DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.
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Just an epilogue after this. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 9
I woke up early, since the light was pouring into the room through the window we had never bothered to curtain last night. I turned to find Eli awake, lying on his side and holding his head up with his hand, his elbow pressed into his pillow.
He gave me a soft smile and leaned down to kiss me. "Good morning, beautiful."
"Good morning." I placed my hand on his naked chest, still somewhat amazed that I was waking up in his bed. "Did you sleep okay?"
He covered my hand with his and brought it up to his mouth for a kiss. "Not really, but that's okay."
"Really? This is the best night's sleep I've had in years." I loved how Eli had remembered from the few nights we had spent together when I had lied to my parents about my whereabouts that I can't sleep if someone else is touching me. He'd held me up until the moment my eyes were fluttering closed and then let me go, moving just a few inches away so that if I needed him, I'd only have to reach out and he'd be there.
Now that we were awake, I snuggled closer to him and he slid his arm underneath the sheet and wrapped it around my bare stomach. "I've just been thinking a lot about you."
"Oh yeah? Good thoughts?"
He leaned down for another kiss. "Great thoughts." He glanced at the alarm clock over my shoulder. "What time is your flight?"
I didn't want to think about it. "Three, I think."
"Mine's 3:30. JFK?" I nodded. "We can share a cab there."
Great. That would give me a few more moments with Eli, but it wasn't enough. "I don't want to leave you."
"I've been thinking about that," Eli said. "That's what was keeping me awake."
I looked at him expectantly, holding my breath. Did he have a solution or was he just as scared as I was?
"My parents are about ready to kick me out any moment, and I don't really have a place picked out. I was thinking I could move to Vancouver. I wouldn't buy anything right away but I could get an apartment and maybe you could stay with me sometimes, until you feel comfortable enough to move in."
In a lot of ways, this was the same offer he had made me four years ago, and it terrified me almost as much as it did then. "What would you do there?"
He shrugged. "Work on my next book. I've been thinking of going back to school for a while. I've got enough money to keep me going for a long time, so I don't have to worry about a real job."
"But your school is in Toronto…"
"But you're in Vancouver."
He watched me with a sad look in his eyes. "You promised me this was the beginning, Clare. That this wasn't just one night for you."
"It's not," I swore. "It's just…"
I broke off, trying to figure out how I could fix this. "I can't ask you to move to Vancouver for me. Your whole life is in Toronto."
He gave me a wry smile. "We could both move to Winnipeg."
I rolled my eyes and he watched my face, bringing his hand up to push my curls off my forehead. "What are you thinking, Clare?"
As much as it pained me, I knew there was only one solution. "I'm thinking that I hate my job and my apartment and there's no one in Vancouver I'd even remotely call a friend, and that if I want things to work between us, I'm the one who needs to make some changes."
I closed my eyes, almost disbelieving what I was about to say. "It's been four years since I left Toronto. And I left a huge mess behind me. But…" I entwined his fingers in mine. "I think it might be time for me to come home. I'm not sure if I'm ready to deal with my family and my old friends but…it's worth it if it means I have you," I said resolutely.
He wrapped both of his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "Are you sure?"
I nodded and a few tears trickled out of my eyes and onto his chest. "It might take me a little while. I'll have to give notice at my job and I'd be breaking my lease, and there's stuff I'd need to ship but I really don't have anywhere to send it to."
"I could fly out in a few weeks. Help you pack."
I smiled. "That sounds nice." Though I hated the thought of not being with him for a few weeks now that we'd reconnected.
He hesitated. "And maybe you could come back for a weekend and we could take a look at a few places. There's a condo I looked at last month that I know you'd love. You wouldn't have to move in right away; we could find an apartment nearby."
I bit my lip. "I don't have anywhere to stay for a weekend in Toronto. I need to make up with my parents but that isn't going to happen overnight."
"Stay with me," he said softly.
"I'm pretty sure your parents hate me more than mine do."
