been giving into Joe's sexual demands for the last few months, he also had history with the guy, plus he'd lied to Ianto's face regarding the depths of his previous association with the creep.

Looking at it, he'd realised, there wasn't a lot going in his favour, but at least he could genuinely claim to have been keeping the truth from Ianto for a reason – He loved the guy so much it hurt - and losing him just wasn't an option. If things had finished differently the previous evening; if they had actually gone their separate ways, he'd have been devastated. The thought of carrying on without Ianto by his side was unbearable, and this wouldn't be the first time he'd considered calling things a day on this side of the ocean should that be the case - With his heart in pieces, the need to make his way back home would be paramount; if his past was anything to go by, it was going to take a lot of motherly love to get him through this particular break up.

Challenging himself not to look on the dark side, he vowed that that scenario was never going to occur. Right now he was fine, he felt wanted; they were in a good place – what good would fuelling Joe's fire do either of them? He was still officially calling himself Ianto's boyfriend, nothing had changed there, and he wanted to experience many more of those sweet, romantic moments they'd shared together the night before.

So, no, neither of them would benefit one little bit from having the intrusion of Joe and his tittle-tattling in their lives. Things had to stay as they were for a while … …. and that's all there was to it. For his part, he could say with complete honesty that he was even more determined than ever to find a way to rid himself of Joe once and for all, but in the meantime Ianto would have to be kept in the dark; only to be told the whole sordid story once they were stronger as a couple.

Accepting he was still nothing but a coward, at 6.30 am exactly, he'd fed Joe the news that his production manager had arranged a meeting (fictitious, naturally), for 1pm, then promised also to contact his ex in the next few days with a new date and time. And, thankfully, for the time being at least, things had been left at that.

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Rather predictably, him taking the coward's way out like this had left him feeling all kinds of guilty, and in turn this had prompted him to come up with this latest brilliant idea of his - an idea, which, he now realised, with his most recent track record as an example, had been doomed to go pear-shaped from the word go.

Foot still tapping frenetically on his dressing room floor, he found the shortcut he was looking for; hit the call button then prepared to throw himself into character for a second evening in a row.

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Looking across the heads of the folks waiting kerbside in front of him, Ianto stared at the signal box opposite and willed the fluorescent green man to make an appearance. Having vowed never to step on a public bus ever again, West Hampstead's favourite son was currently making his way home from the store on foot.

Feeling weary, he sighed internally. All he wanted right now was to take a nice long soak in a nice hot bath. Trouble was, he didn't own a bath, and as a leisurely crossed-legged sit on the base of his shower was all that was going begging, that was going to have to do.

An elderly lady coming alongside, nudged into him purposefully. He looked down at her, sidelong; out of the corner of one eye. Little old ladies, for some reason, seemed to be drawn to him lately,and he had not the faintest idea why. Just yesterday, as he'd helped carry some bags to the exit, one had patted his hand and told him he was lovely.

"Could you help me across the road, young man?" this one asked him, as, finally, the beep, beep, beep sounded to let them all know that it was safe to go.

He'd already begun to analyse the situation with his usual air of imperiousness and, why, he was prompted to wonder, out of the three males available, had she decided to pick on him? Had she, like the rest of these old dears, not heard of his reputation locally - about his renowned lack of patience, or his propensity to become angry at the slightest of things?

His face obviously wasn't as familiar around here as it used to be – which wasn't such a bad thing, he was guessing, but the situation was still very worrying.

It must be the suit, he finally concluded, offering her, first, a smile and then an elbow to take, either that or he really was getting soft in his old age and, horrifyingly, he was starting to look as such too. He couldn't deny he'd become a changed man since meeting Jack. With the close call that last night's debacle had been, he'd all but convinced himself that his life was no longer worth living – and he'd known the guy how long for him to have had this much of an effect on him – three months?

Soft!

Plus it didn't matter how much heartache-saving common sense his head tried to instill, just lately he'd had this overwhelming desire to demonstrate to Jack exactly how much he really did care for him, and finally, last night, he'd succumbed to the prompt.

