Chapter 9
Aria's POV
Aria couldn't seem to drag herself out of bed for the next couple of days unless she had to be to work. She had even avoided calls from Kyle. She didn't want to go out on a date with him. She couldn't possibly get into a relationship with him if she had feelings for Ezra. Yes, she had feelings for Ezra. It didn't matter how bad he treated her. She couldn't change how she felt. She couldn't seem to shake him. She had allowed him to get under her skin, allowed herself to become emotionally attached to him. She couldn't turn back now. Even if she could, she didn't want to. She wanted to fix him, to heal that broken part of him. The part of him he hated. She wanted to be there for him, wanted him to confide in her. To share with her about his struggles. She could listen, be a shoulder for him to cry on. She was great at listening. She didn't care how ugly his past was. She wanted him. She wanted him still with all his issues. She realized that now. She couldn't turn her back on him. And she couldn't just be his step-sister, especially not after all that had transpired between them.
She didn't know why she wanted to be with Ezra. Maybe it was because he was the first guy to make her feel wanted. Or, maybe it was because she never knew what he was thinking or feeling. He always kept her guessing. She knew that she wanted something more than just physical with him. She wanted to be that girl to help him conquer his demons. She wanted to erase all his pain. She believed that she could. She knew that she wasn't just attracted to him because of his looks. It was more than that. She was also drawn to him because he was broken. He was so physically beautiful, minus all his scars. She didn't care about those little imperfections. She wasn't shallow like that. She wasn't perfect either, her fingers grazing the long scar on the small of her back. She shivered just remembering, remembering the vicious kicks of the girls who had jumped her in grade school. She remembered all too well of their bullying. She had never been so happy when Spencer, Hanna, and Emily entered her life soon after. She shook her head, letting the memories fade to black. She knew that Ezra had issues, but she hadn't known he would cause himself harm. Those scars had been cruel. They had felt so surreal underneath her fingertips. Even knowing that he had inflicted pain on himself, she didn't fear him. She knew that he would never hurt her physically.
Aria bit the inside of her lip as she remembered other parts of his naked body, feeling herself become hot all over. How could a person want someone as bad as she wanted him? It was like her body was a ticking time bomb that would erupt at any moment. He was put together so right. He was hard in so many places, her hand coming up to run through her hair as her heart rate sped up. She felt her nipples contract against the front of her bra, remembering how his thumbs had teased them through her shirt. She crossed her legs tight as she lay sprawled over her bed. His chest had been tan like the rest of him. It was well-developed and his stomach was so taut, easily showcasing his abs. It had been like he had been carved out of stone. How could she want another guy? But the part of him that nearly left her gasping was his penis. It had looked so intimidating, all hard and big. She didn't think he would be able to fit inside of her. She was afraid that he would tear her apart. She was so small compared to him. She knew it would hurt, inwardly flinching at the pain to come. She didn't want to seem like a cold fish. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before they went all the way. It was inevitable. She never wanted a guy so much, to feel him pounding inside of her. She needed it and she knew that he needed her as well.
She didn't know what was wrong with her as she flipped over on her back, drawing her knees up as she released a deep breath. She had a wish to touch every part of him without ever stopping her exploration. She couldn't believe she had almost touched him down below. It had been so bad of her, so unthinkable. He just made her do crazy things. She ran her hands through her luscious hair again, giggling as she thought about her daring move. She had never seen a guy's cock before. She had never been into graphic magazines or pornography. Her only sin was that she had pleasured herself for the first time in her life. She hated that was she inexperienced. She knew that he wasn't. She didn't want to lack in that department. She was getting better at kissing. She just didn't want to disappoint him. She wanted to live up to any expectations he had of her. She thought of all the things that could go wrong her first time. She'll just have to follow his lead, studying his facial expressions and his body. She didn't want to be stiff. She wanted to be responsive in every way. She wanted her body to be in rhythm with his, to come when he did. She wanted to watch his face in the fit of passion, watching as he lost control.
Aria got up to head downstairs to the kitchen. She grabbed a couple of sodas from the refrigerator, popped some popcorn and poured it into a big bowl, and then she headed back upstairs to the entertainment room to watch Safe Haven. She loved all of Nicholas Sparks movies, especially the Notebook and The Lucky One. Her thoughts traveled back to Ezra. He was never far from her mind. She couldn't believe how much they had talked in the bathroom. It was the most he had said to her since she had met him. She had gotten him to open up a little to her. She had learned that he had struggled from alcoholism and a sex addiction. How could she see him differently after that? It had been the realist he had ever been with her. She refused to judge him. She didn't know the story. She had never been unfair person. She always gave people chances. She never would have guessed that of him. She wondered just how far his wounds went. He had said his past was ugly. That he had been in such a dark place. She had meant what she had told him, that she didn't care how ugly his past was. That she still wanted to know him, to love him. She shook her head at that, she couldn't love him. Not now, not yet. She ran fingers through her mass of silky locks, tossing the long strands to the right side of her round face as she pouted in thought. She couldn't let him know, couldn't let him see. It would cause him to push her away some more, to reject her. She didn't want that. She wouldn't be able to handle it. Her feelings for him were a problem. She had to keep them at bay.
