Author's Note: One of the reviewers of the last chapter pointed out that having a story about the clone characters like the Normals would be a rad idea. Unfortunately, I don't have the effort to put forth toward yet another story, so the occasional chapter in the compendium will have to do.
Also, first update of the new year! Whoo!
08: The Clone Club Barbeque
The King of Evil stands in the grounds beyond the castle, his eyes settling down upon it with malice. The wind blows, cape fluttering dramatically, as a flame burns next to him. He and his fellows will one day rule over their betters. They will show them all. They will become the best.
One day.
For now, Ganondorf, wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron, had burgers to attend to.
"My burger grilling skills go unchallenged!" Ganondorf screamed, flipping a patty up into the air and using his spatula to slamdunk it back onto the grill.
The sheer force of it causes the portable grill to fall apart. The flaming coals that were in it spill out and roll onto the grass, catching some of the blades on fire.
Sarcastic clapping came from the picnic table they borrowed for the event; Ganondorf, though a bit busy trying to put it out, did not need to know who was clapping. "Bravo, truly, your grilling skills were too much for that grill to handle." Falco said.
"Shut up! It, it's the manufacturer's fault!" Ganondorf snapped as his iron heel snuffed out the last of the flames. The first ever Clone Club barbeque was getting off on a rough start. The event was supposed to bond them together, yet only Ganondorf and Falco were there so far, and Falco was getting a headstart with the sass. "Besides, I don't see you doing anything."
"Hey, look pal." Falco pulls over a bowl of potato salad and points at it, grunting. "See this? I made this potato salad. Know how long it took me?"
"...I dunno."
"Three days man. Took me three days to make this shit, so don't say that I'm not pulling my weight around here."
"...Fair point." Ganondorf turned away from him, with begrudging respect. Even though Falco is the most disrespectful of all the members, he is also the most competent one.
As he's setting the grill back up and recovering the patties that had not fallen on the ground, he heard an excited, "Hey!" in the distance. It belonged to a child - his fellow Zelda character, Toon Link, no doubt. He asked the boy to get something with pork to bring to the barbeque, and it seems that he delivered...
Ganondorf looked at the boy, coming up the hill.
And frowned upon seeing that the young grinning swordsman was carrying a pig above his head.
"I brought the pork!" The cartoonish Link cheerfully said, trying to stay on balance as the pig tried to struggle out of his grasp.
The leader attached his hand to his face and shakes his head, not hiding his disappointment. "This is not what I meant... you should have bought from the store..."
"You could always just kill this pig." Toon Link said, demonstrating an uncharacteristic morbid side - the villain briefly thinks that he's rubbing off on him (which is FANTASTIC).
Upon hearing that, the pig squirms in desperation, and manages to escape Toon Link's hold. Squealing, the pig started trotting away.
"Wait, come back!" Toon Link shouted after it before going on the pursuit.
"Toon Link, no, we're not killing some pig here!" Ganondorf shouted, though his words go unheard as the small swordsman chases the poor animal around.
"...You're a villain but you have a problem with killing a pig?" Falco questioned.
"Well, I wouldn't normally have a problem, but this is supposed to be a wholesome gathering! We can spill blood, just not right now!"
An idea and possible explanation occurs to the avian pilot. "Isn't your monster form part pig?"
"Ye- no!" Snapped Ganondorf, a feeling of embarrassment hidden in his evil core. "Even if, I'd kill that pig... just not today."
"Who's killing who?" A voice asked. In the midst of the argument and pig chasing, Lucina had arrived, carrying a platter of chicken wings. "I thought this was supposed to be a peaceful gathering."
"Yes, it is and - Toon Link, let that damn pig go already!"
Toon Link was wrestling with the pig on the ground when he said that. Frowning, the swordsman rolled off of the animal, leaving it to run off into the distance to live the rest of its piggy life.