There! That proved it - he 'was' going soft! Somehow Jack was having an effect on him like nobody ever before. Jones the Bastard was slowly, but surely, becoming a new man.

The sort that appealed to gay entertainers - and little old ladies … apparently.

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Just as the knight in shining armour and his (ahem), maiden fair stepped up onto the opposite pavement, a ringing mobile became just the excuse Ianto had been looking for. Having spent the entirety of their short journey dreading the strained conversation he knew she'd feel obliged to strike up with him, as she now waved gratefully and then toddled off instead, he thanked God for small mercies then accepted his call.

"Yup, you gorgeous thing, wassup?"

And there he was, off again, talking like some loved up teenager. There really was no doubt about it; he was turning into a right wuss.

"Hey, handsome boyfriend of mine," came the equally as schmaltzy reply, "How close to home are you?"

"Um, why?" Instantly suspicious and snapping out of his loved-up daze, Ianto decided he'd like to know a little more of the whats, whys and wherefores before revealing such information.

"Bit of a situation if I'm honest." he was told in a voice that made him feel only more suspicious, "One of your neighbours is threatening to call the cops and …"

"Hold on. You're at my place? Why? Haven't you got a show to do shortly?"

"At yours?" the notion seemed to amuse Jack, "I don't think that'd go down well with the crowd out front. No, I'm back here at the theatre; Bob dropped me 'n' Eddie off about an hour ago. Oh, and don't call me Shortly!"

Ignoring Jack's giggles at the other end, "Okay, I'll bite. Who's Bob?" Ianto sighed, "And just why are my neighbours threatening to call the police? And now that I've asked I'm beginning to wonder - do I really want to know?"

"How quickly can you get home?"

Ianto made a note of the fact that, whatever the real reason might be, Jack was starting to sound genuinely worried.

There was an ear-piercing whistle.

"I've just flagged down a taxi." was explained, "Now, Jack, will you please just tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"Good! Yeah - that's a really good move, Yan. You jump in the cab and I'll just wait till you're sitting comfortably before I say anything else, okay? Might be for the best."

A few seconds of muffled conversation sounded away from the phone, followed by a click and a deep clunk as a door was opened and then closed, and then Ianto appeared to be back to the matter in hand. "Right, I'm in the cab," he announced, another click sounding as he buckled himself in next to the driver. "Now, just what the fuck am I rushing home for?"

"Your neighbour upstairs is threatening to call the cops on Bob."

"Kelly is? And who the fuck is this Bob bloke, anyway?"

"No, not Kelly – I mean that miserable old bastard of a husband of hers ….. and Bob's the guy about to get arrested."

"'Course he is - that explains everything perfectly."

Frowning out through the front windscreen, Ianto rubbed his fingers into his fevering brow. "Okay, how about you just start from the beginning?" he suggested, shoulders slumping as he relaxed back in his seat.

Back to his usual excitable self, Jack's voice became childlike. "I got you a surprise, Yan, well, two actually." he bubbled, "Y'see, after you left this mornin' I called Eddie for some advice on where to get a hold of what I wanted to get you, and he sorted it all out with his pal Bob - who has this big van that we managed to get everythin' in - and right now that big van …."

"Let me guess – is half-blocking my narrow excuse for a road."

"You got it, and that grouch upstairs is going ballistic. Poor Bob was only helping out outta the kindness of his heart, and now he's scared he's gonna get arrested. Eddie's had to promise him a blowjob just to get him to wait a bit longer."

"I'm less than two minutes away." Ianto decided looking out of the side window with one of his dirty smiles forming, "So what's in the back of this van anyway?"

"Your surprise."

"Jaaaack."

"Okay, okay. But I wanted it to be a 'real' surprise - like with the back openin' up and then you seein' your surprise inside and goin' oooh, what a nice surprise! Thanks for my surprise, Jack!"

