Restless Knights: Partly Cloudy with a 98 chance of Debauchery

Heero did not fully understand why he was going along with Duo's ludicrous plan. He didn't completely comprehend why he was ridiculously dressed and attempting to blend into a crowd at a "male review." It wasn't until he saw the Adonis-like, blond man in his charming, yet daring banana hammock that he understood the connotations of the words "male review." Frankly, he didn't know what the hell was going on. He didn't even know where to lay his eyes to prevent any further emotional scarring.

"Why exactly are we here?" He demanded his normally braided accomplice. Duo sat across from him, in the most ridiculous outfit he had ever seen. His jeans were life-threateningly tight and his pink vest, contrasted with his skin tight black shirt. His unbraided hair fell about him in an endless ocean of chestnut waves. Heero thought he noticed glitter glinting in its masses in the dim lighting of the club. A smattering of fake body piercings also glinted: half a dozen ear piercings, a nose ring, two lip rings and an eyebrow ring. Duo hid his face inconspicuously with the drink menu. Heero's disguise was not nearly as elaborate, but was still much flashier than anything he'd ever worn. This is really saying something, considering he spent a large portion of his life in spandex. He wore tight leather pants, and an open black shirt that revealed his taught midsection. Heero found the lingering glances at his chest and the conspicuous bulge in his skintight pants uncomfortable. Duo noticed a particularly aggressive woman, who was far too drunk to see the errors in her lewd behavior.

"Honey, you were cut from the marble of gods. Let's get out of here, this place is kind of lame. On second thought, I could just do you right here!" She shamelessly attempted to grope at Heero's cash and prizes. The ex-Gundam pilot (and twice savior of the world) yelped fearfully, unsure of what to do. Duo scowled. The expression on his face could curdle milk.

"Look, bitch, you best keep your grubby little claws off my man—or I will shove my foot so far down your throat we'll be walking home together."

The woman stumbled away in shame, and a shaken Heero muttered his thanks. He was too perturbed by the situation to even care that that woman and most of the people around him now thought he was in a gay relationship. Duo just winked, before returning his attention to the booth of intoxicated females that he wished to spy on. Relena was red faced and giggling as a dark skinned, gorgeous man gave her a lap dance. The dancer was vaguely familiar, as if Heero had seen him somewhere before.

"Who is that? Heero asked.

"Not sure. He's a stripper, he calls himself Messiah," Duo stated. Heero chuckled, "I guess, with this Messiah--he awaits your second coming."

Duo laughed, "Yuy's got jokes? Now I've seen everything!"

Heero just rolled his eyes, but noted Dorothy slipping away from the group. Honestly, he was admiring how the denim of her jeans hugged the curves of her hips and other assets. It wasn't until after he'd imagined those same jeans on the floor of his apartment that he realized that she was slipping away from the group.

The next thing he knew, there was a spotlight on Relena. Suddenly, he was glad he went along with Duo's silly plan. She was sitting on the shoulders of Messiah, who bore her weight with ease. Other dancers circled around her, one of which handed her a microphone. Archaic disco style music began to play. Relena's bloodshot eyes managed to light up.

"Hi !" She called to the audience

"Hi!" Her lady cohorts called from their booth. "We're your Weather Girls!" She slurred.

"Uh huh!" The girls chorused. Messiah could only laugh, anticipating what was coming.

"And have we got news for you!" Relena announced, with sass-infused seriousness. "You better listen!" Noin called

"Get ready, all you lonely girls--and leave those umbrellas at home!"

"Alright!" Sally called.

The music picked up and Relena began to sing. Her voice wasn't bad, in fact it was surprisingly good. What was laughable was the passion of the performance. Her face was beet red, her hair and limbs flailing wildly. Messiah and the other dancers did there best to make sure she didn't fall from the stage to her death.

"God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too

She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do

She taught every angel to rearrange the sky

So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!"

Duo was in fits of laughter, he could barely keep his camera phone on the inebriated world leader.

