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Yes, given my state of mind, it was very difficult to meet with the Deltan Prefect that afternoon. However, because my people needed me to represent them, I composed myself and beamed down with Captain Kirk to thank the Prefect and his world for their gift of medical supplies.

Deltans are a species with a strong sexual presence, as I had said in our briefing. They do not need to use physical contact to arouse most humanoids, as they have high levels of pheromones and the subconscious areas of their brains reach out to others telepathically.

Most Deltans consider humans sexually naive, and do their best to suppress the pheromones in their presence. Unlike the Deltans I have met, Prefect Kitan flaunted his sexual attractiveness by wearing provocative clothing and walked with a stride that I have heard others call a strut.

Although the Prefect was extremely courteous and kind to me, his real interest seemed to be my bondmate. After the expected sympathies toward me and my people, he pulled the captain aside, supposedly to speak of future shipments.

While they conversed, I wandered among the other politicians as they greeted me and expressed their condolescences for my people's loss. But I often found myself glancing towards the corner in which the captain and the Prefect spoke.

They were in an amicable discussion with many smiles and laughs. This was as I expected, given the charisma of my bondmate.

However, I had to invoke all my training to stay calm when, after speaking to the Prefect's Lieutenant concerning the farming land on New Vulcan, I again turned towards my captain and found his hand clasped within Kitan's embrace.

Although to humans, hand clasps are common and expected among strangers at times, to Deltans and Vulcans, they are highly personal actions. Therefore, by the tenets of both of our cultures, the Prefect was making a highly suggestive request of Jim by holding his hand so.

The captain did nothing to reject Kitan's touch. In fact, it appeared that his smile became wider as the prefect clasped his hand. It was as if he was encouraging the Deltan's touch.

I became so angry when this thought entered my mind that I had to turn away for fear that I would disrupt the diplomacy that I was supposed to encourage.

I am sure you now understand why I was very glad to return to the ship and leave orbit to head back to New Vulcan. Yes, I know that you didn't realize the extent of my distress at the time. I suspect that not one member of the crew did.

I believe the only one aboard who comprehended my turmoil was JT, but as he understood Vulcan culture, he said nothing on the bridge. I was a member of his Vulcan house by extension. To mention my difficulty in such a public place would be to insult me. He could not shame his family so.

However, I was aware of his reaction to my situation. When we returned to the ship, Jim invited JT to spend time on the bridge. The elder Kirk took advantage of this opportunity in a way I did not expect.

At first, he watched all of us work with a small smile on his face. I could see him remembering the time he had spent with his people in an identical place. Knowing that I would not have to monitor him as I had other guests, I turned back to the screen on which I was doing evaluations of the science crew.

When I looked around the bridge again, 10.7 minutes later, I was startled to find JT in a position between me and my bondmate. A glance at his face informed me that he was there to aid me if I found myself in conflict with the captain. My surprise lessened when I remembered how good the captain was at listening to the 'rumor mill' and being able to sort fact from fiction. Of course, JT knew how to do the same.

My eyes were then drawn to the captain's figure, sitting less than a meter away. As he conversed with Lieutenant Sulu about fencing, I pondered his meeting with Prefect Kitan. I recalled that they had parted as good friends do, with smiles, and with Jim giving the Prefect an intimate touch on the arm.

My thoughts must have changed the expression on my face, because the next time I looked at JT, his eyes shone with sympathy. But however much I appreciated his understanding, his concern for my well-being was unnecessary. The captain avoided addressing me on the bridge as much as possible; therefore, there was little chance for conflict. Suprisingly, my bondmate's avoidance seemed to make JT angry. I did not understand JT's reaction, but since I had duties to attend to, I chose to ignore it.

I did my best to ignore both of the Kirks until we began orbiting New Vulcan. It was not hard, as JT knew better than to distract the bridge crew, and the captain seemed most interested in Ensign Chekov's tale of his youth in Moscow.

The most eventful part of the trip was the comm call you received from Elder Savid directly before we reached orbit around New Vulcan. All heads turned to the screen as his visage appeared on it.

There was a visible sheen of moisture in the Elder's eyes as he found JT standing next to the captain's chair.