"You're full of surprises today, aren't you …"

For once, Jack picked up on his boyfriend's sharp sense of humour; there had actually been quite a few 'surprises' in that last sentence of his. "Yeah, okay, ha, ha, funny guy." he managed to sneer affectionately. "Anyway – this situation shouldn't be happenin' in the first place, I expected you to be home long before now."

"Yeah, well I gathered that much, though I hope you're not blaming me for this cock-up; I had to stay behind and quiz a couple of menials about a missing five hundred quid, which, by the way, I didn't particularly enjoy doing for some reason. So come on, then, what's this surprise of yours?"

"Well, the first is a thank you for my gorgeous agent, and the second is somethin' to help him keep fit. You'll see for yourself anyway, when you help carry it all in."

"Oh, Christ." With a half-groan, Ianto started to laugh.

"It's not meant to be funny, I've put a lot of thought into this." a hurt voice on the other end told him.

"Sorry, Jack, we just turned into my road," Ianto explained, "And I noticed the line of cars backing up in this direction. I can see the van outside my place, and there's about five cars stuck behind it. Typical! All year we get hardly any traffic down here, and, now, all of a sudden the whole of fucking West Hampstead wants to use it as a cut through."

"Oh, shit – sorry, Yan." was muttered apologetically.

"I'm gonna have to jump out and walk from here, mate. Sorry 'bout this." As they came to a stop, with a smile Ianto handed over a note as payment for his ride.

"Something to do with you is it?" the young guy asked accepting the huge overpayment with an appreciative nod. "Need a hand?" he thought to offer looking back out at the scene ahead, "I don't think I'm gonna be going anywhere for a while, do you?"

"You're a star." Ianto told him climbing out and hurrying off in the direction of the boxes already starting to pile high on the pavement outside his apartment. "Jack, what the hell is all this lot?" he asked getting back to the conversation with his not so mysterious benefactor, "And is that a … yes ... it is ….. there's a desk in the back of that van, Jack. Where the hell am I gonna put a desk? And more to the point, why do I need a desk in the first place?"

"It's for the home computer – printer - fax machine - mouse mat and purple pen holder to sit on!" he was told brightly in a rat-tat-tat fashion.

With a look further inside the van, Ianto found himself temporarily forgetting all about his new desk. "Jack, why is there a multi gym in pieces right at the back of this van?"

"Hey, it's great, isn't it?!" Jack was coming very close to being his bubbliest ever, "Eddie told Bob I wanted to get hold of somethin' you could work out with at home, and Bob said he'd been considerin' sellin' his home gym 'cause he needs the cash - so I bought it for you! He lives near Eddie's parents in Croydon – Oh, yeah," he added excitedly, "I've been to Croydon today, Yan! And we went to this huge computer place that sells just about everythin' you need and – oh yeah, keep lookin', there should be a chair, too, to go with the desk, can ya see it?"

"Yep. There's a chair all right."

Ianto forced a hand back through his hair, his expression both pleased and perplexed. "Jack, where are you expecting me to fit this lot, exactly?"

"Well, I was kinda thinkin' that if you put the bed in that smallest room of yours on its side, y'know, up against one wall, you could have an office come home gym."

"Very thoughtful of you."

This time the hint of Jones sarcasm sailed straight over someone's head. Obviously delighted with his purchases for the day, Jack was already on a roll and beginning to sound more and more excited by the second, "Hey, it's nuthin', I mean, if you're gonna insist on bein' my agent, the least I can do is try to make the job as easy as possible for you, yeah? So from now on you can use the computer to log down all the details you're gonna need for my weekly schedules, then print them out and fax them through to wherever I am. There'll be no more writin' everythin' down by hand for my favourite guy!"

"So why do I need the pen holder, then?"

"Huh? Oh yeah - it was purple - I like purple."

Eyes finding the heavens as he smiled, Ianto turned his key in the lock and pushed. "And the multi-gym?"

"Well what's so great about this home gym thingy, Yan, is that you can get a work-out every evenin', or whenever you want, really. And think about it - pressin' weights at home will save you even more time." Jack gushed, deliberately omitting the more truthful fact that he didn't want his boyfriend going near any public gyms – or more crucially, anywhere near Jason Cooper.