She was still lost in her thoughts when Ezra came in to join her on the long couch, leaving a cushion between them as he stretched out his long legs. His eyes focused hard on the TV screen. She took the opportunity and studied his profile as she chewed on her inner right cheek. He just about took her breath away, feeling sexual desire consuming her as the back of hand absent-mindedly ran down the side of her face, neck and chest, before running back up through her hair. He was so good-looking, physically fit and intense, and mysterious. His dark hair was unruly like he had just gotten up, but she knew that wasn't true. He had only just got there. She felt her cheeks heat as her eyes wandered over his body, imagining him naked again. She couldn't pull her eyes away from him. She knew that she should, but she couldn't. It was like a magnetic force, fusing her eyes to him. She knew that he felt her gaze on him. She was being very obvious. She couldn't hide what she felt, what she wanted so desperately. She had never been any good at keeping secrets. She had always given herself away. She was an idiot to want him. He wasn't good for her. She knew that, yet she wanted him still. She knew that him and her wouldn't last, but she couldn't think about that now. It wasn't about how wrong it was for them to be together. It wasn't about them trying to prove a point, or about her rebelling or him trying to get back at his father. It was about them alone, about how they felt for one another. The pull was so strong between them. It had to be explored. It couldn't be ignored. Why couldn't she stay away from him? It was like she had to be with him. The choice was out of her hands, had been since that day she had met him at the airport.
Aria felt the cold chill that went through her as his eyes met hers, wincing as her nipples became hard and erect. His eyes crept over her face, then down her body, and then back up to her face. What was he silently asking her? She didn't know. She couldn't think as waves of desire continue to wash over her. It was so strong, so mind-boggling. She didn't know why, but she moved over to him as she closed the gap that had been between them only a second ago. She couldn't read his face. She couldn't figure out what he was thinking. His face was stoic. It gave her a slight pause, before she decided to just do what she wanted. She was tired of living off thoughts, she wanted the real thing. He watched her so intensely, causing a shuddering breath to leave her. She loved the way her body felt against his. She passed him the bowl of popcorn and a soda as her eyes moved quickly away from him as though not to give herself away. She was so new to this. She didn't know how to be bold or seductive. Being with him both frightened and excited her. His eyes stayed on her, no longer watching the movie. She swallowed nervously. She was scared of wanting him. She didn't care if she got hurt. She just wanted to sleep with him once, loving the way he made her body feel. She couldn't think about anything else but sleeping with him. She finally found the courage to meet his eyes again, seeing the matching desire. It was like he knew every thought inside her head, knew how to unhinge her body as his gaze fell on her full lips, and then he looked to her small breasts as he groaned. They were mashed together and swollen and visible in her small tank top, nearly spilling out. She had her bra to thank for the enhancement.
He shut his eyes for a moment, clearly fighting himself. He looked so defeated. She never wanted to pressure him. Her eyes left his face, her hands itching to caress it. She looked between his legs and saw the huge bulge through his jeans. She shuddered. He couldn't fight it either. It was very clear on how much he wanted her. He re-opened his eyes, seeing her eyes on that part of him. He shook his head no. He was telling her that they shouldn't. She didn't want to hear that, needing him to love her hard until she exploded. She moved even closer to him as she forced him to feel her, to want her. For just a split second, he looked terrified and vulnerable. She didn't want him to turn her away, to reject her. She wanted to be what he needed. It was want they both needed. He seemed to come to some conclusion as he put down the bowl of popcorn and can soda on the end table, before pulling her on his lap as his strong arms went around her back. She stared down into his eyes, moaning as his erection rubbed against her pulsating centre. Her panties were so wet. She shifted to get comfortable, causing him to hiss as he kept her still. As she looked down into his face, she saw that his blue eyes were hot and desperate and apprehensive. Never had a guy looked at her with so much want. She smiled softly, her arms going around his neck as she sat more heavily on his lap. She felt the full impact of his arousal as she bit the inside of lip, her pupils dilating. She wanted him so much. She could see that he wanted her just as much.
"Why can't I stay away from you?" Ezra asked her, his voice gravelly as one of his hands came up to hold the back of her neck. "Why doesn't this feel wrong?"
She trembled at the deep sound of his voice.