He looked like he was about to protest. "They…" he broke off. "They only want what's best for me, and I don't think they are going to be surprised that it's you. It might take them a little while to fully come around, but I promise you they will."
I sighed. It was one thing to believe that you'd left a trail of angry, hurt people behind you and another to have it confirmed.
"I'm scared," I admitting, nestling my head further into his chest.
"Of being with me?"
"Of coming home. Being with you is the only thing I'm not scared of."
But I knew that wasn't entirely true. I was deathly afraid of breaking Eli's heart again, of letting myself running away when things got hard. Of making such a big commitment after so many years apart. Because even though he wasn't proposing this time, he was asking me for forever, and as much as I wanted it, I was terrified that I'd end up disappointing him once again.
The difference between now and four years ago was that I was ready to take that chance.
I tried to figure out the details. "My boss is coming back next month. It wouldn't be a good idea to jump ship immediately, especially since I'm going to need a reference if I want to do something more than bagging groceries in Toronto. But if I give my notice now, and give them a month after her return before I leave, that could work."
And that would give me some time to save up. I was pretty sure my lease had a clause about paying three months of rent when you move out early. Plus a deposit on a new apartment if I didn't move right in with Eli, especially since it would probably take some time for him to buy a place. Then there would be plane tickets back and forth and shipping for my stuff. I probably had enough savings to cover most of that, but it would wipe me out and I'd be back to eating spaghetti and ramen for every meal, especially if I didn't get a job right away.
"You've got that look on your face where you're running through a million scenarios. It's okay, Clare. We don't have to make everything happen immediately."
"I know. I just need to figure out the logistics."
"What is there to figure out? You. Me. My bed. We don't need to know the exact date."
I rolled my eyes. "You were always bad at planning things."
"Here's the plan. We fly home to our respective cities. You give your job and your landlord notice. I tell my parents I'm moving out. You fly to Toronto as soon as possible so we can pick out a place to live and then I fly back with you to pack you up and bring you home with me. It's simple."
Simple. Right. "Except moving to Toronto requires both a job and a place to live, neither of which I currently have and neither of which is easy to procure."
"You'll find a job. You're brilliant, Clare. It shouldn't be a problem. And we'll find an apartment or two when you come visit."
It was easy to see how differently Eli and I had spent the past four years because he still didn't get the main point. "Yes, but apartments require money. I've got some savings, but they aren't going to stretch very far if I don't find a job right away."
He squinted at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. "You don't need to worry about money. I've got enough for both of us. Just worry about getting yourself to Toronto and we can figure out the rest. You don't need to rush to take a job you hate just to pay the bills. You can look around and find something that's perfect for you or you could even write full-time."
"Eli, that's…"
"Clare, I know you've spent the past four years doing everything on your own. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of how independent you are and how you've built a life for yourself without the support of your family. But if we're going to be in a relationship, you have to let yourself lean on me. Just a little bit."
He tangled his fingers in mine and leaned over to kiss my neck. The gesture was so soft and so intimate that my only response could be a small sigh.
Eli grinned. "Besides, once you're in a great job and my agent negotiates a decent contract for your next book, you can feel free to support me all you want."
"Okay," I agreed. There was no point in fighting him on this. I just wanted to be with Eli and if this would make it easier, I could accept him helping me out temporarily.
He kissed me for a minute and I wondered if we were going to stop talking when he pulled back and grinned at me. "So all that's left is figuring out where to live."
"Where's this condo I'm going to love so much?"
Eli paused, and I knew he was trying to figure out if I was planning on moving in with him right away but that he didn't want to ask. "It's in Harbourfront. Three bedrooms, two baths. Good kitchen." He bit his lip and I could tell he was trying to hold back.
"That sounds great."
He raised an eyebrow, but continued. "We could maybe turn one of the bedrooms into an office. I don't know how you like to write – maybe you need to be alone – but it would be great to have a place just for writing."