Lips teasing into a wider smile, Ianto began to laugh softly to himself, "You really have put a lot of thought into this, haven't you."

"Well, yeah ….." the bubbles and fizz of enthusiasm died a little, "You, um, don't mind, do you?"

"Nobody's ever done anything like this for me before, Jack," Ianto revealed, admitting, "Okay, I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going to put everything, but – no - of course I don't mind, you fool."

"And you're not angry about the van, or the roadblock I've caused?"

"Nah, it's given the neighbours a bit of curtain twitching excitement for a while, and, after all, you didn't know I was gonna be late - plus your intentions were always good weren't they."

"Exactly! Oh God, I'm so pleased we're not fightin' again."

"New rule, Jack - no more rowing, no more shying away from dealing with the important things …. and no more screaming obscenities at each other, we've got to step right away from all the usual shit if we want this to work."

"Oh, God, I could kiss you right now!"

"You can do that on Saturday when you get back from that wanker Jer …."

"Jones, you inconsiderate bastard! If this bloody van isn't moved within the next two minutes I'm calling the police!"

"I'm gonna have to call you back." Ianto quickly told Jack, pushing his front door fully inward and stepping inside before reconsidering, "Actually, it might be easier for you to call me after the show; we'll be able to talk properly then, okay? And, look, seriously, thanks for both of my surprises, Jack. Talk later, yeah? I'd better go, see ya."

With Jack signing himself off with a, "I'll talk to you later, sexy." Ianto hung up then looked back over one shoulder to find his grumpy neighbour from upstairs scowling at him. Reversing with slow and considered steps back out onto the pavement he peered around and located the more agreeable Kelly hovering nearby.

"Kels, do us a favour and get your knob-head of a husband upstairs before I lay him out, will ya?" he asked nicely, well, nicely for him.

As the man stomped off, huffing at his much younger wife on his way past, Kelly stepped toward her favourite neighbour with a grin that appeared to be growing the closer she got.

"He's not dead yet, then?" Ianto noted, referring to her recent comments about the husband that she wished she didn't have. As the thirty-something began to laugh with him, "We're gonna be at least ten minutes getting the rest of his lot out of the van." he apologised, stepping to one side to allow his cab driver and the stranger he was currently assuming to be the infamous Bob, to shuffle past, carrying between them the bench of his new mutli-gym as they did.

"Don't worry, I deal with him." she smiled.

"Don't you always?" Ianto grinned back, bending down to pick up a cardboard box that turned out to be a lot heavier than it looked.

"How's Ellie?" she asked, chuckling unsympathetically as he gave a surprised grunt then turned on the spot and began to shuffle along just like the other two. Confronted with his doorstep he struggled to get the first foot over the threshold, "Get her to call me soon, yeah?" she pleaded now laughing out loud.

With a "Whooof - fuck that - that was heavy." Ianto plonked the box down by his hall table and, twisting at the waist, looked back. "I think that one might have some weights hiding inside it," he laughed, sounding just a little humiliated.

Her mind really on one thing only, his neighbour adopted her best imploring pose. "Get her to call me, pleeeease, Ianto. Tell her I need someone to come clothes shopping with me or something."

"I don't want her pressured into doing anything, Kels - and I mean anything, okay?" Ianto insisted, more forcibly than he'd initially intended.

"I know, and I won't ask her to do anything she's not comfortable with." Kelly promised him.

"Tell you what; you go apologise to all those poor drivers back there for me, and I'll do my best with Els." he smiled, stepping back out onto the pavement and reaching down for another box with a groan.

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IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ

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"I think this one goes there."

Holding a length of electrical cabling a little higher for Ianto to see, Ellie nodded at the rear edge of one newly unwrapped computer keyboard.

In a move that was becoming something of a habit of late, he peered down, sidelong; out of the corner of one eye, at the top of her head. "You're very small, aren't you." he noted, deciding, "You're a very ... small ... lady."