"I don't know," Aria answered quietly as she bit the inside of her bottom lip again, her eyes mapping out his facial features. "And because it's not wrong. It feels right… and so good. I can't get my body to stop shaking".
He pulled her tighter to his chest, rubbing her back soothingly as his eyes crinkled at the corners.
"I tried so hard to keep you away from me," Ezra said in a tired voice as he gazed up into her eyes, his long fingers stroking a sensitive spot on her neck. She sighed at the gentle touch, releasing a shaky breath of air. "I've been a jerk to you. I've even said some harsh things to you".
She could read the remorse in his eyes. She wasn't going to hold it against him.
"All because you didn't want to hurt me," Aria said, her fingers making their way into his soft hair. "And you didn't want me to find out about your past. You feel like you have to protect me from the issues that you're battling with. You feel like it will ruin me in some way. And, you feel like you're not worth getting to know or love".
He shook his head, blowing out a breath.
"I'm sorry for what I've done to you," Ezra apologized, his eyes once more falling down to her full lips. "You're sweet".
Aria could tell that he didn't normally apologize for his behavior. This was a rare moment. She had got him to apologize. Was she changing him?
"Is that a bad thing, or a good thing?" Aria asked with a nervous smile, not knowing what to think. "I'm naturally a happy person. I've never lost my cool".
"It's a good thing," Ezra assured her, his thumb playing with her soft bottom lip. "I've never met a girl like you".
"I bet all the girls you've met were special in their own way," Aria said, her fingers massaging the places behind his ears. "I do unexpected things around you".
"No, they weren't. They weren't like you," Ezra said as his hand traced her eyes, nose and mouth, and jaw line, before stroking the back of her neck. "I've never met someone like you".
She didn't know what to say as her eyes gazed deeply into his, loving the feel of his hands.
"What about your girlfriend Stephanie?" Aria asked softly, before mentally chiding herself. She didn't want to remind him that he had a girlfriend. She didn't want them to stop what they were doing. She felt him stiffen, before relaxing once more. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to".
"It's fine," Ezra said with a tight smile as he continued to hold her gaze, hugging her small body closer to his. "She's great. I just…"
"Just what?" Aria asked, pushing gently. "I bet she's beautiful unlike me".
"She's not you," Ezra said honestly, watching her face closely. "And you're beautiful. You're more than just the physical beautiful; you're beautiful on the inside too".
She smiled down at him, biting the inside of her lip. She would give just about anything to see herself through his eyes.
"How am I different from her?" Aria asked, needing to know how Ezra saw her. "Do you love her?"
"You have a light about you, a goodness. You have this hold over me that I can't pull from. Stephanie doesn't affect me like that," Ezra said thickly, his hands gripping her waist. "And when I'm with her, I want to be with you".
"But do you love her?" Aria repeated, holding a breath that she didn't know she was holding as her brown eyes searched his. "Tell me".
"I do care about her," Ezra said as his eyes penetrated hers as he ran a hand down her back, causing chills to go through her body. "But I can't fully love her, until I start loving myself".
It was just as she suspected.
"Do you care about me?" Aria asked, knowing that she was asking for a lot, before bumping her nose against his. He smiled, his mouth curving so beautifully. She didn't want to hold anything back from him, not when he was smiling like that. "I care about you".
"I do, probably too much," Ezra said without hesitation as he placed a kiss on her neck, inhaling her feminine scent as he rubbed his nose into her neck. She gave an answering moan, feeling the vibrations run through her to him as he chuckled deeply. She pouted when he pulled back, unable to keep her displeasure from him. "When I'm with you, I feel…"
"What do you feel?" Aria urged, before placing a chaste kiss to his mouth. She licked her lips, tasting him. He moaned, his blue eyes darkening. "How do I make you feel?"
"When I'm with you I feel more put together if that makes any sense," Ezra gave a short laugh, his fingers outlining her soft smile. "You make me feel good and like myself. When I'm with you, I don't think about my past".
"I wish I could make you forget about your past completely," Aria whispered against his lips, kissing the corners of his mouth as he started to breathe deeply. "I want to erase all your pain".
She felt his body tense, felt the change in his mood. She had said something wrong.
"But you can't" Ezra said with an edge to his voice, pulling back from her as his eyes sparked with anger. She shivered at the rawness of it. It was so intense, threatening to consume her if she let it. She couldn't believe how much anger he held onto. She felt the bubbling of fear start at the back of her throat, but she snuffed it out. He wouldn't hurt her, she knew he wouldn't. "And don't you try to fix me, because I can't be fixed. I'm a loss cause".
He removed her from his lap, and then he got up, his body radiating with anger as he stared back at her. She hugged herself, before running fingers through her silky hair as she chewed on her top lip. What had she said that was so wrong?
"Let me help you," Aria begged, knowing that she sounded pathetic as her eyes pleaded with him. "Don't push me away".