He seemed hesitant but my Eli instincts seemed to be coming back because I could tell it was just for my benefit. "Eli," I said directly and he met my eyes. "I know we're moving a little fast here considering how long we've been apart. But it doesn't make any sense for me to get an apartment on my own when I'm going to want to spend every night with you. Living together is just another thing we're going to have to figure out as it happens."
I'd known Eli for a very long time, even with the break. But I'd never seen him as happy as he was in that moment.
"Like laundry?" he said, kissing my forehead. "And grocery shopping?" He kissed my nose. "And morning sex?"
His lips met mine as his fingers tickled my sides, and I giggled and grabbed his hands, rolling on top of him, not wanting to get away.
I grabbed my shampoo bottle and dropped into my toiletry bag, surveying the bathroom to make sure I had everything. I hadn't wanted to leave Eli after our morning romp, so I hadn't left myself with much time to pack up my abandoned hotel room.
My suitcase was stuffed with the books I had grabbed from other publishers and I struggled to get the zipper to close. I hoped that my luggage wouldn't end up being overweight because I knew the fee was exorbitant. I tucked Eli's book into my purse, wanting to make sure it was close to me on the plane ride home.
We had agreed to meet down in the lobby to check out, but Eli hadn't arrived yet, so I went to the desk to turn in my key. I waited, looking at my cell phone to see if I should text him and tell him to get downstairs so we didn't miss our flights. Not that I would have minded spending a few more days in New York with Eli but the longer I waited, the longer it would take me to get back to Toronto for good.
I was wishing that we had gotten some lunch because my stomach was rumbling and I was really thirsty. I rolled my suitcase over to the hotel bar, hoping that they would be nice and pour me a glass of water.
"Clare?"
Oh fuck. Sitting at the bar, nursing what looked like a whiskey, was Dennis Frantz.
"Dennis…hi."
I had no idea what to say to him. The last time I saw him I kissed him and then saw Eli and ran away. "Um, sorry, I didn't call or whatever." God, I was a writer and I sounded like such an idiot.
He held up his hand. "Don't worry about it. Can I get you a drink?"
I noticed we had the bartender's attention, and said directly to him, "Just a glass of water, please."
"Laying off the margaritas?" Dennis smirked.
"Permanently," I said, wishing I was anywhere else.
"Clare?" I heard Eli's voice behind me and I whirled around. "I just need to check out; the cab's waiting outside."
If nothing else, I was happy that he looked amused by finding me talking to Dennis rather than jealous or upset. "I checked out already, so I'm ready when you are."
Eli walked to the desk, and I grabbed my water, chugging it down so I didn't have to look at Dennis's smug face. "You and Mr. Goldsworthy seem to have hit it off."
There was no use in pretending. "Did you know?" I asked, curious as to how he had pieced together our stories. Our books had similarities but he had to have figured it out some other way.
He nodded, taking another sip of his drink. His lips curled up but he didn't say a word.
What the hell was he doing here anyway? "Are you stalking us to see if we got back together?"
Dennis laughed. "No, I've got an interview with Margaret Atwood in a few minutes and she's staying here. But it is nice to have a resolution to this mystery."
He was a nice guy, flirty and sweet despite his smugness and it reminded me of the nice parts of our date. "Why did you give Eli my book? I mean, you kissed me, and I ran away from you. Why would you do that?"
He shook his head. "You forget, Clare, that I'm a book reviewer and closet chick lit fan. There's nothing I like more than an epic love story."
He leaned in and whispered in my ear as Eli approached. "You know, you have 60 mutual Facerange friends. If you want to stay anonymous, you should really change your privacy settings."
Dennis reached out and shook Eli's hand as I fumed silently, annoyed that I had given myself away. "You know, I think you guys owe me an exclusive on your follow up novels. Or maybe an interview about how life intersects with fiction?"
Eli smirked. "We'll send you an invitation to our wedding. If you want another interview, you can talk to my publicist."
He took me by the hand and we walked away. I glanced back at Dennis before we headed through the doors and saw him grinning, obviously pleased with his role as matchmaker in our real life love story.