"You've only just noticed?"

"That means that one day you're going to be a little 'old' lady …" Staring straight ahead he sent his eyes wide; his stare suddenly troubled, "Shit, this is never going to end, is it? I'm cursed for life."

"Hello-oh! Earth to Jones! What's going on up there in Iantoland?" Ellie gave a squeak as an arm wrapped around her waist to hoist her up and then inward.

Pulling her onto his side, Ianto smiled as he kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry, Munch, I'll always make an exception for you."

"Are you feeling okay?" As she was lowered to the floor, she adjusted her clothing then, straightening her posture, stood tall. "You're acting really soppy today. You been smoking shit again?"

"Just happy." Ianto smiled, bending down to retrieve a smaller lead then examining it.

"Happy?" Looking down at it, Ellie began to study her own example of cabling again. "This is something to do with Jack, isn't it ….." she decided after a small moment of quiet contemplation.

With no reply forthcoming, she looked over to find her best friend smiling away to himself, in a world of his own.

And that was all the answer she needed.

"What are we doing for your birthday?" he asked abruptly, suddenly going off at a tangent and making her jump.

"I have no idea," she gasped, holding her chest as she tried to recover, "What do you suggest?"

"Well, it's on a Sunday this year, which is good."

"What? Sunday's a crap day to celeb…"

"Jack doesn't have an evening performance on a Sunday!" Ianto was looking offended, as if she should have automatically realised the important detail, "He'll be able to join us, though, of course, that means we won't be able to go anywhere too public."

Looking up at him, Ellie sent her best friend a wide smile.

"What?" he asked staring down, brows knotting, curious.

"Making plans for both of you now, are you?" she grinned, "Like a couple, I mean."

Ianto ignored her, continuing, "We could all have a few drinks and a takeaway here, if you want. Jack should be able to get here by - What?!"

Ellie's grin had grown wider.

"You're in a relationship!"she pointed out before squeeing slightly.

"Oh." A small smile tugged at the corners of Ianto's mouth, "Shit ….." he decided, then started to laugh. "Fuck. How did that happen?"

"You sound so happy." Ellie began to well up, "I knew he'd be good for you."

"I think about him all the time," Ianto admitted with a shrug, "I've never felt this way about anyone before ... Els, he's so ….."

He noticed the sappy look he was being given and acted accordingly. "Anyway …." he cleared his throat, "We can celebrate here, and if the old git upstairs complains about there being noise on a Sunday he can …. Oh," he remembered, "That reminds me, Kelly wants someone to go girly shopping with her; I said I'd let you know."

"Oh."

Ianto made a note of the lost expression forming. "You know why she really wants you to call her, Munch ….. but you don't have to, I mean, don't feel obliged to get mixed up in something you're not comfortable with." He drew her into a hug.

"I feel stupid," she mumbled into his chest, "I don't know what …. I mean, I'm not sure if …"

"I'll tell her to back off." Ianto decided, doing his usual and kissing the top of some bright red locks.

Stepping back, Ellie looked up, apprehensively determined. "Just going shopping with her can't hurt, can it?"

"It's up to you." Ianto told her with a knowing smile.

"I'll call her." She finally decided starting to look around her, "Now, where were we?"

Five minutes later, aside from attaching the mains lead to the unit, plugging it in, but not being brave enough to switch it on, between the two of them they'd managed to achieve exactly …. nothing.

"Well, I'm at a loss, Els; these leads all look the same to me." Not convinced by any of the solutions they'd come up with so far, Ianto finally gave in and did the unthinkable - he searched through the boxes on the floor, found the instruction leaflet … and began to read.

"Hmmm," he mused, turning the opened up sheet horizontal, then vertical, then horizontal again. Ellie stifled a laugh as his forehead creased with concentration and he began to use one finger to trace the outline of a diagram in mid-air. "I'm pretty certain this one goes ….. Oh, thank God; an excuse to stop ..."

