A/N: Well, this took a while to finally post, but it's here. The last chapter was angst filled, but this is complete crack, so enjoy! Oh, and let's just assume that all of these chapters are AU, because if the Doctor and Rose admit that they're in love, the entire story get's changed. Which means, that certain characters can return earlier than they're supposed to. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to everyone who has reviewed this story - Runner5115, xRDJ603, pedomellonaminno, PhoenixWormwood137, Derpy Whooves, seriously preoccupied, PinkSugarHeartAttacku, daughterofapollo18, Gates Hale, V Evergreen, iulik, ZoZe, Gred And Forge's Girl, MaryMatthesen, Winter-Wonderlands, and Terra Young. Thank you so much for all the support and lovin' you've given me! Happy New Year! And for those of you who have periods in your pen name, I had to take them out 'cause fanfiction wouldn't allow them. Sorry!
Disclaimer: Jack wants to own the Doctor and Jackie has no wish to own the Doctor - but even though, they don't own the Doctor at all, they own him more than I do.
Word of the Day - Irrefragable
Irrefragable – (adj.) impossible to refute; incontestable; undeniable
When Jack first traveled with the Doctor and Rose, it had been obvious to him that they were absolutely and completely in love. Then, they had left him, so he had stopped thinking about it. When they had found them again, he had first, punched the Doctor, accepted an abject apology for changing him from Rose, and then had hugged them both (and had snuck a kiss to Rose). Oh, how he had missed them. Finally, after accepting an invitation to join them again, he had again began to observe the Doctor and Rose. And, if it was possible, it seemed to Jack that they had fallen even more in love since the Doctor's regeneration into this cheeky and foxy individual. They were so cute together, it almost made Jack sick because they didn't do anything about it. The Doctor and Rose wouldn't even admit that they were in love. And Jack, being himself, knew he was going to have to do something about that.
So, one day, when Rose had escaped to go shopping, Jack cornered the Doctor while he was tinkering with the TARDIS.
"So, Doctor, I-" Jack began but was interrupted by the Doctor's impatient request for a certain tool.
"Doctor," Jack began again after watching the Doctor again retreat under the console with the tool. "You know you're in love with Rose, don't you?"
"What?" the Doctor asked, his voice muffled.
"I said, you know you're in love with Rose, don't you?"
"I'm not in love with her," the Doctor protested from under the console. "She's just my best friend."
"Uh-huh. So, then, who've you been shagging lately?" Jack asked.
As soon as he asked that, Jack saw the Doctor's body jerk as he tried to sit up in shock. Then, he heard a loud "ouch" as the Doctor whacked his head on the underside of the console.
When the Doctor finally extracted himself from under the console, he stood up, glared at Jack, and while still rubbing his throbbing head, said, "I haven't been shagging anyone – I couldn't! Why would you even ask me that?"
Jack gave the Doctor a knowing smile and explained, "Well, you have a … certain look about you. I know that look – I have plenty of experience with it." Jack winked. "It could only be caused by your spending a lot of time with someone you love (and that could only be Rose) or by you having good and frequent sex."
The Doctor blushed and looked at Jack furiously at the same time. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words came out. Jack had actually managed to shut the Doctor up.
"So, Doctor, if you're not shagging anyone, then the reason you go around the TARDIS singing to yourself is that you're in love with Rose. Come on, just admit it! It's undeniable, irrefragable, and incontestable!"
"Stop it – just stop it! I'm not in love with her!"
"Have you seen yourself? You show off to her every chance you get, go around with a silly smile on your face whenever she's around, aren't happy unless you're holding her hand, come up with completely flimsy excuses for hugging her-" Jack would've continued but he saw the Doctor looking off into the distance thoughtfully. He's finally getting it.
"I guess you're right," the Doctor finally said, before breaking into a blinding smile. "I love Rose Tyler," he admitted happily and then slid himself back under the console.
Jack had been preparing to use his victory as an excuse for a celebratory shag (the next time they landed) but the Doctor's action's were like a bucket of cold water. "That's it? You admit you love her, but you're not going to do anything about it?"
"What would I do?" asked the Doctor. "you just told me that I already act like I'm in love. What is there for me to change?"
Jack accepted defeat. His plan thwarted, Jack stomped out of the room. It was time for plan B. He hadn't ever wanted to use this plan, but if the Doctor was going to act like this, it was time to call in the special forces.
Rose sat next to her mum, drinking tea and relaxing. That is, she was until her mum began to give her that look. When she saw that look, she began to get tense. When she heard what her mum said after she got that look, Rose knew she had been right to be tense. In fact, when she heard her mum's sentence, she spit her tea out all over the living room.
"Rose, love, when are you gonna make me a grandmother?"
Rose stared at her mum, her mouth wide open with shock.
