3 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours and 23 1/2 minutes. That was how long since I had last seen Jacob. His beautiful eyes, that inviting smile, the warm comforting arms around me.
I felt completely and utterly alone.
My mom would ask me everyday, "Renesmee, are you alright?". She told me I looked sicked, almost like I had given up. Believe me, I hadn't given up yet, and I wasn't
about to let myself, either. I knew someday I'd see him again, if he came to me once, he'd come to me again.
Mom stared at me from across the table with a sadden expression. I didn't want to hurt her, but I couldn't pretend to be happy if I wasn't, and trust me I wasn't.
Charley sighed loudly and began to break the silence. "So, tomorrow school starts back up. Are you excited, being a senior and all?". I looked at her and couldn't help but
slightly smile. My sister Charley was so sweet and innocent and naive. Thats the way I hoped it would stay. I shrugged my shoulders in response to her question. "I don't
know, I guess. It's just another year to me. How about you, though? Freshman year, exciting stuff". She turned her face to look back down to her plate. "I'm nervous. What
if I get lost, or an upperclassmen puts me in a trashcan or something? I've seen the movies. It's scary stuff!". I couldn't help but burst out laughing, neither could mom.
Charley scoffed at both of us and stomped upstairs to her room. The door slammed on cue.
And for the first time in nearly a month, I was distracted from the haunted thoughts of not seeing Jacob.
3 weeks, 6 days and 17 hours.
The first day of senior year. No matter what I told my sister, I still had nerves. It was only natural, it was after all the first day of senior year. The year, as I was told and had
seen in movies, that would define everything. I felt sick to my stomach. My hand grabbed my stomach and I ran to the bathroom. It hit me, like a semi-truck to hit a
pedestrian to walk in the road just at the wrong moment. I clutched onto the toliet and it felt like I was vomiting my guts out.
I could her footsteps stop at the door, I couldn't look to see if it was mom or Charley, but honestly I didn't care.
As soon as I could contain myself, I went back to my room to check my calander. I fumbled back and forth between July, August and September, going through the days,
counting again and again. There was no lying to myself, I was 2 weeks late.
I wasn't exactly sure what to think, but I slid down to the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs. I needed to hold myself together, now more than ever, to figure out whats
going on. One thing I couldn't deny was that now I really, really needed Jacob. Someone was knocking on my door. "Renesmee, Renesmee! Are you alright?", mom continued
to pound her fist on my bedroom door. "Ness, open the door now!". I managed to stand myself up, wipe away my tears - I don't even remember when I started crying-
walked over to my door to open it. There was my mom, she looked confused, worried and mad all in one package. She sighed.
"Ness, sweetheart, are you okay? Are you sick? Charley said she seen you vomiting... maybe I shouldn't have attempted to make that new recipe last night for dinner...", she
trailed off and I cut in. "Mom, I'm fine. I just want some privacy to get ready for school", she nodded. "Okay", she leaned forward and kissed my forehead. As soon as she
walked out of my room, my mind went in directions of all the possibilities of being two weeks late. The first, stress. I was feeling under stress. Second, weight gain, but that
ones less likely because I haven't gained enough to mess with my cycle. Third, I could be pregnant.
I thought on the word. Pregnant.
I flopped back onto my bed, closed my eyes and let my memory take me through all the details of that night.
I hadn't quite realized that I fell back alseep. Well, not until my mom was pounding on my door. Again. I already knew I'd be late for school, I was late for a lot of things these
days... Mom opened my bedroom door and without hesitation, starting yelling at me to hurry up. I honestly had no want or need to be at school today. To face everyone, to
tell about my 'horrible turned amazing, turning into a surpirse'. I sighed and somewhere in- between my sigh, I started crying and mom was at my side. I could feel my
mother's arms wrap around me, to comfort me and protect me. Like mothers do. I wanted so desperately to just tell her what was going on, but I couldn't find the words. I
don't think there are any words for a situation like this...well, aside from the obvious.
Mom kissed me lightly on the forehead and spoke these words. "Darling, you can tell me anything. Anything at all. I may be hesitant to hear them, but I'd rather hear the
truth than a lie to spare my feelings. I know you love him, and I mean this when I say this, if its meant to be than it will be". With that she pulled me in closer,"for today and
today only I will let you stay home, you don't seem well and I know you'll catch up on all your work, so for today just rest", she started releasing her arms," I'm going to take
Charley to school and I'll be back home soon". She then kissed my forehead, walked towards the door, and through my periphial vision, I could she her look back. She was
worried, but not for the same reasons I was.
As soon as she was fully out of sight, I huddled back under my blankets and cried
myself back to sleep.
I wasn't quite sure what time it was or if I was even awake, or if this could be some crazy dream. A baby's cry broke my train of thought. It was a dream. The maternal side of
me jumped out of bed, rushed down the hall to the nursery, to comfort my baby, to help calm its little fears. I reached my door in one leap, looked back and could still see me
laying on my bed, sheltered under the fortess of covers.
Impossible, I was standing my at the door trying to go to my crying little one. Or at least my maternal side was.
I could hear a voice yelling to me from down the hallway, clearly my mom. I could hear her saying," You wanted to have this child but yet you let the poor thing cry, and cry.
Thats not what a mother does". A door slamming followed, and a few seconds my baby's crying has subsided.
I leaped up out of bed. Two thirty p.m. In a few hours it will have been a month. Since I've seen him, held him, seen his smile. I could feel a pain shoot to my heart. If this was going to happen, I'd need him. Our child would need his or her father. I could in no way do this all by myself.