As Ianto shot out of the door to answer a ringing landline, leaving the set of instructions drifting down to the floor, "What's it like to be popular?" Ellie joked, shouting after him as she bent down to pick the leaflet up again.

Ianto lifted the handset from its base. "If you are anyone other than my erstwhile boyfriend ….. bugger off!"

At the other end he was acknowledged with a familiar chuckle. "Hey, gorgeous," Jack sang in a manner normally cheerful enough to have him marked down as guilty before the conversation had even begun, "How's the new office comin' along?"

As his pulse continued to quicken, Ianto realised he was feeling much more excited than usual to hear Jack's voice. "Yeah, not bad." he lied, "We're getting there."

"We?"

"Yes, Jack …. we." Ianto started to laugh, revelling in the underlying hint of jealousy he could hear. "I've got one of Santa's elves giving me a hand and - Ouch! Oi! It was a joke, small person! And that hurt by the way!" he exclaimed rubbing his upper arm and peering after Ellie as she carried on past, disappearing into the living room.

"Gettin' sensitive in her old age, is she?" Jack guessed with a chuckle, now a lot happier in knowing who Ianto actually had round for company.

"She's good with box-files apparently," he was reliably informed, "Offered her services at no extra charge, but was a bit disappointed at finding none of your actual box-files, per se."

"Tell her I'll buy some of those too."

"You bloody well will not!" For his own benefit Ianto rolled his eyes. "If you keep this up I'll find myself having to chuck the sodding bed out of the room completely!"

"Okay, boss, no box-files it is, then." Jack agreed wisely.

"Right, enough of the idle chit-chat, you sneaky fake Yank ….." Full of humour and affection, there'd never been any chance of Jack taking the insult about his assumed nationality seriously. "What's going on at Jerry's that I should know about - why're you really phoning me, hmmm? Feeling guilty about something, are we?"

"Already, he knows me so well ….."

"I knew it! Get your damn clothes back on and get yourself back here - right now!"

Any angry threat detected, was lost the moment Ianto started to laugh like a horse.

In the living room, Ellie grinned at how happy he was sounding.

"Don't worry, Hun, I'm still fully clothed." was Jack's amused reply.

"So what 'is' the crack, then? I know there's something wrong, Jack, I can tell by your voice."

"Yan, it's … …. weird." Jack seemed to pause deliberately between words, which didn't fill Ianto with a lot of confidence. "I'm the only one here." he finished in a whisper, as explanation.

"When you say 'it's just you there', am I to take it you mean there's only you and Jerry in the entire building?"

"You got it."

"No Tom?"

"Nope, he was never invited in the first place, apparently."

"Okaaaaaay. So d'you wanna tell me what the fuck's going on? Or have I gotta find my way over there and break the bastard's legs?"

This time taking the threat seriously, Jack hurried up with his explanation, "Well, apparently, the guys with the big bucks missed their connecting flight in the States, which meant that they also missed their flight over to Heathrow, and from what I can gather, I was the only person that Jerry couldn't get a hold of to warn beforehand."

"Bullshit!"

"Mmmm" agreed Jack, "That's what I thought. Trouble is, he's being really nice ….. sort of … normal, y'know?"

"No," Ianto told him bluntly, "I don't know - this is Jerry we're talking about … he's incapable of being nice … or normal." Leaving Jack snorting with amusement, "Don't you dare let him stick his cock in your mouth," Ianto warned, "You don't know where it's been."

That same, loud Jones laugh made another appearance.

"Yan, stop it!" Jack hissed, amused nonetheless.

Ianto drew it back in with a calming down sigh. "Look, I know it's easy to joke like this, but I don't trust that slimy bastard one little bit. Has he tried coming on to you yet?"

"No," was the subdued reply, "That's the weird thing."

"You sound disappointed." noted Ianto … sounding disappointed.

"Ego bruised, yes." Jack admitted easily, "But disappointed? No, I don't think so, do you? I just feel guilty walking out and leaving him without company while he's being so …. nice."

Ianto came back with a good humoured groan. "Jack, get a grip, you're doing it again - Jerry is not nice, okay?"