"Good. Now, let's just wait for the doc and Dark Pit to come. For now..." Ganondorf raised his spatula dramatically, as if he was raising a weapon in front of an army. "...These burgers shall be grilled! ...Delicately."
Ganondorf has gone back to grilling the burgers, this time avoiding dramatic villain gestures that would destroy his work. At the picnic table, Falco and Lucina were gossiping as their food cools on the tabletop; Toon Link was out to buy some cake for dessert to make up for his mistake. At the moment, it looked like an ideal picture of a normal barbeque (if you considered a walking and talking bird to be normal).
That is, until Dr. Mario arrived.
"Good afternoon." The good doc greeted, setting his dish on the table..
Before the doctor could sit down, however, Falco slammed his hands on the table, standing up. "The hell is this?" He pointed accusingly at Dr. Mario's delivered food.
A bowl of potato salad.
"Oh, I was going to bring ribs, but, ah, I thought this was a healthier alternative. I'm sorry if you wanted ribs." He said apologetically.
"I'm not upset about that, I'm upset because I brought potato salad too! It took me three days to make it, ya know!"
"Really? So did I!"
"Don't give me this!"
"Hey, boys, don't fight. There's nothing wrong with extra potato salad." Lucina said, looking between them, prepared to stand up and step between the two if a fight breaks out.
"No, you don't understand, it's the principle of the matter. The only thing worse than people bringing the same food is if some motherfucker just buys chips and presents it as a dish."
"...I can agree on that last point." The swordswoman nods.
"Yes, too much potato salad is unhealthy..." Dr. Mario said, a bit annoyed by the situation (but not to the same extent as Falco).
"Um... we can just have leftovers." Toon Link butts in. He had arrived a bit earlier, but hung around to listen to the admittedly pointless argument.
"No, no, food is best when it's fresh." The doctor said, shaking his head.
"Does it apply to potato salad though?" Lucina asked with a raised eyebrow.
"...You have a point..."
"Aha!" Ganondorf's victorious exclamation brings everyone's attention onto him, pointless argument forgotten. Grinning proudly, he brings over a platter of patties to the table. Everyone looks at them hungrily - the rich smell, the well-cooked exterior, an interior that's begging to be bit into... Ganondorf did not lie about his skills, they were mouthwatering to them. "Behold, my burgers!"
"...I'm sorry about what I said before." Falco apologized.
"You're forgiven, for I am in a good mood! Now that they're done, let us dig i-"
"Wait!" Somebody called out. The seated clones realize that they had forgotten someone, and that someone flies in with his black wings. "Don't you dare start without me!"
"Just in time, Dark Pit."
"Yeah, I was running late because I went to get this." The cloned angel said, throwing his dish out on the table.
A bag of potato chips.
Falco stared at it blankly. "...You lazy fuck."
"It's not even barbeque flavor either." Toon Link said, shaking his head.
"It's not any flavor. It's the regular kind of chips." Lucina said, sighing in disbelief.
"...How were you late bringing a bag of chips?" Dr. Mario inquired.
"...I might have overslept." Dark Pit said, shrugging. "But hey, he also bought store food!" The Pit clone points over at Toon Link.
He threw his hands up defensively. "Cake is different from chips, and I got here on time!"
"Let's not argue here." Ganondorf grunted. "We're supposed to be bonding. So, instead of screwing around, shut up and eat your food."
That was something everyone can agree on. Paper plates are passed around. Buns and vegetables pile onto plates to accommodate the burgers. Copious amounts of potato salad are dumped on each plate (as no one was truly sure if further refrigeration ruins the quality of potato salad), with the occasional chicken wing added on; despite the salt, people still partook in Dark Pit's potato chips. They got drinks from a cooler that Ganondorf brought to drown down their food, whilst a chocolate cake waited for them. Everyone was gathered around, eating, talking, and just having a good time.
Despite earlier complications, the Clone Club's first ever barbeque was ultimately a success.