'T'hy'la.' He sighed as if finally believing what his mind had been telling him since I reunited them. Although that word holds high esteem in Vulcan culture, I had not heard it said with such reverence before.

'Husband.' JT replied softly, his affection for the other man obvious in his expression. 'You're well?'

'As well as was possible in your absence.' Elder Savid took a step back from his console. In that move, he seemed to regain some of his composure.

Although the captain's actions toward me would suggest otherwise, he was not ignorant what was happening before him. He motioned to JT and whispered to him. JT nodded. Jim then turned to me. 'Commander, I want you to beam down with JT. Make sure he doesn't get lost trying to find Elder Savid.'

'Yes, Sir.' I said as neutrally as I could while waiting for the elder Kirk and Ensign Chekov to precede me into the turbolift.

JT watched me carefully as we made the trip to the transporter room, but again remained quiet. Once there, he chuckled as he stepped on the pad. 'I'll do my best to stay still, Ensign, if you promise to do your best to get me to the planet in one piece.' He grinned at Chekov.

'Of course, Sir!' Chekov grinned back as I took my place next to the elder Kirk. A minute later, we were standing in the middle of New Shikahr's town square.

I assume JT informed Savid of our location, because we were immediately approached by my elder self, who bowed to me. 'I must thank you for the care you took with my bondmate.'

'I did what was logical.' I replied, allowing a hint of a smile to cross my face. The Elder smiled back softly as he excused them and walked with JT to a corner that was hidden from public view.

Although I knew what they were going to do and say in that corner was not for my eyes, I followed discreetly behind them. I was very curious as to the form their reunion would take.

What I saw brought me great pain as it simultaneously made me content.

As I had to stand several paces away to avoid their detection, I could not hear what they were saying, but I could see JT form words as he held his hands palm upwards towards Savid.

'Spock, I'm sorry.' Remorse darkened JT's bright eyes as he faced his bondmate.

Elder Savid appeared to not need JT's apology. He shook his head, then gently and with great reverence, he placed his palms under the elder Kirk's hands and folded them between his own. Then, looking into his bondmate's eyes, Savid raised their hands to his lips and kissed their fingertips.

At that point, I looked away, as I had intruded far more than I should have. I felt a weight suddenly appear in my chest. So I walked back the way I had come.

When I returned to the center of the square, I saw the captain talking with Dr. McCoy. They appeared to be in the middle of an intense discussion. I started to approach them, but I stopped when I heard my bondmate say, 'You should have seen Kitan, Bones. I practically had him eating out of my hand.'

At his comment, the weight in my chest became heavier. In an attempt to alleviate it, I turned away from them as well and came here, to the Hall of Science.

I am hopeful, Nyota, that I have sufficiently explained both the reason for the change in our relationship and the reason you have found me on the steps of this building in a state of 'moping'. I am afraid I am having difficulty adjusting to the captain's refusal of the bond. I hope that with time, I can reassert my control over my thoughts.

Do I regret taking a chance on the captain? No, I do not. For I saw something truly awe-inspiring between my elder and his bondmate. It was only logical to assume I could have the same with Jim. But, as the Elder had said to me, love is not logical. I fear I had made a mistake quite similar to his. I only regret not realizing that sooner.

I thank you for your concern, my friend, but I must seek Surak's teachings to help me through this time. I am not certain of my course of action, but I have heard that some Vulcans are attempting to reestablish the Kohlinar discipline in the mountains to the north. I may join them.

Yes, I will make sure to contact you if I resign my commission. For you have been most kind to me. Allow me to thank you for this, and for listening to my narrative. I did not mean to trouble you with it.

I will always count you among my friends, as well. Now, I must take my leave of you. I have to discuss my folly with my father, as my decision will also affect him.

Again, I thank you and I beg your forgiveness.

Live long and prosper, my friend.

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end part 9 and story --------------------

Thank you for reading Never and Always, the third in a four story series. The next story will be Touching and Touched, which will be a Abrams movie/TOS crossover. If you would like continue this journey with me, please do what you think is necessary to trace my postings.

I hope to see you on the younger Jim's side of The Bond.