Chapter 9
I went home for Mother's Day weekend, so I decided to ask my mom for advice on my situation. On Saturday night, I still hadn't told her. I was texting Killian and he said he couldn't take it anymore, and that he didn't think we should continue to talk and be friends if it was going to be like this. I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I woke up to a text from Killian that said:
K: I think I've made a huge mistake. I can't lose you. I woke up this morning with an empty feeling inside, and I haven't since I met you. You are the light of my life, and I need you in my life even if it's just as friends.
I told Killian that I felt the same way and that I felt awful when I thought about losing him.
I was extremely nervous to tell my mom, but she could tell that something was wrong so when she asked I said, "Mom, there's this guy at school who likes me, and I kinda like him back. I don't know what I should do."
Without hesitation, she said, "Well if you like him then you should give him a chance. You'll never know if you don't and you won't forgive yourself. If you and Neal are meant to be then you will be again someday, but for now I think you two need a break."
"Ok. Thanks, Mom."
"So what's this guy's name? What does he look like? How did you two meet?"
"His name is Killian, and he's in my English Literature class." I told her about the email and showed her a few pictures of the two of us. The way I talked about him to her made me realize how much I loved him, so I took her advice and decided to give him a chance. I also remembered something that Mary Margaret had told me:
"Whenever you talk about Neal you say what a long history you've had and talk about your past together. But when you talk about Killian you say that you would have a great future together, and I think you should be focusing on the future."
On Monday I ended things with Neal. It was still very difficult for me, so Regina and Mary Margaret came over to comfort me while I cried. Later that night I had Killian over to watch a movie with me. I planned on telling him that I was choosing him by kissing him as soon as he walked into my room. At the last minute, I got too nervous and panicked, so I didn't. Once we were sitting on the bed and the movie was playing, I worked up the nerve to kiss him on the cheek. He kissed my cheek back, so I went for it and kissed him. I must have caught him off guard, because he didn't kiss back right away. The rest of the night was a blur, but I remember that he kept telling me how beautiful I was and that he never wanted to let me go.
On Tuesday Killian and I walked back from class together, like usual. He held my hand and kissed me when we got back, which was very sweet. A few hours later Neal called me on FaceTime, trying to win me back. He said he wanted to talk to Killian, so they found each other on Facebook and started messaging one another. Neal asked Killian why he loved me. They seemed to be arguing over who loved me more. Throughout this whole deal, I was FaceTiming with Neal and texting Killian. Maybe if I had been with Killian and texting Neal things would have turned out differently, but eventually I decided to choose Neal. I guess he was more persistent or had a better argument.
The very next day, though, I passed Killian on my way back from class. He was with friends, but he looked miserable. I knew then that I didn't ever want to be the cause of that. I wanted to be the one who made him happy. A couple days later I was home, and I finally ended things with Neal. For good this time. When I got back to school I told Killian about it, but that I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. He agreed that it was a good decision.
By that time, it was already finals week, so I invited Killian over to study for English Literature together. We studied for an hour or so and then watched a movie while cuddling on my bed.