"I'm not saying that I look old enough to be a gran, but I think I would like having a little one around again," Jackie continued. "Close your mouth, love. You'll catch flies."
Rose did, only for a second, before opening it again. "Mum, have you gone mad? You know I haven't been shagging any guys!"
Jackie rolled her eyes. "I wasn't talking about just any guy. I meant the Doctor! But could you do me a favor? Could ya ask him what alien babies look like? I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle being a gran to babies with tentacles on short notice ..."
"Mum!" Rose exclaimed, blushing. "Will you just quit it? I'm not sleepn' with the Doctor!"
Jackie looked surprised. "Why not? You two are in love."
Now it was Rose's turn to be surprised. "No, we're not. He's just my best friend."
"Oh, it must be that handsome Captain Jack, then," Jackie commented approvingly. "Well, that's good – no chance of tentacles, then. Don't give me that look, Rose. It's obvious you're in love with someone in that crazy box and if it ain't the Doctor, it must be the Captain."
Rose thought silently to herself for a minute. Then, she exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I'm in love with the Doctor!"
Jackie looked smug. "I told you so. So, will they have tentacles or not?"
"What? Oh, mum, that's not gonna happen. I don't see any reason to change my life with the Doctor – it couldn't possibly get any better than it is already."
Jackie stared at Rose stupefied. This was going to be harder than she'd originally thought.
Jack's plan B had been evil but simple. If the Doctor wasn't going to make a move, then he would have to get Rose to. For that he needed to enlist the help of the much feared Jackie Tyler. He'd thought that Jackie would do the trick. But when she failed in the exact same manner that he had, Jack was stumped. What the hell was he supposed to do with two people who knew that they were in love but wouldn't do anything about it?
A couple of weeks after Jack's failed plans, the Doctor and Rose sat next to each other in the control room alone.
"Doctor," Rose said.
"Hmm?"
"You said once that humans were the most compatible of species. Um … so what would happen if a human had kids with a humanoid alien?"
"Weelll, that really depends on the species. All kinds of different biological things would occur. But on the outside, they would look pretty much the same," the Doctor explained.
"No tentacles?" Rose asked.
"No tentacles," the Doctor confirmed with a laugh. "Why are you asking?"
"Oh, no reason," Rose replied, blushing slightly.
"Then why are you blushing?"
"I- I-"
The Doctor laughed. "It's okay! You look beautiful when you blush."
Rose turned to the Doctor, surprised. This must be a joke. "For a human, you mean."
The Doctor, however, wasn't willing to pretend that this wasn't happening. The fact that he loved her had been weighing heavily on his mind lately. Maybe he couldn't just let things go on the way they had been. "For anyone. R-Rose- you know that I-I love you, don't you?"
"What?"
"I love you," the Doctor repeated with more confidence.
Rose looked at him with tears in her eyes. When she had realized that she loved the Doctor, she had lied to her mum when she said that she didn't need anything more. She did, but she hadn't thought the Doctor would want anything more. Yet here he was, almost making a move. "Oh," she said. She wanted to continue on and tell him that she loved him too, but the words wouldn't come out. So, she did the only thing she could to communicated that fact. She kissed him.
The Doctor froze for a moment, but then got into it, taking control of the situation and thoroughly enjoying it.
"I love you," Rose said when they broke apart, "in case the TARDIS didn't translate that for you."
The Doctor chucked and kissed Rose again. A couple of minutes later, the Doctor managed to find time to mention that they should go thank Jack. "After all, he's the one who first told me I was in love with you and then I realized that he was right."
"Really?" Rose asked. "My mum did the same thing to me – the exact same thing ..."
"Really? That's coincidental – too coincidental … they must have- but that would mean- No. No, even they wouldn't-" The Doctor paused. "They did! And I know just what to do about it." He whispered his plan to Rose, and she was so pleased with it, she had to kiss him again.
The Doctor, Rose, and Jack all went to Jackie's for dinner a couple of nights later. In the middle of the evening, Jack and Jackie met in the kitchen to discuss what to do about the Doctor and Rose. But, just as Jack was about to speak, the unthinkable happened – Jackie's pot of rice pudding exploded, covering Jack and Jackie in an incredibly noxious concoction that was definitely not rice pudding. There was a price to pay for even well intended conspiracy and they had just payed it.
Jack and Jackie looked at each other and then looked into the other room just in time to see the Doctor and Rose sharing a celebratory kiss. That made the fact that they were going to stink for weeks almost worth it.
Almost.
A/N: I hoped you liked it and cringed in the appropriate spots! The first person to review this gets to give me a two word prompt. Also, I'd just like to mention, that the 50th reviewer gets a Doctor Who one shot all for themselves. I know that's a ways away, but I thought I'd just mention it. SO, review!