"I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna get myself absolutely soaking wet!" She whipped her hair around seductively. Well, she attempted to be seductive--the deterioration of her coordination caused seductive movements to look more like mild seizures. Even Heero couldn't suppress his laughter. That was when he felt his cell vibrate in his pocket. With significant difficulty, Heero managed to fish his phones out of his pocket and discover a text message : Take a picture, Yuy, it will last longer. )

Heero looked up in time to see Dorothy winking as she slipped back to her spot in the booth. The walk back was decidedly more sensual and much slower—or maybe she was walking in slow motion in his mind. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the ridiculous nature of his clothes or the documentation of Relena Peacecraft singing drunkenly on a stage of half naked dancers--Heero decided to send a message back: I don't have a camera, but there is much more I'd like to see ;-)

"Did I really just do that?" Heero mused allowed. Duo had put his camera away, and was looking intently at his friend. He glanced down at the open cell phone, catching a glimpse of the chat history. Duo's eyes widened.

"You dog! I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Me either," He replied. He glanced down as his phone vibrated again. Duo's eyes widened at the message: I have one in my back pocket, come get it.

"She totally wants you," Duo stated matter of fact, "But we're screwed because she knows at least one of us are here."

"What could they possibly do?" Heero asked.

"I don't' know—they can be some scary bitches." Duo replied. Heero nodded, conceding the point. He couldn't decide what was scarier though, the gaggle of women, their outfits, or the fact that they all seemed to agree that Duo was more well endowed than he was. He was also a bit miffed about how there was a general--completely unfounded-- consensus on the flatness of his posterior. He was almost too insecure to wear the skin tight pants that would highlight his alleged lack of assets.

"We saw what you wanted to see, Duo, maybe we should leave before the others realize we're here."

"By others, you mean, Relena. And though I've seen what I wanted to see, an awkward interaction between you and drunk Relena would be kind of interesting too," Duo said smiling wryly. Heero glared, "You're an asshole." But then he smirked, "Well, I have to leave. I'm gonna need to change if D is going to get into my pants later—these pants are pretty tight."

Duo chuckled, "You think you're so funny."

Heero just smiled, silently noting that Wufei was no where to be seen.

Wufei grunted softly as pearly white teeth nibbled gently on his earlobe. Soft, deft hands roamed his muscular shoulders and neck—sending shivers down his spine. He clenched his teeth, in hopes to slow the blood flow to his loins. His shorts already left little to the imagination.

"Woman, stop that," He muttered. Before he realized, two lithe, tone legs were wrapped around his waist. Hands still roamed, teasing his muscles.

"You could stop me if you wanted to, Wufei," A silky voice whispered, soft lips still against his ears. Legs tightened around him. He really could escape if wanted to, but why would he?

"Woman—"

"Ah, ah, ah…you know my name."

"Catherine, please, I should be watching the rest of the group. No one is attending to their s…" He hissed, trailing off into a wordless moan as Catherine found a the crook of his neck with her mouth. It was definitely his weak spot.

"They can take care of themselves, just for a little bit. Besides, Heero and Duo are both here, incognito," She whispered between strategically placed kisses. At that point he was too delirious with lust to digest the contents of her words. He carried her, up to the VIP room—with no questions from security.

Relena was face down on the booth table, sound asleep. Not too far from her, Sally was sitting on Messiah's lap with a half empty drink in her hand, giggling. Noin was deliriously drunk, sitting beside the sleeping Vice Foreign Minister. A loud, raunchy bout of flatulence slipped from the sleeping Relena. Noin laughed so hysterically, it was borderline maniacal. Her face was red, tears streaming down her face. At first, Dorothy thought the woman was crying, "Luc, what's the matter?"

"Relena," She gasped between laughs, "farted."

Dorothy snickered and rolled her eyes, "I hope she didn't shit herself." At that, Noin laughed even harder. Dorothy nursed her drink, leveling her smoky eyes with Heero across the bar. She arched an eyebrow invitingly, and he just smirked confidently. Too confidently. But she could fix that. She mouthed the words, "Nice pants."

A faint pink color tinted his cheeks, and he looked down at the table. Dorothy chuckled to herself. She made Heero Yuy blush—from across the room.

Good lord, its been over a year since I updated. I'm SO SORRY TT, but hopefully, you enjoyed this chapter. Only God could be sure what will happen next.

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Syl