"Sorry." was offered sincerely, despite the hum of amusement beforehand.

They laughed together for a few seconds then fell into a companionable silence.

"Jack?" Ianto said softly after a moment or two.

"Hmm?" Jack wondered quietly, sounding miles away.

There was a pregnant pause at the Hampstead end, then an abashed voice decided, "Oh,don't worry, it doesn't matter. Forget I said anything."

Like that was ever going to happen.

"Ah, c'mohhhhn, you gotta tell me now - I'm gonna spend the whole night wonderin' otherwise."

There was a long breathy sigh, then a hesitant admission.

"I was just going to say … that I'm missing you …. but that would be sad and stupid - it's only been two fucking days since we last saw each other, so take no notice of m …."

"Okay, for a start it's not sad or stupid, and secondly – I bet I'm missin' you more!"

The sigh returned for another go. "You're gonna make a big deal out of this aren't you … I knew I should've kept my mouth shut."

"Yan, we're allowed to miss each other – it's not something only straight people are allowed t ….."

"Yeah, I know! And, anyway, I didn't mean it like that – I just don't feel comfortable saying things like that, that's all. It's ….."

"Sappy?"

"Yeah."

"Well for what it's worth, I'm pleased that you're missing me, 'cause I really, really am m …"

"Okay, okay, we're missing each other! Now, can we move on before I die of embarrassment?" From the wispy breaths sounding at the other end, Ianto could tell that Jack was laughing quietly to himself. "So, where's Jerry now?" he demanded, determined to change the subject.

"He's in his office, takin' a call …." Worthy of it or not, Jack's voice had suddenly dropped a tone lower; he was sounding very melodramatic, "He should be back soon," he whispered, "So I better not stay on the line too long."

"Oh, thanks, by the way." Ianto thought to offer, off on another of his tangents. As Jack asked the obvious 'what for?', of him, he made his way into the living room and over to the mantelpiece. "Your postcard." he smiled, rescuing the image of an Ibizan sunset from its place next to the clock.

"Ah, yeah, another surprise I got you - I'd forgotten about that one." Jack laughed quietly, "When did it arrive?"

Turning the card over, Ianto silently re-read the written message with a smile –

Thank you for the most wonderful ten days of my life, and for sharing some very special memories that I know I shall treasure forever ….. x x J x x

"Tell him he's a sneaky git!" laughed Ellie from the kitchen where she was making herself useful by pouring the required amount of hot water into a couple of mugs.

"Did you get that?" Ianto grinned.

"Yeah, and you better tell her thanks for givin' me the idea in the first place; I decided to buy mine when I took hers into the resort for posting."

"Well, we gathered that. Hers arrived this morning too." With a wink at his 'little' friend, Ianto accepted his cup of coffee and, sensing the conversation was about to get personal, wandered back out into the hall, sipping as he listened.

"I know we had a few uncomfortable moments out there at the villa - and at that bar," Jack thought to add, his absolute shame coming through in his voice, "But I promise you, Yan, that day, I meant every word that I wrote on that card, and I still do - Being there with you was somethin' I'll never …"

"Yeah, me too." came the interruption as Ianto sensed that, despite his growing tolerance levels for such things, the conversation was about to become uncomfortably slushy. Taking him by surprise, Jack responded with an unusually, for him, long moment of silence. "Okay, you've gone quiet on me," Ianto pointed out, "So shall I just assume that Jerry's just walked into the room?"

"No, you're okay," he was informed immediately, "He's still in his office …. and if he does walk in you'll soon know …. 'cause I'll be callin' you Mom from that point on, okay?"

"Okay, but if you do have to hang up on me, make sure you ring me first thing in the morning to let me know you're still in one piece, okay?"

"Ohkaaaay."

Ianto could only smile at the glum sigh. "And on that note I think it's about time I got back to my new computer." he announced gazing over at his second guest room, "Though, to be honest, I think I'm gonna have to get Dave from personnel to pop over and set it up for me; I'm okay at inputting stock data with the VDU in my office, and retrieving shit's fairly simple too, but this part is a little bit beyond me."