"No, I'm not some damn charity case," Ezra said angrily, the level of his voice scared her. "And I have to. We can't keep doing this".
He was filled with such anger. She wanted to go to him, to put her arms around him, but she didn't. She knew that it would only fuel his anger.
"If you care about me, then let me help you," Aria pressed, getting up from the couch to go to him. She couldn't keep her distance from him. She needed to be close to him, needed to feel like she wasn't alone in her feelings. "You don't have to keep it in".
"Don't you dare use my weakness against me!" Ezra yelled with such force that she jumped, her eyes filling with shock. "I don't need your god damn pity".
She recovered quickly, masking her shock and hurt.
"This is not pity," Aria said each word carefully as she took a step closer to him, her arms going around his tense form. "Me wanting to help you isn't pity. My feelings for you aren't pity".
"God, you're so naïve," Ezra said harshly, pushing her away from him. He shook his head at how gullible she was, a lop-sided smirk pasted on his lips. His eyes were cold, so cold as it chilled her to the bone. "You really are a little girl".
She stumbled back a fraction, before catching her balance. His words were so harsh, the hate in his eyes so intense. For a moment, she feared him. She hated herself for it. She knew he wouldn't harm her.
"I am," Aria admitted sadly, tearing her eyes from his as they focused on the floor. "I believe the good in people. I don't try to hide that fact. I believe in giving second chances. That's how I am. I won't change".
"My point," Ezra gave a bitter laugh as though that proved his theory, before walking away from her to head over to the door. "You're too sweet for your own good".
She ignored his words. She knew what he was trying to do. She couldn't let it end like this. He couldn't just push her away, not after revealing he cared about her. She walked over to him as confidence flowed through her being, her arms going around his neck as she pulled his face down to hers. He didn't try to push her away again. She took it as a good sign. She could see the anger in his eyes slowly disappearing. She stepped even closer, needing his closeness. His gaze fell from hers, to her mouth, and then he crushed his mouth down onto hers, nudging his tongue into her mouth as they both groaned at the electric shock that went through both of their bodies. She was falling, falling even harder for him. They kissed each other fiercely and slowly, his tongue exploring every part of her mouth as he took her breath away. She clung to him, his hands going into her hair as one held the small of her back. She held him tighter, her fingers gripping his hair as she followed the movements of his mouth as she breathed into him. She felt so much pleasure, her body humming with energy. But then he began to kiss her harsher, the pleasure turning to pain as she started to push him away. He didn't let her go, continuing to kiss her brutally as she struggled against him. He was hurting her. She cried out in pain as she felt her bottom lip split open, feeling the sting and tasting the blood that rush inside of her mouth. She thrashed her head from side to side, trying to pull away from the brutality of his kiss. Fear gripped her, taking root in every part of her body. He was out of control. He was scaring her. She wanted him to stop. She felt hot tears running down her face as she twisted violently in his arms. That seemed to snap him out of it.
"See, there's a lot you don't know about me," Ezra said angrily as he pulled his mouth away from hers, but then his face fell as he saw the fear in her eyes, the tears on her face, and the state of her bottom lip. It was as though he couldn't believe what he had done. He took a tentative step towards her, but she flinched back, the fear in her large eyes intensifying. He cursed out loud as she continued to shrink away from him. "I'm so sorry, Aria. I didn't mean it. God, I hate myself more for hurting you".
Aria just cried brokenly, his words not registering with her. She was scared of him. He had hurt her. She couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop the heavy flow of tears that cruised down her face. The sounds sounding awful to her own ears as she cried harder, remembering what he had done. He had turned their pleasurable moment into something ugly. She ran unsteady hands through her hair, feeling the vicious throbbing of her lower lip as hot tears hit it. If she wasn't so distressed by his actions towards her, then she would have noticed the glistening of tears in his own eyes. She had to get away from him. He scared her. She couldn't get pass him hurting her like that. And then, she just ran, down the stairs and out the front door, hopping into her Highlander, and then she drove away. She couldn't get what had happened out of her head, flashbacks reminding her what he had done as she fisted a hand in her hair as one hand gripped the steering wheel tight. She couldn't stop shaking as she bit the inside of cheek, her sniffling waning down as she stared blankly at the road in front of her. He had actually hurt her, the words repeating themselves in her head as more tears cascaded down her face. She had no idea where she was going.
Bad, Ezra. He keeps winning the jerk award lol. I guess Aria honestly thought that he wouldn't hurt her. I hopefully she can get over the shock. I loved writing this chapter. It played out so many ways inside my head. What did you guys think? Please review and let me know! And if you guys didn't know, I posted a new Ezria story, His Ward. Check it out, you may or may not like. I'll update again next Sunday.