"I wish I was there with you now," was grumbled in response, "I've never taken anyone over a computer before."

"You do surprise me," Ianto laughed, his face lighting up as he realised, "Wow, yet another surprise! You 'are' doing well this week. But with regards to your lecherous desires, have you forgotten Els is here?"

Obviously still feeling it necessary to keep the levels down at his end, Jack's laugh was almost inaudible. "Oh, she won't be bothered … she'll just want to watch. Hey, I might have to ring off soon, so say bye to her for me, will you?"

"Here, tell her yourself."

Having already wandered past, Ianto waited for Ellie to turn about then stretched, holding the handset out at arms length in order to reach her.

"Hi, gorgeous boy - where you bin hiding?

"Oh, you know how it is, baby girl ….. here, there; everywhere ….." Jack sighed, "How you doin' Hun?"

"Yeah, not bad I s'pohhhhhse," she drawled somewhat theatrically for his benefit, "'Though I'd be better if I didn't have this bloody computer to set up. You've been a bit flash with the cash lately, haven't you?"

"I thought a computer might make life a bit easier for Yan and ….. oh, hang on …." Disappearing off the radar for a blip, Jack came back with a whispered, "Sorry, Hun, I think my boss is on his way back, I'd better go. Is Yan still there?"

"Here you go … he's all yours …. bye babe." she said, wondering why she was whispering too.

"Don't forget," Ianto ordered before Jack could get a word out, "You're to call me in the morning - and make sure you keep your lips sealed while you're asleep … just in case!"

"Idiot …" Jack chuckled, apparently still hanging on at the other end. "And, Yan, I mean it - I really am miss-Okay, Mom, yeah and, oh, hey, look, ma …. I gotta go. Yeah, he's just walked back into the room. I miss you too. Say hi and bye to Dad and Gray for me, yeah? Okay, speak soon …. Bye ….."

The line went dead.

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Unsure what time it was, Ellie dragged herself from the depths of a particularly pleasant dream. "Okay … enough with the fucking tapping - you can come in."

Her groaned instructions remaining unacknowledged, the tapping that had woken her continued. "Okay, okay! I'm coming, alright?" Blinking, trying to adjust her eyes to the light, she swivelled herself around, sitting on the edge of the bed. "And this'd better be important; you were just about to get fucked by that cute guy at the theatre." she grumbled.

Remembering she was in the guest room - the one not hiding under a pile of office equipment - as the tap, tap tap came yet again, she stared over at the window, suddenly realising that that was where the noise was coming from.

Tap tap ….

"Alright … I'm coming." Stumbling across the room she carried on grumbling away to herself and, reaching out for them, created a small gap in the curtains to take a sneaky peak outside.

On the other side of the pane she found Stefan, who, judging by his appearance, should have been in work by now. Surprising her, rather than sporting his usual hissy 'pissed off with being ignored' look, he was fidgeting around on the spot, looking intensely worried.

"What have you done this time?" she mouthed through the glass, not wanting to wake Ianto on his Saturday off – not that he'd actually been working a full day on a weekend of late; on each alternate Saturday he'd been creating a reason to scoot off at midday. That way, he hadn't missed any of his favourite T-Bird's matinees.

Outside, shaking his head at her and sending his flowing blond locks dancing over his shoulders, Stefan mouthed, 'Not me …' back at Ellie, then from behind his back produced a rolled up newspaper.

Ellie looked at him curiously, giving one of her 'yeah, what about it?' shrugs.

Unfurling that morning's first edition, he held it up to the pane so that she could see the front page.

Instantly, Ellie's body language betrayed her shocked reaction, and the actual two words that left her mouth were, "Oh," and, "Fuck" …. In that exact order."

No longer sleepy, and aware that her world was about to fall apart, she read the headline for a second time.

.

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MY NIGHT OF HOT GAY SEX WITH WEST END'S NEWEST STAR!

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tbc.